Traitor's Sun (22 page)

“You wouldn’t, I guess. You are a very odd woman, Kate, and I cannot think of anyone like you. I just don’t know what to make of you.”

“There is nothing to make of me, Giz. But, you see, I was born on Renney, where women hold the reins of power, and I am having a great deal of trouble understanding Darkover. The things you told me when we were going to the Painters Guild were more than a little disturbing, and if Herm expects me to turn into some sort of subservient wife, doing whatever he wishes without asking questions, then I want to know about it beforehand, so I can box his ears. He seems different already.”

“Women have the power . . . what a peculiar notion. Hmm. I rather fancy that. It sounds very attractive.” She paused for a moment, her face reflective. “I’ll wager Herm is probably not telling you things you think you should know, am I right?”

“The number of things that Herm has not told me during the course of our marriage so far is already enormous, and I am quite angry with him.” She bit off the words before she said more, surprised by her own candor. She did not know Gisela very well, and had already learned that the woman was capable of being spiteful, and that she was a chancy ally at best. But she needed to talk to someone, and her new sister-in-law was the only one she had found so far. “We have had a happy marriage until now, and I feel . . . betrayed.”

“Poor Katherine.” There seemed to be a genuine compassion in the words. “Herm is a good man, but he has always been very secretive, even when he was a boy. I think it was his way of dealing with our father, who is a difficult man at the best of times.” She laughed mirthlessly. “And in Aldaran Castle, it is never the best of times! Our family was mistrusted—cast out—by the other Domains, long before I was born. That drove my father into fits of fury. Then Regis Hastur decided that the Aldarans should not be punished for things that had happened in the past, and his first gesture toward reconciliation was to appoint Hermes to the Chamber of Deputies. It was a small thing, and it did not satisfy my father, whose desire was to be a power to be reckoned with on Darkover, instead of sitting up in the Hellers like a hawk in jesses. I think he expected Herm’s appointment to lead to something immediately, but it didn’t. And I don’t think Father has ever understood my brother’s character.”

“And what is that?” Katherine was fascinated now. True, Gisela had not known Herm for over two decades, and was several years younger than her brother. But the earlier part of their journey had raised her opinion of the other woman considerably. More, she had always been curious about her husband’s history, and frustrated that he refused to discuss it.

“It is not easy to put into words. I would say that he is very solitary. Indeed, I was stunned to find out he had a wife and children—it was so unlike the Hermes I remembered. We have an animal in the Hellers, the scavenger-wolf, which runs in packs and howls in the night. But sometimes, for no reason anyone knows, one of these beasts leaves his pack and goes off on its own. When I was little, I always thought Herm was like one of those.”

“A lone wolf—yes, that makes sense. And your father did not understand that?”

“Well, it made him uncomfortable, because he could not command Herm to do his bidding. But I don’t think that was the problem, for my father is not an introspective man, and he does not give much attention to anyone other than himself. No, it was another matter entirely.” She took a breath. “Again, it is difficult to express exactly. I think that my brother loves Darkover more than he can ever love a living person, Kate. Please do not suspect me of malice, although you would be completely justified if you did. I do not mean to hurt your feelings in saying this—and you did ask me.”

“No, I don’t. It fits in with what I know of my husband. Not happy knowledge, but at least I no longer feel I have misjudged him completely. Thank you.” She sighed, letting some of the tension leave her body. “Now, tell me your sad tale, please.”

“It is not sad, exactly, although I often feel as if it were, when I am in one of my black moods. It isn’t even very interesting. I fell in love with Mikhail Hastur when he came to visit Aldaran Castle. I was sixteen and he was the first person outside my family, other than some Terranan who visited my father, I had ever gotten to know. My father approved, in his way. He encouraged me in my folly, and I was young enough to think that something would come of it. Mikhail was Regis’ heir, and marrying him would make me the greatest lady on Darkover! Regis wanted to bring the Aldarans back into Darkovan society, and it seemed to me a perfect solution. I had no idea what kind of opposition such a notion would arouse, because my father had filled my head with some extremely silly things, and I was too young to understand the politics of the situation. Politics!” Gisela spat the word out.

