Treasuring Emma (21 page)
“I don’t trust him.” Adam jumped up from his chair, ready to break out of his skin.
“I don’t either.” Leona remained seated, as calm as ever. Until she coughed again.
Adam went to the cabinet and pulled out a glass. He filled it with tap water and brought it to her. “Here.”
She nodded and took a drink. Set the glass on the table and wiped her mouth with her damp handkerchief.
“Are you all right?” Adam sat down next to her. “I don’t like the sound of that cough.”
“It’s just a fall cold.” She smiled. “Both you and Emma. So worried about me. I’m fine.”
As his concern for Leona subsided, Adam felt anger rise within him again. “If you don’t trust Mark, how could you let that snake be alone with Emma?”
“An interesting description,” Leona whispered.
“What?”
“
Nix
. Adam, I don’t trust Mark. I can’t put my finger on it. But I do trust Emma. She can hold her own with him.”
Adam stood. “I think he wants to court her.”
“I know.”
He turned from Leona, his stomach churning. “We can’t let that happen.”
“We?”
He spun and faced her. “
Ya
. You, Clara, Peter—”
“And you?”
Adam let out a long breath. “I don’t have much sway with Emma anymore.”
“But you did at one time.” Leona patted the seat next to her. “Sit. Please. It strains my neck to look up at you.”
He complied. To his surprise she took his hand. “Adam, I think Mark is a troubled soul.”
“I agree.”
“But he isn’t the only one.” Her soft, fragile skin felt cool against his palm. “You are troubled as well, and not only over Emma. Or what is happening to our
familye
. Not even what’s happening with yours.”
He withdrew his hand and leaned his elbows against the table. His fingers entwined in his hair. “I don’t know what to think anymore, Leona. I’ve never been so confused in my life.”
“About what?”
“Everything.” He looked at her. “When I left here, I was so sure it was the right thing to do. There was a whole world available to me that I’d never experienced. I wouldn’t have to think about all the rules. I could worship God in my own way, not the way my
daed
said I had to.”
“And have you? Worshipped God?”
He looked down at the table. He’d vowed when he left he would still attend church. Probably a Mennonite one. And he did. For maybe two Sundays. It became easier to stay out late on Saturday and sleep in on Sunday, like everybody else he knew. To watch football, go to movies, spend time with new friends. To entertain girlfriends, most recently Ashley, who had never been to church in her life. It had taken him less than a month of living in Michigan to not only forget about his faith, but to forget about God.
“I think you’ve answered my question.” Leona leaned toward him. “Look at me, Adam.”
Guilt and shame overwhelmed him. It took him a long time to face her.
“We both have concerns about Mark. And your mother. And I can see you’re worried about Emma too.”
He hesitated. “
Ya
. I am.”
“But you can’t help anyone until you get yourself right with the Lord.”
“I’ve heard that all my life, Leona. But what does it mean? Pray? Ask forgiveness for my sins?” He thought about Ashley, and the shame returned. “It can’t be that easy.”
“It’s not a matter of saying the right words, Adam. You have to make some hard decisions.”
“I know, I know. The Amish world or the Yankee world.”
“Nee.”
He stared at her. “What do you mean,
nee
?”
“Amish or Yankee, it doesn’t matter. You have to first decide who is in control of your life. You or God?”
Adam slumped against the back of the chair. “I don’t know.”
“Until you can answer that question, you can’t move forward. But I can tell you this: If God is in control of your life, you won’t be confused. You’ll know your place in this world. If He’s not . . .” She shrugged. “I think you already know what happens when He’s not.”
Emma heard the sound of footsteps approaching the barn. She wiped her nose and got up from the hay bale, not wanting Adam to see her acting like the bratty child her sister thought she was. She checked on the animals’ food. They had eaten all their breakfast, but it was too soon to give them any more. Especially Archie and Rodney, who often ate more than their fair share.
The smell of manure in the barn might have seemed cloying to anyone else, yet Emma found it comforting. She had never mentioned that to anyone. Not even Adam, although after today, she had a feeling he would understand.
“Emma?”
“Mark.” She tried to hide the disappointment in her voice. Why had she expected Adam to come?
Not expected. Wanted
.
“Just checking on you. Making sure you’re okay.”
“I’m all right.” Suddenly embarrassed by the filthy state of the barn, she grabbed a push broom from a hook on the wall and started sweeping.
Mark took the broom from her hands, much the way Adam had done when they were in the workshop the other day. But instead of feeling pleasant chills at Mark’s closeness, she squirmed in her skin.
“You don’t have to do that now.” He leaned the broom against the wall, turned her to face him, and placed his hands on her shoulders. The desire to shrug them off was overwhelming. A desperate compulsion.
“I’m here for you, Emma.”
“I . . . I appreciate that.” She stepped back. “But really, I am okay. Sometimes Clara still thinks I’m her
boppli schwester
. She forgets I’m grown up.”
“That you have opinions of your own. Feelings that shouldn’t be dismissed.” Mark nodded. “I know what that feels like. To be ignored. To have someone treat you as if you don’t matter.”
She moved out of his grasp, trying to get away, to put space between them. If he had noticed these things about her in such a short time, what must everyone else think? She averted her gaze, ashamed that people saw her as weak.
