Torn: Bound Trilogy Book Two (25 page)

“I think it’s Gormen,” I said. “We won’t find much help there. There’s a crossroads, though. We’ll need to decide which way we’re going.” He didn’t reply. “Please tell me you know.”

Aren exchanged a glance with Kel and Cassia. “We haven’t exactly decided yet. You were our best hope for finding the king. As that’s failed, we have few other options.”

The peaceful feeling left, and I reached up to stretch the tightness out of the back of my neck. “So you have no idea what you’re doing. Fantastic.” I heard the irritation in my voice that I’d tried to hold back.

Aren heard it, too. He rubbed a hand over his face, obviously annoyed. “I thought of heading toward Luid, to confront Severn directly.” Cassia drew in a sharp breath, but said nothing. Aren glanced at her. “Not the best plan, but there doesn’t seem to be much point in trying to search the whole damned country for someone who’s probably dead.” He narrowed his eyes at me and smiled humorlessly. “Unless you have a better idea, Nox? Something more brilliant than what I might come up with?”

He knew I didn’t. I set my jaw and didn’t respond.

Cassia started back toward camp. “Why don’t you all try to get some sleep? I’ll take watch for the rest of the night, and we’ll set out towards the crossroads and discuss this on the way.”

I hung back from the group, and Kel stopped to wait for me.

“What is it with you two?” he asked.

“It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”

“Really?”

“No. I’m disappointed that there’s no plan. You said I should stay to help, but with what? And he gets my hackles up. It’s like—”

Something near the edge of the forest caught my attention. I’d been too distracted to notice it earlier. “You go on ahead.” I turned to my right and headed toward the trees. Kel followed, but I didn’t turn back. My attention was fixed on a marshy hollow.

The magic was never something I saw or heard. But I knew the field held something useful.

Bog water covered the toes of my boots as I leaned toward the ice grass that thrived in the moist soil. Coated in a white, waxy substance, its thick blades reached nearly to my knees. The plants would have tiny, pale blue flowers in another month, and then fat seed heads. Either would have been more useful in a potion, but the leaves would be good to have. I harvested a few handfuls before Kel’s slower steps caught up with me.

I held the grass in my fist, careful not to crush the leaves, and took a few steps uphill. The mare Aren had spoken to glanced over at us and went back to grazing the flatter part of the meadow. The ground rose to a rocky hump here, bare save for lichens and moss. In the shadows at the base I found tiny vines with the beginnings of rounded leaves.

“What’s happening?” Kel asked as he crouched beside me.

“Plants. Insects. The majestic dance of life.” I looked up from my work. “How did you know I didn’t leave because I needed some privacy?”

“I’d have backed off if you’d dropped your pants.” He grinned. “Need any help?”

I teased the vine’s roots out of the thin soil and handed the plant to him. “You can hold that.”

He cradled it in his hand as he followed me farther into the grasses. “I wonder what you’d think of the plants our healers use back home,” he said.

“In Luid, you mean?”

“Oh. Right. Just… they bring in things from other places, I think. Assume.”

I smiled. I hadn’t seen him flustered yet. It suited him.

I stopped to pull a starflower up by the roots. At this time of year it looked similar to the surrounding grasses, but contained far more healing power.

“You could visit my home with me some day,” he said. “Our healers might not be exactly what you’re accustomed to.”

“Maybe,” I said. “But they would work the same way I do.” I smiled. “Kel, are you suggesting you’d like to spend more time with me in the future?”

“Um. No. Yes?” He smiled bashfully. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“I like you.”

I knew where this was going. I couldn’t let that happen, much as I’d have liked to. It would only complicate matters. I gave him a tight smile. “I like you too, Kel. You’ve been kind to me.”

He sighed. “I don’t know how this works, exactly.”

“I have a hard time believing that.” I looked over his handsome face and took in the way his shirt clung to his chest, the muscular forearms that showed beneath his rolled-up sleeves, and back to his eyes. I wondered how he would touch me.
Gently
, I thought,
at least at first.
My stomach clenched.
He’d take his time. He would—

No.

