Train Station Bride (13 page)

William Crawford came around the table and stood in front of Julia. “Why would you run away from your mother, Julia? She’s only had your best interests at heart.”

Silent tears dripped from Julia’s chin. She looked up at her father. He gazed at her as if seeing a stranger.

“Oh, Father. You were at the office all the time. I don’t suppose you ever knew what was said and done. But it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I should have left years ago.” Julia dropped her head and looked back at her father’s face with a plea. “Tell Jillian I love her and miss her. Will you Father? Will you tell her?”

William Crawford tilted his head. “Yes, dear, of course, I’ll tell her.” He cupped Julia’s chin in his hand. “Are you happy, my dear?”

Julia smiled. “Yes, I’m very happy.” Her father turned and followed his wife out the door.

Julia could not face Jake or Flossie. She edged past them without a word or look and ran to her room.

* * *

Jake climbed into bed with Julia that night and brushed the stray hairs from her face. She was exhausted. Dried tracks of tears marred her pale cheeks. She tossed and turned fitfully. Jake pulled her into his arms. She settled onto his shoulder with a sigh, and he held her tight, until her breathing evened and she slept peacefully. He could not.

Julia’s mother was a snake in the grass. Waiting patiently for her moment to strike and impose the most damage. Jake didn’t know what to make of her father. There was something going on that Jake didn’t understand. An air about the two women charged as if lightning had struck them. Jake kissed Julia’s forehead. She would tell him eventually, he was sure.

Jake was certain now that he loved this woman in his arms. Julia had surprised him and probably herself since their marriage. She had charmed his sisters, was beloved by his niece and nephew and would have undying devotion from Will for saving Gloria. Harry said she was just what the doctor ordered for Jake.

Julia, although clearly a woman Jake thought as he rubbed her arm, was as comfortable with Millie and Danny as she was with adults. Sometimes he felt out of his depths with his niece and nephew. Sometimes he ran out of patience with their questions. Julia encouraged the questions, the wonder, the pure vision of a child still unsullied by life’s woes. She played make-believe as if a stage actress. Yet she painted walls and shucked corn as an adult with the full weight of a person who knows her place, her responsibility and accepted them. He knew she was happy here. He was happy as hell. Jake couldn’t wait till Julia was pregnant. She would be a wonderful mother.

Chapter Eleven

The next morning, Jake tucked the blankets around Julia and kissed her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open. “You stay in bed as long as you want today, Julia. I mean it,” he said to her shaking head. “You had a tough day yesterday.”

“You’re too good to me, Jake. I’m sure Flossie never lies around in bed.”

Jake chuckled and snapped his suspenders. “That’s cause Millie and Danny want their breakfast. Not that Harry would care.” He leaned down and kissed her lips. “You’ll have children to wake you at the crack of dawn soon enough.”

Julia smiled and blushed. “I hope so, Jake. I say a prayer every night that this night will be the one to give us a baby. I’m so sorry about my parents, Jake. I don’t know what to say. I could have died when my mother stared at Flossie’s scar.”

“A sickle came loose and the blade caught her cheek when she was about fourteen.” Jake took a deep breath. “She didn’t look in the mirror for a full year.”

“She could have been killed,” Julia said.

Jake nodded. “Yes, she could have been. I thank God every day we were lucky. But a young girl with a long angry scar across her cheek struggles as well. She never thought any man would look at her. But then Harry came along and well, I don’t even think he noticed, he was so head over heels in love with her.”

“Harry loves Flossie. Not her face or her money or land. He loves her.”

Jake sat down on the edge of the bed and picked up her hand. “There’s more to love than looks that’s for sure. When we first married, Julia, I was convinced you were wrong for me. That I could never love you.” He touched her cheek softly. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Julia Shelling. But that doesn’t have a damn thing to do with me loving you. I love you in spite of your pretty face, not because of it.”

Tears rolled from Julia’s eyes. “I love you so much, Jake. I can hardly tell you how much. I was so scared my first few weeks here. But when you said that night in the kitchen that my family had been wrong about Turner. That I wasn’t to blame. I think I knew then I would love you for the rest of my life.”

