Toxic Secrets (14 page)

He left me standing there feeling numb all over as he escaped into the bathroom. I mused over how my day had started off, exciting and with endless possibilities. When I woke up this morning, I felt happy, a little panicked, but still content. Now I stood feeling my heart slowly thump in the darkest pit of my chest. I jolted from my pity party when Phillip came barreling out of the bathroom.

“I’m not paying for that shit, so you better come up with a good story on how that happened,” he seethed, pointing to the busted-up case. He jogged to the doors, bursting through them so hard I thought they were going to come off the hinges. At that moment, it dawned on me that I had no way to get home. Phillip just left, not that there was any way I would’ve asked him for a ride, and Jaxon had already left, taking my car keys with him.

Having no reason to hold in my sorrow anymore, I felt the sting of tears in the back of my eyes as I stood there alone. Running back to the bathroom, I locked myself in a stall and stifled my tears as I sobbed. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My heart was breaking… again.

I was tired, so tired. My eyes were puffy and red, and I had the snubs and no way of getting home. I wanted to text Jaxon about my keys, but I didn’t want him to see me like this. Pulling my phone from my back pocket, I texted the only person that wouldn’t pass judgment—Kendra.

Me: Jaxon left w/ my keys & I don’t want 2 bother him w/ bringing them back. Can u come get me plz?

I hit send… waiting.

Thankfully, no one entered the bathroom during my meltdown. I swiped the smudge of mascara out from underneath my eyes, trying to make myself somewhat presentable, and headed back out to the lobby. As I came around the corner, Jaxon stood there giving me his smirky, dimpled smile. He looked gorgeous.

His smile quickly turned down and his eyes grew tender as he drew in my not-so-stellar appearance.

“I… uh… I thought you left already?” I stammered.

“I hope you don’t mind, and I know I’m going against your request already, but I couldn’t leave you alone with that jackass. I’ve been sitting out in the parking lot waiting until I knew you were safe.” He started spinning my car keys around on his finger again. “Plus, I figured you were going to need a ride home.”

“Oh.” I could see his relation to Reed. The sweet mannerism must run through their blood.

“Thanks for the offer, but I already texted Kendra asking her to pick me up,” I winced.

“Yeah, I know, she texted me asking if I would since I had your keys. Is that okay?” he asked curiously, making me feel obligated to accept in order to prevent any hurt feelings.

“Um… sure, that will be fine. Just let me grab my purse.” I snuck into Maggie’s office to grab my purse and coat, hoping to avoid her and any other coworkers. I wasn’t in any mood to explain my horrible evening, especially to those gossip vultures I worked with.

Jaxon was waiting for me by the exit doors, holding them open for me as we walked into the cold night. As we walked to my car, he stepped in close beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, squeezing me just enough to give the comfort I needed. When we reached my old Maxima, he walked directly to the passenger side opening the door. I made my way over to the driver’s side, assuming I would drive seeing it was my car, but he stopped me. “Sorry, Sweet Cheeks, but I can’t let you drive after the night you’ve had.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled, as he walked me over to the passenger side of the car helping to ease me in. I molded myself in the seat feeling drained. The smell of peppermint swirled around in my car, and I had to admit it kind of soothed my shattered heart. I didn’t know how to react to the kindness Jaxon was showing me. I had never experienced it before with Phillip, not even early in our relationship.

As soon as Jaxon started the car, warm air came pouring out of the vents, relaxing me, making me sleepy. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to drop you off at Kendra’s. She requested I bring you there and said not to worry, that she already spoke with your mom who said it was okay.”

“Thanks.” It was all I had the energy to say. I just wanted to go to bed and forget all my problems. I didn’t want to deal with them anymore tonight.

“Are you going to be okay? Do you want to talk about it? I know you don’t know me well enough to discuss such personal information, but I’ve learned that talking about your problems out loud is the best therapy, no matter who the person is.” He had just totally contradicted himself after what he said to me earlier in the day. I was about to call him out on it, but I decided to let it go.

I opened my eyes, wondering if he was speaking from experience, so I asked him.

“Yes,” he deadpanned.

