Totaled (4 page)

I finished spraying myself down with sunscreen and decided to walk down to the water to feel the temperature with my feet. Since it was just the second week of April, the water might still be too cold to swim in. Just in the short walk down to the edge of the waves, I spotted two shark teeth and stopped to pick each up. I’ve always had some weird ability to spot shark teeth easily. I find at least ten each time I come to the beach. I have a huge jar of them at home and it’s one of my most prized possessions.

As I approached the water, I took a moment to just stare out to the horizon. The beach was my happy place. It was the place where I always felt safe, content, and at peace. I stared out at it and felt so small. While not very religious, I’ve always considered myself a spiritual person, and at that very moment, I was overcome by a warm feeling of fuzzy tingles overtaking my body, mind, and soul. This. All of this was my church. The million and one colors of the water, the noises of nature singing in a perfect harmony, the beauty of the rays of sunlight peeking through slots in the cloud formations, the smells of the salty sea, the feel of the breeze over my skin like a comforting caress, the sea oats bending with the wind, their deep roots standing their ground in the sand. That was my higher power. I stared out into the beautiful, serene world before me and said a prayer for God to send me someone to love that would also love me.

Sue and I hung out at the beach for a few hours, as planned. I was lulled to sleep at some point listening to Mumford and Sons on my iPod, succumbing to the peaceful little bubble I wrapped myself in. As the day went on and the Earth rotated, my entire body was no longer protected by my beach umbrella and despite slathering on SPF 50 lotion and spraying a mist of SPF 30 over that, I still managed to get crispy fried from my mid-thighs down to my toes. I love my Irish heritage, but why couldn’t I have inherited my father’s complexion instead of my mother’s? Sue, as expected, was a gorgeous bronze by the time we were pulling away from the ocean.

I drove us down Atlantic Avenue towards my house and listened to her ramble on and on about how she got bored just sitting there, essentially by herself since I was in my own little world, so she got up to walk down the beach a ways and met some fun guys that are here for the summer.

“Oh my God, Bree! You should’ve seen them! There are three of them, all around our age, all at UNF, two seniors and one junior!” she squealed enthusiastically. “I mean, every single one of them is hot. Especially Adam. I call dibs on him for sure! Apparently his dad is some hotshot lawyer or something in Orlando and his firm owns the house for the partners to use as a vacation home during the summer. I guess no one wanted it this year so Adam and two of his fraternity brothers are here for the next three months.”

“Fraternity? So they’re frat boys? No thanks,” I said, dismissing the thought.

“You see?” she scolded, smacking me on the arm. “You see what you’re doing? You’re such a snob! The one thing you got from that entire story was that they’re in a fraternity and you automatically judge and dismiss them. This is why you’re single!”

“No, actually, I got a lot from your story,” I explained, trying not to get distracted from the task of driving. “At least one of them comes from a wealthy family, rich enough to own a beachfront house in Fernandina Beach as a second home. He probably feels super entitled and has been spoiled all of his life. The other two are just mooching off of their friend for a free vacation. Even if they’re hot, they’re only here for the summer. I don’t want to date someone, get attached, and form feelings for them only to have them leave to go back to school in the fall,” I responded. “Also, I don’t like the idea of you wandering off down the beach alone just to meet three guys we know nothing about. You could’ve been raped or killed. I really don’t think I could get over waking up to find you gone and learning that you’re halfway down the shore getting gang banged!”

“Gang banged? Seriously?” Sue mocked. “You watch way too much television! They were nice. Harmless really. The younger one is kind of nerdy. And the other two were extremely kind and respectful. I was even trying to get my major flirt on and they didn’t take advantage of me at all. I didn’t even go into the house. They were just tossing around the football on the beach and I struck up a conversation. I wish you wouldn’t worry all the time. You’ve really got to chill out and try to have some fun once in a while,” she said, almost begging. “And don’t be so judgmental. Not everyone is out to get you.”

Maybe she was right. I really do need to learn to lighten up.

“I invited them all to meet us tomorrow at Beachside Seafood for lunch,” she confessed.

“You did WHAT?” I yelled, reaching over to turn the stereo off.

“Yep! So get over yourself!” she said with attitude.

