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“Which one?” I asked while looking over the snacks.  They’d
been thoroughly picked through.  Broken chip remains littered the bottoms of
several bowls.

“Tommy.  Brad was recording what he said on his phone,” she
snickered to herself and then caught my confused look.  “He was swearing at
me.  Brad is
way
over protective.  He’ll wait until Tommy’s feeling
better to talk to him about it.  I’m betting I get breakfast out of this.”

I checked the clock above the sink.  “I think I’m going to
head out.”  Beatriz started to protest, but I cut her off with a hug good-bye
saying, “I have to work in the morning.  Thank you for inviting me.  It’s been
fun.”

“But we didn’t get to challenge the drunks to air hockey…”

I laughed and shook my head.  “Next time.”

“Promise?”

“Sure.”  I doubted there’d be a next time any time soon. 
She walked me to the door and helped me find my shoes in the mess.  Grudgingly
she got my jacket too.

“Do you need to call him?” she asked as I bundled up.

It was a good question.  I’d assumed he’d give me a ride
home, but we never talked about it.

Something in my face gave away my thoughts, because Beatriz
piped up with a slow shake of her head, “You need a ride home, don’t you…”

“I forgot to ask him about a ride home.  Can I use your
phone to call my mom?”  I didn’t relish the idea, but knew she’d come get me.

“Are you serious?  This is an under-age party.  She’ll freak
out.  I don’t want to get Brad in trouble,” Beatriz said starting to look
panicked.

“Don’t worry.  My mom’s not like that at all.  She already
knows where I am and what I’m doing.”

Beatriz didn’t look convinced.  “You don’t have that guy’s
number?”

“Morik,” I said supplying her with a name.  “And no, I don’t
have his number.  He just always seems to show up just when I need him.”  At
the same time, we caught the distance rumble of an approaching motorcycle.

She smiled at me triumphantly.  “You’re not kidding!” 
Opening the door, we both waited watching the single light turn into her
driveway.

“Thanks again.  It was fun,” I called over my shoulder,
leaving her in the doorway while I joined Morik.

He handed me the helmet, not offering to help me put it on,
but watched me closely to make sure I did it right.  Using his shoulder, I
carefully mounted behind him.

As soon as I settled on the seat, he turned us around, and
we sped down the salt-melted roads.  I hid behind him as much as possible to
avoid the wind, but the pins and needles in my legs were inevitable.

Pulling in front of my house, he killed the engine and
helped me from the back.  I handed back the helmet, frozen and wanting to go
inside.  Instead, I noticed his eyes through his yellow sunglasses.  Streaks of
vibrant orange swirled in their mercury depths.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” he asked quietly.

“Looking for?”  As I said it, what I’d done became clear,
and I wanted to kick myself.

He’d spent a long time tracking me down.  When he did find
me, he didn’t want me to see him right away afraid that he’d scare me, which he
did a little.  I proved that I could touch him, see him without fear and it
probably gave him hope that I really saw him as a choice.  Then I went off to a
party where I could continue to search for an alternate choice.

“I don’t know what I’m looking for,” I admitted honestly. 
“None of this feels right to me.  I know you’re a choice,” I assured him.  “I’m
not discounting you.  I’m not discounting anyone.”  Stuffing my hands in my
pockets in frustration, I continued, “I can’t do what women before me have
done.  They tell me to just pick one.  I don’t want a stranger.”  I realized I
probably wasn’t making it any better.  “I’m sorry my going to the party hurt
you.  I didn’t mean it that way.  I just don’t want to die and am looking for a
way to make everyone happy.”

He quietly studied me for a moment.  The orange in his eyes
dimmed, but didn’t recede completely.

“Need help getting to sleep?” he finally asked.

“Please,” I said gratefully, not just for his offer, but for
his tolerance.

We walked together to the door.  I let myself in, but when I
looked back, he was gone.  The house was quiet, but my mom waited in the living
room with Aunt Danielle.

“Everything go alright?” she asked quietly, standing and
unwrapping the knit blanket from her shoulders.

“From Beatriz’s point of view it did.  Nothing much happened
for me though, but not from lack of trying,” I assured her stowing my gloves in
my pockets and kicking off my shoes.  My fingers were as icy from the ride as
were my legs.