I waited for him to offer more, but he kept tight-lipped on the subject, so I decided that was my best option, too.

“Thank you for being there for me tonight and being concerned for my safety, but I don’t really want to talk about any of it anymore. I just want to forget this night ever happened.”

“I understand.” And that was all that was said between us until we got to Kendra’s.

Kendra and Reed were waiting outside when we pulled into her driveway. Jaxon rushed out of the car so he could open my door and help me out. He was so full of chivalry tonight. I didn't need to be taken care of, but I let him because it felt good.

Jaxon wrapped his strong arms around me in a comforting embrace. "Take care, Sweet Cheeks, and if you ever need me, I'm here," he whispered.

He was complicating things for me again, making me reconsider what I told him earlier. I liked his company. I liked being around him.

He released me and his eyes saddened, so I looked away.

Walking up to the house with Kendra’s arm draped over my shoulder, I stopped before going inside. Not able to help myself, I turned around to watch Jaxon and Reed back out of her driveway and leave.

Chapter 13 ~ Apologies

Two weeks had passed since distancing myself from Phillip and Jaxon. Those two weeks went by a lot smoother than I had anticipated.

After Jaxon dropped me off at Kendra’s that night, he texted me later, saying that if I ever needed him for anything, I could call or text him any day, any hour. He did sort of contact me once by relating a message via Kendra saying that my car checked out fine and that he didn’t find anything wrong with it. I felt guilty wasting his time, knowing darn well that my car was in decent running condition. It really saddened me to cut ties with Jaxon. I think he would have been a lot of fun to hang out with. The platonic male friend scene would have definitely been a new adventure for me. Hopefully, after high school and when Phillip left for Wake Forest, I could start to do all the things I’d missed out on.

I feared returning to school that following Monday. Dreading the one class I had with Phillip the most, but it turned out he ignored me just as much as I did him. We were right back to where we were after the break-up.

Life was getting easier already. Other students in class occasionally struck up conversations with me. Even one of the popular football players, Trent Moore, asked me to go to Friday night’s basketball game with him. I think my face turned twenty shades of red when he stopped me in the hall to ask. He was one of the guys at school that everybody loved, and not just because he was tongue-panting gorgeous, but because he had the best personality to go with his ripped physique and pretty face. Reluctantly, I turned him down. Not because I was scared to go, but because I didn’t want to attend the game where Phillip would be. No need to rub it in his face.

It felt good to live freely again, especially after being kept prisoner for three plus years. I didn’t normally like being put in the spotlight, usually preferring to hide in the shadows, but I enjoyed the small increments of attention.

By the beginning of week three, I started catching Phillip staring at me: in the parking lot, during class, during lunch… it didn't matter where I saw him, his eyes always held the same look in them—guilt. I didn’t have it in me to meet his gaze. Kendra told me I was a coward. She wanted me to stare him down, laugh in his face, and tell him to go fuck himself. Of course, she hated him with every fiber of her body, but I didn’t share those feelings with her. I avoided eye contact because I was worried I would feel sorry for him. He’d never shown any type of remorse in his life when it came to me, so to see it now filled me with pity.

It was Tuesday morning, exactly a week before Christmas and three more days until Christmas break. We still used the term Christmas vacation, Christmas tree, Christmas card, and so forth in our little town. The country folks—especially the elders—were not very keen on using the phrase ‘holiday’ in the place of Christmas. You couldn’t exactly throw those politically correct terms into the Bible-belt country. Many southerners frowned upon it.

The atmosphere at school was becoming more cheerful with the idea of a two-week vacation around the corner. Yes, we still had to get past exams in the coming week, and luckily I was exempt from all of mine except World History. I honestly thought Coach Harrison hated my guts. Coach Harrison was not only my World History teacher, he was also the varsity basketball coach and Phillip was his ‘baby,’ so to speak. If anything happened to Phillip and our team didn’t make it to state, I was sure he’d be eyeballing me as the cause. No matter how much I worked my butt off, I was sure he’d still find a way to sabotage my grades. If only I could prove it. Today I was on my own since Kendra, Miss I-get-straight-A’s-without-studying, was exempt from all her exams. If she wasn’t my best friend, I would hate her.

