Tracie Peterson - [Heirs of Montana 04] (24 page)

“I don’t like layin’ around doing nothing. There are animals to be tended.”

“Your uncle has been seeing to them,” Koko said calmly. She smiled and came to examine his head. “This has healed nicely. I’m confident you’ll be able to get back to work in another week or so.”

“Another week!”

The girls both giggled. “I wish someone would give me a week without work,” Susannah said. Elsa nodded enthusiastically. This wasn’t a battle Jamie was going to win.

“Elsa has fixed you a mixed berry pie. She used some of the dried berries we picked up in the mountains earlier in the summer. I’m sure you can smell it baking. If you behave yourself and don’t exhaust your body, you may have some at lunchtime.”

Jamie tried not to react to the news. The thought of Elsa baking something just for him made his stomach flutter. He wasn’t used to having these feelings or even this interest. Talks with his uncle George had pretty much given Jamie the idea he should spend the rest of his life alone, unless he could find a woman of Blackfoot descent who was in the same fix as he was. No doubt they were out there, but Jamie didn’t know exactly where. And even if he could find them, he wasn’t convinced that was the answer. After all, why would he put his children through the pain and suffering he’d known his mother and uncle, and even himself, to a lesser degree, to experience? But the issue hadn’t even come up because there were no girls of mixed breeding to rouse his interest. So far he’d only met snooty white girls whose parents had obviously warned their daughters about his heritage. But now there was Elsa.

Elsa didn’t seem to mind his heritage. At least she’d never indicated otherwise. He watched her from the chair while she finished helping Susannah clean the room. Was it possible they could have a future together?

“I’ve left you a basin of water,” Susannah told him. “If you don’t feel strong enough to wash up, I’ll stay and help you. I can even shave you if you want.”

“I can take care of myself!” he insisted, irritated at the comment. His sister was making him look the fool in front of Elsa.

His mother laughed. “Come, girls. Let us go and leave Jamie to himself.”

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Jamie had a hard time washing up and dressing. He felt completely exhausted by the time he worked the last button on his shirt.

“How are you doing?” his mother asked as she peeked into the room.

He grinned. “Well, I don’t like to admit it, but I’m beat. I feel like I should go back to bed.” His grin faded. “This will pass, right?”

Koko nodded reassuringly. She came into the room and closed the door. “It takes time to recover from a head wound. I didn’t want to frighten the others, but you took a pretty good blow. I was afraid you might end up with pressure on the brain, but you bled out good, so I think you’ll be fine.”

Jamie sank into the rocker and sighed. “I knew it was worse than anything I’d experienced before. Even that time I broke my arm didn’t hurt this bad.”

His mother picked up his bedclothes and neatly folded them. “So it would seem to me that Elsa has taken quite an interest in your recovery.” Her change of subject took him by surprise.

“She feels guilty,” Jamie declared.

“I think it’s more than that.”

“Truly?”

She laughed. “You sound as though you’d like it to be more than that.”

He felt his face grow hot and lowered his gaze to the floor. “I guess I was thinking that might be nice. But she’s not going to be interested in someone like me—someone with Blackfoot blood.”

“Jamie, you have to let the Lord guide your heart and life. If it’s meant to be, He’ll open a door to that prospect.”

“He never seemed to care much about me otherwise. God didn’t make it so that I could inherit the ranch or so that I could have my father with me now.”

“But He kept you on the ranch by means of your cousin’s generosity. In fact, Dianne always talks about this being your ranch as much as hers. And He brought you Uncle George right when you needed him most.”

Jamie knew her words were true, but he’d been harboring feelings of frustration toward God for longer than he wanted to admit. “It’s not the same.”

His mother gently touched his face. “No, it’s not. I miss your father more than I can say. I loved him so much. We were so happy here.”

Hearing her sadness, Jamie shook his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s just … well … sometimes things are hard and I feel angry.”

“But God isn’t the enemy here. Blame the laws of the land or blame the prejudices of people, but don’t blame God. You must remember we are people who make mistakes and bear those consequences. I loved your father very much, but should I have forsaken that love because of my heritage? Saved you and your sister the possibility of being Blackfoot?”

“No!” It hurt something fierce, but he refused to back down. “I don’t regret being Blackfoot, and I wouldn’t have anyone else for my mother.”

“Then you mustn’t grieve over the way things have turned out. Part of your frustration with God is because of my choice to marry a white man. You have to think these things through and reason them out so that you don’t make poor choices. My decision to marry your father was a good one, motivated by love. But again, there was a price to pay. For him. For me. For you and Susannah.”

“And for Elsa, if her feelings turn out to be something more than friendship,” he murmured.

She nodded. “That’s very true. But let her make the decision as to whether or not the price is too high to pay. I don’t regret my choices or the price. Talk to Elsa. Tell her about your heritage and about the problems that have come from being part Blackfoot.”

Jamie thought for a moment. “I will. It’s probably best to do that early on. That way, if there isn’t any interest, neither of us will get hurt.”

Koko leaned down and kissed her son on the head, opposite his wound. “It’s too late for that,” she mused. “I’m certain you’ve already lost your heart.”

“Your brother is so hard to figure out sometimes,” Elsa told Susannah as they hung clothes on the line.

“Why do you say that?”

