Toxic Secrets (22 page)

Circling around the parking lot of North Mayberry High School repeatedly, I convinced myself to just find a damn parking spot and not drive off with my tail tucked between my legs. This was the first basketball game I’d attended since we had broken up. Kendra was making me brave it alone, refusing to go with me. She was furious that I was on speaking terms with Phillip—again. She told me she loved me as her sister and would be there for me if ever I needed anything, but she could no longer support me anymore where Phillip was concerned. I would never tell her how much her neglect hurt me, but, then again, I didn’t know if I would be able to stand by her if the shoe were on the other foot. She’d put up with a whole pasture full of bullshit over the last three-plus years because of me.

In order to avoid unwanted stares and whispers, I made sure to arrive right before the boys’ varsity game. The gossip mill was already working full time.

Creeping into the gym, I sat the bottom row right by the door so I could make my escape as soon as the game ended. My choice of seating was an unwise choice—every other person that walked through the door stopped to ask me if Phillip and I were back together. It got to the point where I was on the verge of grabbing the microphone from the announcer and screaming over the PA system that Phillip and I were
not
back together.

Phillip caught sight of me as soon as he entered the gym for warm-ups. The quick smile on his face surprisingly delighted me. I think it was the feeling of reassurance, of him keeping his word and trying to be
normal
for once in his life.

The game was exciting, and every time Phillip was fouled he would look at me, giving me his signature wink before shooting his free throw. My cheers for him came out with too much enthusiasm each time he made a basket.

Those old feelings of pride and honor I used to get watching my basketball star began to resurface. I missed this—sitting here and proudly watching my superstar make his dreams come true. When we first started dating, he’d told me he was going to play for a college. I had laughed at him, blowing off his arrogant confidence, not taking him seriously. He proved me wrong our junior year when scouts from various colleges started showing up to watch him play. From the time he signed on at Wake Forest, he was determined to make sure nothing got in his way of playing basketball… especially me.

The game ended with another win, leaving the team undefeated. Phillip led with the most points, and he even broke the school record for the most three-pointers in a single game. They were almost on their way to another state championship. After witnessing his great accomplishment, I was pleased with my decision to come and watch.

My plans to leave immediately after the game were disrupted when Phillip’s dad stopped me in the lobby. “Hey Courtney!” He embraced me with a heart-warming, fatherly hug. Aside from my issues with Phillip and his mother, Maryann, I loved this man with all my heart. “Phillip didn’t tell us you were going to be here. It’s so nice to see your pretty face again,” he beamed. There was nothing phony about Sean. He was kind to everyone he met. I’d never heard him speak harshly about a person, and I swore he would give someone his last dollar, even if it meant skipping a meal. He made departing with Phillip a tough feat.

I smiled back at him, “I’ve missed your handsome face, as well.” My smile faltered as soon as Maryann nudged herself up to Sean with Sasha Davis in tow. Sasha was the captain of the girls’ varsity basketball team and their best player. She earned herself a scholarship to a minor college, but still, for our small town, that was a major achievement.

Back during the summer, rumors of Sasha and Phillip having a little escapade floated around. I had never gotten the proof of this, but, during my investigation, I discovered all the other rendezvous he’d had with various other girls. With the help of Kendra and Reed, we had hidden out, taking a shit-load of pictures of him with the said girls. I’d waited until his truck sat in the school parking lot for a week while he was away at basketball camp and taped the pictures all over it. I’d written
cheater
,
prick
, and
liar
in big, red letters on his windows. I wasn’t there to witness his outrage, but the word on the street was that he went crazy mad as he ripped the pictures off his truck. He’d known it was me, calling me directly and threatening to burn my house down for humiliating him in front of everyone. Not once did I ever doubt his threat. He was capable of doing the unthinkable. He never did apologize for being disloyal or took into consideration of how severely he humiliated me by straying. That was the final moment for me. I ended our long, twisted courtship.

