I forgot how sexy his voice is. It’s deep and smooth and when he calls me Ellie, it radiates through me.
“Thank you,” I say softly with a smile. “You look really great too.”
“I’m glad you agreed to hang out with me tonight.”
“Yeah, me too. Soooo…where are we going?”
“Hmm, you’ll see.” He puts his hand on the small of my back. “Shall we?”
“Of course,” I say as he leads me to his car. He opens the door for me, waits for me to fasten my seatbelt then he closes the door. He rounds the front of the car and takes his place in the driver’s seat. “You ready?”
I nod my response. He turns the car on and pulls onto the road. We sit in silence for a while, him driving and me lost in my own head. He reaches over and grabs hold of my hand, linking his fingers through mine, an action that I’m becoming somewhat accustomed to where Victor’s concerned.
“Please tell me that you had a better day today. No more flying purses or crazy men knocking you to the floor?”
“Nope.” I look over to him and shake my head. “No more crazy accidents for me.”
“So, then what did you do today?”
“Not much. I had breakfast with my best friend and then I cleaned my house.”
“Nice.”
“How bout you? What did you do today?”
“I worked a bit, but I have to admit I spent most of my day thinking about this very pretty girl I met.”
“Wow, lucky girl.” There I go, leading him on again.
“Lucky? I don’t know about that, but I hope she thinks so.”
This is a dangerous topic of conversation. I decide I need to change it.
“You were working on a Saturday, is that a normal occurrence?”
“Yeah, I have a job that requires a lot of my attention but I’m looking to slow things down a bit.”
“What do you do exactly?”
“Let’s talk about it over dinner. We’re here. I hear this place has some of the best food around.”
I look out my window to see we’re at a restaurant that overlooks the ocean.
“I’ve always wanted to try this place.”
“Really? Well I’m glad I could make that happen for you.”
Victor exits the car, comes around and opens my door for me. He extends his hand and helps me out of the car. He’s been nothing but a gentleman so far, but even I know that it’s too soon to say if he really is one or not. We walk hand in hand into the restaurant and are promptly seated in a secluded area overlooking the ocean. It’s truly a breathtaking view. Being close to the sea has a calming effect on me. It’s one of the reasons I moved so close to the beach.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
His words bring me out of my daze. “Yes, it is. I love the ocean.”
“Me too. I’ve always wanted to live close to the ocean. Maybe a small house on the beach.”
“Around here, a beachfront property would cost millions. It’s a great dream though.”
“Dreams come true all the time.”
“Yeah, I guess they do for some people.”
The waiter comes and takes our drink orders. We sit in silence for a while, each of us looking over our menus. I notice the prices are higher than most restaurants I frequent and I feel a pang of guilt that Victor is spending this kind of money on me when I have no intention of seeing him again. The waiter finally comes back with our drinks, and takes our dinner orders.
“This place is really nice. Jordan and I have been talking about coming here for awhile, we just never got around to it.”
“Jordan?”
“Yeah, Jordan, she’s my best friend.”
“The one you had breakfast with?”
“Yup, that’s her.”
“Sounds like you two are very close.”
I nod. “She’s like the sister I never had.”
“What about your parents, what are they like?”
“Well, my dad is a retired police detective. He’s scary as hell but with me and my brother, he’s just a big softy. We were really lucky to grow up with a dad like that, ya know?”
“He sounds great. I haven’t seen my dad in a couple of years.”
“You’re not close?”
“Not as close as I’d like to be. He lives in Puerto Rico and I live in New York so it’s tough, but we talk every couple of weeks so it’s not that bad.”
“Are you closer with your mom?”
“Yes! As a matter of fact, she’s a little too close.” He lets out a chuckle. “I have to constantly remind her that I’m a grown man. I’m capable of living my life without her butting in all the time.”
“A mama’s boy?” I ask with a smile.
He smiles back at me. “Ugh, no, definitely not. I’m sure she wishes I was but I’m not. She is slowly learning boundaries.”
“I see.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“With your mom, are you close with her?” His question causes a surge of pain to slice through me. I fight against the urge to cry.
“Ah, I was very close to her but she passed away three years ago. Cancer.”
“Ellie, I’m so sorry.”
“No, no, it’s okay. You didn’t know.” Victor looks like he wants to say something, maybe apologize again or try to make me feel better, but the waiter comes with our food and I’m thankful that he does. I can’t handle him being too nice. It does nothing to help my determination. We eat in silence for awhile. He makes small talk, which you would think would be awkward because it normally is in situations like this but with him it’s not. Moments of silence with him are comfortable, like he’s communicating with me even when he says no words. He seems completely content and this makes me somewhat edgy because it shouldn’t this easy. Should it? I suppose since he’s trying to get to know me better, I should do the same, at least for tonight.
“You said your dad is in Puerto Rico, is that where you grew up?”
“No. I was born and raised in New York. But both of my parents were born there so when they got divorced, my dad went back.”
“I’ve always wanted to go there. It looks beautiful.”
“It is. You love the beach so you’d fit right in there.”
“It’s on my list of places to visit.”
“Really? Where else would you like to visit?”
“Any island in the Caribbean, Greece, Spain, Italy, the list goes on.”
“Have you traveled anywhere at all?”
“Yeah, a few islands here and there but no where in the last four or five years. How much longer are you in town for?” Why am I asking him that? It’s not like I even care.
“Don’t know. A day or two maybe.”
We finish dinner and I’m thankful when we get back in the car. I know that this is all gonna be over soon. I can go back to my life and forget about Victor. He’ll be gone soon enough; I just have to make it through a car ride home.
