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Authors: Ike Hamill

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As a final indignity, they dropped his boney form into an inner tube and tied it off to a floating cooler.
 

They drifted down the river as a foursome, tethered together by the ropes connecting their tubes.

“We should get him sunglasses,” Chloe said. “Don’t you think he needs sunglasses?”

“I’m fine,” James said. He wasn’t. The light hurt his eyes. The sparkles from the surface of the river were so bright that they stabbed like daggers into his brain.

“I’ve got it,” Bo said. He pulled on the rope of James’s tube. When they were close enough together, he pushed sunglasses onto James’s face. “Perfect.”

“Those are
lovely
, Bo,” Danielle said. “Where did you get them?”

“My sister. She said they were too girly, so she gave them to me,” Bo said.

Chloe and Danielle laughed.

“This is absurd,” James said.
 

Bo scooped big handfuls of water as he propelled them towards the center of the river. James had to admit that he was still experiencing some effects from the pills. He felt perfectly aware of the current moment, but time seemed to jump forward occasionally, making him wonder exactly how he’d come to be in a tube, floating down the river. He wasn’t even sure which river it was. Someone had mentioned, but the name had already slipped his mind.

“There’s nobody out here today,” Chloe said. “I can’t believe it. This place is usually packed.”

“There were a lot of cars in the lot. I bet everyone else just got an earlier start. It’s going to be really hot by the time we get to the falls.”

“Falls?” James asked.

“It’s nothing,” Danielle said. “Who wants a beer?”

“It’s a little early, don’t you think?” Chloe asked.

“It’s only through breaking social conventions and exploring the boundaries of cultural expectations that we can evolve our society,” Danielle said.
 

“Jesus,” Bo said. “Those are some big words for a morning beer-drinker.”

She laughed as Bo wrestled the lid from the cooler and threw a beer her direction. She caught the can, but then it squirted out of her hands. Danielle rolled and tried to snag it as it bobbed in the water. She let out a little scream as her tube tipped over. She came up holding the tube with one hand and the beer in the other.

“Well done!” Chloe said.

Danielle dunked herself back under the water and came up through the center of her tube. Demonstrating her youthful flexibility, she brought her knees up through and managed to pop her legs through the top of the tube without dropping her beer. Bo applauded the performance.

“I wanted to keep my hair dry,” Danielle said. “Now it’s going to frizz out.”

“Have you ever been tubing, James?” Chloe asked.

“No,” Bo answered for him. “He said so in the car, remember?”

“No,” James said. “First time. Actually, I didn’t even realize it was a thing. When Bo made me put the bathing suit on, I thought we were going swimming. When you guys said ‘tubing’ in the car, I had no idea what to think.”

“What do you think so far?” Chloe asked.

“It’s quiet. I like it. Too much sun though. My scalp is burning.”

“You should have said,” Bo said. He pulled himself back to the cooler again. A second later, he was tossing a bright green hat at James. Over the brim, the hat read, “Annie’s Foodway.”

“Thanks,” James said. He pulled the hat over his head.
 

Danielle laughed.
 

“What?”

“It’s a good look on you—pink glasses with a green hat. It suits you,” she said with a smile.

“Thanks,” he said.

She laughed again.

“It’s hard to imagine there’s any strife in the world when you’re floating down a lazy river,” Bo said.

Chloe made a noise to indicate her agreement.

“Are there any snakes or anything in this river?” Danielle asked.

Chloe jerked her feet up out of the water. “Why would you ask something like that? You know how terrified I am.”

“We have an agreement with the snakes,” Bo said. “We don’t mess with them and they don’t mess with us. They wouldn’t come after you because you’re not their prey.”

“I was just asking,” Danielle said. “Don’t be so freaky.”

“It’s not freaky to be afraid of snakes,” Chloe said. “Most people are. It’s instinctual. It goes back to Adam and Eve.”

“Ugh,” Bo said. “Fear of death doesn’t get you anywhere. Everyone’s going to die, it can’t be helped. The only thing fear does is prevent you from living life to its fullest.”