Jake raised her hand to his lips. To his shock he realized his hands were shaking. Admitting you loved someone was harder business than he’d expected. He had held his breath till Julia said she loved him. Jake knew then he’d move heaven and earth to make her happy. He stroked the side of her face.

“Your mother and you seem to be at odds about something, Julia. Something more than just you moving here.” Julia turned away and stared out the window. “Don’t say anything you’re not ready to. We’ll be together forever, Julia.”

“What if you don’t always love me? What if you change your mind? I don’t think I could stand it, Jake, knowing you didn’t love me,” Julia whispered.

Jake gathered her into his arms. What could this sweet woman possibly have done that would keep him from loving her?

“I’ll always love you, Julia.” He kissed the hair near her temple. “We’ll be mad and argue, I’m sure, but love’s forever. When you’re ready to talk, you let me know.”

Jake could not get Julia’s comments out of his head. They had both declared their love. It had been heartfelt and sincere. What would make her think he wouldn’t love her forever? He said he would. And as she should know by now, his word was gospel. Julia had a haunted look about her as he left her bed. About a terror she’d held inside for a long time. He knew she was no virgin when she came to his bed. She’d told him. What else would a woman like Julia have in her past that would make her tremble so? Jake shrugged off his misgivings and concentrated on patching the barn roof he’d started this morning. He whistled a tune. It was a beautiful fall day, and he was in love with his wife.

* * *

Julia’s days blended together. She helped Flossie make jelly and made baby clothes for her new nephew. And she fell deeper in love with her husband than she’d ever thought possible. Her letters to her family were never answered. With the crops in, Jake concentrated on getting the farm ready for winter. He came home every night for dinner, dirty, sweating and smiling. They made love more nights than not, and Julia reveled in his body and to her surprise, her own. Memories of feeling displaced and unloved faded. Julia didn’t allow herself to think often of Boston. It was too painful. And she knew full well, she’d been blessed when she began to correspond with Jacob Snelling. Oh, how she wished she were carrying Jake’s child. She knew he wanted a family.

“Do you think there’s something the matter with me, Flossie?” Julia asked her sister-in-law one day late in November. Flossie had brought the children over, and Julia was teaching them to speak French. The lesson was done for the day, and Millie and Danny had run outside.

Flossie straightened from looking in the oven. “Are you sick, Julia?”

Julia shook her head. “No. I was just wondering why I’ve not gotten pregnant.”

“No, I don’t think there’s anything the matter with you. But if you’re worried go see the doc. You’ve only been married six months. Some folks take longer than others.”

Julia shrugged and looked out the window, head in her hand. “I know. It’s just that I know Jake wants a family so much. I want to give one to him.”

Flossie sat down beside Julia. “Julia, my brother is happier than he’s been in years. I know he wants a baby, and you do, too. But seeing him the way he is now, well, I think it’s just fine for the two of you to be happy all on your own for awhile.”

“I am happy, Flossie,” Julia said with a smile. “I didn’t think I could ever be this happy.” If only she knew how Jillian was doing at boarding school. If only she could talk to the girl or hear from her. “If only …”

“If only what, Julia?” Flossie asked.

“Nothing. Now tell me what kind of dress we’re going to make Millie for Christmas.”

* * *

Julia decided to wait one more month and then go see Dr. Hammish. Most likely Flossie was right. Some folks just take longer than others. Right now, she and her sister-in-laws had lots to do to get ready for the Christmas holiday. There were gifts for the children, and gifts for each other and recipes and decorations to think of. This would be a bitter sweet holiday for her. She looked forward to spending the holiday with Jake and his family. But this would be the first year she had not celebrated with Jillian.

And the more Julia thought and planned about her first Christmas in South Dakota the more she missed Jillian. She worried about her at her new school. She wondered if her Mother gave Jillian her letters or the girl thought Julia had completely abandoned her. This ache was gnawing at her and would not let go.

The wind was blowing snow horizontal to the barren fields Julia could see out of her kitchen window. The kitchen was toasty warm and smelled like cinnamon. There was a stack of cookies in the middle of the table, and Julia had draped fresh pine over the door frame. Julia was as happy and miserable as she’d ever thought she’d be.

