Toronto Tales 1 - Cop Out (21 page)

“Do I know this young man? What’s his name?”

“His name’s Davy. I’ll tell you about him one day. What about the rest of the family?”
She shrugged. “You need to tell them. Everyone’s been worried about you. It doesn’t have to be tonight. Except for your father. He’s so quiet most of the time, but he sees so much. He’s been as worried as I have, except he thought you were maybe on drugs.”

“Drugs? Why on earth would he think that?” It was a little too close to the truth, though. His parents might have more children than most, but they didn’t neglect any of them, and never had. They saw each of their kids as individuals, and were never too busy to notice when their kids were upset or hurt.

“As he said, you’ve got a very stressful job. It’s not uncommon for people under stress to turn to chemical assistance.”

Kurt’s cheeks heated. No fucking wonder he’d never been able to get away with anything when he was a kid. He’d been avoiding them for months, and they were still one step ahead.

The butterflies came back with a vengeance. “Will he hate me?” “Kurt Patrick O’Donnell. Your father is a good man, and he loves you,” she scolded. “I’m sending him in, and then we’re having birthday cake.” The quick squeeze of his hand told him his mother knew how terrified he was.

H
E WAITED
in the break room, alarmed by how similar the situation was to all those times in his childhood where he had been banished to his room for one of his many misdeeds, waiting for his father to pronounce punishment. Usually it was something awful, like cleaning the bathrooms at the restaurant. He wished he hadn’t drawn parallels between the two situations, because it was hard to see how this could end well.

The figure of his dad filled the doorway, nothing more than a dark silhouette at first. But he wasn’t a kid anymore, trying to hide his transgressions. He was a man, and he had nothing to be ashamed of, even if he feared his dad’s reaction.

His father took another step, the light fully illuminating his face, questions in his eyes.

 

“Hi, Dad.”

“Kurt.” His dad settled in the chair his mom had just vacated. His dad was still a vigorous, healthy man, but worry—for him—was etched on his face. Maybe he did have something to be ashamed about, because he’d hurt his parents. Still… this was maybe the hardest thing he’d ever had to say to his dad.

They sat there in silence. Although his dad didn’t talk much, he also had no patience for dithering. “Spit it out, son. Like ripping off a bandage.”

Right. Bandage. “I’m gay.”
His dad sucked in a breath, but didn’t speak.
Kurt tried to wait, but he couldn’t stand the silence. “I’m sorry.”

Sean shook his head. “For what, son? Worrying your mother? Yes, you should be sorry about that.”

 

“But, what about….”

 

“Being gay?” Kurt almost expected his dad’s lips to twist in distaste, but they didn’t.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Son, if that’s how God made you, then you’ve got nothing to be sorry about. It just took me a minute. I… thought you might have….” “It’s okay. Mom told me. I, uh, might have been drinking a lot recently.”

 

Oh, there was that stern disapproval he’d been expecting. “And now?”

“I’m….” Kurt thought about it. Yes, he’d been too busy lately to wallow in his misery, but he truly didn’t need the alcohol. And now he had four people who were solid support. He wasn’t looking forward to everyone else he had to tell, but an enormous black weight lifted off his soul.

He let out his fear in a long exhale.

“You’ll need to tell the rest of the family. No more avoiding them, you hear? But your mom and I will let you tell them in your own time.”

They both stood, and Sean cocked his head to one side, looking at Kurt. “Oh, boyo, this was eating you up, wasn’t it?”

Kurt bit his lip and nodded. His dad pulled him into a strong hug, the kind that said he was safe at home. Kurt hugged him back, and when they parted, his dad’s eyes were a wee bit shinier than they were before.

“Go on out there and get some cake before your mother has both our hides. Or your sisters start screaming. Lord, I’ve never seen pregnant women crave sweets like those two.”

When Kurt returned to the party room, he was amazed at how different he felt. Happier. He missed Davy, almost like he was missing a limb, but there was an unbelievable freedom in the truth.

