Transcendence (12 page)

I hope if I am patient, she will let me put a baby inside of her soon.

A flash at the cave’s entrance signifies yet another day of thunderstorms. I will have to go out today and check the traps I set—rain or not. At least I don’t have to go all the way to the lake for more fresh water. The rain has filled my water skins from a trickle just outside of the cave.

Beh wakes slowly to my gentle touches on her neck, shoulder, and ear. For a moment, she rolls over and tucks her head into my chest. She pulls the fur up around her head and hides underneath it.

My mate does not like waking up in the morning, and it makes me smile when she does this. I don’t really think much about how I spent my mornings before Beh, but now that she is here, I can’t imagine waking up any other way.

Even though I know she is sometimes sad and scared, and I think she still misses her tribe—wherever they are—I can’t help but feel happy about her being here. She is extremely confusing, and I never seem to know just what she will do next, but I’m still glad she’s here with me.

I didn’t understand how lonely I had been until I had her.

She is most strange when it comes to her body, and I don’t understand why. She doesn’t seem to realize that going out to relieve herself alone isn’t safe and gets angry with me when I follow her—especially if she has to relieve her bowels. I don’t watch but stand and look the other way. Even that worries me somewhat, and I fear I will turn around to find her gone.

By the time Beh’s eyes open completely, the rain has tapered off a bit. I bank the fire for the day, and we both head toward the pine forest. I have caught two young rabbits in my traps, but when I hold them up for Beh to see, she covers her eyes and shakes her head.

Strange.

I tie them at my waist and decide to head to the lake after all. The rain has slowed to a misting, and the clouds are beginning to thin out and blow away. I go to the far edge of the water where there is a small pile of flint, thinking it would be useful for Beh to have her own knife. I’m not good at flint knapping, but I should be able to make her something useful.

Beh sits down next to me as I pick up the flint as well as a nice, round stone to use to break off pieces. After a while, she stands and walks a few feet away near the small stream that feeds the lake. I can still see her out of the corner of my eye, so I don’t worry. I continue working the flint until I have a knife that should be suitable for Beh to use on the antelope hide to make some new clothing.

I brush bits of flint off my legs as I stand and look over to my mate. She has her back to me and she is bent over. I can’t tell what she is doing with her hands until I move closer. I come up behind her and look over her shoulder.

My mate is really, really weird.

She is also absolutely covered in brown, mushy clay.

She laughs and holds a large lump up to show it to me. Her mouth moves, and she makes enough noise to scare away a group of birds near the shore.

She is so, so strange.

I look at her out of the corner of my eye and wonder if there really is something wrong with her. She continues to make a lot of noise as she begins to smoosh her hands into the clay by the side of the bank. She comes up with two more handfuls and shows them to me. I just keep looking at her, wondering why she’s playing in the mud.

She shakes her head and makes more sounds, gesturing wildly and pointlessly in the process. I reach down and try to pull her up by her elbow, but she bats my hand away. I growl under my breath and check the sky. It doesn’t look like it’s going to start raining again, and it’s still early in the day. I suppose if she really wants to poke around in the clay, I will let her.

I sit on the rock next to her and watch as she squeezes and smooths the clay into a rough ball and then starts poking her thumbs into the center of it, making a hole. She continuously makes sounds as she pokes and prods at the stuff. For the most part, I ignore her—choosing to work on another flint knife instead. I sit close to her and occasionally glance at her out of the corner of my eye as I work. She seems to be very intent on whatever she is doing with the sticky clay.

At one point, she starts digging more of the clay out of the side of the inlet with her fingers and a small, round rock. I watch for a moment and then look around the shore for a better, flatter digging rock. I find one that is perfect and come back to her side.

I have no idea what she is doing or why, but I help her anyway. With the flat rock, I sweep over the bank of clay and bring a large slice of it closer to her. Beh claps her hands together and makes more noise. She’s smiling, so I think they must be good noises. She seems pleased, so I watch her go back to whatever she is doing with the clay while I finish my knife. By the end of the day, I have two good ones along with several chips that will be serviceable during the winter as well.

It is time to go back, and when I reach over to tap Beh, I see she has formed the clay into shapes. There are two round, hollowed out cups and two flat, round shapes. She is still smiling and seems proud of herself—much like she was with the basket she made that now holds the dried antelope meat.

After she goes to the water and washes all the clay off her arms and hands, Beh gives the cups to me and picks up the flatter pieces. Huffing out a breath, I carry the squishy cups. They’re too floppy to be useful for anything, but Beh seems so excited about them and obviously wants to take them with us. I have no idea what she plans to do with them—drinking out of clay would just make water taste like mud—but I like how happy she seems about them.

By the time we arrive back at the cave, the sun is beginning to set. I lay the fish over the drying spit, and Beh fiddles around with the clay objects she made. She puts them near the fire and sits back with another big smile. She looks at me, makes some more sounds, and then helps me place the fish over the cooking rocks.

When the fish is cooked, and we have eaten, the cave is dark, and it is time to sleep. Beh continues to make soft noises with her mouth as we lay down in the furs. The sounds are almost constant, and I wonder how I will ever fall asleep if she keeps it up. I watch her mouth move for a moment and then look up into her eyes. They shine in the firelight.

She lies on her side as she continues with her sounds. One of her hands waves back and forth in time with the noises she makes. After a while, I can’t take it anymore, and I reach over to cover her mouth with my hand. She quiets immediately, and I’m grateful. I pull her body close to mine and wrap the furs around us for warmth. Once we are settled, I look over to the fire to make sure it’s banked and also give the cave a quick once-over to be certain all is well.