Elsa looked at the beautiful young woman. She was so tiny and pretty. Elsa felt like a clumsy ox next to Susannah. How could Elsa expect a sixteen-year-old girl to understand these feelings? “Well, sometimes he seems to want me close by,” Elsa began, feeling quite awkward. “Other times he seems unhappy—even annoyed that I’ve come into the room.”

“I think he’s still simply trying to recover,” Susannah said. She looked up from the clothes basket and asked, “Are you ready to help me with this sheet?”

Elsa nodded and took up one end of the piece while Susannah grabbed the other. Together they hung the sheet across the line and pinned it in place.

“I hope he doesn’t hate me for my part in his accident.” Elsa sighed. “I didn’t mean for him to get hurt. He’s such a nice person too.”

Susannah laughed. “You didn’t think so when you first came here.”

Elsa had to smile. “No, I suppose I didn’t. He seemed so difficult, like he didn’t think I was good enough to be here because I was a Lawrence.”

Susannah shook her head and picked up the basket to move down the line. “He probably felt much more inadequate because he has Indian blood and you don’t.”

This snapped Elsa out of her moody thoughts. “Has it really been a problem for you? You don’t even look Indian. Neither one of you.”

Susannah said nothing for a moment. She put the basket down and lifted out a pair of Jamie’s pants. “It doesn’t matter what you look like sometimes, but rather what people know about you—about your past. Folks in these parts knew my father and mother. They know my mother is half Blackfoot. Therefore, they know her children are part Blackfoot as well.”

“But that’s hardly a reason to punish. It’s not like you’re a full-blooded Indian.”

Susannah looked at her oddly. “And if I were, would you hate me then?”

Elsa realized what she’d said. “I never thought of it that way. I mean … well … you have to understand how I was brought up. My mother and father hated Indians because of the threat and the troubles they’d seen. My father used to tell stories about entire settlements being burned out because angry Indians wanted to see the whites put off the land.”

“I’ve heard stories from Uncle George that tell of whites murdering Indians for the same reason.”

Elsa felt troubled in her spirit. “It shouldn’t matter, should it? The blood, I mean. Whether you’re part or full-blooded Indian, it shouldn’t matter.”

Susannah looked at her with great compassion. “It shouldn’t, but it does. Mama said that the blood of Jesus should be the only blood we concern ourselves with, but it will probably be a very long time before most white people see it that way.”

Elsa felt she’d received a real education that morning. In her heart, she knew Koko and George, though of Blackfoot heritage, to be wonderful people. On the other hand, she knew her own brothers, Jerrod and Roy, to be horrible people—deceptive and cheating. They were as white as the day was long. There wasn’t any chance of Indian blood tainting their lineage. But when it came down to a matter of whom Elsa would rather be with, she could easily say that Koko and George were the better choice.

“Susannah, I’m sorry if anything I’ve said offended you,” Elsa said, shaking her head slowly. “I’ve been raised by people who cared only for themselves. I feel I’m learning everything anew.”

Susannah came to her and hugged her for a brief moment. “At least you’re willing to learn.”

Several nights after speaking with his mother, the time to talk with Elsa presented itself before Jamie even realized what had happened. Susannah, suffering from a cold, had gone to bed early and Uncle George and his mother were busy with expense records, sequestered away in the kitchen. That allowed Jamie and Elsa to sit at the far side of the house in front of the fire.

“How’s your head?” Elsa asked, toying with a cup of tea.

“It’s better. Doesn’t hurt as much when I’m up and around.”

“I still feel so bad. I’m really sorry, Jamie. I know I’ve said that before, but I just can’t shake my guilt.”

He smiled. “You’re forgiven. Don’t give it another thought.” She put the tea aside and looked deep into Jamie’s eyes. He felt his heart skip a beat as she leaned closer.

“I know I wasn’t very nice when I first came here. I have to be honest with you: I was terrified. I’d heard horrible things about your family.”

“My family?”

“I’m afraid so. My father was not very kind about the fact that your mother was part Indian. He said you were savages, all of you. That he intended to see you all on the reservation. Luckily, he got caught up in other matters, namely buying up the valley and everyone else’s herds.”

“I had no idea.” Jamie’s heart sank. If she was raised to despise them because they were of Indian blood, what hope could there be to share his heart with her?

“Your mother has been talking to me about God,” Elsa continued. “I didn’t understand a lot of things. Joshua had helped me to know a bit about Jesus, and Mara has such a strong faith, but I didn’t understand.”

“I know what you mean. My mother’s faith has always been rather intimidating. She talks about Jesus as though He were in the next room.”

Elsa laughed. “Exactly. She has a friendship with God that I cannot understand.”

“Me either, but I envy it.”

“Yes!” she practically gasped. “Me too.”

They fell silent for several moments, and all Jamie could think of was how to turn the subject back to his heritage. He wanted to know—needed to know—how Elsa felt now.

“I hope you aren’t still afraid of being here,” he barely breathed. He held her gaze, searching for the truth in her eyes.

“Oh no, I’m not afraid. I feel the opposite of how I felt then. I’ve come to love your mother. I hadn’t realized how much I missed my own mother until I came here. Your uncle is a fine man too.”

“Despite the fact he’s a half-breed?”

“Oh, Jamie, I don’t even care about that anymore. I’ve come to realize the color of a person’s skin, the ancestors they claim—none of that matters when it comes to the heart. Your sister helped me to see how my family’s beliefs were wrong. She and I talked the other day, and I know now I have a great deal to learn. I’m just not all that sure where to start.”