Tracie Peterson (12 page)

“This quilt is absolutely incredible, Grammy. I can’t imagine the time you put into it. The work is so intricate—especially the hand quilting.”

Grammy stopped her work and looked up, just as Ashley turned. She smiled appreciatively. “I’m glad you like it. I figure it’s something that will be in the family for a long time to come.”

Ashley nodded. “I know I’d be proud to have it in my own. I just can’t imagine using it. I suppose for special occasions it would be all right. I know the other quilts you’ve made for me have been built to last.”

Mattie chuckled softly. “What good is something that’s merely ornamental? Pretty things are seldom appreciated as much as useful ones.”

“I suppose that’s true. Still, things like this are important. There will never be another Piece Work quilt made by Mattie Mitchell with exactly this material and with these precise stitches.”

“That’s true,” Mattie replied. “But the same is true of each of my pieces. Each one is a part of my heart—a labor of love, if you will.” She paused to gaze into Ashley’s eyes. “I have a feeling you didn’t come in here to talk about sewing and quilts, though. Why don’t you come here and tell me what this is about?”

Ashley nodded and glanced to the window. Outside the heavy gray skies poured rain, making what she’d come to say a little harder. “I have to leave on Saturday morning,” she finally said, taking the seat beside Grammy.

“Yes, I know. You mentioned that when you first came. I know you’re anxious to be with your family again,” Mattie said, her sharp eyes focusing on Ashley’s face. “But something is troubling you. What is it?”

Ashley smiled, noting her grandmother’s intuitive nature. “I was kind of hoping maybe you would come home with me. I mean, I hate to think about you here by yourself. Especially with this sadness over Rachelle.”

Grammy leaned over and patted Ashley’s hand. “You needn’t worry about me falling apart, if that’s it. I’ve dealt with this kind of loss before. I can deal with it again. I suppose my biggest sorrow is in not knowing if Rachelle made peace with God. I’d like to believe she did—it’s not like she didn’t know the way.”

“But you have to want to make peace,” Ashley replied. “Some folks don’t think they need God. They feel He’s just out there somewhere
making a disinterested observation of all creation.”

“Then they’re mistaken,” Mattie replied. “We know the difference and, even though she ignored it, so did Rachelle.”

“Well, for your sake, Grammy, I hope she found her way back to God and the overdose was just a mistake.”

“I hope so too,” Mattie replied. “Her life was lived in strife—never a moment of rest or peace.”

“Well, I think it might do
you
good to get away for a while. You could come stay with us in Denver and just relax. We could even go up to the cabin at Estes once it warms up.”

“I’d almost forgotten you had bought yourself a place in the mountains. I’ll bet the boys just love that.”

“They do,” Ashley admitted. “You would too.”

Mattie shook her head. “It’s planting time here. If I don’t stay and tend things, I won’t have much of a garden.”

“But you could just stay all summer with us and not have a garden this year. I worry about you, Gram. I don’t like to think of you rambling around all alone in this big house with no one to talk to.”

“I have Harry and my church ladies. Pastor Wallace and his wife come see me at least twice a month. And the telephone works—at least usually,” she said with a smile. “Besides, Morgan is coming the first week of June. She’ll be here for a few weeks and I’ve already got great plans for showing her the kind of summer you girls used to enjoy. You know, you could always bring the boys and come spend time here too.”

Ashley nodded. “I’ve thought of that, but the boys have so many summer activities planned. They’re going to camps and spending time with some of their cousins in California. They’ve looked forward to this all winter, and I can’t take that from them.”

“I understand.” Mattie leaned forward, taking both of Ashley’s hands in her own. “I’ll be just fine. Don’t worry about me. God planned all of this out before the beginning of time. I believe firmly that there is a purpose, even to this. But what I do worry about is you and your sisters. You’ve all grown so distant. Even you and Brook
seem separate—like there’s some sort of wall between you. Oh, it’s nothing like I see between you and the others, but it’s there.”

“I don’t think I know what you’re talking about,” Ashley said. She and Brook had shared quite a bit of time together on this trip as usual, and Grammy’s words didn’t completely make sense.