“I’m sorry you haven’t connected with anyone yet Tessa.  I
do worry about that constantly, but I want you to be happy too.”

I nodded and hugged her good night before heading to my
room.  Behind me, Aunt Danielle’s soft voice broke the silence, though I couldn’t
hear what she said.

Flicking on the light, I wasn’t surprised to see Morik
sitting at the desk chair eyeing the completed puzzle.  I nudged the door
closed with my heel and sat on the bed to peel off my socks.  Yes, my feet were
cold too.

Picking up my pajamas, I changed in the bathroom and brushed
my teeth with hot water just so I could warm my hands when I rinsed.  The
warmth didn’t last long.  Wet fingers in a cold house didn’t have a chance.  I
hurried back to the bedroom ready to get under the covers to try to warm up. 
The good news was I wouldn’t be awake much longer to worry about it.

Morik stood beside my bed with the covers folded back and
waiting for me.  As soon as I entered, he started the chant.  I barely made it
to the bed before feeling the first pull of sleep.  He helped me sit and then
lifted my legs in.  The bed and blankets were already warm as if they’d just
come out of the drier.  I smiled sleepily.

“Thank you, Morik.  I love being warm.”  Then I was out.

Just like the day before, I woke up late and scrambled to
get ready.  Everyone seemed more relaxed when I strode into the kitchen.  Morik
stood as I entered.

“I can’t be late,” I said instead of a polite good morning.  The
lingering aroma of fried eggs hung in the air making my stomach growl.

“Do you want to eat first?”  Even as he asked, he moved with
me to the door.

“Can’t,” I replied just before calling out a good-bye to my
mom who’d been sitting at the table with him.

Moments later, we raced through the streets.  When he pulled
in front of the Coffee Shop, I ripped off the helmet as I dismounted nearly
tipping us over.  Bracing his feet on the ground, he kept us upright.

“Sorry!” I called handing him the helmet.  “Lunch is on me
if you want to stop in again.”  Not waiting for his answer, I raced inside.

“Tess, I wish I had your luck,” Mona said from behind the
counter as I walked by.

Opening the door to the back rooms, I quickly put my things
away.  “What do you mean?”

“To have a guy watch me like that…” she trailed off
wistfully.

“Like what?”  Fixing my hair, I looked across the shop out
the window, but he was already gone.

“Like he just saw something he had to have and was plotting
a way to get it.  It’s the same look my ex had in his eye when he saw the
pickup truck he now owns,” she said with a grin.

I didn’t want Morik to look at me like that.  It made me
feel guilty for going to the party last night.  I didn’t have time to dwell on
it as customers filled the shop.

Toward noon, I had a surprise when I looked up at the sound
of the bell and saw Brad walking in.  His warm brown eyes fell on me and he
smiled in greeting.

“So you made it to work,” he said stepping up to the
counter.  Most of the tables were empty before the lunch crowd – if you could
call it a crowd – came in.  Mona, seeing the floor clear, took time to restock
some of the sandwich ingredients in the back.

“Yeah, but barely.  Thankfully, I have a friend who’s
willing to give me a ride.”

“Well, you did better than half the people who came last
night.  The last one just woke up and left about an hour ago.  Beatriz, Tommy
and I just finished cleaning up.”

“How’s he doing this morning?”  I asked remembering how
drunk he’d been.

“He’s good.  Groveling for Beatriz’s forgiveness,” he leaned
against the counter warming to the conversation.

I smiled imagining Beatriz’s reaction to the groveling. 
“What did he say that got him in so much trouble?”

“Ah, the lipping off wasn’t as bad as throwing up in her
bathroom.”

I laughed remembering how clean she’d had it.  Just then,
the bell above the door rang again.  I looked up with a wide smile.

Morik paused in the doorway looking at Brad.  Brad looked
over at Morik, nodding briefly in greeting unaware of Morik’s intense regard.

Inwardly cringing over how this probably looked to Morik, I
focused on Brad again.

“Are you looking for coffee to bring back for everyone
then?”

He looked back at me, completely unaware of the tension he’d
just caused.  Most of it belonging to me.