Despite having to come to school for one hour, I didn’t have to attend either English class or lunch, leaving me Phillip-free all week. I didn’t think I could handle one more week of those puppy dog eyes pleading with me. My stupid self was likely to cave in.

Feeling positive with my answers, I turned in my exam and headed out the door to my locker. Musing over my plans for the day had me feeling elated. I caught myself humming ‘Carol of the Bells’ while thinking about the Christmas shopping Kendra and I had planned for this afternoon. Christmas had always been my favorite holiday, followed by my birthday. What could I say? I loved receiving presents. I was not a high maintenance type of girl, so it didn’t matter how extravagant or how inexpensive the gift. I was easy to please regardless. Not to be mistaken as a miser, though. I thought giving gifts was just as much fun as receiving them.

I found myself entertaining thoughts of breaking out of my three-year traditional Christmas/New Year’s routine. Number one item on my agenda—discussing holiday plans with Kendra. This year, I wanted to go clubbing somewhere to ring in the New Year or maybe snow-tubing the day after Christmas.

Stopping by my locker, I dropped off my book bag, not wanting anything school related coming home with me. As I opened up the metal door, a small envelope fell out landing by my feet. Hastily, I swiped it off the floor. My curiosity was running wild since there was nothing written on it. I eagerly opened it up, pulling out a small card with the sweetest little Cocker Spaniel puppy with droopy, sad eyes. I flipped the card open to see the words ‘I’m sorry’ written in the all-too-familiar, most beautiful handwriting I had ever seen from a guy—Phillip. I was stunned. The entire time I’d known Phillip, I’d never known those words to come out of his mouth. He had never apologized for anything in his life, at least not that I was aware of and definitely not to me.

A small smirk of a smile formed on my face
. Dammit!
My body always betrayed me. Glancing around, I looked up and down both ends of the hall, with a funny feeling Phillip was hiding somewhere, watching me.

Not really knowing what to make of his apology, I shoved the card in my purse and headed out the door to my car. I pondered over his act of contrition on my way to meet Kendra. Sure, he took the first step in admitting he was wrong, but, in order for me to know how sincere he meant it, I needed to hear it. I needed to see the expression on his face while saying it.

Kendra’s little pink bug stood out amongst the rest of the cars as I pulled into the theater parking lot. As usual, she insisted in doing all the driving. I took the card out of my purse and tossed it into my console before getting out of the car, not wanting to take any chances of Kendra finding it in my purse or having it accidentally fall out. She didn’t need to know about it just yet. Sure, she was my best friend, and I normally tell her everything, but this was one of those instances where I didn’t feel it was necessary. I knew I would only be given negative backlash, and I wasn’t in the mood to have my Christmas spirit dampened.

I rushed out of my car, fighting the bitter cold, and jumped into Kendra’s. The heater was cranked up full blast, warming my frozen fingers and toes. Since my car was so old, it took a good five to ten minutes—the duration from school to work—for the heater to pump out anything remotely close to warm air.

“So, how do you think you fared?” Kendra asked, batting her big, Barbie blue eyes at me.

“Who knows, ask Coach Harrison,” I grumbled. She kept staring at me, batting her eyes and wiggling her eyebrows up and down. “Is something in your eye? And why do you keep giving me googly eyes?”

Kendra stopped her eye performance, giving me the stare down. “You’re a bitch.”

Unable to hold it in any longer, I busted out laughing at her. “You’re such a baby. I see your fake lashes. Happy now?” Kendra was the reckless one in our duo. She would do or try anything at least once. She once shaved all body hair, except for her eyelashes and the hair on her head, just to see what it would feel like. I had learned long ago to never lay a dare on her because she just wouldn’t back down.

“It’s about damn time you noticed. I was about to get a headache from all that blinking,” she exclaimed, rubbing her forehead intently.

“So, what’s up with the lashes? We’re just going shopping. Those spider legs look more like something you would wear clubbing.”

Kendra pulled her sun visor down admiring her lashes in the little mirror. Smiling, she turned to look at me. “I just wanted to try them,” she shrugged. “I figured if those fake bitches in magazines could pull them off, surely I could too.”