We pulled up at my house and grabbed all of our beach gear from the trunk. Walking around the side of the house, I hung my lounge chair on a hook in the garden shed and stood my umbrella and its stake in the corner for next time. I heard Sue already talking to Liam as she climbed the stairs to the back deck.

“…oh nothing. Your sister is just being a lick in the mud, as usual. No fun. All work and no play,” I heard Sue saying as I came up the stairs.

“It’s stick,” I barked, in full bitch tone.

“What?” she turned and asked, with equal bitchitude.

“It’s STICK! Stick in the mud, not lick.” I felt my face getting red with anger as I threw my beach bag onto a patio chair.

“Whatever,” she mumbled, somewhat under her breath.

“And I’m not being a stick in the mud. You’re pissing me off. You know I don’t like being set up. And I really don’t have time for lunch tomorrow anyway. SOME people work, ya know!” I could actually feel my blood pressure rising.

“Don’t act like I don’t do anything! You aren’t the only one who is busy. I may not work 80 hours a week like you, but I work part time and I’m in school full time. Nursing school is no picnic, either. You don’t even know. You’re no better than me, Brianne Murphy!” Her brow was furrowed and her foot started tapping in frustration.

“I’m not saying that I’m better than you. I don’t feel that way at all, but working fifteen hours a week at your mother’s flower shop isn’t exactly grueling. And I know you’re working hard in school, but you’re taking the summer off. I don’t get to take the summer off. I don’t even get a day off without worrying the entire time I’m gone that everything at the gym and my house is going to shit,” I explained, flopping down onto the porch swing, feeling defeated. “I’m just so overwhelmed lately. And I’m sorry I reacted the way I did, but I really can’t go to lunch tomorrow. I have too much to get done.”

“Can’t or won’t?” she asked, lifting one of her eyebrows up in a snide question.

“Can’t and won’t,” I replied simply. “And I don’t like the idea of you going by yourself either.”

“What are you guys fighting about?” Liam chimed in from one of the patio chairs where he sat, cleaning his gear.

“Oh, nothing.” Sue sighed loudly. “Your sister is impossible and I’m done trying.” She started fishing through her bag to find her keys, apparently done with the conversation too.

I started to rub my head at my temples at the throbbing headache that was rapidly making its presence known. “Sue was just trying to invite me to lunch tomorrow with her and some of her new friends, and I was trying to explain to her that I don’t have time for lunches. Or new friends.”

“You should go. You never go out to lunch. I can watch the gym. I can answer the phone,” Liam offered, seeming so childlike.

“Ya see that? Even Liam thinks you need to get out more!” Sue rudely sassed.

“Liam doesn’t understand what you’re really trying to do.”

“What are you trying to do?” Liam asked innocently, looking to Sue for an answer.

“She’s trying to set me up with some random guy that she doesn’t even know very well yet because she thinks I need a boyfriend,” I shared boldly, immediately realizing that I shouldn’t have said that in front of Liam.

“Do you?” my brother asked me. “Do you need a boyfriend?”

“Liam, I don’t have time for a boyfriend. I’m too busy with the gym, and with taking care of our family, and with trying to complete my online classes. I wouldn’t be a very good girlfriend,” I admitted sadly, realizing as I said it how true it was.

Liam came over and sat by me, making the wood and joints where the nails and screws were holding the swing together strain, protesting the added weight. “But do you want one?” he persisted. “A boyfriend, I mean. Do you want one?”

“Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone take me on a date now and then, yes,” I admitted. “But I’m not in a good place right now to have a boyfriend.”

“I’ll take you on a date if you want. Where do you want to go? I could take you,” Liam offered sweetly.

Sue snickered. It pissed me off even more that she was obviously done talking but stood there to witness my heart to heart with Liam and to interject her sarcastic comments and mocking scoffs at random points in the conversation.

“That’s very sweet, Liam,” I said, running my hand down his arm, “but hanging out as brother and sister isn’t really a date. A date is like when a man asks a woman out that he cares for romantically. He takes her to dinner and a movie or something like that, pays for it all, holds her hand, maybe even gives her a kiss when the date is over,” I tried to explain.

“Oh. Like Mom and Dad used to be?”

“Sort of. When Mom and Dad first met, they were attracted to each other like that and he took her on lots of dates before he finally asked her to marry him,” I explained. “You date a few different people for fun, but when you fall in love with someone and feel like that’s the only person that you want to go on dates with for the rest of your life, you get married to each other.”

