Total Control (14 page)

“
You know, you’re not going to have any trouble meeting women,” I told him.

“How do you know?” He looked at me curiously.

“Seriously? You’re gorgeous, funny, sweet, and incredibly charming. I mean, what’s not to like? Besides your disgusting smoking habit, of course.” I smiled.

“Of cou
rse,” he smiled. “Thanks, Gia. Coming from a woman as sexy as you are, that means a lot. You know what I miss the most? Kissing.” He took my face in his hands and kissed the hell out of me. It took me by complete surprise, and I thought about pulling away, but I fell into it and it took my breath away. He was confident, strong, and knew exactly what he wanted. And at that moment, it was to kiss me. It was like he was proving to himself that he could still do it, and boy, could he.

When he released me
, I took a deep breath and blinked a couple of times to focus again. As soon as I looked at him, he came at me again. I put my arms on his shoulders and let my fingers run through his short, dark hair. He had one arm around my waist and his other hand was on the back of my neck. He was very passionate, very precise and controlled. I dug my fingers into the back of his head and he moved his hand from my waist to the small of my back. I arched into his body and felt his hardness against me. We held that way after we’d stopped kissing and rested our foreheads against each other, panting. It was the way I’d wanted to be kissed at The Lock last weekend.

I reluctantly pulled away from him as I looked around us. No one seemed to notice or care what we’d just done.
I looked back at Zane and smiled.

“Gia, come
back to my room with me. I have to keep kissing you for the next two hours at least, and then show every inch of your body how appreciative I am until the sun comes up.” His eyes were pleading with me as he said the words. I got the feeling he needed something like that to further his healing, it was very familiar. I wanted to go with him, to fulfill my fantasy of having a sexual rendezvous with a man who desired me so badly he just
had
to have me sexually, without knowing much about me otherwise. But Ethan popped into my head and I knew it would be wrong.

“I can’t. I’m sorry,
” I said as I grabbed another cigarette from my pack.

He was right there with a light. “I’m sorry too, but I understand.
It was worth a try.” He smiled. “I’ve often fantasized about meeting someone like you, having an unforgettable night with her, and then saying goodbye in the morning without even knowing her full name. I know I probably sound like an asshole, but I’m talking about a passionate all-nighter, not just a quickie one night stand. Something both of us would remember for a long time, and never regret.”

“You don’t sound like an asshole,” I told him. “I get it. I wish I could do it
—I just can’t.” I thought about Ethan again. I knew we’d become a couple, although we hadn’t actually said that we weren’t going to see other people.

“
I can’t believe I even had the balls to ask!” He shook his head and chuckled. “It’s because you’re such a fantastic kisser. You’re very aware of me and what I’m doing. I imagine that you’d be just as perceptive while we shared an intimate night together. I had to go for it, or I’d always have wondered what you would’ve said.” I was willing to bet that he was rightly attentive in bed and it was absolutely tempting.

“You’re a very good kisser
, too,” I told him. “I’m sure that a night with you would be unforgettable. If I’d met you a week ago, I’d be all over you right now, but the person I met instead is totally amazing and I’ve already gone farther than I should’ve tonight, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, that would be a shame. It was a
tiny moment you and I shared, no one needs to know about it or be sorry for it.” He was right, it was a great kiss, and I wasn’t sorry.

I smiled and took the last drag of my cigarette. He opened the door for me and we returned to our friends. Jo was sitting on the couch laughing with two of the Hairball band members and Dana was on the dance floor with another.

“Can I get you a drink?” Zane asked me. “Champagne?”

“Let me get this one,” I said as I reached for my wallet.

He smiled and put his hand on my arm. “Don’t even try it, Gia.” He headed for the bar. I headed for the restroom. When I looked in the mirror and caught my own eyes, I heard Ethan telling me how beautiful they were. I felt sad.
What’s wrong with you? Why are you making out with some random guy when you have the perfect guy waiting at home for you? Why do you have to be so needy for attention? You don’t deserve Ethan, he’s way too good for you!
I looked down at my hands as I washed them. I wanted to call Ethan, but I was too guilty. I didn’t know if I could act as if everything was peachy keen, and I wasn’t ready to tell him what I’d done, but I’d told him I’d call him and it was getting late. I decided I’d text him instead.

We’re in a loud club. I miss u. Call ya tomorrow. Good nite.

I sat on the little couch and stared at my phone, wondering if he was asleep already or if he’d text back. I waited for about ten minutes, but no response, so I headed back. Zane was chatting with someone, but when he saw me he immediately turned his attention to me and handed me a glass of champagne.

“Thank you
.”

“Everything okay?”
he asked.

“Yes
.” I nodded and forced a smile. I looked around for Dana and Jo. I spotted them on the dance floor waving for me to come join them. I was happy to. I needed to keep some distance between Zane and I so I could block out the kissing. We shook it for three or four songs and then decided we were ready to go back to our room. I was thankful they didn’t want to stay all night.

We said good-bye to our new friends. When Zane hugged me, he whispered in my ear
. “If you change your mind, room 9050.” It made my heart race and I tried to get the room number out of my head, like if I forgot it, it didn’t exist.

“We got backstage passes for tomorrow night!” Jo said after we
’d stepped onto the elevator. “Lance says they have a kick ass after party planned.” She looked pumped.

“Sounds fun,” I said, wondering if Zane would be there and if I’d be able to stay away from him if he was.

