Touch Slowly (Red Light: Silver Girls series) (19 page)

"Wow," she whispered, stroking his jaw with her fingers. "That was...you really went there."

"We're not even close to
there
." He leaned back on the couch taking her with him.

She slipped her purse over her head and tossed the bag on the coffee table, and then laid her head in the crook of his neck. Her heart beat hard against his chest, making it impossible to know who got more out of the kiss. Her? Or, him?

"Soon." She inhaled deeply and wrapped her arms around his chest. "I'm not trying to make you suffer. I want to have sex with you, too."

"You'll be leaving me soon. I think about that all the time, Nova-girl. It's not a good feeling." He let his head fall to the back of the couch. "Never thought I'd say this to a woman, but if you're planning on giving me that last bit of yourself and leaving Federal, it's probably best we don't go
there
."

He hadn't meant to say anything about sex. Once he admitted how he felt about her plan to wait, he owned them. He wouldn't go back on his word.

Sex with Nova was the first thing he thought of every fucking morning when he woke up and every time a woman walked into the store with her husband at her side, he imagined Nova beside him, looking up at him as if explaining the difference between a carburetor and fuel injector meant the world to her.

She sat up straighter. "Don't say that."

Emmett took in the worry at the corners of her eyes. "It needs to be said. My life is simple. I work. I come home. I have responsibilities that include everyone living in Bitterroot Trailer Park. I can see and believe sex isn't something you fall into easily, and I respect you more for your stance. You want to get to know me first, and that's a rare thing in my world. You've asked for time, but we don't have time on our side."

"You've got the wrong impression of me." She pushed to stand up.

He held her on his lap, refusing to let her move away from him. "I've listened to you."

She gazed down at his hand on her thigh. "I've had sex. It's not something new to me."

"Never said you haven't, and it doesn't matter about your relationships in the past. You wouldn't be here with me, sitting all pretty on my lap, if those relationships mattered to you." He brushed the hair off her face and let it fall down her back. "I have a sister. I would want every man she dates to treat her with respect and for her to be sure she's doing the right thing when she does take a relationship to the next step."

"You have a sister? Here?" Nova raised her gaze. "You haven't spoken about your family."

"We haven't had many nights when it's been only the two of us." He hooked his thumb under her chin. "I have parents who live over in Montana. My sister is twenty-eight, single, and still living at home."

"Do they all live in a trailer?" Nova's eyes rounded, and she quietly said, "I'm sorry. That was rude and none of my business."

Emmett chuckled. His high-class girl tried hard to hide her down-home roots. The reason why escaped him. Family members stayed together for many reasons, whether out of convenience, money problems, or support.

"About sixteen years ago, my mom bought a scratch-off ticket and won a little over thirteen thousand dollars. They sold their home here in the park and took all the money and bought an acre on a small river right across the border from Idaho in a little town called Haugan. Dad built a pole barn with the money he made from the county road crew and converted the inside of the barn into a house. Beautiful place. I go over there often and get a little fishing in with Pop." He straightened her hand with his fingers and rubbed her palm. "Now tell me, what do you have against living in a trailer park?"

"Nothing," she said.

He waited her out. A couple of times before, she'd made references to life in the park. He'd first suspected she understood how everyone in a tight-knit community lived when the blast of a gun to quiet the dogs never drew her attention.

"You lived with Shayla and Nick as a kid." He caught the slight flush on her cheeks. "A trailer was your home, right?"

She nodded. "Aunt Jennie, Nick, and Shayla took me in when my mom ran away with one of her boyfriends. Before that, we lived in the trailer beside them. They were my family in more sense than sharing the same blood. For how much I thrived living with them, I couldn't wait to leave home and get away from the park. I had one chance, and I took it. I haven't regretted leaving, but I do miss my cousins."

"Do you look down on them for living here?" The sense that she was close to giving him the answers to so many questions he had about her left him tense.