“I get it. And you can’t marry me, because I’m your brother,” Liam responded, proud that he understood my explanation.

“Not unless you want to move to West Virginia,” Sue inserted, laughing at herself. She bounced down the stairs away from the house with a wave. “I’ll catch you guys later!” she shouted. “I’ve got to get home. Thanks for going to the beach with me today, Bree. If you change your mind about tomorrow, text me.”

“I will not change my mind!” I called to her rapidly disappearing figure.

Shaking my head back and forth, disgusted at how my otherwise nice afternoon ended, I started to sway on the porch swing on our back deck, thankful that it was under the shade of our awning. Liam was still next to me and we rocked the swing back and forth in a comfortable rhythm. Exhausted, both physically and now emotionally, I leaned my head on his shoulder.

“Maybe Sue is right,” Liam said softly.

“Right about what?”

“You never go out and have fun. You’re always at the gym, or helping me, or doing something for Dad, or studying for school. I want you to have fun too, Bree,” he pleaded.

“Liam, I do have fun. I like taking care of the family. I like working at the gym. And I have to finish school. I am already so far behind everyone else my age since I started late. People that I went to high school with have already graduated from college and are joining the workforce and I’m just here. Still here. Working for Dad. I set a goal for myself and I’m determined to reach it,” I answered. “Since Mom died, I’ve just always done these things. I don’t know how else to be.” I hung my head, ashamed of how pathetic I sounded.

“But don’t you want to get married and have your own family?” he asked innocently.

“I used to want to get married and have my own kids one day, but now I don’t know. I think I’d miss you and Dad too much,” I joked, lightly elbowing him in the ribs.

“You could live next to us so we could still see you every day,” Liam suggested, and I’m sure he truly believed it was that simple.

“Maybe I could,” I concluded. “You remember that it’s our little secret, right? About me taking college classes online? You can’t tell anyone, Liam. Especially Dad. He just won’t understand.” I was begging, but my voice was stern, a warning.

“I haven’t told him,” Liam said. “Promise. But it makes me sad. You used to tell me that family doesn’t keep secrets from each other.” He looked at my face for clarification.

“I know I said that. And you’re right. We shouldn’t keep things from the people we love. I’ll tell him very soon. I promise you,” I said firmly, holding my left pinky up for him to grab. He answered me with his right pinky joining mine and a nod of his head. “Let’s go inside and eat. The smell of that pot roast is making my mouth water.”

Chapter Four

DREW

Soon we were sitting at their kitchen table, ready to eat. Fresh baked biscuits were on the table next to a jar of honey, sweet tea was in my Mason jar glass, and the chicken pot pie crust was decorated with little flower designs on top. I hadn’t had chicken pot pie in, well, ever. I wasn’t even really sure what it was exactly, but I was starving at that point and considering I’d eaten nothing but drive thru food and at greasy spoons the past few days, I didn’t care what it was. It smelled so good my stomach was cramping at the sight of it.

“It’s sort of a tradition ‘round here for the guest of honor to say grace,” Mick informed me.

“Oh, okay. Sure.”

We all joined hands and I recited the only grace I knew. “Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from Thy bounty, through Christ our Lord. Amen.”

“Catholic, huh?” Mick asked.

“Yes, sir. Sorry. It’s the only one I know.”

We passed around the food and served ourselves. I took a modest helping, not wanting to seem greedy, but they both reassured me that I could have as much as my belly could stand. I enjoyed listening to their cute married banter with each other. We talked about a lot. For some strange reason, I felt comfortable with them both. I told them that I was twenty-three years old, born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona, and an only child to hard-working Irish Catholic parents. They asked about my parents and I told them what I thought they wanted to hear. They didn’t need to know everything. I told them a nice, fluffy, sugar-coated story of a normal upbringing, even though that couldn’t have been further from the truth. We shared stories, laughed, and ate the best peach cobbler I had ever tasted in my life. I finally thanked them and excused myself to hit the sack. I was exhausted. Tired of driving, tired of running, tired of lying, just tired. As I settled in to the comfortable pillow top mattress of their guest bed and pulled up a handmade quilt that had likely been in their family for decades, I closed my eyes and succumbed to my exhaustion quickly. I almost felt at peace.