“It’s only natural that you all go your separate ways, have families of your own. You can’t stay Kansas farm girls in pigtails and pedal pushers forever.” She smiled and gave Ashley’s hands a squeeze. “I just don’t want you to let time and other business come between the closeness you’ve always shared with each other. Why, there was a time when Brook couldn’t take a breath without you exhaling it for her.”

Ashley knew exactly what her grandmother meant. “We’re still close, Grammy. Please don’t worry. Brook has a different life from mine, but we still call each other and check up on each other. Why, she knew the minute I went into labor with each of the boys, and that time I hurt my ankle, she was on the phone before I could even call Jack to come home and help me to the doctor.”

“What about your other sisters? Connie feels that no one cares about her. Does anyone ever call her?”

“I call at least once a month, but it’s like pulling teeth to get much of a conversation out of her. She’s the one who puts up walls. She’s always been that way.”

“Maybe so, but that shouldn’t stop you from tearing them down. If you and your sisters tried extra hard with her, you could probably pull down those walls faster than she could put them up. After all, she’s just one person.”

Ashley stiffened. She’d tried to understand and befriend Connie most all of her life. The hard truth of the matter was that for all Connie’s grumbling, she didn’t want a closeness with Ashley or anyone else. It suited her to be estranged from everyone. Still, Ashley didn’t want to leave the farm with Grammy thinking she was at odds with Connie.

“I’ll keep trying, Grammy,” she promised. “Just don’t expect a miracle.”

Mattie laughed. “Child, I always expect miracles. It’s the only way to get through life.”

Ashley got to her feet again and found herself drawn to the quilt. “You know, you’re always asking us what we want from the farm when you die. I’d like Piece Work. I think it’s the finest work you’ve ever done, and it would always serve to remind me of how you worked all your life to join us together as a family.” She looked back at her grandmother and smiled. “But even better, I’d rather you just live forever and that way there won’t be any need to divvy anything up.”

“Well, I don’t plan to live forever,” Mattie said, moving to stand beside Ashley. “At least not on this earth. That’s why it’s so important for me to get things in order while I’m here. I want to stand before God with a clear conscience. I want to know that I did my best.”

“You have, Grammy,” Ashley said, hugging the older woman close. “No one could have done more.”

“I’d like to believe that,” Mattie replied, wiping a tear from her eye as they pulled apart. “But everyone makes mistakes. I’m no different. I’ve made my share, and all I can hope is that God’s mercy will work them out in the long run.”

Mattie joined her granddaughters in the living room, happy for the time they could share. Someone had thoughtfully started a fire to ward off the chill brought on by the rain, and a collection of light classical pieces played softly on the stereo system. It made an ideal setting for a quiet afternoon.

Easing back into her favorite chair, Mattie reached into a nearby sewing box and took up a quilt square she had begun piecing. She loved to work with her hands—she always had. It was not simply the creativity of what she was doing; the work relaxed her and eased the tension and stress of the day. Gardening was the same way. It refreshed her to nurture life and to focus on something other than the miseries that strayed into her otherwise orderly world. The quiet time also gave her pause to pray.

With the funeral now said and done and most of the hoopla settled, Mattie realized the girls would soon be going home. It saddened her to think the house would again be silent and empty. She tried not to imagine how it would feel to wake up and know there was no one there to care for or visit with. She thought of Ashley’s offer to go to Denver. She could always do that and just plan to be back in time to care for Morgan the first week in June.

As if on cue, Brook turned to Mattie and said, “I’ll be leaving early Saturday. I want to give myself plenty of time to get to Kansas City. My flight is at two.”

“I’ll be sorry to see you go,” Mattie said, trying not to sound morose. “It’s been such a pleasure to have you all here. I’m almost glad you girls left your husbands and kids at home. Almost. I would have loved seeing them, however.” She put her work down and stilled her hands. “It’s been like old times with the five of you here.”

“I’ve certainly enjoyed getting to talk with everyone,” Ashley admitted, “but I have so much work waiting for me at home. My schedule just seems to get more and more complicated.”

“Oh, you have it easy, Ashley,” Erica said, almost snapping at her sister.

Erica had been edgy all day, and it showed clearly in her attitude now. Mattie couldn’t help but wonder if her feelings about Sean were causing her additional pressure.

“I beg your pardon?” Ashley’s voice sounded defensive.

