TRAPPED (25 page)

‘We all were, Johnny. Nicky might not have been battered as much as the rest of us when he was older, but he had more than his fair share of crap. He was the only one who Dad fed the gear to. My own father, feeding him that crap. First the speed, then the coke, Johnny. He never had a choice or a chance, so if you’re going to blame anyone for ripping you off, go back to the beginning. You’ll see where the blame lies. So lay off him alright, or you’ll have me to answer to.’

Maggie smiled and Johnny walked across to the couch. Nicky had got away with a lot. He was always skanking around Soho, ripping dealers and Toms off, sniffing out anything which would give him a fix, but Maggie couldn’t see that. All she saw was her baby brother.

Nicky owed him big time but for Maggie’s sake he’d leave it. Well, he would for now. He’d sit back and see what was going to happen. He’d heard through the Soho grapevine that Nicky was wanted; wanted by a lot of people and he was happy to wait his turn in what seemed like an almighty queue.

‘Let’s see if she’s asleep.’

Maggie put out her hand for Johnny to take as she spoke and he gladly took it with a smile, letting Maggie lead him into the bedroom. He noticed that whenever anything was about Harley, Maggie’s defences went down. The tough street-wise woman who’d roll up her sleeves in a fight softened and melted. It was if he was getting a glimpse of the woman she would’ve been if she hadn’t been born into the chaos of the Donaldson family.

A double bed was squeezed into the single bedroom. The whole room needed to be a few feet larger on either side but it was fresh and pretty, with sun yellow walls, and white linen curtains with tiny daisies, matching the covers and lampshade. Simple white shelves with newly bought dolls and cuddly toys on them complimented the small white wardrobe on the newly laid laminate floor. The window was slightly open, and the warmth of the summer blew in.

In the middle of the bed, curled up fast asleep, was Harley. Her soft blonde corkscrew curls almost covered her face and the sense of her fragility struck Maggie as she watched her daughter breathing.

Johnny and Maggie stood at the end of the bed, aware they were still holding hands but worried to say anything in case their words spoilt the moment. For Maggie, this was what it all came down to. She’d been waiting for this ever since Harley had been born.

‘Does this mean you’ll put that silly idea out of your head about giving her up?’ Johnny said, gently.

Maggie looked at Johnny, her face soft as she talked.

‘It wasn’t a silly idea, Johnny. It was about giving Harley what she deserved. Look at her. How did you ever think having her as a prisoner at Gina’s was okay?’

Johnny bent his head in shame but lifted it up to look at Maggie as she touched his cheek. ‘I’m not having a go at you Johnny. We’re all to blame. But I love her, I love her more than I thought was possible. And that’s why I was going to let her go. I couldn’t leave her at Gina’s and there was no one else. What was I supposed to do, Johnny?’

‘I’ve let you down Maggie and I’m sorry. I’m not very good at all this.’

He shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

‘You were my hero, Johnny. You came riding in to save me when no one else had and perhaps I would never have fallen for you if it wasn’t for that. But I did. I fell for you and I fell in love with you. I still love you, but it’s difficult Johnny. Sometimes I get so tired.’

‘But I’m here now Maggie, you don’t have to be tired anymore. I’ll fight your battles for you. I promise things will be different this time. I know I’ve said it before but we can be a proper family. Once I find someone I can trust, we can get rid of Gina. She’ll be fine to look after Harley until then; she won’t do anything stupid. She wouldn’t dare.’

As much as Maggie hated the idea of Gina having her daughter, at least she’d be policed by Johnny, and it would be here in this flat rather than the squalor of Gina’s grotty place. Her daughter would at least be able to have somewhere she could call home, a place of safety and care.

When she could be here, this was where Maggie would spend her time; with her daughter, getting to know her like she should’ve always been, loving her like any little girl deserved.

Taking in the room again, Maggie turned to smile at Johnny. He’d done well. What he’d done to Harley had been wrong, so wrong, but Johnny knew that and she admired the fact that he’d tried to turn it around. And like all those years ago when he’d been the first one to ever stand up for her, he was now the first one who’d bothered to try to make a difference in her life.

‘Thank you Johnny.’

‘You’re welcome babe. After all, you
are
my wife.’

‘How could I forget eh? What with our idyllic, picket fence lives.’

