Towards a Dark Horizon (6 page)

He shook his head.

I was getting annoyed with him but I didn’t want to show it. I didn’t want to raise my voice and let the others hear my pleas.

Then suddenly the door flew open and Bella breezed in. Putting on her ‘coffin face’ as Granny called it. She noticed Kit and George but sat down beside Danny, breathing noisily. ‘Those stairs get steeper every time I climb them.’ She looked around for sympathy but it wasn’t forthcoming.

She looked at Danny. ‘I’m really sorry to hear about your grandad but he was getting on and we don’t live forever.’ We were all shocked. This was typical sympathy from Bella. The Neill family had been used to it all our lives but it was the last straw for Danny.

He leapt to his feet. ‘Thanks for the sympathy, Bella, but Ann and I are just leaving.’

We left her gasping with indignation and I could well imagine her outraged comments about the manners of the younger generation. She glared at me as Danny went over to say goodbye to the group at the fire. Still, I was in no mood to worry about her feelings.

As we walked along the still-busy street, I tackled him again. ‘You’ll have to see Maddie and explain things to her.’

He turned an anguished face to me and we stopped. ‘How can I, Ann? What will she think of my dad, tell me that? What about her parents? Do you honestly think they’ll want me for a son-in-law when they hear this?’

I was shocked by his intensity. And his uncharacteristic stupidity. ‘Of course they will, Danny, and so will Maddie. She loves you and she won’t give a toss for what happened all those years ago. I mean she’ll be upset and sad for you. Nobody wants you to forget your dad but it was all so long ago. Maddie wants you and not some old memory – no matter how tragic it was.’

He shook his head. ‘No, I can’t tell Maddie or her parents. She’ll soon find someone else and forget about me.’

I knew then that his mind was made up. He had a stubborn streak and there was nothing I could do – at least not on this cold snowy afternoon. Suddenly I felt so weary. This sad incident had happened so long ago but, like some sin, it was still casting a long shadow. Blast that idiot Mick Malloy, I thought.

We finally reached the imposing entrance to Lipton’s shop and he said goodbye.

I gave it one last shot. ‘Danny, before you go, will you promise me that you’ll see Maddie on Sunday? You owe her that much and, whatever you choose to tell her, at least it’ll be to her face.’

He didn’t answer and I spoke louder. ‘Danny?’

Although he looked unhappy about it, he nodded.

‘Promise me?’

He nodded again then darted into the shop like a scalded cat.

I retraced my steps back to the house. Danny and I had left without saying a proper goodbye but, when I reached the close, I found I couldn’t face Hattie, Kit or George – not to mention Bella – so I set off for the Hilltown and my work.

Connie was sitting in her little back shop when I arrived. On hearing the bell, she popped her head out. ‘Och, it’s you, Ann. I’m having a cup of tea because it’s so quiet. Mind you, Thursday is aye the same. No money to spend.’

I had to smile in spite of all the worry. No money on a Thursday and precious little on other days, I thought.

‘I know you did say you would work this wee bit extra to make up for your time off this morning,’ said Connie, lighting a cigarette and blowing a long stream of blue smoke into the shop. ‘But, as you can see, Ann, there’s no customers around. Just you get off home and you can maybe do a bit extra another time.’

In one way, I was grateful to get home but, in another perverse way, I would have liked some company that afternoon to take my mind away from the traumatic morning.

By the time Dad arrived home from the warehouse, I was shaking like a leaf. I had spent the entire afternoon going over and over the story. I could well understand the agonies that Danny was going through and, to make it worse, I couldn’t help him – or Maddie.

Dad’s face still had its wary look. Although he hadn’t gone back to Kit’s house after the interment and didn’t know the story was out, he did know something. I was sure of that.

‘What time did you leave Kit’s house?’ he asked.

I didn’t answer his question. Instead I said, ‘Dad, did you know about Pat Ryan’s terrible time in the war?’

His face went white and he gave me another wary look.

‘It’s all right,’ I told him. ‘Danny blurted it out during the funeral tea. Of course it was bedlam. Hattie has been in tears ever since and Danny is going …’ I stopped. I didn’t want to mention Maddie. If the engagement was truly off, then the news had to come from them. I didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news.