“It’s self-preservation, not fear,” Chloe said. “And it’s socially responsible. People who put themselves at unnecessary risk hurt all of us.”

Bo laughed.
 

“What?” she said. “You don’t think it’s important for us all to respect each other?”

“I’m just so thankful that at the mention of snakes, you lifted your feet out of the water. It was really socially responsible of you. You’ve saved us all so much by your socially responsible response to a perceived threat based on Danny’s question about whether or not there were snakes in this river.”

“Shut up,” Chloe said. She smiled and splashed water at Bo.

“Hey!” Danielle said, when some of the water splashed on her. “Open beer here.”

“A little river water won’t hurt it,” Chloe said.

“Are you kidding me?” Bo asked. “You know how often the snakes pee in this water? It’s a cesspool of amphibian urine.”

“Snakes are reptiles, ass,” Chloe said.
 

“Still,” Bo said, “it would be socially irresponsible to drink reptile pee. Do you know how much that would burden our healthcare system?”

“You know,” Chloe said, “you think you’re funny, but you’re really just an ass. One day you’re going to wake up and realize that you wasted most of your youth trying to appear wise by being cynical all the time.”

“I don’t see what’s wrong with that,” Bo said. “Cynical people don’t get hurt as much as other people. We have a natural barrier against emotional injury. If you think about it, it’s really the most socially responsible way of…”

He was cut off as Chloe tugged on his rope to pull him closer. When she was within reach, she grabbed Bo’s tube and flipped him over. He rolled into the water with a grunt and a big splash. By the time he came back up, everyone was laughing at him.

“I lost my damn glasses!” Bo said. He tried to pull himself up onto his tube. It flipped over again and he went under.

He came up to more laughter. He shook his head sending water splashing in all directions.

“I can’t believe you would flip me over like that. Now I’m down here with all the damn snakes.”

Danielle held his tube while he pulled himself up. After a full minute of uncoordinated flopping around, Bo settled back down into his tube.
 

“Whoa,” he sighed, breathing hard. “That was difficult.”

“You should have waited ten seconds,” Danielle said. “The rocks are coming up. It’s like knee-deep there.”

Bo nodded. “Oh! Hey!” he said. He plunged his hand in the river and pulled it back out with his sunglasses. “How lucky was that? I guess they float.”

“Yeah, those are fishing sunglasses. They float,” Danielle said.

“Who knew?” Bo asked.

“Well, clearly, Danny knew,” Chloe said.

Everyone was quiet for a minute while they enjoyed the slow drift downstream.

“I think I’m getting burned,” James said. He wiped sweat from his brow.

“You look okay,” Danielle said.

“There’s shade coming up,” Chloe said. “The river goes around a bend and around some rocks. Bo will drag us over to the east side, where there’s more shade.”

“Of course,” Bo said. He began pulling at the water, doing a tube-version of the backstroke. The slack disappeared from the ropes and the group began to move towards the bank.

As the river rounded the corner, a bubbling sound drifted over the surface to their ears. James opened his eyes and looked downstream. Hills rose on either bank of the river. The hills were scarred with jutting rock formations that continued down into the river. The channel was dotted with boulders and the turbulence on the surface spoke of rocks just below. He lifted his hand to shield his eyes from the sun.

“That’s the falls,” Danielle said.

“Is it dangerous?”

“No. Just lift your butt a little over the shallow parts,” Chloe said. “It’s perfectly safe.”

“Not socially responsible, but safe,” Bo said.

“You really know how to run a bad joke into the ground, Bo,” Danielle said.

“It’s one of my charms,” Bo said.

It felt ten degrees cooler as Bo moved them into the shade. Their slow drift picked up a little speed as the river wound between the rocks. James felt his tube scrape on a couple of shallow spots, but he kept his butt up as instructed. Soon, they were free of the ridge of rocks and swirling peacefully once more. They passed under low trees. Bo grabbed a branch and tied them off for a few minutes. It was nice and cool in the shade with the water moving underneath them.

James felt himself drifting off to sleep.

When Chloe spoke, it sounded like her voice was far away.

“You missed some high drama last night, Bo.”

