Trent (Redemption Romance Book 4) (14 page)

I knew they would, they wouldn't mean any harm, of course, but Amber was still so fragile. I worried about her constantly that she would relapse into that horrible depression, that she'd fall into the deep blackness that I hadn't been able to pull her from. She'd shut me out completely, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to deal with that. I couldn't lose her, not again, not ever again.

Whatever I needed to do to keep Amber with me, I would do, no question, no doubt, I loved that girl, and I wanted her with me, even if I was a hypocrite and treated her like spun glass, much like her parents did. I hated that about them, how they babied her, but they belittled her too. That was one thing I wouldn't ever do. I had no doubts that Amber could do anything, everything she wanted, and whatever that was, I'd support her.

~~~

"You ready?"

"Almost, let me get my shoes on."

Tossing my keys onto the side table, I emptied my pockets, washed up in the kitchen sink, then walked into the bedroom to switch shirts. In under five minutes, I was ready to walk out the door, and Amber hadn't emerged from the closet yet.

Her shoe collection had caused her to be late many times. She had at least three pairs of shoes for each of her favorite outfits. Her feet were small and delicate, whatever shoes she put on would be hot on her. Usually, they just made me want to fuck her on the spot. That was true of her hi-top Converse or the six-inch stilettos. It made no difference to me.

"Honey, I was thinking, I want to do something big for your birthday next month, do you have any restrictions?"

Looking at her as she finally came to me to offer me the kiss I'd been waiting for, just before we moved to leave the house, I was struck once again by her beauty, both external and the immense beauty that encompassed her heart. A smile softened my features just before I laid my lips gently on hers.

"No, baby, just don't let Reed help plan it."

Looking at me quizzically, I could see the wheels turning. Of our group, Reed was the gentlest, the most relaxed, he'd never been wild, not even a little bit.

"He's the only single one left."

A sweet giggle escaped her lips as I set the alarm and locked up the house.

"Truck tonight?"

"Yeah, the car is at my condo."

"When did you go down there?"

I explained that I had driven to my place earlier in the day. I had some bills to pay and other things to deal with. It was a pain in the ass trying to stay with her all the time, but I wasn't pushing her. We'd only been back together for a couple of weeks, I didn't figure marriage and moving in together were in the cards yet.

I received a letter from the law firm that handled my grandfather's estate as well. With my thirtieth birthday looming, the remainder of my trust fund would be released to me soon, which I was sure was why my father was coming around.

The old man was insane if he believed I'd give him two nickels to rub together, let alone whatever it was he wanted. Last time I spoke to him, he had still been under the impression that I would look up to him. I had no idea why he even cared, but he had. I couldn't, wouldn't perpetrate that kind of lie, and I hadn't, not since I was a teenager.

Once my mom and sister were out from under his iron fist, I hadn't needed to pretend anymore. I had been free to be honest with them, with him and with myself. I was free to become the man I wanted to be, to join the Marine Corps like I wanted, instead of staying home, going to college and following my father into business.

"You okay?"

Nodding absentmindedly, I glanced over at Amber and realized that I had been lost in my own world for quite a while, we were already parked at the restaurant.

"We need to talk later, okay?"

A look of concern crossed her face, but she nodded and didn't ask any question.

"You know I love you, right?"

The furrow left her brow, and she leaned over and kissed my lips. It was a chaste kiss, but loving and spoke volumes to me. I knew it was about time I tell her all my sins, my failures, about my past and tonight would be the night.

"Thank fucking God!" Jake bellowed as we reached the table. He was smiling - a strange sight on its own - as Amber and I got settled. I knew the moment when Amber caught sight of Jake's protective hand on Hope's very rounded belly. Her entire body stiffened, and I worried that this might be the thing that would send her spiraling.

How long would I walk on eggshells with her? I knew, somehow, someday, I needed to learn to trust her. I needed to let go of our past, as difficult as that would be, and not worry about every little thing.

"Finally, Trent isn't staring at you with that sad pussy look anymore."

The way Jake leaned over the table and spoke, almost like he was imparting a secret to Amber irritated the shit out of me. The thing was, the asshole didn't know how to whisper. I was sure everyone in the place had heard him.

"What does a sad pussy look like?" Amber asked, with her usual quick wit and spot-on sarcasm.

Jake's stunned face was all I needed. I leaned back in my chair and cracked up. Reed and Luke had both heard too and were filling the interior of the restaurant with their booming laughter. Jake sat stunned and confused, looking at Amber, it was a look I'd seen many times. Very few people excepted the crazy shit that came out of Amber's mouth. She looked innocent, nice and wholesome, and in mixed company, she could speak eloquently, but when it was just us, our group, our age, people she knew, she was fucking nuts.

I knew she was deflecting. Jake could be a confrontational dick, at least he had been before Hope. Amber hated conflict and would just about throw herself in front of a bus to stop it.

Once the group settled, I wrapped my arm around my girl and pulled her into my side. It was a possessive gesture, no doubt, but I fucking loved it, and the beaming smile on Amber's face told me she loved it too.

Later that night, I pulled Amber into my arms and cradled her head in one hand, as she laid it on my chest. I stroked over her bent knee with the other preparing myself for what was to come. Holding her, feeling her, soothed me. She helped me feel relaxed and settled. I didn't want to delve into my past, but I had to, and I knew it. I probably should have done it before, but I was afraid to lose her. The irony in that brought a dry chuckle to my chest.

"What is it?"

"I need to tell you about my father - about everything."

Amber nodded, and nestled in closer, placed her delicate hand over my heart and waited patiently for me to cut my soul open and lay it bare before her.