‘What is Danny going to do?’ He sounded suspicious.

‘Nothing. Tell me, did you know about this?’

He sat down in front of the fire. The meal was simmering on the stove but we both ignored it. He passed a grimy hand over his eyes and for a moment I thought he was crying but when he spoke, his eyes were dry. ‘I didn’t know about it until the night of the wake. Mick Malloy got so drunk and started speaking about the days before the war – how happy they had all been as young pals before it started. He then went on about the horrors of it. The mud and the trenches, the smell of death that was always in the air … well, some of us tried to shut him up but he seemed hell-bent on reliving the terrible times. Then, when he mentioned Pat … well, it was a huge surprise to me and a terrible shock for Danny. He went really white and I thought he would faint but he just sat so quiet and never said another word. George tried hard to minimise it but the damage was done and the deed was out.’

I was puzzled. ‘Why was it never mentioned at the time, Dad?’

Suddenly he was angry. ‘The only thing that remains is that all this death and destruction was for nothing – a few feet of land. Oh, no, Ann, none of us old soldiers talk about those days and do you know why?’

I shook my head numbly.

‘Well, I’ll tell you why – because most of the sights were too terrible to remember. Thousands of men gassed and blinded with mustard gas. Then there was the mud. Acres and acres of it – stretching as far as the eye could see. Mud and barbed wire and dead bodies – that was our daily view. At the battles of Neuve Chapelle and Loos, there were so many dead soldiers that just about every house in Dundee got a telegram, telling them that their husband or son or brother had been killed. Pat’s involvement with the firing squad was a terrible, terrible thing for him but the real culprits were in the comfy cosy offices of the War Office. They directed the officers to shoot deserters which, in our minds, was barbaric but it was a barbaric time. Pat’s horror was just one horror amongst thousands of others.’

I wished again that Mick Malloy had stayed silent. What good did raking up the past ever do?

‘I don’t want to sound callous, Ann, but I’m starving,’ he said as he went over to the sink to wash his hands.

I knew he was far from being cold-hearted. He just wanted to get on with living and leave all the unhappy memories where they belonged – in the past.

‘For what it’s worth,’ he said, sitting at the table, ‘I had nightmares for years after. In fact, I still do from time to time. I’m back in that sea of mud and filth and noise. I’ll tell you this – I’m grateful to wake up in my bed in the morning. Joe feels the same. We survived the horrors while lots of our mates perished and, believe me, for years after we both felt so guilty about it.’

Joe was one of Dad’s oldest friends. They say that every dark cloud has a silver lining and this was mine. Dad had never opened his heart to me like this before and I was grateful for the chance to know him better.

I had one favour to ask him. ‘Dad, will you tell this story to Danny just like you’ve told it to me? I think it will help him understand what his dad went through – just like a thousand others.’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t think anything will help Danny at this moment. He has his own life to lead and his own problems to sort out.’

‘Please, Dad.’

He reached over for another slice of bread to mop up the remains of his stew. ‘I don’t know. If I thought anything I said to him would help him, then I would do it but not just now. Leave it for a few days because anything I say to him now won’t penetrate his grief.’

I had no option but to agree. Anyway, I had to go and pick up Lily – something I wasn’t looking forward to. It had nothing to do with my sister but everything to do with the house in the Overgate – perhaps Hattie, Kit and George were still there.

Much to my surprise, the house was deserted when I arrived. Rosie appeared from next door with Lily. She had been eating beans on toast and had a bright orange ring around her mouth.

‘Your granny and grandad are at Hattie’s house, Ann. They had to call the doctor because Hattie was ill.’ Her plump face was sympathetic. ‘I think the stress of the funeral was too much for her.’

I wondered how much she knew. ‘What about Danny?’

‘I’ve no idea – I expect he’ll be with his mother.’

Good – she doesn’t know the story, I thought.

‘I think your granny is planning on staying with Hattie tonight, Ann – at least that’s what she said.’

‘Thanks for looking after Lily. I’ll take her home then head for the Westport.’

Rosie shook her head and her large bun of hair at the nape of her neck almost came loose. ‘We can look after Lily till you get back from Hattie’s house. It’s no bother.’ She gazed at Lily with affection. ‘Isn’t that right, my wee pet?’