She winked at Johnny, who noticed how sparkling her piercing blue eyes were. ‘I’m happy to give it to you Maggie. It’s what you and Harley deserve. My only regret is that I never did it for you sooner. Despite what I did, I never for a moment stopped loving you.’

Johnny was about to say more but he found himself
shrugging
his shoulders again, ill at ease with opening himself up
to Maggie. He felt her squeeze his hand and he smiled, wondering if it was safe for him to lean in for a kiss or if it would trigger Maggie’s walls going back up. Husband or not, she’d probably just see it as his way of trying to get laid.

The shrill ring of his phone put paid to him deciding. He saw the caller I.D. on his screen flash up; it was his mother. He pulled away from Maggie and clicked the phone to answer. He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever ignored his mum’s call. They spoke each day on the phone in the evening if they’d missed seeing each other at the house, but he knew she only called in the daytime if there was a reason, otherwise on the whole she’d leave him alone to get on with his life.

‘Alright girl, how’s it going darlin’?’

Johnny addressed his mum as he would anybody, but with the added warmth he saved for people close to him. He’d never been the clingy type as far as he knew, though his mother begged to differ, telling him stories of him holding onto her skirt when she and the women from his dad’s club dropped him off at school in the mornings, but whatever the truth, Johnny was always glad to hear from her.

He expected to hear the usual banter coming down the phone followed by the reason for the call, but what he got pulled on his brakes. His mother was sobbing, a new and uncomfortable phenomenon for him.

He could count in single figures the times he’d seen his mother cry. Mostly they’d been caused by his actions as a teenager when he’d gone missing as he partied with his friends. Or when he’d been on one of his legendaries. She’d be out of her mind with worry and when he eventually turned up, so relieved was she to see him, that she’d burst into tears at the same time as giving him verbals. Hearing her deep sobs down the phone completely threw him.

‘Mum? Calm down girl. I ain’t hearing what you’re saying, Mum. Stop, please. You’re doing me nut in ’cos I can’t hear you and I’m worried. What’s happened? Is it me old man? Has something happened to him?’

Between sniffs, hesitations and deep breaths on the other end of the phone, Gypsy managed to get some of her words out.

‘He’s kicked me out … bastard’s gone and given me a do one.’

Johnny was stunned. He walked through to the front room looking out of the window, not really comprehending the situation but feeling an instant anger towards his father.

‘What do you mean he’s kicked you out?’

‘Well he didn’t exactly kick me out, I walked – but he would’ve done babe. The words were hanging on his tongue, you could almost bleeding see them.’

‘Why though? What’s he done? If he’s been boning too many Toms, Mum, I can talk to him, but you know what he’s like and it’s never bothered you before.’

Johnny heard his mother’s voice change as she snapped down the phone at him. ‘It ain’t that, Johnny; bleedin’ hell, if I was going to care about that I would never have got married, he was knobbing the bleedin’ bridesmaids before I even managed to say “I do”. It’s that witch of a sister.’

Johnny sighed. Since Lorna had come there’d been tension in the house and, unlike most of his friends, where tension
had been part of their daily outlook, he’d never had that problem. When he’d been growing up it’d been a house full of raucous laughter, his parents loving each other in an overtly sexual manner. Parties and big, big celebrations yes, but tension; never.

‘What’s she done?’

‘What hasn’t she frigging done is more the question, Johnny.’

‘But she’s been in hospital. How much harm can she do from her sick bed?’

‘Well if we were talking about most people babe you’d be right but we’re talking about your father’s sister.’

‘Okay but what? I know you and Dad have been at each other’s throat. It’s been a war zone.’

‘I know sweetheart and I’m sorry. I never wanted to upset you.’

‘I know but what I don’t get is why you walked out. Jesus Mum, that’s a bit radical.’

‘No it ain’t – not when you’re accused of shagging some bloke and attempted murder.’

‘What? I don’t understand.’

‘It’s a long story, Johnny. Can you come and see me babe? I’m staying at the Hilton, but God knows how long for, I ain’t got more than the clothes I’m stood up in and all I can say is thank God it’s a Vivienne Westwood.’

Johnny smiled to himself.

‘But Johnny listen, I’m worried because you know how your Dad is when he gets hurt, he starts behaving like a spoilt kid. I reckon he’ll stop me cards and then I’ll have nothing.’