“Thank you for dinner, it was really great. I had a good time.”
“I’m glad, but it’s not over yet, the night is still young.”
What the hell! I agreed to dinner, nothing else. “What do you mean? Where are we going?” I wonder if he can see the panic in my eyes.
“You’ll see. It’s a surprise.”
“A surprise?”
“Yup.”
“Can you at least give me a hint?”
“You’re gonna let the kid in you out for a little while.”
“That’s a horrible hint!”
He laughs. “Trust me, it’ll be fun.” I want to tell him that I don’t trust him. That I don’t trust anyone with the exception of my family and Jordan, but I don’t because, strangely, I sort of do trust him. That’s what scares me most of all.
A few minutes later, we pull up to a building that looks like an old, abandoned warehouse. The parking lot is full of cars and there are a few people standing outside of the building smoking cigarettes.
“What is this place?”
“How long have you lived around here and you don’t know what this is?”
“Forever! Now what is this place!”
“It’s a roller skating rink. I thought it might be fun.”
“Ummm… I don’t roller skate.”
“Hmmm, I was hoping you’d say that!”
“Why?”
“Gives me an excuse to hold your hand.”
“Clearly, you don’t need an excuse for that.” I say sarcastically.
He throws his head back and laughs. Even his laugh is beautiful and I like that I’m the one who has made him do it.
“Well, at least now I have a valid reason to do it.” I roll my eyes but I give him a smile too. He grabs my hand and pulls me into the building.
“Come on, smartass, let’s go have some fun.”
Looking around, I’m shocked to find that we aren’t the only adults here. I guess roller skating is a popular pastime around here. After we are both fitted with a pair of roller skates, he grabs my hand and starts to pull me into the rink. I resist his attempt and pull him back.
“Oh my God, let’s not do this,” I say shaking my head.
“Come on,” he says through a chuckle, “you’ll be fine.”
“This doesn’t bode well for my accident free day.”
“I won’t let you fall, I promise. And if you do, I’m sure I’ll go down with you.”
“Damn right!”
“Okay, but you can’t be this tense! You have to loosen up a little.” I take a breath and relax my limbs.
“Much better. Now just hold on to me. We’ll go slow, okay?”
“Okay.”
He pulls me into the rink and makes sure that I’m steady before slowly going around the rink. True to his word, he keeps hold of me and goes slow. So slow, in fact, that little children are passing by us but I don’t care. I’m just concentrating on staying upright.
“How ya doin?” he asks, his lip twitched up in a half smile.
“I’m still standing.”
“Are you having fun yet?”
I nod and I can’t help but smile at him because the truth of the matter is I am having fun. I can’t remember the last time someone has challenged me, even with something as trivial as roller-skating. It feels good to let loose and enjoy myself for a little while without the pressure of keeping all of my emotions at bay. Victor spins me around and I actually laugh. Me, letting out a real, uninhibited laugh. Normally, I only show honest pieces of myself to Dad, Gavin and Jordan. I allow them to see the lighter side of me, when I’m happy or silly but I never show them the sadness. The parts of me that are broken. I reserve that for myself at night when I’m alone with my thoughts and sleep evades me. It doesn’t mean that they don’t know those parts of me exist. I’m sure they wish I’d open up to them even more than I normally do. Even still, they are the only ones that get any part of me that’s real. Everyone else gets the me that is reserved. They get the me that watches her surroundings carefully and only shows the emotions that are expected. I’ve become a master at hiding my true reactions but tonight, just for this one moment, Victor somehow gets that piece of me too.
Victor takes my hand and walks me to my door at the end of the night. Somehow he’s found a way to hold onto me since he helped me up off the ground 24 hours ago. I’m not sure why I’ve allowed it. Over the past several years, when I go out with Jordan to a club or bar, random men have tried to touch my hand when they’ve bought me a drink or hold me when they get me to dance. I always squash them like bugs.
“Thanks again for coming out with me tonight. Sometimes when I travel, it can get kind of boring being on my own. It was nice spending time with a beautiful woman.”
I try not to let his words affect me but they make me feel warm all over. “I liked spending time with you too.”
“Can I call you tomorrow?” Well at least he’s not asking to see me tomorrow, this is good.
“Sure.”
“Okay. Good night, Ellie.”
“Good night.” Victor pulls me in for a hug. I let him because I know this is coming to an end. I slip my arms around his neck to deepen the embrace, taking in his scent. A piece of him to remember when he’s long gone. It leaves me wanting more but I start to pull away knowing that I can’t give anything else. He tightens his hold on me. I tip my head up to say goodbye. Our eyes meet and what I see in his leaves me breathless. He tilts his head down and our lips meet, sending a current through me. Involuntarily, my lips part. Taking my cue, his tongue slips into my mouth and my body melts into his. He tightens his hold on me, bringing me closer, weakening my defenses. In this moment, nothing else exists and I welcome the escape. Slowly, he pulls away, leaving a tender kiss on my forehead as he goes. He clears the front steps, gives me his amazing smile and says, “Tomorrow.” He gets in his car but waits for me to make it inside and turn on my light before he leaves, taking yet another piece of my armor with him.
The insomnia comes back with a vengeance, only tonight it’s not the events of the past that keep me up. It’s the chocolate brown eyes that melt away pieces of me every time they look at me; it’s the kiss that still lingers on my lips and replays in my mind. Tonight is worse than most nights because, for the first time in a long time, it’s the fear of desire that keeps me awake.