She had gone to town with Flossie the day before to see Dr. Hammish. Flossie had picked up a letter addressed to Julia while she was in Snelling’s General Store. Julia fingered the letter while she waited for Dr. Hammish to see her. The return address was her Boston home, but she did not recognize the handwriting. She slid her nail under the seal and looked at the last page first. It was from Eustace and apparently written by the woman’s daughter. Eustace’s mother was failing fast. Life with the Crawfords was much the same and Jennifer was being hotly courted by a young man Eustace had seen at the last party. Jillian, however, was very unhappy at school. The last time she had been allowed to come home from Ramsey for a weekend, she had either kept to her room or gotten into an argument with a family member or a servant.

Julia buried the letter in her bag and gone in to see the waiting doctor. When the kindly old man had announced that she’d be presenting Jake with a child next summer, she had burst into tears.

“What’s the matter, dear?” Dr. Hammish asked. “These don’t look like happy tears to me.”

Julia wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m happier than you can imagine. Just awfully emotional. That happens, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, it does,” he said. “You’ll feel a whole lot better when you get home and tell Jake. You want me to call Flossie in?”

“No,” Julia said. “I want to tell Jake first.”

“Then it will be our secret,” he said. “Eat right. Don’t go lifting something too heavy, and make sure you get back in town to see me in a month.”

Julia made the ride home in silence, only answering Flossie’s questions with a shake of her head. Every bit of joy she felt was at odds with how low she was feeling about Jillian.

* * *

Jake came into the kitchen, stomped his feet and shook his head like a dog. The house was warm and smelled good. He grabbed two cookies from the plate on the table on the way to kiss his wife.

“Hey, darling,” he said as picked Julia up and twirled her around. “I’m glad to be out of that weather and in here with you. The house looks real nice. What’s the matter?” he asked. “Why you crying?”

Julia laid her head against his chest. “I was thinking about my sisters back in Boston. We always loved Christmas.”

“Then why don’t we plan on going to see them once the crops are in this spring. We’ll make it a belated honeymoon,” he said.

“You’d go see my family after how rude they were to you?” she asked.

Jake bent his head down to see Julia’s face. He’d dread going to visit the Crawfords. He didn’t think he’d ever known anyone as conniving and duplicitous than her mother and father. Paying his hands to leave and sashaying into his house making Julia feel like a child and expecting her to board the train back to Boston. There was some secret deceit, too. Just what, he’d not figured out. But he’d endure a visit for her if that’s what she wanted. Lately Julia hadn’t been her usual cheerful self. Not smiling and gay like he’d become accustomed to. She had been crying at night when she thought he was asleep. Nearly tore his heart in two to hear her suffer.

“Sure, honey. If it makes you happy,” Jake said. Julia wobbled a smile.

* * *

Julia rested her head against Jake’s chest. He was all solid warmth. His arms held her, and he rubbed lazy circles on her back. She had waited six months to tell Jake she was pregnant and now that the time had arrived, she could not bring herself to tell him. How would she explain how unhappy she was?

The door flew open and Flossie and the kids burst through the door.

“It’s freezing out there, Uncle Jake,” Danny said.

“What are you doing out riding around in this weather,” Jake said. “Harry will kill you.”

“Me and the kids are fine. Snow’s stopping anyway,” Flossie said.

Julia helped Danny and Millie off with their coats and Flossie was pouring a cup of coffee.

“What brought you over, Flossie?” Julia asked as she handed each child a cookie.

Flossie pulled a letter from inside her coat. “When I got home yesterday I sat down to read the letter from Harry’s sister. There were two letters there. I didn’t realize.” Flossie was grinning ear to ear. “The other one’s another letter for you. I know the one you got from your friend the cleaning woman made you sad. I just know this one’s going to be good news.”

“You got a letter from home, Julia?” Jake asked.

“Eustace’s mother is dying. And Jillian is very unhappy at school,” Julia said and looked up at her husband. She’d been so preoccupied with the news of Jillian and finding out she was expecting, she’d forgotten to tell Jake about Eustace’s letter.