‘But you’ll go back, won’t you?’

‘No Johnny, I ain’t. I ain’t ever going back.’

After Johnny had put down the phone to his mother, he couldn’t help reeling. For one, he was surprised his dad had let her go. There was no doubt how much his father loved his mother, so it surprised him how it’d ever come to this. He didn’t know the full story but he guessed between his father’s possessiveness, love and no doubt an element of fear in losing her, his father had allowed himself to wind himself up and be manipulated by his sister’s stirring.

One thing Johnny Taylor
was
certain of was that his mother was no cheat. He’d bank his life on it and if his father had any sense, which he clearly didn’t at the present, he’d bank his own life on it too.

Maggie came over to sit next to Johnny, bringing a sleepy Harley with her. He smiled at them both before touching his daughter’s cheek softly as Maggie placed her on his knee. He rocked her gently as he stared out of the window feeling his daughter’s warm breath on his face as he held her tightly.

He glimpsed a look at Maggie and as he did an idea began to form in Johnny’s head. It was a long shot but if his mother really wasn’t going to go back to his father she’d have nowhere to live and like she’d said, her days in the Hilton were certainly numbered.

Most of her friends were long-term mutual friends so they’d be too anxious to let her stay, worried about what his dad might do, though he doubted his mother would even ask them; she wouldn’t want to put them in such a position. He knew she was well aware of her husband’s wrath and reputation.

She had friends like Molly from the East End but she’d be no match for his father and one whiff of his mother staying with
‘a cheap whore in expensive clothing’
would send his father into an apoplectic fit. No, his mother had to have somewhere permanent; somewhere she could call her own and where better than here, with her granddaughter?

It was mad, crazy, and he doubted his mother would be too keen at first to hear about his secret child and wife who
happened to be the enemy, but he was sure she’d come around,
especially now.

No one could look at Harley and not fall in love with her. Yes his mother would be pissed off, but with him, not Harley. When she saw how much love Harley had, his mother wouldn’t see a Donaldson, she’d see her granddaughter – and then how angry could she really be?

Gina Daniels was stoned. So stoned she couldn’t remember where she was. That was until Gary stormed in – then there was no escaping where she was, but that didn’t stop her being pleased about what she’d discovered.

‘Look at the fucking state of you.’

Gary used his foot to move his auntie from the position she had been lying in for longer than she cared to remember. Sitting up from the floor and needing the support of the edge of Gary’s couch to pull herself up, she groaned quietly as the room came into focus.

She stared at Gary whose face was scrunched up angrily as he paced around the kitchen.

‘What’s up baby? Had a bad day?’

Gary stopped and his face contorted into an expression of amazement.

‘No Auntie Gina, me boat race always looks like this when things are going well … of course I’ve had a bad fucking day and if I don’t find that brother of Maggie’s soon …’

‘Who, Nicky?’

‘No, Barack Obama. Of course fucking Nicky. If I don’t find him it’s going to get a whole lot worse, especially for me.’

‘We
are
talking about Nicky?’

‘Are you stupid? How many other Nickys do you know who are stealing, junkie runts?’

Gina’s face reddened. She spoke, sounding as stoned as she felt. ‘I need to see him as well. Proper took the piss, did Nicky.’

Gary spoke impatiently, unconcerned at Gina’s petty quarrels. ‘Yeah, well this ain’t about you Auntie Gina; how come you always want the world to revolve around you?’

‘I don’t, all I …’

‘Just shut it. Just shut the fuck up. If you don’t know where he is, I don’t want to hear it.’

‘But that’s the point Gal, I know exactly where he is.’

Saucers couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t slept all night, and now it was near lunchtime and she felt exhausted. It was an unusual predicament she found herself in. Since she’d been little, she’d been able to sleep in all sorts of circumstances. The day her old man had topped himself and the Old Bill had stomped through the house questioning her drug-addicted mother, she’d slept. The day she’d been carted off to care after the neighbour had called in social services, she’d slept. When she’d been given a six month stretch for soliciting she’d slept, and even last year when Eddie Austen, one of the market store owners from Berwick Street had shagged her, giving her his best shot, she’d slept. But now as she lay on her bed, Saucers was wide awake.