“Can you stop for a minute?” he asked.

“We should catch up with the others.” But I slowed my pace as we headed into the woods.

“Nox, do you ever feel like you don’t quite fit?”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you?”

He chuckled. “Let me try that again. In the group of people I…” He sighed. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

“It seems important to you.” He had me curious.

His hands clenched, then relaxed. “It’s just that where I come from, among the people in my family, we don’t do romantic relationships.” He seemed to be selecting his words carefully. I didn’t interrupt, though I wanted to run. “I feel different sometimes. I wouldn’t mind trying it.”

“Kel, you know, relationships are entirely overrated.”
Gods, this is awkward
. I found him attractive, had felt my body responding to his glances, but this was something else. Something I wanted no part of—or at least, that was what I told myself. “We only met this morning, and I—”

He held up a hand to stop me. “You’re not looking for love. I get that, and it’s fine. I like you, though. I enjoyed our conversations today. I’d like to be friends with you.” He shook his head and chuckled. “This is horrible. Too soon. Sorry. I wanted you to know that I find you incredibly attractive, and I think you feel that, too.”

I nodded. No point denying it.

“But I want more than that, and I wanted to tell you so we wouldn’t be confused, and…” He shrugged helplessly. “And now I’ve made a mess of it.”

I bit my lip to hold back a smile. “It’s fine. I really do like you, Kel.” Had I thought him dangerous before? I could certainly resist this poor man. I reached out to give his hand a reassuring squeeze, and pulled back when the heat of his skin sent a flash of warmth through my entire body.
Maybe not
.

I stepped away to look him over again. “I don’t understand how someone like you could grow up without learning how to flirt properly.”

His thick, dark eyebrows shot up. “Oh, I can do that. Please don’t mistake my awkwardness in this area for ineptitude in any other.” A slow smile crept over his lips. “If I wanted a strictly physical relationship, you might just be in trouble, my lovely friend.”

I snorted. “You’re adorable, but I think I’m safe.”

He stepped in front of me, stopping me short. His smile changed, leaving only a confident up-turn at the corners of his lips. He raised one hand and brushed my hair back, sending shivers over my scalp and down my back. He paused, perhaps waiting for my reaction, seeing whether I would back away.

I knew I should, but I didn’t.

My mouth went dry as he trailed a finger down my jaw line from ear to chin, barely grazing my skin. The meadow disappeared, and the world condensed to the size of the space between us. His eyes filled with undisguised desire, and my body responded in kind.

Before I could say anything else, he walked away.

“We should go,” he called over his shoulder.

“Be right there,” I whispered. He seemed to have taken my voice with him.

“
A
gain
,” Ulric ordered.

I gritted my teeth at the order and curled my hands into fists as I concentrated. The air between us grew hazy and shimmered, but the effect lasted only a moment, then popped like a bubble.

Ulric watched from the wall near the door. We’d been avoiding speaking of personal things, and talk of the world outside had already become far too depressing. His interest in my magic had continued, though, and I’d spent the morning telling him about my experiences with my teachers, hoping he’d see something they hadn’t.

“This is all you’ve managed anywhere?” he asked.

I pulled up the waistband of my pants, which were far too large, even with the belt the guards had provided. “It’s actually better in some ways. I don’t really have experience with illusions. I just thought I’d try it. At least nothing bad is happening.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Preventing destruction shouldn’t be your goal. You need to reach far beyond that.” He stared at the floor, deep in thought. “Have I told you yet about my near-escape?”

“No.” He knew he hadn’t. I tried not to feel too much hope. If he’d gotten close on his own…

“It wasn’t long after I arrived here. They’ve become much more cautious with me since then. I managed to hide, to surprise and overpower a guard with physical strength rather than magical, and I made it out of this room. I felt my power returning to me, stronger than it was even before my imprisonment. You know why this would have surprised me?”

“Because there was no magic in the land here for you to draw on?”

