Touched by an Alien (38 page)

Behind the wheel was a nice place to be. I didn’t unhook my purse, though, just in case. This made driving a bit awkward, but I figured awkward was better than losing my bag of tricks.

I took a look. Tim was having a lot more problems than Reader, and all his doors were open. I decided to go help out our team’s rookie. I pointedly ignored that, in reality, I and the girls were the real rookies; we were doing pretty well so far, after all.

I hated driving without music, but Tim had my iPod. Even in this life and death situation, I wanted some tunes. “Fight for Your Right” was getting old.

I hit what I thought was the radio button as I headed toward Tim and the Serpent. I was very proud of myself for heading toward it, rather than away from it. But there was no one around to brag to. There was only static coming out of the speakers. I twisted the knobs and hooked into what I thought was talk radio.

“. . . not working any more.” The voice sounded familiar.

“Might be time to close the doors and take off.” That sounded like Gower.

“I do and we’re all gonna die.” Aha, this was Tim.

I looked around and found another button, pushed it, and gave it a try. “Hey, can anybody hear me?”

“Kitty?”

“Yes, Paul. If I live, can I have one of these cars?”

“Glad you can think of the future.”

“James is doing better than Tim.”

“I already told him that,” Tim snapped.

I looked at the Serpent and another thought came to me. “Switch the music.”

“To what?”

“Try something soothing, but with a beat.”

“You have that?”

“I have everything.” Well, almost everything. I didn’t have Indian pipe music, which would have been my first choice. I thought about it. What song would lull a snake into submission? “John Mayer?”

“Over my dead body.”

“Could be, Tim, could be.” I thought some more. It needed a beat, and it needed to be soothing. And I needed to own it. This gave us a lot of choices. The Serpent had responded to the beats, but I wanted to soothe it. “Put on Tears for Fears. ‘Cold.’ On continuous.”

“You have
got
to be kidding. I thought we were trying to kill the superbeing, not me.”

“Tim? I’m in charge.” Supposedly. “We’ll know fast if it’s not the right song.”

“No Barry Manilow or John Tesh?” Reader was on the group radio.

“If you want. I have Rod Stewart, too.”

“I’m ready to let the Serpent just kill me.” Tim had switched the music. The Serpent started to sway.

“I point out that it’s working, so stop complaining. Is there any way to make the music come out of my car, too?”

“Why?” This was Gower.

“Because then we could surround it with the sound.”

“Turn on the radio.”

“I thought I had.”

“Under the buttons you used to turn on the intercom, girlfriend,” Reader offered.

They marked where their invisibility shield button was, but the radio button was incognito. Aliens were weird.

I found the right button, and the music blared out. I rolled the windows down and drove around toward the back of the giant snake-thing. It saw me and expressed an interest, but its head was starting to bob, and its glowing eyes were drooping.

“We’re boring it to death,” Tim said. I was impressed I could hear him, but the intercom was pretty powerful.

“You know, I haven’t passed judgment on your musical choices.”

“Because you don’t know them.”

“Girlfriend, I was with you on all of the other stuff, but you’re kidding me with this, right? You don’t really have Manilow or Tesh, do you?” Reader snickered.

Well, I didn’t actually have Tesh. “I think we have more pressing issues at hand.”

We did. I could see the girls hanging off cables in the distance, and the Pachyderm was heading toward us. This meant Martini and Christopher were herding it. At least, I hoped so. But it also meant that Tim and I were going to be right in the path of the one-monster stampede.

“Tim, get ready to circle around this thing, and keep away from the Pachyderm.”

“I knew you were going to suggest we stay close by.”

“I did mention you had to be excited about dying to come along.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I close the doors at least?”

The Serpent was nodding and swaying. It really liked this song. “Sure, but be careful.” I watched him get out and slam the doors and the hatch. The Serpent’s head bobbed lower, and for a moment I thought it was going for Tim, but it was just relaxing.

He leaped back into the driver’s seat. “Clockwise or counterclockwise?”

“No idea. Which works better to charm snakes?”

“Your father says counterclockwise,” Gower offered.

My dad knew everything. No wonder Mom loved him. “Thanks, Dad!” Tim and I started off and circled the Serpent counterclockwise, keeping across from each other. I could see the Pachyderm, and it was coming fast.

“Girlfriend, are you singing along?” Reader was definitely snickering.

I was, and so what? Maybe I was adding resonance. This was the only time I’d had to sing along, after all. “Maybe.”

“Good voice.”

“Why, Tim, you’re a suck-up. I like that in a team member.” The ground was shaking, and it was harder to steer.

“We’re going to need to break off and try to help herd that thing onto the Serpent.”

“That should be close to impossible.”

“You can come over here and ram the Killer for a while if you’re not enjoying yourself.”

“Incoming!” I managed to floor it, and the Pachyderm just missed me. It trampled the Serpent’s tail. This wasn’t as helpful as one could hope, since it roused the snake out of its musically induced stupor. Tim managed to draw the snake’s attention by driving erratically in front of it. Either its tail wasn’t badly hurt or the music was really powerful, because it started nodding again.

The passenger door opened and then slammed shut. Martini was in the seat next to me. “Stop screaming.”

“I always scream when someone gives me a heart attack. It’s my clue.” My heart was pounding. “How did you do that?”

“Hyperspeed. Really, try to keep up.”

“Why are you in here and not herding out there?”

“I decided to live a little longer.” He had a point. I floored it and went after the Pachyderm. “I think it’s trying to run away from this music.”