“We were planning on grabbing a bite after the game to celebrate, would you like to join us?” Mr. Wilkins inquired innocently. The cold-hearted bitch, or, as I like to call her, Ice Queen, stiffened upon his request. Her eyes were challenging me, tempting me to crash her little party. In her opinion, I was never good enough for Phillip. Coming from a divorced family, the Peterson name held no level of importance, we didn’t attend church on a regular basis, and wealth didn’t flow through our veins. She imprinted the name hypocrite. She was a disgrace to all preachers’ wives.

Declining, I explained. “I’m sorry, I’d love to join y’all, especially since Phillip asked me to come tonight,” I had to let the Ice Queen know her son wanted me here, “but I have to work all weekend, and tonight is the only time I’ll have to finish my English paper.”

I totally lied. I finished my paper the day after it was assigned, but I had no desire to sit through a meal and have Maryann belittle me throughout dinner. She was a pro at making snide remarks that only I would catch on to. Sean was such a sweet, humble man. He was either oblivious to the wicked witch he’d married, or his heart only allowed him to see the good in everyone.

Maryann interrupted Sean just as he was about to speak. “Oh, well that is a shame. I know Phillip would love for you to come celebrate with us.” She turned to face Sasha, ignoring Sean.

“Wouldn’t he, Sasha?” Maryann’s voice leaked venom. Sasha’s expression was contorted, almost pained looking. Judging from her face, she didn’t want to get involved with any drama tonight.

 “I… um… yeah, sure?” she stammered.

I almost felt sorry for her. It was obvious she had no idea who this lady really was. I didn’t know much about Sasha, but I never heard anything negative about her, besides her rumored love affair with Phillip. It was in this moment, though, watching her uncomfortable manner that made me kind of like her… kind of.

Quickly saying my goodbyes, I rushed to my car before Phillip caught sight of me. I backed out of my parking spot and slammed it into drive right as Phillip stood at the hood of my car. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest. I was frightened stiff, frozen, unable to move. Taking several deep breaths, I gave my heart time to regain its regular pace.

Phillip pecked at my passenger window, motioning for me to unlock the door. Clicking the unlock button, my mind wasn’t quite processing my movements yet. The door slammed shut, bringing my senses back alive. “Don’t ever scare me like that again!” I yelled. “I just nearly died of a heart attack, you crazy fool!”

Phillip started laughing. “I wouldn’t have had to jump out in front of you if you weren’t trying to make a quick escape.” He looked at me curiously, “Were you trying to avoid me?”

“No,” I lied. “I thought you were going out to celebrate with your parents?” I asked, trying to divert his train of thought.

Phillip made himself comfy in my car, fastening his seatbelt. “No, that was never the plan. And once I saw Sasha was with them, I told them I didn’t feel well. They knew I was blowing them off, but no way would my mother cause a scene in front of everyone. You know, she’s got to keep that image.” I didn’t want to comment, I found it quite comical that he verbally bashed his mother when he was her mini clone.

“So, where to?” I inquired.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Where were you going?”

“Home.”

He suppressed a smile. “Home’s good with me.”

Rolling my eyes, I gave him a look that said ‘you’ve got to be joking.’

“Or maybe not,” he muttered.

“Hurry and make a decision, or I’m gonna leave you here in the parking lot.” I wasn’t in the mood to play games with him. He was creating the exact thing I was trying to avoid—a semi-date.

“Whoa! Someone’s gotten a little ballsy,” he replied, challenging me. He eyed me as if daring me to smart off at him again. This was the first time since our agreement at Christmas that he showed an ounce of the old Phillip.

I thought coming here tonight was a wise choice, and I hadn’t started to regret it… until now. “I’m not being ballsy, Phillip, I just want to get out of the parking lot before the traffic gets out of control. Sitting here waiting for you to make a decision is only going to make that left turn harder on me.” The cops only showed up to direct traffic when we had rival games, and, although the crowd tonight was as large as one of our rival games, we didn’t have the organizational traffic flow to keep everyone in order.

“Whatever! Just go to fuckin’ McDonalds or something. I don’t care.”

I pressed down hard on the accelerator, nearly rear-ending the car in front of me. I wasn’t going anywhere with him. He didn’t know it yet, but I was taking his psycho ass home.

Little by little, I crept closely behind the car in front of me.

“Get off their ass, Court,” he commanded. “Riding their ass isn’t going to speed things up.”