The family coaxed him into the traditional birthday picture by his cake, but Kurt was sure he’d never want to look at that picture. The reminder of happy times with Davy, at his birthday party, sent a shockwave of pain through him, and he could only imagine what sort of grimace he’d conjured up for the camera.

His mom gave him a sad smile as he cut his birthday cake. She had to know his wish this year was for Davy to return to his life.

Simon caught his eye across the room and raised a brow. Kurt lifted his beer like he was making a toast and gave him a big smile. He smiled back and bent down to say something to Jen, who popped up on her toes to wave at him.

Kurt drained his beer, and decided to grab a bottle of water instead of another beer. Ian sidled up to him at the bar. “So, how much trouble are you in?”

“Trouble?”

 

“The units dragged you into the break room at your own party.

Clearly they wanted to give you shit about something.”
“Nope, they didn’t. Everything is fine.” And for the first time in
months, those words weren’t a lie. He laughed.
“Okay, then. You’ve let the voracious preggers have their cake,
made the rounds, let’s go to the strip club.”
“No, Ian, I’m not going.”
“Why the hell not?”
This was a good a time as any. “I’m gay.”
Ian narrowed his eyes. “What did you say?”
“I’m gay. That’s what I was talking to mom and dad about.” Ian paled, dark hair and brows an even greater contrast than
normal. “I… I….”
“Hey, man, I know it’s a bit of a shock.”
Ian spun around and almost ran out of the room, his reaction like

a fist to the gut, smashing Kurt’s previous good mood to the ground. Out of anyone in his family, he thought Ian would actually be the most understanding, since they’d always been so close.

Both Simon and Mikey saw, and they both headed toward Kurt, reaching him at the same time.

 

“Squirt, what’d you say to Ian?”

Kurt glanced at Simon, who gave him a tiny nod and a shrug of the shoulders. Yeah, he might as well pull the bandage off with everyone. “I told him I’m gay.”

Mike glanced quickly at Simon, as though he thought Kurt might be playing a joke on him. Then he got the same thoughtful look their dad had given Kurt earlier. “Huh. And he was upset by that?”

Okay, c’mon. Wasn’t he at least going to get any expressions of shock? What the hell? Surely no one had actually guessed he was gay when he’d gotten to this age without even suspecting it himself?

“Seemed to be.”

“He’ll come around, squirt. This mean you’re finally going to bring someone to these functions? Mom hates that you haven’t settled down, you know.”

A tiny intake of breath from Simon told Kurt he knew how much that question hurt, even though it wasn’t Mike’s intention.
“Maybe. Someday.”

B
Y THE
end of the night, his whole family knew, and his sisters at least, had been shocked, but not upset. Ian hadn’t returned or called anyone, but Kurt couldn’t worry about that now. If Ian was going to be like that, Kurt was going to have to learn to live without him. Because he had more than enough to occupy his mind and thoughts without trying to make his brother not hate him for the code written in his genes. He wasn’t exactly happy, but the disturbing and atypical emotional yaws had evened out. Content? Almost.

Chapter Fifteen

 

T
HE
longer days of summer only seemed to mean longer workdays. The task force sucked up a lot of extra time as they geared up for a sting. There weren’t a lot of expectations for him and Simon—they were mostly included as backup. Afterwards, they could go back to being just overworked, instead of fucking overworked.

“We need to turn here.” Kurt looked up from his text to direct Simon. His partner was getting a lot better navigating the city, but they’d save about ten minutes taking back streets at this time of day. He hit send and slipped his phone back in his pocket.

“Thanks. That this week’s Davy text?”

Kurt sighed. “Yes.” Giving up his last connection to the man he loved wasn’t yet possible, even though they hadn’t spoken in almost half a year. He sent an extra one on the anniversary of Ben’s death, but even that hadn’t gotten any response. For all he knew, Davy no longer had the same number. Sure, he could find out easily enough, but he didn’t want to give up the self-deception, imagining Davy at least smiling as he read Kurt’s weekly texts.

“How’s it going?”