"No." Her gaze snapped to his. "Absolutely not. My wanting to move away has nothing to do with how proud I am of all Nick has done and how happy Shayla is here in Federal. It's...personal with me."

"Try," he said. "I don't understand your hesitation."

"You're turning into a therapist, you know." She swayed on his lap and bumped him with her shoulder.

"I'm a good listener."

"Yeah. You are." She sighed. "I've only had my mom, my aunt, and the other residents in the park to base my opinion on, and when I was a teenager, I believed if I could live outside the park bad things wouldn't happen. Moms wouldn't run away from their children, aunts wouldn't die of alcoholism, and divorce and custody battles wouldn't be the main thing talked about."

"Do you still believe that?"

She nodded. "Money and security solve a lot of every-day problems."

"Maybe." He rubbed her back. "More income and the added responsibilities of owning more meaningless things could also create problems that would never have happened if you lived week to week. It's all about knowing what you're missing."

Nova leaned back against him again. "Knowing what you're missing means you have to experience the differences to come to a conclusion."

"Not necessarily." Emmett kissed her temple. "Sometimes taking the time to count what you have in life and not taking anything for granted, no matter how little you have or how small it is, is all that you need."

Nova sighed. "I suppose."

He had everything. A house. A job. Steady money. His bills were paid.

He stared down at Nova's hands. Her fingers played with the silver ring on her thumb. He needed to take his own advice, and Nova made it difficult because all he wanted was her and he had a feeling she was looking for something bigger than a store owner who managed a trailer park.

E
mmett stared down at Nova's lap. She lifted her arm and ran her fingers through his hair. He'd gone serious and thoughtful after she'd answered his question about wanting more in life than settling in a park.

Shayla always ended any discussion she'd had over her desire to leave the park the same way. Nova's excitement over spending time alone with Emmett dwindled. Silence spoke volumes.

Tension knotted the back of her neck. She closed her mouth and gave up on explaining herself. Nothing she said would bring Emmett around to understanding her reasons. The same way she always dropped the conversation with Shayla. Nobody understood her need to get away from trailer park living.

Sometimes, Nova swore her feet were planted too far in the gravel of the trailer park she grew up in to make the improvements she wanted for herself. Even after six years of traveling the states, she still wandered around lost. No city, no town, no community ever called her name.

Yet, her inner voice kept pushing her to reach her goals and not let anyone tell her it was impossible. It was possible, and her ticket to living in a real home sat in her locked cash box back at Red Light.

Now Emmett believed she wasn't putting in enough effort to discover what could develop between them. He never said those exact words, but she could hear what he left unspoken.

She rubbed his head, loving the thick, soft strands of his hair between her fingers. "Part of needing time to fix a few things before I jump into sleeping with you has to do with my ability to figure out how I can stay in Federal longer after my work-vacation is over. I’m not sure how I’m going to work everything out yet, but please know I’m doing everything I can to stay here longer. I haven’t told anyone, but Shayla. Nick doesn’t even know. I guess I wanted to keep my plans to myself because they seemed more achievable if fewer people depended on me. I would hate to get anyone's hopes up, especially yours, and have something go wrong, and I had to leave.”

“Yeah?” His gaze softened.

She nodded. “I’m trying, Emmett. I want to stay and find out where this is all going with us, too. I want to find out if my toes curl when you touch me all over. If I can fall asleep on your chest to your heartbeat. If you can stand to be around me when I get cranky and yell. I'd like to see you lose your cool with me and find out if I can make you happy again. I want to experience everything that comes with being in a relationship. You’re a fascinating man, and I’m not ready to walk away without giving it my best shot with you.”

"You yell?" He grinned.

She leaned over and kissed him. "I can be a real bitch."

"I have no doubt about that, Nova-girl," he whispered against her lips.

She pulled back. "Why do you call me Nova-girl?"

"I own an auto parts store. You're the girl version of a classic car. All sweet lines, primed, and a purr under the hood." His gaze intensified.

She stared at him, wondering if he was serious. Had he compared her to a car?

