Tragic Love (5 page)

I let out an obnoxious laugh.
Yeah right, not possible
. “I don’t think so, Delilah. We are careful.”

“Are you on birth control? Have you ever had unprotected sex?” She is questioning me like a nurse and I start feeling the walls of my room slowly closing in around me.

“No, I’m not on birth control and we’ve only done it one time without protection. It was a long time ago when we were really drunk at
The Slab
and snuck into the storage room and since then we’ve al…” I trail off when reality hits me square in the face. Holy. Shit.

“And then, what?” Delilah asks.

“The night you came into town. After we got home from the bar, we had a pretty incredible night and I made him…you know…without a condom.” How could I be so stupid? I am in this mess because I couldn’t wait any longer to be with him. I was feeling edgy and a little depressed, I needed to feel good.

“Well, that was six weeks ago. I’ll go to the store and get a test. There’s only one way to find out.” With that, she leaves me in Drake’s and my room to sit and fester with my horrific mistake.

The three minutes are up as the timer goes off, breaking me from my thoughts. I look over to Delilah and her eyes are glistening with tears. Before I learn my fate, she grabs my hands and pulls me into her body. Her arms are comforting and warm. I can feel the water starting to leak from my eyes.

She whispers, “Whatever it says, whatever you decide to do, I will support you. You’re my best friend and I will be there for you no matter what, okay?”

I nod my head, unable to completely form sentences. I turn and walk toward the dresser, feeling like I am taking my final walk before I reach the execution chair. My hands are shaking and my stomach is churning again. Then I stare at my crystal ball in the shape of a skinny plastic stick.
Pregnant
.

I collapse to the floor and sob uncontrollably. My entire body is quaking as the world I know is violently ripped from me. No, no, no, I can’t be pregnant. Oh, God, please don’t let me be pregnant. I am a worthless person and no child on earth deserves to have me for their mother.

Delilah rushes to my side, holding me tightly in her arms.

This cannot be happening,
I chant over and over in my head. I have to be having another nightmare because there is no way in hell I would allow this to happen.

I continue my rant for several minutes until my tears dry up and my eyes grow heavy from exhaustion. Delilah helps me to bed and tucks me under the covers. I do what I do best; shut everything out and then fall into a deep sleep.

***

Five hours later, I wake to the sound of Drake’s Chevelle roaring in the driveway. I quickly sit up, instantly getting dizzy. I grab my temples and take a moment to get my head to stop spinning and then realize the pregnancy test is still on the dresser.

I have to get rid of it. I am not ready to tell Drake anything because I’m not sure what I will do. I wish my mom were here. She always knew what to do. Even when things were really bad, my mother had a way of making it all better. When I was struggling with my issues, she didn’t judge me or make me feel like a horrible daughter, she just took my hand and explained what I was doing was going to kill me. My mom worked with me to get help.

It’s been a challenge every day since I admitted I wasn’t normal, but each day got a little bit better. However, a pregnancy is something that will never go away. If I decide to keep the baby, I will be its mother for the rest of my life. This doesn’t simply go away or get better as time goes by, this thing is permanent; my death sentence.

My head is pounding. I need to push these thoughts away. I can’t deal with this right now. It hurts too much to think my mom will never help me through any more trials I have to face because she’s dead. Right now, I wish I was with her. That would be the only way out of the mess I got myself in.

I walk to the dresser and stare at the pregnancy test. This is bullshit! Everything in my life is complete bullshit. I hate this baby right now and I hate myself for hating this baby. I gather up the box, pamphlet and test, stuffing them underneath my dresser. When the time is right and Drake is gone to work, I will toss it in the dumpster down the street. I can’t risk anyone finding it. With all the damn nosey people that live here, it will only be a matter of time before someone finds it.

I move to the window and look at the beautiful summer day. The trees are full of life and beyond the backyard, wildflowers grow in the vacant land before the dense trees shadow the grass. The flowers are in full bloom and you can make out colors of purple, orange and yellow. I love this view, especially in the spring and summer. It reminds me of Memphis.

