Totlandia: The Onesies, Book 1 (Fall) (13 page)

“Jillian, this is why we have attorneys, to take care of the tiny little details. Now, go home.”

Go home?

Fuck you.

“I’m not just some detail you can pawn off on a lawyer! I’m your wife! I gave you thirteen years of my life! I bore your children! And you expect me to roll over and play dead just because you ran off with your pregnant whore?”

Scott stuck his head out the door. “Don’t call her that!”

Down the corridor, two other doors opened to see what the ruckus was about.

Step right up, folks, for tickets to the show, Jillian thought.

“I can call her anything I want
, she’s sleeping with my husband, the father of my children
—”

“You see? That’s just my point, Jillian—”

“What’s your point? That I made a beautiful home for you? That I gave you two beautiful daughters, who you don’t love anymore?”

“Who says I don’t… No,
 
listen!
 
What I’m trying to tell you is that you care more about the house—and all that crap in it—than you ever cared about us!”

Jillian’s fist hit the door so hard it banged against Scott’s head.

“Ouch! Fuck it, Jillian!”

“No, fuck
 
you,
 
Scott. I cared enough to leave school and go to work, so you could get your MBA—which led to that cushy job you have. Not to mention that over-upholstered assistant you’re sleeping with—”

He wrenched the door open again, but leaned into the doorjamb so she couldn’t push it against him again. “Leave Victoria out of this, Jill. If things had been right at home, I wouldn’t be here now, would I? And as for my job, I worked hard to get it and to keep it—” He was yelling so hard, she was sure he’d bust a vein. “—while you were…well, you know what you were doing!”

“What? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Cut the Mother Teresa crap. You don’t think I’m playing the hard-ass for nothing, do you? I know you were using me, too, all those years.”

“Scott, seriously. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!”

“Don’t worry, your lawyer will soon have ‘those details,’ too. He can fill you in on them. In the meantime, if you insist on holding on to the Munster Mansion, why don’t you get off your ass and get a job?”

“Doing what?”

“Hey, from what I remember, you were a good waitress once. I’m sure someone will hire you.” With that, he slammed the door.

How dare he.

No matter how hard she rapped on the door, he wouldn’t reopen it.

A third neighbor stuck her head out of her apartment. “I’ve called the police. Fair warning.”

Jillian nodded. Then she ran down the hall, toward the elevator.

She didn’t stop running until she got to her SUV. To do so, she had to pass his car first.

That’s when the fun really began.

The first hit to his Porsche crushed the driver’s side door.

Then, she rear-ended the car, but the damage was so negligible that she went back and tried it again.

The third hit, also on the rear, was so fast and so loud that she was sure his engine hadn’t survived it. Hell, the collision had torn off her bumper and smashed a headlight, so she must have done some major damage to his car as well.

She took the drive home at around ten miles an hour because she hadn’t counted on wrecking her SUV that night.

Her car gave out two blocks from Clarisse’s house. When Clarisse answered the door, she grabbed her sleeping girls and said goodnight as quickly as she could, and prayed she didn’t give the appearance that anything was wrong. She waited until Clarisse closed the door before placing them in the ugly old used stroller she had found on Craigslist. The stroller was harder to push uphill than her last one, but too bad. For now it would have to do, since it was the only way to get back home.

It was still
 
their
 
home.

As long as she could find a way to pay for it.

Come hell or high water, she would.

So, this is how the one percent lives, Jade thought, as she eavesdropped on two Threesies mothers. They nod. They smile. They talk about the weather.

On this balmy September in San Francisco, it was the safest subject possible, especially for the Onesies moms who were competing against each other.

Thus far, what they had to do was simple: attend the meet-ups and make as many friends as possible. Within the group, the task of providing healthy snacks was being rotated. Jade’s turn was on Friday, and her stomach was already in knots over it.

Brady had laughed when he saw her proposed list. “Fruit Roll-Ups? Are you serious?”

“What’s wrong with that? It’s made from real fruit, right? I mean, how much shredded carrots and celery mush can those poor kids eat?”

“Jade, doll, it’s loaded with sugar. Not to mention all those preservatives!”

“I lived on this stuff growing up,” she said. “It didn’t hurt me any.”

He shook his head as he left the room.

She wondered if he’d heard her crying.

Jade’s first meet-up had taken place last Wednesday. Already it seemed like a thousand years ago.

She’d done exactly what Brady had directed her to do: she had smiled benignly, and only spoke if someone asked her a question. Unfortunately, most of the questions were about Oliver. They’d asked about the little things a mother should know about her child, but Jade hadn’t been around to observe Oliver herself. Each time she made up an answer, her cheeks got hot as she worried if they were on to the fact that she was a fraud.

Worse, a deadbeat mom.

Before her second meeting that Friday, Brady had given her a cheat sheet. She was proud of the fact that she hadn’t needed to rely on it, because she had spent Wednesday night and all day Thursday scrutinizing everything she could about her son—how well he walked, the words he could say, what he liked to eat, the sound of his laugh, the way he pursed his lips as he fell asleep.

The way he bounced whenever Brady came into view.

She knew the feeling.

Today, even in Alta Plaza Park, the wind had taken the day off, allowing the sun to toast the air. She smiled and waved at Lorna, who was strolling Dante toward her and Oliver. Together the women made their way to the bench where the other Onesies had congregated. Jade truly liked Lorna, and not just because Brady insisted she be nice to the Connaughts. Lorna was nice to everyone, even the catty Onesies like Chakra and Kelly.