His eyes moved away from her, and the corner of his mouth twitched in amusement. She slapped his chest. "Shut up."

He laughed. The rough, freely given sound filled the tiny room. She sat on his lap and soaked in the pure joy she'd given him. The way his eyes practically disappeared when he smiled. The loose way he sat while keeping a hand on her body at all times, protected, dominated, owned. She wanted hours to discover the man who had settled into a life she ran from and ended up enjoying every second.

She envied the ease in which he lived. The crowd outside his trailer every night was welcomed by him. The community came to him with their problems, not only housing emergencies but personal trials, too.

He had big shoulders and never let anyone down. She ran her hand over his chest, kissed him soft and long, and stood up before she changed her mind about leaving and threw her responsibilities out the door.

She held out her hand. "Let's go outside."

He grabbed her offer and followed her to the door. "Hang on a second."

Emmett turned back to the couch and grabbed a blanket off the arm. "Your sweatshirt won't keep you warm tonight. The sky is clear. It's going to be chilly."

He guided her close enough to the fire in the burning barrel to receive some warmth and sat down in the lawn chair and patted his lap. She sat across his thighs and covered them both with the blanket. Snug and comfortable, she laid her head against his shoulder and looked out at the others.

Shayla talked with a woman Nova couldn't remember seeing before. The two of them had their heads together and ignored the rowdy men behind them standing around drinking beer.

"Who is that woman with Shayla?" she asked.

"Tabitha Gorman. She lives in the first trailer at the entrance to the park. She's a home health caregiver. I guess that's what you'd call her. She goes to the homes of the elderly who live in the county who need help. A lot of her patients have hired Shayla to clean their house." His hand settled on her stomach.

The skin under his palm warmed. "Shayla likes the freedom that comes with working for herself."

"She's good at her job. I have her come in and clean up the store once a month."

The music changed from Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams to Everclear's I Will Buy You A New Life. Nova laughed softly at the song that got her through the first couple of years after leaving home.

"Something funny?" whispered Emmett.

She smiled up at him knowing she was closer than anyone realized to living a completely different life. "You make me happy."

"Right back at you." He kissed her and his hand moved from her stomach up to her breast.

She moaned into his mouth in surprise, or maybe the sound stayed in her chest, trapped under the blanket. Emmett kept her in a constant whirlwind. She had no idea what she was doing, saying, or thinking.

A pleasurable chill caressed her skin drawing goosebumps along her arms. The heat of his hand permeated her sweatshirt, and she pressed into his touch.

High off the pleasure, she closed her eyes at the onslaught of moisture blurring her vision. Her empty life was filled with costly sex, giving her nothing in return for comfort. Six years of having more physical contact with others than most people get in a lifetime, she always went to bed alone and empty. The hollow pit of yearnings in her stomach kept her up most nights until her body won the fight and forced her mind to shut off.

Now, she had a chance for a life full of pleasure. The first relationship in years where she could feel, give, take, share herself, and the only person she wanted on the receiving end was Emmett. How had she gotten so lucky to find a good man, a steady man, right outside her cousins' door?

She broke the kiss and buried her head in his neck. He moved his hand to her hip, holding her close, cradling her body. His touch was more intimate than her deepest wishes.

"It'll be okay. We'll figure this out together," he whispered in her ear. "You want to stay here after your vacation is over? I'll make sure it happens."

She nodded, afraid if she spoke she'd cry out her fear that somehow, someway, somewhere, karma was going to remind her that she'd messed up her life when she signed on with the Network and let men pay her for sex. What kind of man could overlook her past?

Scared of the anger and disappointment she'd find in his eyes once she came clean about everything, she held him tighter. For good measure, she promised herself that if Emmett gave her a chance, she'd throw all her attention into making a future with him work out. He'd never be disappointed that he took a chance with her.

The music continued to play. The crowd dwindled. Nick and Shayla pulled up chairs to the fire, and soon it was only the four of them enjoying the night, the company, the moment.