In this crappy town, this little patch of grass and trees makes you forget what’s really happening when you look out the front windows. No drug deals, garbage or violence. Just the innocence of colors blended into the land; the only untouched beauty still left in Sulfur Heights.

Noise coming from the driveway breaks my trance and my view goes from tranquil to jaw-dropping when I notice Jeremy and Drake working on the car. They’ve pulled it out of the garage and my breath stops inside my chest noticing Drake working with his shirt off. He’s standing with his hands on his hips, apparently in deep thought about something. He’s got a dirty shop rag hanging from the back pocket of his dark jeans that hang oh so well off his hips. The richness of his skin has deepened to a light chocolate brown from spending his afternoons in the summer sun. Even from this distance, you can make out the V in his abs, and as a bonus, I can see his chest is glistening with sweat.

Delilah opens the door and startles me half to death. “Now I know how you got into the predicament you’re in. Honey, you’re practically drooling.” She giggles.

That’s when reality comes flooding back to me and I remember that I have a decision to make. The sadness is growing inside me once again. It doesn’t matter which choice I make, either way someone is going to suffer. I’ve been suffering immensely for the last two years and this will only add to the melancholy festering in my heart.

Could I do this and not hurt anyone, including myself? Definitely not. No one will win and that’s what sucks about all of this. Yet, I don’t think I have it in me to hurt Drake. Since living here, he is the only person I know who can truly keep me happy. As much as I love Delilah and Darcie, nothing compares to the happiness Drake can give me. However, this baby will destroy that and then destroy me.

Ever since the nightmare of Robert Stein, I’ve been doing what I can to keep my head above water and survive, why would this be any different?

I have two choices. Either follow through with the pregnancy and become a mother, or make an appointment at the clinic and take care of it. The only factor preventing me from going through with the latter is Drake. I could never tell him I had an abortion. He is a dependable and responsible man who grew up in hell. There’s no way he would ever agree to not have this baby, whether it’s giving it up for adoption or having an abortion.

What will happen to us if he ever found out? Would he leave me? Could I live with myself knowing I did this without telling him? The questions are spinning in my head, making me dizzy again.

I walk over to the bed, contemplating my decisions. I need someone’s support for what I’m about to say, which is when I turn to Delilah. “So, you said no matter what happened you would support me, right?” She nods and I continue, “Even if I decide to not have this baby?” She just stares into my eyes while trying to hold her own feelings inside. “To be honest, I’ve never wanted to be a mother and I don’t think I am capable of raising a child. Especially here…in Sulfur Heights. I would never want a child to grow up in this town. So I’m leaning towards making an appointment at the clinic.”

“What about Drake? What are you going to tell him?” Delilah moves deeper into the room and sits next to me on the bed.

“Nothing. If I go to the clinic, I can’t tell him I was ever pregnant. And neither can you. Swear to me you’ll take this to your grave.” I grab onto her hands, pleading with her. The blue in her eyes melts as tears drip down her cheeks, making my brown eyes glisten as well.

“Presley, don’t ask me to do that.” She gets off the bed and begins to pace with agitation. “He has a right to know. It’s not just your baby, it’s his, too, and it should be a decision you make together.” Delilah grabs a hold of her long, blonde hair and secures it with a hair tie, making a giant bun on top of her head.

“You promised, Delilah, and I haven’t decided to do anything yet, but if that is my choice, Drake can never know. Do you understand me? It would kill him if he ever found out.” My eyes are leaking with tears as I plead my case to my best friend.

“Okay, I promise I won’t say anything. But you need to promise me you will tell me what you decide so I can help you out as much as I can.” She pulls me into her arms and gives me a tight hug. Moments later, she walks from the room, closing the door behind her. I’m left alone, making the worst decision of my life.

Chapter 5

Drake

The hot summer sun is causing my brow to sweat as Sulfur Heights gets hit with the most intense humidity so far this year. Working at the steel recycling factory, I’m used to functioning in all types of weather conditions. Michigan weather can be calm one minute and nasty the next. The plant doesn’t shut down and you learn quickly how to adapt. I really love working here.