“I quite agree. So what happened then?” Katherine sensed that her sister-in-law was revisiting something old and painful, that she had longed to speak of it and had had no one she could open up to. It was not the first time she had heard things she had no business knowing—the models for her portraits often became positively garrulous while posing. And though she was uncertain whether she wanted Gisela’s confidences, Kate could see no harm in learning more about her husband’s family.

“Absolutely nothing! Mikhail went away, and Herm became a Deputy and left. Time passed, and Mik did not return, not did he send me any messages and my father grew impatient. In one of his furies he decided to marry me off to an old drunk who had already buried two wives, to get me off his hands, since I had not furthered his dreams as he thought I should have. Those were the worst four years of my life.” She shuddered all over and reflected for a moment. “That part was rather sad, I suppose.”

Kate felt the pain in the words and wondered if this new relative knew how very courageous she was, to have endured such a trial. She shifted a little on the hard bench of the carriage, trying not to let her usual discomfort with people in general influence her too much. “I take it the old drunk died. Or did you divorce him?”

“We don’t have marriage dissolutions on Darkover, or at least not very often. No, he broke his neck out hunting before I had time to find a way to poison him, and good riddance! So, there I was, a young widow with two sons, and Regis reformed the Comyn Council, and invited my father to come to Thendara. I came with him, all ready to recapture Mikhail’s interest, and there was Marguerida, in what I imagined was to be my position!” She shrugged her shoulders, as if trying to relieve herself of some old burden.

“That sounds completely miserable for you. What happened then?” In spite of her now increasing unease, Katherine was fascinated and did not want her sister-in-law to stop talking.

“There was a ball, for Midwinter,” Gisela began, her voice distant now. “My father had backed Regis into an agreement to announce that Mikhail and I would be married, to heal the breach between the Domains, you see. I have never been so anxious in my life as I was that night, because I had a sense of dread, a certainty that it was not going to happen the way I wished. We Aldarans have the Gift of foresight. Gift—it’s often more of a curse! And then Marguerida and I ended up in an alcove, glaring at each other, and she told me that I had put my heart on the wrong Hastur. Before I could reply, everyone in the ball-room who had any
laran
heard this terrible, booming voice—it was incredible! The next thing I knew Mik and Marguerida were dashing out of the room, and Mikhail’s sister Ariel went into labor with Alanna, and people were fainting and screaming and having fits. Mikhail and Marguerida left the Castle and rode away to Hali Tower, where somehow they . . . managed to get away into the past.”

“Yes. Mikhail said something about it at dinner last night, and at first I thought he was pulling my leg. Then I realized he was serious, which was even more difficult to take than being the butt of a joke. They really did?”

“Well, they went somewhere—somewhen? I still have a hard time imagining it, and I always wished it were me, not her, of course! When they returned, several weeks had passed for them, but only a night had for us, and they were married and she was pregnant with Domenic! I tell you, this was a lot to believe, and there are a few people, like my mother-in-law, who still don’t, even though the best
leroni
on Darkover have attested to the actuality of these events. Javanne didn’t want Mik to marry Marguerida any more than I did, but for different reasons, and she still insists that it was not a valid marriage. That is mostly spite, because she had not given her consent.”

Gisela paused and shifted on the bench. “So there we all were, stuck with the situation. Rafael was very kind to me then, though I had never done anything to warrant it. And I knew then that Marguerida was right, that I had misinterpreted my foreseeing, and that Rafael was the man in my visions. I had
known
all along, but I had refused to see it.”

“How had you known?”

“The Aldaran Gift, as I mentioned before. I saw myself married to a Hastur and I persuaded myself that it had to be Mikhail, because I wanted it to be. I was well aware he had two brothers. I just pretended to myself that Gabe and Rafael did not exist—what a goose of a girl I was!” The self-loathing in her voice made Kate want to cringe.