It seems to be. The cave is secure and my mate is safe and happy, so it must have been a good day.

Beh opens her mouth and starts making more racket, but I quickly cover her mouth with my hand again. I look down at her and lean close. I draw the tip of my nose over her cheekbone and down her jaw. Beh sighs and sinks into the furs. I lift my hand to touch her hair, and I tangle my fingers in it to feel the softness.

Beh reaches up and brushes the side of my face. She smiles slightly as her fingers run over my cheek and down to my shoulder. Her fingers trace the line of the muscles of my arm. She whispers something, and her cheeks tinge with the blood running underneath the skin. Her finger keeps tracing my bicep.

I flex, showing her my strength.

My mate’s eyes dance over to mine and then back to my arm. More whispered sounds escape her as she smiles more broadly. I tighten my muscles again—flexing my arm, shoulder, and chest as well—and she seems pleased. She must realize I am strong enough to be able to protect her if she needs it as well as able to hunt for her and her children.

I want to give her those children.

I feel the tightening in my groin again, that same feeling I often have when I look at her. Her fingers glide over my arm and down to my wrist, leaving my skin with a tickling, tingling sensation. I move my hand from its usual place on her hip around to her stomach and then up to her shoulder. My fingers brush over her breast as they travel upward, and Beh stiffens.

I watch her lower lip disappear into her mouth, and I wonder if she might be hungry again. I stroke the side of her neck with my fingers, and Beh shivers in the firelight. I lean close to her again, running my nose along hers. I stop at the space between her eyes and inhale her scent.

The images from my nightly dreams rush through my head, and I feel my body react to my thoughts and the closeness of my mate’s body. I watch her eyes as they stare into mine, her expression soft but uncertain. I don’t want her to worry about anything. I want to take care of her in each and every way I can.

And I want her to care for me, too.

I don’t care if she ever makes a basket that can hold grain, but I want her to be here with me. I want her to be close to me as I work or fish, and I want her to lie next to me in the furs at night. In my mind, she is with me always and forever.

Finally, it’s clear to me that I want her for more than children.

CHAPTER SIX

The next day, Beh takes my hand as soon as we have eaten and leads me out of the cave. She points across the field to the pine forest and lake. I’m not sure why she wants to go back there again already, but I am willing to do whatever I can to please her.

Beh collects more mint leaves along the way, making me stop long enough to use one of the leaves to clean my teeth. Beh seems to think it is something we should both do in the morning and sometimes even at night, before we sleep.

Once we arrive at the lake, Beh goes immediately to the clay near the stream and starts poking around in it again. I watch the edge of the lake long enough to catch a fish to eat and then return to the flint near where she sits. She makes a few more objects with the mushy clay and sets them on the rocks before she approaches the lake to wash off her hands.

“
Ehd!”

I look up from my flint and see Beh standing near the water. She makes more noise, and I stand to go to her. I smile as she takes my hand in hers but then frown as she pulls me toward the water.

I’ve already fished, and it’s far too cold to get in the lake, so I stop and pull my hand from her grasp. Beh looks at me with her head cocked to one side, makes more noises, and points at the water.

I take a step back.

Beh’s sounds become louder as she places her hands on her hips and raises her eyebrow to look at me. I narrow my eyes and look back at her, unsure exactly what she wants, but quite sure I don’t like it. With a sharp noise and an equally sharply exhaled breath, Beh leans down and fills her cupped hands with water. Drops fly from her skin as she walks back to me and dumps the water on my arm.

My head fills with memories of my mother taking me to a stream in the summertime and making me stand in the water as she washed me off. I growl and step back, pushing the water off my skin. It’s far too cold for washing, and my furs might get wet if she dumps water on me again.

It becomes apparent washing is exactly what Beh wants me to do as she tries to pull me closer to the edge of the lake. My mate might like to wash herself and clean off her teeth all the time, but I don’t like the cold, and I’m not about to get in the frigid water.

I pull my arm away from her with a grunt and turn my back to her. I don’t know why she seems to think getting in the water is a good idea, but I remember losing my balance while fishing early one spring, and I was chilled the rest of the day.

When Beh tries to take my arm again, I yank it away from her, pick up the fish I caught, and start toward the edge of the forest. I turn to look at Beh, and she is watching me. I stand still until she picks up the clay objects she’s made and silently follows me home. I don’t want my mate to be angry with me, but there is no way I am going to get in that cold water.

I cook the fish on the fire back at the cave, and before we are done eating it, Beh is making continuous noises again. I try to ignore the sounds, but it’s not easy when she rarely stops. I hush her with my hand over her mouth, and it works for a while. Instead of making more noise, she brings mint leaves to me.

Since I refused to get in the cold water, I think I should probably rub my teeth with mint. Beh likes it when I do that, and I hope it will appease her. She does the same with her own mint sprig, and we soon crawl to the back of the cave and the warmth of the furs.

I get into the furs first, and Beh climbs in after. She lies on her back and looks up at me as I prop myself up on my elbow and watch her closely.

I can smell the mint on her breath, and I lick my teeth to feel how smooth they are. I wonder if her teeth are smooth as well, and I think they probably are. As I ponder, Beh’s tongue darts out over her lips and captures my attention.

The curve of her mouth as she smiles up at me is enticing, and I can feel my desire to give her a baby growing as I stare at her. Beh’s cheeks darken, and I tilt my head down to run my nose along her cheekbone as my arm wraps around her.

“
Beh,” I whisper her name-sound against her ear. My body is tightening inside of me, and in return, I tighten around my mate. We are close enough that I am sure she feels my want of her against her leg. I try not to press against her, but it’s difficult.