 Getting increasingly pissed off at him by the second, and becoming more pissed at myself for allowing this situation to occur in the first place, I had trouble keeping my cool. I couldn’t understand what made him snap and revert back to his old asshole self.

Quietly, I continued riding close to the car in front of me just to defy him. He needed to be reminded that he couldn’t boss me around anymore.

We were the next car to pull onto the main road when he startled me. “I said get the fuck off that car’s ass!” he screamed in my ear. I was furious at that point.

Fear and rage flowed through my body, spiking my adrenaline. Reacting upon impulse, I pulled out onto the main road without getting a clear view. What I thought were my tires screeching on the asphalt turned out to be the massive, black dually pick-up truck trying to avoid impact.

I pressed the accelerator until it touched the floorboard. The loud roar of the truck’s horn reverberated throughout the car. We were mere inches from turning my old car into a heap of metal to be hauled off to some scrap yard. I looked into my review mirror, watching the truck slowly fall back from my bumper. I blew loudly through pursed lips as I exhaled in relief.

His violent side exploded as he repeatedly punched the dashboard. “Are you trying to fucking kill me? God!” he shouted. “I should beat the fuck out of you, you crazy bitch!”

Cringing, I waited for impact. My body convulsed all over from fear, fear of him hitting me and fear from the near-miss accident. “Stop freaking out, you’re only making things worse,” I stammered. My insides were a living, breathing, mangled up cord of nerves. Feelings of anger and fear detonated inside my being. Tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I wanted to swipe them away, but I didn’t want to draw attention to my inner breakdown.

Phillip never got the chance to respond.

As I drove through the intersection Phillip screamed “Holy fuck!” before his side was t-boned… then everything else fell quiet.

My vision may have been hindered, but I knew without a doubt my light was green.

Chapter 19 ~ Jaxon

“Dude, either you need pussy or you’re turning into one. I’m not sure what crawled up your dick and sucked the testosterone out of your main vein, but you need to grow some balls and act like a fucking man.” Troy threw down the rag he had been using to wipe up the spilled ice from the bar. He extended his arms, palms face down, resting them on the shiny wooden surface. He was staring at me in disbelief.

“Seventeen years old? She’s fucking seventeen years old. What the hell is the matter with you?” Troy asked, shaking his head.

“Almost eighteen,” I corrected.

“It doesn’t matter, dude. She’s young enough to get you in trouble—something your stupid ass has worked too hard to stay out of for the last couple of years,” he said sternly, pointing his finger in my face. He just didn’t understand how this situation was so different than what he had construed in his mind.

“Are you sure you didn’t fuck her?” His light blue eyes bored into mine. He was most likely analyzing the story I told him a few days ago.

Telling Troy about Courtney was a mistake, but he wouldn’t get off my back. He was more like my brother than my best friend. He knew every deep, dark secret I kept hidden under lock and key. My odd behavior after returning from North Carolina had apparently caught his attention immediately. I didn’t know if it was so much of my odd behavior as it was my obsessive name dropping. Then again, I sometimes believed he knew me better than I knew myself. After all, we had spent over ninety percent of our life together. We became instant best friends in daycare, and, from that point on, we were inseparable. Most people thought we were brothers; saying that we shared a lot of the same features, but his blond shags sets him apart from my raven spikes. Personally, I didn’t see much of a similarity in us other than that we both sported the same colored eyes.

He was right, though, to be suspicious. I’d tried to not think of her every second of the day, but it had been impossible. Everything around me constantly reminded me of Heather… and Courtney reminded me of Heather, or vice versa.

I blew an exasperated breath. “No!” I gritted between clenched teeth. “How many fucking times do I have to tell you? We. Did. Not. Have. Sex,” I clarified for him.

Troy walked around the bar stopping beside me. He grabbed my shoulder, squeezing tightly a couple of times. “You’ve come so far bro. I can’t help to worry.” He released my shoulder and started to walk away, but stopped just as I turned to look at him. “I’m just having a hard time comprehending your infatuation with this young girl that lives three-thousand miles away. There’s something else you’re just not telling me. You can’t hide it forever, though. I always find out.” Troy turned his back to me, making his way to the office.