During the ride to the Painters Guild, Katherine had almost managed to forget that the people around her had peculiar “gifts,” that the woman sitting across from her was a telepath, and perhaps more. She had let herself be persuaded by Marguerida’s assurances that her thoughts were safe. Now all her doubts and fears returned, at the mention of the Aldaran Gift, and she swallowed hard, and forced herself to sound calm and casual. “Yes, the Aldaran Gift. Herm told me a little about it, but I am not sure I believed him.”

Gisela gave a genuine laugh this time. “Oh, it is very real, but interpreting it is pretty chancy. And I never told anyone—I can’t imagine why I am speaking so openly to you.” She looked into Katherine’s eyes then, a piercing gaze full of fear and a deep longing as well. “The only person who knows the most of it is probably Marguerida, and she is much too tactful to ever throw it in my face. Sometimes I wish she were not quite so . . . disciplined. Or that I could be more like her and less like myself.”

Kate returned the look, trying to put into it her unspoken intention to be a good friend, for the more she listened to Gisela, the more she found her to be both brave and lonely. “It is easier, sometimes, to tell things to strangers than to people you know well.”

“You see, that is exactly the problem. There are no strangers in my life—only folk I know so well that I can anticipate what they will say before they speak the words. Sometimes I think that if Rafael clears his throat before he asks me how I am today one more time, I will . . . go mad.”

“Please don’t do that.”

Gisela laughed quietly and her shoulders drooped a little. “No, I guess I won’t, I would surely have done so years ago if I were going to. All in all, life has not been terrible, just not terribly satisfactory. My husband cares for me a great deal. Even with all the naughty things I did.”

“What sort of things?”

“Well, I listened to my father, which was my first mistake, and I did a few things that were . . . impolitic. They did not do serious damage to anyone except that Rafael was embarrassed and no longer completely trusted, because of me. He is a proud man, and I shamed him in the eyes of his own brother. There are days when I would give anything to undo that. But I can’t, and I have to endure the consequences of my own stupidity.”

“What exactly did you do that was so terrible?” Katherine asked.

“I suggested that perhaps Mikhail should not be Regis’ heir, because of his travels into the past and his marrying Marguerida, but that Rafael should instead. To anyone that would listen.” The pain in her voice was unmistakable. “And the most terrible part is that he has never chided me for what I did, never made me ask for forgiveness for being a foolish, immature, conniving wretch. All he has done for fifteen years is try to make me happy, to help me be content with my lot in life, as he is with his.”

“Umm . . . that rather goes beyond impolitic, Gisela.”

She spat a bitter sounding laugh from between white lips. “I know—it was near to treason, except that I wasn’t taken very seriously. I never do anything by halves. And when I understood that it was hurting Rafael, I stopped and tried to be good. I studied chess, pretending that the pieces were the inhabitants of Comyn Castle, until I grew weary of that, and then I started to write a text on chess, which filled the empty hours, and read my way through the archives. I am probably the most well-read woman on the planet.” She gave a feeble smile. “Marguerida even consults me on old books, sometimes, which should make me happy, but nothing really does.”

“But haven’t you ever found anything you loved to do?” The words came out before Kate could restrain them. She could hardly bear the anguish in the voice of the other woman, and the sense of her pain.

“No.”

“Even when you were a little girl?”

To Kate’s surprise, Gisela blushed along her high cheek-bones and looked down at her hands. She mumbled something, but the folds of her cloak muffled the words.

“I’m sorry, but I didn’t quite catch that,” Kate said.

Gisela lifted her head and looked directly at Katherine for a minute without speaking. “There was something.” She flexed her hands, with the extra finger that Herm had told Katherine was common in the Domain families, and which looked so peculiar. “I liked to carve—such a common thing. My nurse made me stop, because it was dirty and she said I might cut myself with the knife. I was so ashamed. I hadn’t thought about that in years, until a few days ago.” She stopped talking and looked out the window of the carriage. “It was the day you came, and I was looking at this fantastic chess set that Marguerida gave me for Midwinter, and thinking how lucky it was that the figures had escaped from the stone and bone they were made from. I felt as if I were somehow trapped in stone . . .”