“You’ve been hurt, Emma. Deeply hurt.”
“Is that what Clara told you?”
“Clara didn’t have to tell me anything. I can see it in your eyes.” He lifted her chin. “Beautiful blue eyes.”
Heat filtered through her cheeks. Against her will, his compliment soothed her.
“Was it Adam? Was he the
mann
that hurt you?”
Emma looked at the ground, tempted to say nothing. But he had already guessed so much about her. As if he had read her thoughts, seen her heart. “
Ya,”
she whispered, unable to hold back. “He did.”
“He doesn’t deserve you. Clara doesn’t either.”
Her gaze snapped to him. “Clara? What do you mean?”
“She’s bullying you so she can get her way.”
“She’s being practical.”
“She’s being selfish.” Mark gazed into her eyes. “She doesn’t want that shop to help you and your
grossmudder
. She wants it for herself and Peter.”
“It’s partly their business. Of course they would have a share of the profits.”
He shook his head. “I think she wants it all, Emma.”
“That’s not true. I know she’s being pushy, but she’s not that selfish.”
Mark shrugged. “I’ve heard a few whispered conversations between the two. It’s hard not to, in a
haus
that small. They’ve been making plans. I don’t think they include you and Leona.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.” She shook her head, refusing to believe him. “What are they going to do, take over the shop, then
Grossmammi’s haus
? Why would they want to do that?”
“Why wouldn’t they want it? The house is bigger, the land is valuable. With all this property, they could sell it off piecemeal and make a decent profit.”
He held up his hands. “I’m just letting you know what I’ve heard. I could be completely wrong. But it would make sense. Clara waiting until your
mudder
died.” He fingered one of her
kapp
strings. “Waiting until you were vulnerable. Making you feel bad about yourself.”
“Clara’s not doing that. Peter would never do it either.” Emma’s throat burned. “They wouldn’t want to move here, or sell off the land. They love their
haus
.”
“I’m sure they do. Just like they love you.”
Emma turned away from him. Could this be true? It wasn’t out of Clara’s character to try to control things. And Peter had asked Emma and her grandmother to move in with them. Maybe moving in wasn’t what he had in mind, so much as moving them out of
Grossmammi’s
bigger house. Emma could easily imagine Clara being the boss of the shop, gradually pushing her sister out of the picture.
Clara and her family would move into the house. Then it would become her house. Emma and
Grossmammi
, one unmarried woman and one widow, would be at the mercy of her sister and brother-in-law.
She shook her head and tried to clear the unwelcome images from her mind. If they wanted to move in, all they had to do was ask. They would be welcome.
She turned and glared at Mark. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You may be a part of our
familye
, but you don’t know us.”
He moved back a pace. “Emma, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought you should know.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He nodded. “You’re right. I don’t know your
familye
well. So I’m sure I misunderstood everything. I’m sorry. I should mind my own business.”
The sincere tone of his apology took some of the bite out of her response. “
Ya
. You should have.”
“I just don’t want to see anyone take advantage of you. Or hurt you. That’s all.” He moved closer again. “Can we start over? We don’t have to talk about any of this. I’ve been learning my way around Middlefield. I know there are places I haven’t seen yet. Maybe you could show me around sometime?”
“I can’t.”
“I can pick you up,” he continued, as if he hadn’t heard her. “I’m sure Peter won’t mind if I borrow his horse and buggy. Please, Emma. Don’t be mad at me. I like you.” He leaned toward her. “Give me a second chance.”
He’d never really had a first one. Yet she didn’t have a reason to say no. And it might be good for her to get away for a little while. She had stayed close to the house and to her grandmother since her mother’s death. Other than church and one grocery trip, she hadn’t been anywhere else. Maybe a change of scenery would give her some perspective.
“Mark?”
They both turned to see Clara standing in the doorway. “I need to get back to the
kinner
. Julia could only watch them for a couple hours.”
“Then I’ll catch up with you later,” he said.
“
Geh
on back with her,” Emma said. “I have things to do here.”
“Anything I can help with?”
Clara was tapping her toe, the same impatient gesture she’d had since they were young girls. “Maybe another time.”
“What about that buggy ride?”
Emma paused. A short buggy ride. What could it hurt? “Tomorrow evening. But just for a little while.”
He grinned. “I’ll be here at four.”
“So you and Emma have a date?” Clara and Mark walked down the driveway. They turned onto Bundysburg Road and headed toward the house.
“
Ya.”
Mark smiled. “I’m going to take her for a buggy ride tomorrow.”
“In whose buggy?”
“I was hoping to use Peter’s.” Mark glanced at her. “That’s all right, isn’t it?”
Clara fought against her rising anger and impatience. Mark had promised to come help her in the shop, but he had spent the time with Emma instead. She was having a hard time sorting out all her emotions. Isn’t that what she wanted, for Emma to find a husband, to be happy? Hadn’t she already given Mark her approval? Then why did something ugly twist inside her at the thought of the two of them together?
“Clara? Do you think Peter will mind if I borrow the buggy?”
“I don’t know.” She stared straight ahead, the soles of her black shoes scraping against weather-worn asphalt. “He might have some business in town.”