It might have been, but Mephistopheles was flying low in front of it, sending it back toward us. “Nice of him to help out.”

“I doubt he cares how we all die, just that we do.” Martini shifted in the seat. “You drive like crap.”

“From someone who can’t that’s a real insult. Why are you in my car then?”

“I thought this was Tim’s.” That actually hurt, but I did my best not to let him know.

“Jeff, stop being such a massive jerk.” At least Reader had my back, so to speak.

“The intercom’s on?” Martini stabbed the button. “Why do you want everything broadcast?”

“I wanted to talk to someone because I was alone in this stupid supervehicle and trying to help kill monsters.” I slammed on the brakes. “Get out.”

“Drive the car.” The Pachyderm was heading back toward us.

“Get out!”

“Kitty, drive the damn car.”

“How about, get the hell out and let the door slam you in the butt?”

“KITTY!” He could really bellow. He was louder than the music.

“You’re all Mr. Right To Die over there. What’s the problem with getting trampled? Now, get out.”

He made a sound of total exasperation, leaned over, grabbed my head and kissed me, hard. “Drive the car,” he said quietly as he pulled away.

“Fine.” I drove off, just in time. It was hard to keep the car under control because the ground was shaking so much. “So, was that supposed to make it all better?”

“No. It was supposed to shock you into action.”

“Jerk.”

“When can we change the song? I thought hearing that Beastie Boys one over and over again was bad.”

“When the planes with boiling water show up or when the Pachyderm tramples the Serpent’s head, whichever comes first.”

“Never, then. Maybe I will get out. Death might be preferable.”

I started singing along again. Loudly. It was a double win—helped relax me and drove Martini nuts. Good.

I got around behind the Pachyderm and tried to herd it from behind. “I think we should turn the intercom back on.”

“Fine.” Martini hit the button.

“. . . please do something to get that song changed!” This was an unfamiliar voice, and it was crackling.

“I think it’s a good song.” That was Lorraine.

“Me too,” Claudia chimed in.

“The girls are scared, let ’em listen to music they like.” Another voice I didn’t recognize. All four of them were crackling.

“Girls, are you in the jets?”

“Kitty! Yes, we are. With
pilots
.” The way Lorraine said the word I got the impression these were smart pilots.

“They saved us,” Claudia added. I waited to hear that they were dreamy, but perhaps she was playing hard to get.

“Fab. Can you and your new friends help us herd? We really need that snake trampled.”

“Will do, little lady.”

I looked over at Martini. “Did he just call me little lady? I mean, for real?”

“Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. They all talk the same.”

“You missed Coast Guard.”

“They talk differently.” He leaned toward the intercom. “Gentlemen, this is Commander Martini. Could we get a little more action and a lot less chatter?”

“Commander Martini?”

He shot me a dirty look. “Surprise.”

“Commander White in the other SUV?”

“Yeah, I am. You want to cut the chatter? We have a high-priority situation.”

“Pardon me. I missed the delusions of grandeur session back at Home Base.” I looked over at Martini. “You’re all freaking unreal.”

“This from the girl playing Tears for Fears as a way of snake charming.”

“It’s working!”

“It’s killing morale.” This was from Tim.

“Oh, don’t you start too.”

The jets were buzzing the Pachyderm again, and they were doing a much better job of herding than we were in the cars. “Tim, break off, let’s get out of the way.”

“First suggestion of yours that’s made any sense.”

The jets were doing well with the Pachyderm, but they’d roused the Serpent. Oh, well, snake charming had at least stalled things a bit. “I think we can turn off the music.”

“Thank God!” This was chorused by every male voice, including the one next to me.

Tim and I drove off, cars ready, just watching. Reader was doing some real damage to the Killer, and the jets that had been around Mephistopheles were helping him somewhat. The jets with the girls were herding and dodging the Serpent at the same time. “They’re great fliers.”

“Hopefully they won’t get killed.” He said it quietly. I turned the intercom off.

“You could call them off.”

“I could. But they’re providing the best distractions we have right now.”

“How long before the planes carrying the water will get here?”

“No idea.” He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. It was just a shock, okay? I’ll stop being upset; you two can relax.”

“Why do you think I want to hook up with Christopher?”

Martini snorted. “It’s really obvious.”

It was? To whom? Not to me, and I would have thought I’d know. “Jeff, are you high?”

“We don’t do drugs, remember?”

“Well, then, what the hell is wrong with you? Did I hit a tender part of your brain?”

“Not of my brain, no,” he said under his breath. “Look, Kitty, I’m good with it, all right? I’m sure I’ll manage just fine.”

“Thanks a lot.” My throat felt tight, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry again.

“Why can’t you just be grateful that I’m stepping aside?” His voice was raising.

“Why can’t you just understand that it was a mistake?”

“I know we were a mistake, okay? I got it. I’m clear.”

I was having a little trouble seeing what was going on because my eyes were swimming with tears. “Fine.” I managed to get the word out. Why did I care, right? Only known him for two days, not as if I’d really thought I’d marry him or something.

This might have gone on for hours or ended right then, but before either one of us could say anything else hurtful, Mephistopheles landed on the front of the car.

THE FRONT OF THE SUV WAS CRUSHED
. The car wasn’t going anywhere but to the junkyard now. “Jeff? Get out.”

“Good idea. Head for the back.”

“No, just you. Get out and get away from here.”

“What are you talking about?” He eased himself out of the seat and moved into the back. Mephistopheles’ hooves were right in front of me. They were enormous. He’d been twelve feet tall at JFK, but he looked even bigger now.