“Oh? Another surprise inventory on produce?”

“No! Robbery,” Chloe said.

“What? You’re kidding.”

“Yup. Ski mask and all. The guy was wearing a mask and gloves. You know what he took?”

“Money?” Bo asked.

“Nope. Not a dime. All he took was hair dye,” Chloe said.

“Ah,” Danielle said, nodding.

“You’ve got an explanation?” Chloe asked.

“Sure. Isn’t it obvious? He’s planning a bigger heist. If you’re going to rob a bank, the first thing you do is steal a getaway car,” Danielle said. “You have to cover your tracks.”

“But anyone can buy hair dye,” Bo said. “And the purchase of hair dye isn’t going to help someone track you down.”

“Nobody said that all criminals are masterminds,” Danielle said.

“Maybe he was embarrassed,” James offered.

“Embarrassed enough to commit a robbery?” Chloe asked.

“He could have lost the money he was supposed to use to buy the dye, and he couldn’t go home and face his wife. He thought he had no other choice but to steal it.”

Their fleet of tubes began to drift towards the center of the river. Bo paddled backwards to return them to the shade.

“There are much better ways to steal from a grocery store. All you have to do is stick the item down your pants and nobody is going to try to stop you from walking out,” Chloe said.

“Or you can just get a bag out of the trash, put the item in it, and walk out,” Bo said.

“Hell, at least once a week I see someone walk in, grab an item and then walk out. We don’t even try to stop them. A checker might ask if they need help, but if the person just keeps walking, they’re in the clear,” Chloe said.

“All this time, I’ve been shopping all wrong,” Danielle said. “Who knew you didn’t have to pay?”

James listened to the conversation bounce between the young people as the river wound down between the hills. He slipped deeper into his inner tube and his borrowed hat was pushed down until it rested against his borrowed sunglasses.

Somewhere along the way, he fell asleep.

CHAPTER 16: NIGHT

 
 

“A
RE
YOU
SURE
YOU
don’t want to stay at my place tonight?” Bo asked.

“No. Thank you, though. I’ll be fine. I’ve got my writing to do,” James said.

“Don’t work too hard. And if you decide you want someone to talk to, you come knock on my door any time. Seriously.”

“Thanks. Thank you for everything today. I appreciate it.”

They shook hands before James closed his door. He flipped on the lights and regarded his room with fresh eyes. The room was dirtier and more depressing than it needed to be. With a little more organization, he could at least improve his surroundings.
 

James checked the clock and then began moving around the stacks of boxes. Some of the cardboard was becoming fragile from handling. He thought about ordering more, and then reconsidered. They made plastic totes that would be much more durable, and would be better to look at. They might smell less like a moldy rat’s nest, too.

James found a piece of paper and began to make a list.

Time was growing short. He scribbled notes to himself. Perhaps he could even get some of the things locally, and he wouldn’t have to wait for them to be shipped. He might be able to start cleaning up his living room tomorrow if he could get a ride to the store. Both Chloe and Danielle had cars—one of them would know what store carried big totes, and they could give him a ride.

James abandoned his list and opened his current box. All the boxes were arranged by date, so he could easily put his hands on a workable story. His eyes narrowed as he pulled the right story for October 3
rd
. The date was burned into his head. It was the date of the last letter he’d read. It seemed impossible that he’d read that letter this morning. It seemed like a century ago. James recognized the story. It was the one that Danielle had been reading.

“Oh, shit,” James said.

He clutched the paper and ran for the door.

#
 
#
 
#
 
#
 
#

James ran across the parking lot as the sun set. Heat still baked off the pavement, and he was sweating instantly and struggling to breathe. He knew what building they lived in, but he had no idea which apartment.

James ran up the hill and across the lawn to the entrance.

His heart felt like it would beat out of his chest. In his head, all he could think about was what a moron he had been. The consequences of Danielle reading the story had seemed insignificant that morning. Chalk it up to the pills, but he had been almost flippant about her fate. Who cared if she maimed a few joggers and cyclists? He cared. With nighttime approaching quickly, James knew he couldn’t let her be dragged into his curse.

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