Tracie Peterson (21 page)

“I was in such turmoil. I kept remembering the things my mother had taught me about God and the things you kept pushing in my face.” At that she smiled and took hold of his hand. “Logan, you were right to keep after me. I’ve always known God existed, but I didn’t want to admit it because if He existed in the power and glory people told me about, it also meant that He had the power to keep the bad things in my life from happening. But He didn’t. He let Jeffery torture me as a child. He let my Mother die before I was ready to say good-bye to her and He left me to be forced into a marriage with a man I can’t abide.” She paused and searched Logan’s face for condemnation. When she found only love reflected in his gaze, she continued.

“To believe in His existence meant I had to accept that He knew what was happening and that He stood by and let it happen. That seemed cruel and heartless to me. The God my mother had always told me of was merciful and loving. I couldn’t accept that He would do such a thing or even allow someone else to do those things. Does that make any sense?”

“I think so,” Logan replied. “But how about now? Those things haven’t changed. And there are still horrible tragedies in life. Tragedies that won’t just go away overnight.”

“That’s true,” Amelia said thoughtfully, “but I suppose I must simply accept that fact. I don’t imagine life will always make sense, but what does make sense to me is that if there is a way to deal with the bad times in peace and confidence, then that’s what I want. I’ve watched you all summer and your peace and assurance have driven me nearly insane.”

He laughed at this and hugged her close. “Your uppity, stubborn ‘I’ll-do-it-myself’ attitude has nearly driven me to drink, so I guess we’re even.” He ran his hand through the blond silk and smiled. “Oh, and I always wondered what you’d look like with your hair down and now I know.”

“And what exactly do you know?” she asked impishly.

“That you are the most beautiful woman in the world,” Logan replied. “What little of it I’ve seen.”

“There’s no place else in the world as pretty as Estes, Logan, and no place I’d rather be.”

“So what are we going to do now?” he asked softly.

Amelia smiled and pulled back far enough to look into his face. “I’m ready to lay it all out before God, Logan. I’m ready to face life and march back down the mountain and do what I’m told to do.” She bit at her lower lip and looked away before adding, “At least I think I am. It won’t be easy to leave you.”

“Leave me? Who said anything about you leaving me? I want you to marry me, Amelia.”

She shook her head. “That, Logan, is impossible. There are things you don’t know about that prevent my giving in to such a dream. And believe me, that is my dream. I would love to marry you and stay here in the mountains for the rest of my life. I know it deep down inside me, just as I know that I’m ready to accept Christ as my Savior.” She paused, feeling suddenly shy about her declarations. “But it is not possible for us to marry.”

“With God,” Logan said, reaching out to life her face, “all things are possible. The Bible says so and I believe it with all of my heart, just as I believe you will one day be Mrs. Logan Reed.”

Amelia felt the tears come anew. She looked at him there in the moonlight and tried to commit to memory every line and angle. She reached out and touched the mustache that she’d so often longed to touch and found it soft, yet coarse, against her fingers. Funny, but she’d not even noticed it when he’d kissed her.

She gazed into his eyes, seeing the longing and love reflected there for her—longing and love she held in her own heart for him.
How can I explain that could never be his wife? How can I walk away from the only man I will ever love and marry another?

As if sensing her thoughts, Logan took hold of her hand and kissed her fingers gently. “All things are possible with God,” he repeated. “Not just some things, but all things.”

“You don’t understand, Logan. My father needs me to marry Jeffery. He owes him a great debt and Sir Chamberlain will brook no nonsense in collecting on the matter.”

“Does he love you?” Logan asked quite seriously.

“No. I think that man incapable of love. But he does desire my land,” she said, smiling at the irony of it all. One man wanted her heart, another her land and she was stuck in the middle with her own longing and need and no one but God knew what that might mean to her.

“Do you love him?”

“Certainly not!” she declared with a look of horror.

“I love you, Amelia,” he said simply. “I love you and I want to marry you, not for land or money or noble title, but because life without you would be unbearable. I think I fell in love with you the morning after our first all-day ride. You tried so hard to keep from grimacing in pain as you got on that horse the next morning and I thought to myself, ‘Here’s a woman with real spirit.’ Then I think I loved you even more when you went bustling around camp trying so hard to work at every job I gave you. I pushed you a bit too hard, but I got my reward. It put you in my arms.”

“You asked me to choose between barbarians or twits,” she murmured. And you thought I chose Jeffery.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“But you said—” She paused, cocking her head to one side as if to better understand him.

“I said that I could see you’d made your choice. I never said you chose Sir Twit. But I could see the argument you were having with yourself over feelings that you couldn’t yet come to terms with. So I gave you over to him, hoping that the misery would drive you right back to me.”

“I couldn’t sleep that night for the things you made me feel,” she admitted.

“Me either. So you see, I’m not ready to give up and say this can’t be done. I’m quite willing to fight for you and pay off your father’s debt if necessary.”

“You can’t. It’s a great deal more money than either of us could hope to raise.”

“How much?” he asked flatly, with a look of disbelief on his face.

“Seventy thousand pounds.”

“Done.”

“Done?” she questioned. “Where in the world are you going to come up with seventy thousand pounds?”

“Well, it probably won’t be pounds, but American dollars will spend just the same.”

She shook her head. “Don’t joke about this.”

“I’m not joking.”

She could see by the serious expression on his face that, indeed, he wasn’t joking. “How are you going to come by seventy thousand dollars or pounds?”

“I’ll take it out of the bank.”

“You mean rob it?” she asked in alarm.

Logan laughed until Amelia thought he would fall off the rock on which they were sitting. “No, silly. I’ll withdraw that much from my account.”