She could tell Lorna liked to talk to her, too. Not that Kelly gave them much chance to do so. She seemed to want to snuggle up close to Lorna, to talk about Bettina. Some of the questions she asked were obnoxious: Were they close? Did they hang together a lot? Did Matt get along with Bettina’s husband, Art?

What a nosy bee-hatch!

Lorna certainly seemed to be on to her little game, because she was good at changing the subject.

Another reason she liked Lorna was because she answered Jade’s timid questions about the club and its members honestly, without any bullshit.

Like now. As the two women strolled past the picnic table where the Foursies moms had taken over, Jade overheard one mother say to another, “Anton started solids at six months, and was potty-trained at eight months. It’s a shame your little Seth was so much slower to develop. Maybe that’s why, now that he’s four, he’s not quite grasping the concept of Pottermore. Anton is a Ravenclaw. I am
 
so
 
proud of him.”

Jade would have found the woman’s boast more believable if the supposedly smarter of the four-year-olds in question hadn’t been dipping his tongue into a handful of sand while his mother was bragging about him. Despite this, both boys seemed happy and healthy as they played.

“My goodness, does it really matter if something happens for your kid a month or two earlier than the next kid?” Jade asked Lorna. “They all get around to the same milestones eventually, right?”

For some strange reason, that question wiped the smile completely off Lorna’s face. “If you’re a mom, every milestone makes you feel as if you’ve done at least one thing right. And if you’re an insecure mom, there will always be something to boast about. So I’m guilty as charged.” She shrugged. “But you’re right. We all get to the same place eventually.”

If only Lorna sounded as if she believed that herself.

***

Ally and Jillian had already staked out a metal bench, which had been warmed by the sun. Not just warm, but hot. Jade found that out the hard way when she felt the burn on the back of her thighs. She regretted having worn her short shorts for just that reason.

Well, that and because the women who made up the PHM&T applications committee were doing a piss poor job at pretending not to stare at her.

When Bettina got up to walk over, Jade’s heart skipped a beat. Brady had warned her that the shorts made her look slutty. If she got kicked out after just three meetings—even before the vote-off—he’d be so angry with her.

All eyes followed Bettina as she walked over to their bench. The conversation between Ally and Jillian about the girls and their favorite dolls stopped mid-sentence.

Bettina nodded to all of them, but she only had eyes for Jade. “Do you have a moment?” Bettina’s tone was very serious.

Jade nodded warily and vowed to burn the shorts the very minute she got home. Worse yet, Bettina was going to ream her out in front of the others.

“The admissions committee has noted that you have excellent taste! Would you like to accompany me in lining up the Halloween Contest prizes from some of our more generous local merchants?”

“
Me?
 
Go…with you?” Jade couldn’t believe her ears. She couldn’t wait to tell Brady. He’d be ecstatic!

“It shouldn’t be too obtrusive on your overall schedule. We only need eleven prizes: five boy prizes, one for each age group; and then five girl prizes, same criteria. Also, we’ll need a Grand Prize. We could cover Chestnut Street in an hour on one day and Union Street another. On a third day, we’ll hit the Fillmore district. Needless to say, your participation will count in your overall score. So, what do you say?”

“Of course! Any day you want!”

“Super. Why don’t we meet at the Grove Cafe at eleven tomorrow morning? Feel free to bring Oliver along. Having the little ones with us always makes a great impression on the merchants. And he is
 
such
 
a handsome little guy!”

Jade nearly leaped off the bench to give Bettina a hug, then remembered her shorts and thought better of it.

The other Onesie moms tried to hide their disappointment, but it was all too clear what they were thinking:
 
Was Bettina already playing favorites?

Jade certainly hoped so.

She looked down at her little son. He had already wormed his way out of his sweater and was deeply involved in some sandbox antics, taking a cup filled with sand and tossing it over one of his toy cars until it was completely buried. This process had Addison and Amelia squealing. Even that constant whiner, Quest, and Kelly’s little bully, Wills, were both following him. By the time Ally’s little girl, Zoe, joined in, it looked like a miniature conga line.

One of the twins (was it Amelia, or Addison? She could never tell them apart) grabbed Oliver’s sweater, which had been tossed to one side, and threw it outside the sand lot. Jade laughed off Ally’s apologies and ran after it. When she reached down for it, she noticed something odd: the collar held a tiny metal clasp, which was blinking green.

Why, that son of a bitch.

Jade scanned the streets surrounding the park. Yes, there he was, on the Steiner side.

If Brady want
s
 
to play I Spy, he should ditch the red Ferrari, she thought.

She almost smiled and waved but thought better of it. She’d wait for the right time, and the right place, to make him pay for his distrust.

She walked back toward the sand lot where Oliver was holding court with his newfound friends. If only he and Dante were doing a better job at bonding. Because she felt sorry that the little Connaught boy was being so shy, Jade handed another cup to Dante, but he just let it drop to the sand.

Then he stared at it as it lay there in front of him.

“He’s just tired,” Lorna smiled over at Jade. “We had a late night.”

Jade nodded, She couldn’t help but think,
 
How is this kid going to make it through the competition? Even though he’s Bettina’s nephew, there just ain’t no way…

***

Brady was sitting in the living room, waiting for Jade when she got home. The minute Oliver went down for his nap, Brady grilled her on every little detail. Which kids played with Oliver? If a kid didn’t play with him, why not? What did the moms talk about? Had she said anything to upset anyone? Had Bettina singled her out for anything?