When we got back to our room, we all kicked off our heels and fell into the nearest seat. “I’m exhausted,” I sighed. “I think I’m gonna soak in that big tub in my bathroom before I climb into bed and sleep like a baby.”

“Good for you,” Dana said. “Good night
, sweetie.”

“See you ladies in the morning,
” I said.

I opened my carry-on to get my phone charger and I came across the little box
Ethan had given me. I’d forgotten all about it! I fired up my laptop and put the playlist onto my phone. I read the note he put in with it.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

These are my favorite songs

Because they remind me of you.

There was another sheet of paper that had the names of the songs and why they reminded him of me.
How sweet!
I took it to the bathroom and set it on the sink as I started the water in the tub and dumped the hotel shampoo in it for bubbles. I put in my ear buds, started the playlist, and grabbed the sheet of paper before I climbed in.
Ahh, nice and hot.
I leaned back and as the song started, I read the first explanation.

Trixter –
One In A Million.
“They were singing this live when I looked out into the beer line and saw you that first night at the Festival. It was the first time I looked into your eyes. I knew I’d never be the same.”

Aww, Ethan.
I remembered that so clearly. Dana and I were dancing and singing and when I saw Ethan looking my way, I thought he was looking at someone else. I smiled as I recalled the banter we’d had and the way he embarrassed me by telling me I had the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen.

I read the next one.

Ratt –
One Step Away.
“I saw you dancing with your friends as this was being performed on Saturday. It was the first time I’d seen you in your thigh-high boots and I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I felt bad about how things were when I’d dropped you off at the motorhome that morning and I was hoping you were going to keep the ‘date’ we’d set for that night.”

I’d had no idea he’d seen me that day. I was on a mission to get laid and have as much fun as possible and I knew I didn’t need
him
to do it. The truth was, I wanted
him
to be the one, but I was so embarrassed and ashamed about the night before that I couldn’t face him. I pushed it down deep and pretended like I didn’t give a shit.

Tears rolled down my face as I took myself back to that day. I hoped the treatment I was about to receive would teach me how to deal with the stresses of life. I didn’t want to keep covering up what I was feeling. I’d been missing out on so much, just because I was scared. I didn’t want to be scared anymore.

I turned off the music and tried to relax. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, allowing myself to sink down ear deep in the tub. It felt good. I thought of Ethan and touched myself. I imagined him watching me. I remembered how he liked it when I touched myself while we were having sex that morning. My phone beeped and it startled me. I hoped it was a text from Ethan. I got out of the tub, dried off, and wrapped the towel around me.

R u still up?

It was Ethan. I called him.

“What are you doing?”
he asked me.

“I was just taking a bubble bath and thinking about you.”

“Mmm, I like that. Sorry I didn’t answer your text earlier, I was sleeping hard. Now, tell me about the bubble bath.”

“Ethan, thank you so much for the music and the note. I haven’t listened to it all yet, I want to save some so I have something to look forward to while I’m in treatment and missing you.” I felt like cancelling the whole thing and running back home to him.

“You’re welcome, Hotness. Now, tell me about the bubble bath.”

“Well, I listened to the first two songs and they made me miss you terribly,” I said.

“Uh-huh.” He was waiting for the good stuff.

I smiled at his anticipation. “I closed my eyes and laid back, letting the water cover my entire body, all the way up to my ears.” I had to tease him a little.

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. Then I thought about how you liked it this morning when I touched myself. You did like it, right?”

I heard him sigh. “Yes, I liked it a lot.” He sounded so sexy.

“I know you did, and
that made me like it even more,” I said in as sexy a voice as I could. I was having fun with it.

“You’re teasing me.”

“Yes, baby, I am. Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” he said, “Please don’t stop.”

“Okay, where was I?”

“You were thinking back, about this morning.”

“Oh, yes, this morning… Mmm, you were delicious this morning. Well, when I thought about how you liked it, I fantasized that you were watching me in the tub, touching myself.”

“You were touching yourself in the tub?”

“Of course, thinking of you makes me very horny, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Did you make yo
urself come?” I felt my face flush and I squeezed my legs together.

“No, I was interrupted.”

“What are you wearing right now?”

“A towel.”

“Drop it.”
Whoa! He wants to take over.

I dropped it immediately. “Done.”

“Lay on your bed.” He sounded demanding and I couldn’t help but smile as I crawled onto my huge king-sized bed. “Close your eyes and keep your free hand at your side.” I did as I was told. “I’m joining you. I’ve just laid on the bed beside you, can you feel me here?”

“Yes,” I said as I
reached over and grabbed his t-shirt that I was planning to sleep in. I took a big whiff of it. “I can smell you,” I whispered.

“
You’re so beautiful, Gia. I’m whispering in your ear and I’m kissing your neck. I can taste your bubble bath and you feel my lips and my tongue against your skin.”

“Mmm,” I was breathing faster already.

“As I’m running my tongue down your neck, you can’t help but reach up, caress your breasts, and softly pinch your nipples.” Hearing him say those words to me was turning me on in a big way. I had to firmly pinch my nipples, but he didn’t know that. “Your skin is so warm and soft, Gia. I’m hard and you can feel me pressing against your hip as I’m still kissing, sucking, and biting your neck. Mmm, Gia, I want to watch you touch yourself.”
Fuck!
As he said the words in my ear, my hand slowly traveled down my stomach and between my legs. I moaned as I touched myself.

“You’re so sexy when you’re touching yourself, Gia. I love it when…”

“Gia.” There was a knock at my door!
Shit!
I about had a heart attack.