Lily grinned. ‘I haven’t finished my beans yet and Rosie has got me a cream cake so it’ll take hours to eat it all, Ann.’

I smiled at them. ‘I’ll be about an hour.’

As I made my way to the Westport I thought about Rosie – darling Rosie, she was totally devoted to Dad. In spite of this devotion, he hadn’t asked her to marry him yet. It was my dearest wish and, although no one could ever replace Mum, Rosie came a good second best.

As it turned out, I was away for a good two hours. Danny and Grandad sat in the pristine living room while Granny was in the bedroom with Hattie. Grandad looked as if he was dying for a puff of his pipe but he wouldn’t want to smoke in this lovely room. Danny looked even more ill than when I left him and I was concerned. By the look on his face he didn’t want company – maybe he preferred to mourn alone.

I went into the tiny back bedroom and was immediately taken aback by its elegance. The bed had a satin bedcover with a matching squashy-looking quilt. In the corner was a kidney-shaped dressing table with a frill made from the same ice-blue satin. At any other time, I would have remarked on its beauty but not tonight.

Hattie lay motionless in her bed and was fast asleep. Granny sat on a small padded chair by the side of the bed. She looked tired but she gazed at me gratefully. ‘Och, you’ve come, Ann. Thank goodness because we don’t know what to do about Danny. He won’t talk to us and this is not like him to be this way.’

My heart sank. ‘He won’t talk to me either, Granny.’

She shook her head sadly. ‘It’s a terrible business. We had to call the doctor out for Hattie because she went hysterical after you left. What Bella thinks about it all, goodness knows. You know what an old gossip she is.’

‘How is Hattie?’

‘Well, the doctor gave her something to make her sleep but there was seemingly a terrible scene when Danny came in from his work. She begged him not to tell Maddie or the Pringles anything about his father.’

My heart sank even further. ‘That’s stupid. I told Danny to tell them everything. This won’t make any difference to his engagement to Maddie or to her parents.’ Although I was saying the words, I knew now there was no hope of him telling Maddie or indeed anyone about his late father. What a mess.

Granny shook her head. ‘Well, you know Hattie. She’ll do anything to keep up her pretence of being a lady. She can’t help it.’

I was suddenly worried for my grandparents. They both looked so weary. ‘Granny, if you both want to go home, I’ll stay here for a wee while – in case Hattie wakes up.’

She looked relieved. ‘We’ll keep Lily overnight, Ann.’

She went through to collect Grandad. I could hear the quiet voices as they said their goodbyes to Danny.

After a few minutes, I also joined him. Hattie was sleeping peacefully and I knew I would hear her if she became distressed again. However, Danny was another matter. He sat by the fire, gazing solemnly into the flames. He didn’t turn his head when I came into the room. My heart was like a stone when I looked at him. I didn’t know what to say to him and I was totally surprised by this. We had been so close to one another all our lives and we could almost read each other’s minds but not this time. It was as if he had shut me and all his family out of his life and his thoughts. I put a hand on his arm.

Like a sleepwalker, he looked at me with dull, lifeless eyes and I was shocked by his expression. ‘Danny, please talk to me. You’ve had a terrible shock but don’t let it ruin your life.’

Suddenly, as if a veil was lifted from his face, his expression changed to normal – the old Danny I knew and loved. ‘Ann, don’t worry about Mum or me. We’ll be fine but we just need time – that’s all.’

‘Oh, Danny, take all the time you need. I’ll stay here tonight in case your mum needs me.’

‘No, Ann, just you get away home. I’ll be here and Granny is coming back tomorrow so everything is fine.’

His voice was firm so I had no option but to go home. He obviously wanted to be alone. At the front door, I almost told him what Dad had said about the horrors of the Great War but I didn’t. Perhaps, I thought, he had heard enough about that terrible era. I did, however, remind him to go and see Maddie on the Sunday and, although he agreed, I could see his heart wasn’t in it.

I hardly slept over the next two nights and I was secretly dreading Sunday morning. There had been no more word from either Maddie or Danny. Where and when they were meeting was also a secret but I hoped they would still be together after it.

As it turned out, my Sunday leisure was dictated by Lily. She danced through to the kitchen and said she wanted to go to Broughty Ferry to see Jean Peters.