Initially, I started part time, working on the line a year ago. It was my responsibility to separate copper from the other metals and then distribute it to another part of the factory. After I graduated high school, I increased my hours on the line. However, shortly after I transitioned into full time hours, the lead crane operator had a heart attack. When I asked my foreman how I could be his replacement if he was unable to come back to work, he spoke to the plant manager and they decided to give me a shot. I took the three week certification course, and once I passed the exam, I started my new hours and position. Getting up at five o’clock every morning is the only down fall, but as soon as there is daylight on the horizon, I’m in the seat operating the crane.

Now, if they could only get the air conditioning fixed, I will be set. I sweat my ass off every day sitting in this glass inferno and the small fan affixed to the dash only blows hot air around; not very effective when it’s already hot as hell outside. Although I can’t complain too much, the pay is pretty good and hopefully I will be able to save up enough money to get an apartment. Then, Presley and I can move out, finally be on our own.

I feel so grown up at the age of nineteen, but for as long as I can remember, this is what I’ve strived for, consistency. When I have structure, I have control. I was a little nervous after I graduated from high school; being so regimented in my schedule had been comfortable, leaving it definitely wasn’t. I quickly adapted to my new routine at the plant, though.

I could never live like Jake. He moves through life from moment to moment, never really staying with anything. Jake’s always with a new girl, his income is based off his expertise hustling idiots and he drinks whiskey like it’s water. Jeremy is an even bigger mystery. He lives off his drag racing wins, I haven’t seen him serious with a girl since he was a major drunk, and that’s been years ago. On top of that, he always has his head under the hood of a car or his eyes glued to his phone.

I shift the controls of the crane, dropping the rusted steel car frame into its designated pile.

Lately, Presley has me concerned. She hasn’t been feeling well and I’m worried it’s something much worse than she’s letting on. I’ve been begging her to go to the doctor, but she assures me she is feeling better every day. I even tried to get Delilah to help me out, however women must have a sixth sense and know exactly when you’re going behind their back to get your way. Presley has never cursed me out like that before and I assured her I would never do it again.

It’s been eight weeks since Delilah’s moved in. I can tell she is really making Presley happy, but whatever they do when I’m at work must really wear her out because she’s always so exhausted. Usually, when I get home it’s close to dark and she’s already asleep for the night.

Today is like any other day when I get to work. I sit in the Chevelle for a few minutes, enjoying my last moments of air conditioning before I have to start sweating my ass off in the cab of the crane. I punch in and the plant manager pulls me aside to tell me we will have a full day and don’t expect to leave while there’s daylight. I shoot Presley a quick text, letting her know I won’t be home until after dinner and then get busy at work.

Around two o’clock an enormous booming sound grabs my attention; right after that, a thick cloud of black smoke obscures the blue sky. Next thing I know, emergency alarms are screaming everywhere and I see my co-workers flagging me to get out of the cab. I immediately shut it down and exit the crane then run over to them to see what the hell is going on. A foreman shouts over the alarm that there’s been an explosion inside the factory and we all have to evacuate to the parking lot. As I stand by my car, talking with a couple of guys, the plant manager tells us a fire started in the rear of the factory and then he sends us all home for the day.

I don’t hesitate. I climb into the car, pointing it in the direction of home, thinking how glad I am to have the afternoon and evening to spend with my Presley. I want nothing more than to spend the afternoon in bed with her naked body in my arms. Normally, Presley is insatiable. She acts starved and can’t seem to get enough. It always leaves me wondering how I got to be the luckiest bastard on earth. Lately, though, our sex life has diminished and now it’s few and far between. It’s probably because she’s been sick. God, I hope she’s feeling good today because I’m on the verge of exploding.

When I pull into the driveway I see Delilah lying on a lounge chair in the hot sun. She’s wearing a white string bikini, rubbing oil on herself while her iPod is blasting country music. I immediately feel awkward because she’s Presley’s friend and barely wearing any clothes, so I creep past her as quietly as I can and head up the back steps.