Kurt shrugged. “Still nothing.” Pathetic, and he knew it. He was sure guys who just came out of the closet had a lot more sex than he did. But Kurt was still a little out to sea. He’d never been great at dating women, but he’d had a number of years to assimilate the rules and customs. Maybe he’d see if Ivan wanted to act as his mentor.

“You coming to our party on Saturday?”

“Sure thing.” He preferred their quiet dinners to parties—if he wanted to be surrounded by a bunch of people he didn’t know and drink, he could go to Finn’s—but Jen would be hurt if he didn’t show.

They got out of the car at the crime scene. One of the beat cops sniggered and muttered “fag” under his breath. Both he and Simon growled, and the guy scuttled away.

Kurt rolled his eyes. It sucked—the loss of respect he endured with some of his coworkers, just because of his sexual preference. Considering he was practically celibate, it was a bit of a joke. But most of the guys who made comments were guys he’d never wanted to hang out with anyways. Aside from the occasional chest-beating, Kurt ignored them. But he might have to see if Ivan wanted to go for a beer. Not as a hookup, but as a sounding board, a resource… maybe even a gay friend.

“What have we got?” And it was business as usual again. Kurt was getting used to missing Davy.

“
K
URT
! I’m glad you made it.” Jen hugged him and drew him into the house. Kurt tilted his head to the side. Jen usually hugged him, but she was rarely quite this enthusiastic in greeting him. But since this was a party instead of their usual dinner, perhaps Jen had already been into the wine.

He followed her into the living room. He recognized a few of the people there, including Tiffany. Who smiled at him and wiggled her fingers at him, without any hint of malice or contempt.

“Does she know?”

 

Jen followed his gaze to Tiffany. “About you? Yeah, I told her. She was stressing about your uh… date. I hope you don’t mind.”

Did he? Kurt turned that thought over in his head for a moment. “No, actually I don’t.” He had no intention of wearing a billboard or taking out an advertisement, but he didn’t mind people knowing, whether or not he was the one who told them.

“Never mind her.” Jen was practically bouncing. Dread trickled through his gut, and he slowed.

Jen peered around and then grabbed his wrist, pulling him into the dining room, and halting before a slim, brown-haired man, a few inches shorter than he was. The trickle became a stream.

“Justin?”

 

The man turned from his contemplation of the snack table. “Hey, Jen.” His pale-blue eyes scanned Kurt from head to toe.

 

“Justin, this is our friend Kurt. Kurt, this is Justin. He’s our neighbor from down the street.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Kurt.”

Oh shit. This was a set up. It couldn’t be anything else, not when Jen gave him a little smirk and disappeared immediately. She’d done the same thing with Tiffany. Justin was more immediately and more viscerally appealing, but he still didn’t know what the fuck he was doing.

“So, Jen tells me you’re a detective, like Simon.” Justin handed him a plate and made room for him by the table.
“Yes, I am. I have to say, I’m at a bit of a disadvantage.” God. He sounded like his great-aunt Martha. And the ninja butterflies made the thought of eating impossible, although he still took the plate.

“Oh, well, not much of one. That’s pretty much all I know.” Kurt grinned. “Okay, then.”

Justin grinned back. “I’m in marketing. Entirely desk bound, and it’s probably nowhere near as interesting as your work.”

“There’s a lot of waiting. A lot of slogging through papers, databases, Internet searches, stuff like that. It’s not all chasing down suspects and gun fights.”

He wasn’t able to tell if Justin was a cop groupie or not. He’d come across a number of women who’d fuck any cop just because they were cops. Presumably there were gay guys who were the same. And he saw Justin with new, considering eyes at the mental combination of this lithe man and the word “fuck.”

They talked a bit more, moving out to the patio, where the summer night wasn’t quite as humid as the past few days had been. They talked long enough that Kurt wondered if he was being rude by monopolizing Justin. And he couldn’t tell if Justin was attracted to him or just felt sorry for him.

“Look, can I be honest with you?” Since his birthday party, he’d been more inclined to be straightforward.