“Sure, I’ll have a cup to go.  You choose the flavor.  I’m
not much of a connoisseur.” As I started making his order, he said, “I actually
just stopped in to make sure you got home okay last night.  Beatriz said how
your friend picked you up on a motorcycle.  Pretty dangerous given the snow and
how cold it was.  No frostbite or spills?”

I tried not to look up to check on Morik’s progress through
the nearly empty room.  Adding cream to Brad’s coffee, I assured him, “I trust
him completely, or I wouldn’t have gotten on the bike.”  I didn’t say anything
about the frostbite though.

Brad nodded, seemingly satisfied.  I handed him his coffee
in exchange for a five, which he told me to put the change in the tip jar.

“I’m glad you and Beatriz are friends,” he said before he
moved from the counter.  “See you around.”

Morik stood aside for Brad.  It was hard to guess his
thoughts with his eyes covered.  After Brad walked out the door, Morik stepped
up to the counter.  When he didn’t immediately say something, I stretched
forward, reaching over the counter to nudge his sunglasses down the bridge of
his nose.  He didn’t try to stop me.

His usually multi-colored silver irises had disappeared in a
sea of red with orange stormy centers.  No liquid silver remained.  I didn’t
know what it meant, but I knew that whatever emotion those colors tied to was a
strong one.  And probably not a good one.

Thinking of Clavin’s broken leg, I reached out with both
hands, cupping his face in them.  “He was just being nice to his kid sister’s
friend.”

Morik closed his eyes, but didn’t move away.  I waited,
holding his face.  He reached up, placing his hand over mine briefly before
pulling away entirely and pushing his sunglasses back into place.  He ordered a
coffee and sandwich as if nothing had happened then offered to wait until I needed
a ride home.

Mona didn’t seem to mind his lingering presence while we
cleaned up.  Again, she disappeared into the back to count out the tips.  When
she handed them to me, she told me the Coffee Shop would be closed next weekend
so we could enjoy Christmas.  I thanked her and told her I would see her the
weekend after.

*    *    *    *

Unlike the day before, Morik left right after dropping me
off at home.  I watched the retreating motorcycle for a moment re-evaluating my
plan.  Although it worried me, I’d have to hold off on my own search until I
found someone for him.  Though he reassured me that he would respect any choice
I made, I worried about choosing someone else.  He definitely didn’t like other
men around me.

Aunt Danielle greeted me when I walked into the house. 
“Where’s Morik?”

“Not sure.  He didn’t say what his plans were,” I said
hanging my things.  Moving to the couch, I flopped down putting my feet up. 
“Where’s mom?”

“Out with her boss, Stephen, again.”

I sprang up from my relaxed position, swiveling to demand,
“What do you mean?”

“Lunch date, I think.”  Aunt Danielle became bored with the
conversation and leaned back into her chair, closing her eyes.

My mom was on a date… I sat there frozen trying to get past
the shock.  A date.  Why didn’t she say anything to me?  I felt hurt.  All her
talk about being honest with each other obviously only applied to me.

“Don’t be upset, dear.  There are only a few short years
they’ll be free of obligation to you.  Once your husband dies, they will band
together to help you.  Don’t begrudge them their happiness.”

Them?  Then I remembered Gran talking about the elderly
neighbor.  It explained where she went without a car.  Did that mean Aunt Grace
had found someone too?  Were they all waiting for me to choose so they could
have a normal life just for a little while?

Quietly, I stood and left the room, closing myself into my
bedroom.  There I lay on my bed curled on my side hugging my pillow facing the
wall.  It was too much pressure.  How did they deal with this when they were my
age?  Mom made it sound like choosing my dad had been unintentional.  I wished
that would happen to me.

Part of my problem was the guilt I felt over knowingly
condemning some poor man to an early grave.  Now I could add another scoop of
guilt for holding the rest of the family back from having normal lives.  I’d
thought it before, but having it confirmed hurt.  What would happen if I
weren’t here?  Would it be so bad not to choose?  What was I saying?!

Morik wanted a companion.  I needed to stop running from it
and do what Belinda couldn’t.

I wondered if Morik really did listen all the time.  “Morik,
what do I have to do to choose?”

A moment later, the mattress dipped as he sat next to me. 
“Why are you asking?”