It took almost two hours and three beers to get through all the shit that had happened with my dad. I confessed it all, how he had treated my mom and eventually my sister when I was young. How it changed over the years and all that had gone on that I missed. I even confessed my more recent concerns that Nat had endured even more abuse than I'd ever imagined. One thing I was certain of, was that with Nat so tight-lipped, she wouldn't share unless she wanted to.

I hesitated explaining how my father tried to make me like him by giving me women, money and making almost anything I could have ever wanted available.

She hated my guilt, even tried to convince me that it hadn't been my fault, but I knew that she didn't know everything yet.

"I assume that your father's abuse is why you were so upset about him showing up here. Do you think he would hurt me?"

"No, I doubt it. I can't imagine that he would, but I don't trust him. There's more I need to tell you."

Her raised eyebrow was enough encouragement, I needed to get this shit done.

"My mom was a Harper."

Amber's brows shot up, and I could see the questions starting to form in her head. The Harpers were some of the oldest in the area, and not only did they own Harper Oil, that was still in operation, but had been huge landowners and land developers.

"My granddad was the last in the line because the originators set the business up to pass to the male heirs. Each of the children receives a trust fund, but the business was supposed to be run by the men. That all changed with my mom, but that's another story."

Amber's irritated snort was so cute, I had to lean in and kiss her.

"I didn't set it up, sweetness, don't get pissed at me, okay?"

"Whatever, do you know where they're buried?"

"Um, yeah, do you want to go out there and give them a piece of your mind?"

"Maybe, probably wouldn't do any good, but it might make me feel better."

"So, anyway, each of us has a trust fund, I got the first portion at eighteen, then twenty-five and the rest at thirty." I watched as her speculative eyes studied the ceiling, she was thinking, and I had no way of knowing what would come next. One of my favorite things about her was her unpredictability.

"So, you're like a trust fund baby," hesitating, she waited to continue until I nodded. "You have a lot of money?"

Almost no one knew about the trust, about my family history since I wasn't personally involved and didn't flash my cash. Usually, I felt uncomfortable talking about it, but I knew Amber, knew that she wasn't with me for money. Amber had money of her own anyway.

"Yes, I have access to a decent sized fund, though I don't dip into it much."

Nodding her understanding, she went on, "So, you're eighteen, coming from a prosperous family, but the affluent life you grew up in wasn't what you wanted. You are your own man. You don't follow anyone's rules."

Considering her assessment of me, I shrugged. Her beautiful aqua eyes sparkled with an emotion I couldn't yet place.

"Instead of helping to run an empire, to head a family business that must have seemed almost forced upon you, you enlisted two weeks after high school graduation. You left it all behind, knowing that with your father in prison, your mom and sister would be safe. You went off to parts unknown, probably the only person in your squad with that kind of money, and you didn't talk about it."

"Nothing to talk about, it was just money, it didn't help me, didn't do anything for me."

"I get that, but you went because you are a protector, someone who needs to stand up, to fight injustice. To help. Then, you come home, and join the sheriff's department, you live modestly, aside from your little vehicle obsession."

Her comment was followed by a little elbow to the ribs that made me laugh. I had no idea at the onset of all my shit, how she would feel if she'd see me differently. I had been afraid that she would see me as some spoiled rich kid trying to play Captain America, which I had been called in the past. She didn't she saw me - the real me - the true me.

"Why did you buy your condo?"

"I'd just turned twenty-one, was in the Corps, but when I came home on leave, I needed a place to stay. I was tired of staying at mom's when I was home for weeks. So, when I was home for a few weeks, I found it and bought it."

"But why there? Why in Dallas, it's a great area, but why there specifically?"

"I was young, I wanted to live downtown, I wanted someplace that didn't have any upkeep, that was safe when I was away."

Amber seemed to hone in on that. I watched her eyes narrow, and she began to think, to consider the area.

"It's close to the school, right? Just a few minutes from where your sister went to college?"

"Yeah, she lived there until she left school. She needed to live somewhere safe, after what my dad did, I needed to know that she would be okay when I was gone."

"You know, it isn't your fault, right?"

"What?" I asked, unsure of where she was going, but I was starting to feel very uncomfortable.

"None of it. It isn't your fault."

"Amber," I cautioned, the red haze of rage beginning to creep in at the sides of my vision.

"No, Trent. I'm serious. None of the shit that has happened in your life was your fault."

"Fucking shit," I growled, praying she would take it for the warning it was.

"Seriously. You blame yourself for all of it, don't you?"

"Yes," I bit out through clenched teeth.

"Why, you didn't hurt your mother or do - whatever to your sister. You didn't kill Dylan or Nolan. You didn't kill the others you served with, either in the Corps or at the S-O."

Was this woman fucking kidding me? Anger bubbled up so fast and hot - I couldn't stop it. "I'm done, Amber, I've got shit to do."

The fear, the frustration, the feelings of a young and helpless boy. The hopelessness of a grown man. It all consumed me.

Gripping Amber around the waist, I lifted her and sat her back down as I stood and walked out of the room. She was poking me, pressing in too much, this wasn't something I could talk about.

Logically, I knew that my father's abusive behavior wasn't my fault, but had I been there. Had I seen it, if I had only known, I could have stopped it. Dillon, Nolan, the baby, all of it, so many guys lost their lives over there, good men, good friends, if I had opened my eyes, I could have done something, if only I had noticed, I missed so much, too many things.

Slipping back into my running shoes, I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed to the front door in a fog of grief, anger, and confusion. I had no idea where I was going, but I had to go. I needed a minute, a fucking minute to get my head together, to figure my shit out.