“You have that much money?”

“And a good deal more,” he said soberly.

“But I thought—”

“You thought because I live here in Estes and lead guided tours into the park that I was too dirt poor to go anywhere else. Isn’t that right?” She nodded, feeling quite guilty for her assessment. “Well, it isn’t true. I’ve got more money that I’ll ever need thanks to a little gold mine my father and I own. The truth is, I live this way because I love it. Estes is the only place in the world I ever came to that when I first laid eyes on it, I felt like I’d come home.”

“Me, too,” she whispered, barely able to speak.
Did God bring me here to bring me home to Him? To Logan?
It was more than she could take in all at once.
It this how God is making Himself real in my life? To suddenly answer all my needs in one powerful stroke?

Logan got to his knees and pulled her down with him. “First things first,” he said, pulling her closer. “You said you were ready to accept Christ as your Savior, right?” Amelia nodded, forgetting everything else for a moment. “Then that is where we start our new life together,” he replied and led her in a prayer of repentance.

S
now blanketed the mountaintops while a light powdery dusting covered the valley below. They had left Estes days ago and Amelia had felt an apprehension that grew into genuine fear. What if Logan couldn’t convince her father to release her from the engagement to Sir Jeffery? What if Jeffery, himself, refused? With each step the horses took, with every descending clip of their hooves against the dirt and rocks, Amelia felt something inside her die.

She watched both men with anxious eyes, all the while praying fervently. Her father seemed mindless of her dilemma and Jeffery only appeared smug and self-satisfied with the circumstance. Logan promised that God would provide an answer and a way to see them through, but Amelia wasn’t as steady in her faith as Logan and the possibility seemed completely out of reach.

Shortly before noon, Logan stopped the party to rest the horses and to Amelia’s surprise he beckoned Sir Jeffery to follow him into the forest. Appearing quite annoyed with their barbaric guide, Jeffery did as he was bid, but not without a scowl of displeasure plastered across his aristocratic face. In a short while they returned to join the party and Jeffery seemed all smiles and satisfaction. Amelia was puzzled by this turn of events, but no more so than when Jeffery heralded her father and the two men began to have a feverish discussion. From time to time her father nodded and glanced in her direction, but no one summoned her or indicated a need for her presence and so Amelia remained with her horse, seeing to it that he was properly watered.

They remounted and made their way another hour or so, weaving back and forth across the St. Vrain River before emerging from the canyon to face some six miles of flat prairie land. Longmont would be at the end of the prairie ground and Amelia felt her hope giving way. Longmont represented the place where they were to take the stage to Denver and forever leave Estes, and Logan, behind them. She shuddered, fought back tears and prayed for strength to endure whatever God decided. And all the while she felt her heart nearly breaking with desire to turn around and run back to the safety of Estes.

How could she leave?

She glanced over her shoulder to the mountains. They seemed gray in the harsher light, and the chill in the air left little doubt that winter would soon be a serious business in the area. She gripped the reins tighter and ignored the single tear that slid down her cheek.

How could she leave Logan?

She watched him lead the way across the dried-out prairie and tried to imagine sitting in her damp, drafty English manor house without him. Months ago, she wouldn’t have given a single shilling to extend her trip to America by even a day, and now she knew she’d gladly trade the rest of her life to be able to marry Logan and share even a few days as his wife.

“I say,” the earl called out to his companions, “this place seems worse for the passing of time.”

“Indeed,” Lord Gambett replied, gazing about. “Not at all pleasant. It was hot and unbearable when we departed and now we find it dusty and devoid of life.”

Amelia smiled at this. Months ago, she would have agreed with Lord Gambett, but now, with the training Logan had given her, Amelia observed life everywhere. Insects, animals, autumn vegetation. It was all here; it was just a matter of where you looked.

“Whoa,” she heard Logan call to the party. She glanced forward to find that everyone had halted their horses on the edge of town. “I believe you all know your way from here,” Logan said sternly. “Tie up your mounts in front of the hotel and take your personal belongings with you. I’ll see to the horses and gear and meet you to settle up in about half an hour. I’ll also bring your trunks at that time.”

Everyone nodded and urged their horses forward to the hotel. Amelia saw her father and Mattersley press forward with Penelope and Margaret in tow, but she couldn’t bring herself to join them. She stared, instead, at Logan astride his horse. Logan, whose face was tanned and sported a new two-day growth of beard. Logan, whose jeans accented his well-muscled legs and whose indigo-dyed, cambric shirt hugged him in a way Amelia longed to imitate. He pulled off his hat, wiped his brow and finally noticed that she was watching him. With a grin, he replaced the hat and nudged his horse her direction.

“You having trouble following directions again, Lady Amhurst?”

She felt a lump in her throat that threatened to strangle her. “No,” she barely croaked out.

His mustache twitched as he broke into a broad smile. “Faith, Amelia. Have faith.”

“It’s stronger when I’m with you,” she replied.

“Don’t put your faith in me. Remember, your strength comes from God and He will help you.”

She nodded. “Okay, Logan. My faith is in God.” She spoke the words aloud hoping it would help her to feel more confident. “But how are we going to—”

“Don’t worry about anything. Now join up with your family and I’ll see you in half an hour.” He winked at her before leading his horse off in the direction of the livery.

“Don’t worry—have faith,” she murmured and urged her mount forward. “Easier said than done.”

Half an hour later, Amelia was just as nervous as when she’d left Logan. Her father seemed preoccupied with some matter, while Sir Jeffery was suddenly paying far more attention to Penelope and Margaret than he’d done throughout the entire trip. When she could stand it no longer, Amelia went to the earl and demanded to know what was going on.