“You don’t have to report to a regular job. You get to be your own boss. I had to have permission to even be here,” Erica replied.

“So what?” Brook jumped in to defend Ashley. “You’re doing what you want to do. Why shouldn’t Ashley live her life the way she chooses?”

“Ashley’s just trying to make Mother of the Year,” Erica said, looking to Deirdre for some kind of support.

“It does seem that way,” Deirdre commented. “I’m a mother, too, but I don’t let my schedule run me like you do. By your own admission you keep pushing toward perfection, and then you get
frustrated and unhappy when it eludes you.”

“I’m happy doing what I’m doing,” Ashley protested. “I wasn’t complaining, I was merely commenting on being very busy.”

“You’re still trying to outdo Rachelle,” Erica said rather bitterly. “You and Brook have always played this game to one-up our mother.”

Brook looked rather guilty. “I’m not trying to one-up anyone. I’m making a living, nothing more.”

“Oh, don’t give us that, Brook,” Connie said, jumping into the fracas. “The only reason you got into modeling was because of Rachelle. You wanted to prove you could be just as successful.”

“I do it because I’m good at it,” Brook declared defensively.

“And I married and had a family,” Ashley added, “because I found more value in that than chasing after a career.”

“Oh, and I suppose you think family means nothing to the rest of us,” Erica countered.

Ashley threw an apologetic look at Brook before saying, “If the shoe fits—”

“That’s hardly called for, Ashley,” Deirdre threw in. “We all have our responsibilities. I have my family and social duties. I do charity work and help out at the church, but it’s no reason to hold someone else’s life in contempt. Erica often comes to share in things with Dave and Morgan and me. Can’t we just agree to disagree about what matters most to each of us? In my opinion, Christians shouldn’t deal with each other so harshly. Grammy didn’t raise us that way.”

“Oh yes,” Connie said to Deirdre before Ashley could reply, “let us not forget your piety and religious servanthood. Leave it to you to throw religion in our faces.”

“Girls! Listen to yourselves. You’re taking the tensions of Rachelle’s death and funeral out on one another,” Mattie finally said. “You should be drawing strength and support from each other. Your unique differences make you special and they also help to give you opportunities to bless each other. You should also focus on the similarities—the fact that you are sisters and share the same
memories. This should draw you together!”

“We’ve learned how to be independent and find strength in ourselves as well,” Connie said softly. “Everyone has gone their own way, Grammy. We can’t be there for each other in the way you’re talking about.”

“That’s not true.” Mattie shook her head in denial. “You can be there as much as you choose to be there. You’ve all done well on your own, but I believe that is due to the foundation you had to begin with. You had each other and you knew that no matter where you went in life, there were four other people you were intricately tied to. Five, if you count me—and I hope you do.”

“But, Gram, I think you are clinging to old-fashioned notions,” Connie stated firmly. “Today’s family can’t live life like they did when you were a girl. Families today are far more mobile and spread out. There are more responsibilities for the average person. Besides, I’ve always been odd man out in this group. My father is different from theirs, and they’ve always been close because they were born either together or a matter of months apart. For all intents and purposes, I am alone.”

“By your own choosing,” Ashley suddenly added. “I think you wear your position in this family like some medal of honor. Did it ever dawn on you that your feelings of separation are all your own doing?”

“That’s not true!” Connie declared. “You had Brook, and Deirdre and Erica had each other. I had no one. Not one of you wanted me in your world.”

“I’ve had enough!” Mattie exclaimed, putting her things aside. “I won’t sit here and listen to you bicker. You’ll have to work it out for yourselves. I’ve tried to help you see the importance of family and of faith in God. I’ve tried to compensate for Rachelle, but instead, I find myself competing with her in my desire to instill positive values in you five girls. I guess with this kind of attitude, you are more like your mother than you would believe.”

With that, Mattie headed to the stillness of her bedroom. She
had barely made it through the door, however, when she felt an overwhelming urge to kneel in prayer. Gripping the carved post of the bed Edgar had made for them decades ago, Mattie knelt on the soft rag rug and began to pray. Her heart was in greater turmoil than it had been in years. She saw her family falling apart, shredded in pieces by anger, bitterness, and regret.