“Good. Nonetheless, it became dizzying. Overwhelming. I nearly tore the place down around me in my frenzy to escape, over-using my power, shattering a wall when I meant to break down a door, killing ten men when I... well, I meant to do that. But I didn’t expect it to be so spectacular.”

I tried not to imagine what that meant.

“I didn’t make it, obviously,” he continued. “That surge of power didn’t last long. I used it up too quickly, too carelessly, and they caught me as I was heading toward the king’s offices. Took me down with their own magic, with that potion that holds in our power. Returned me here, made me pay for what I’d done, and made damned sure it never happened again.”

“So where did that magic come from?”

“They don’t know. They think it was what I had saved up from before. As far as they know, we can’t use magic at all in here, but I believe there’s a sort of push-back when we get free of this place. Our power bounces back stronger than before, multiplied by restraint, though obviously it’s temporary. The greater the pressure, the greater the release. They may have killed the magic in the land, but we are magical creatures ourselves. You see?”

I thought of the night when I’d set my own bound magic free, and nodded. “Makes perfect sense, actually. So you think this is to our advantage? All we need to do is get out of this room without shackles and without them drugging us?”

“Indeed. I think your magic is the key to making that happen. But my dear, you need to work on control now, inside these walls. Remember, in the wider world your magic is like a massive, untrained dog, and you may be right to fear its bite. Within these walls, it’s smaller. Train it now, and it will obey you when it becomes a great, snarling wolf. Understand?”

“I do.” Yet my stomach felt like a stone inside of me when I thought of using that power. No, I realized. The fear came when I thought of letting it take me over. What might I become if I lost control of myself? A dark, familiar fear I didn’t dare acknowledge hovered at the edge of my mind. Something to do with Aren, with my fear of him when we met. I pushed all of those thoughts away.

Ulric patted my arm, as though we were friends. “So we train you now. You said you thought something happened when you tried a copying illusion?”

“I thought so, but I’m not—”

“Excellent. Try again. If we could work you up to creating images of ourselves running away, or some other distraction, think how that would help. I’m not gifted in this, but you may be.”

He seemed far too sure of the wisdom of his plan. All I saw were ways it could go wrong, but we had no other choice. We would escape. We had to.

“Stand in the center of the room and do whatever you did the last time you tried to copy something.” He retrieved a sheet of paper from his section of the room and set it on the floor. “Make another one of these, and don’t hold back. Let’s see what you can do.”

My heartbeat picked up. Even standing as far as possible from the walls, I felt their pressure. Still, the magic was there. I didn’t know if it was manageable. There was only one way to find out.

I focused, imagined a duplicate paper, and tried to will it into being. The image of bright blood running down Griselda’s face tried to slip into my mind, and I closed it away behind a heavy door. Still, my throat tightened, and my heart continued to flutter. The air beside the page flickered, and a shadow appeared, then vanished.

Ulric stepped before me, arms crossed. His frustration was obvious. No more friendly gestures for me. “What, exactly, is the problem?”

“I’m trying!”

“Are you? The power is there.” His voice took on a rough, growling sound. “I can feel it in you. You’re a true Sorceress, a rare breed of human. Why are you hiding from your gifts?”

“I’m not hiding from anything.” I paced the perimeter of the room, testing the boundaries. I felt the push of resistance against my power, and moved away from the walls to enjoy the slight relief.

“Then why are you reining your power in?”

“I’m not!”

“You are!” he roared, and moved closer. I glanced at the door, hoping a guard would come to see what the commotion was about, but none came.

Ulric sneered. “The walls are thick. Besides, they’re not listening. They don’t care what I do to you in here.”

I stepped away, bumped into my cot, and sat down hard.

He bared his teeth. “You’re useless.”

“I’m afraid!” I hollered back.

“Of what?”

I pushed up from the bed. “I’m afraid of accidentally hurting someone.”

“So you said, but that’s not the fear that holds you back. Stop lying to yourself.”

I dug deeper, past the excuses I’d been repeating for months. It felt as though I was ripping a hole in myself, exposing every weakness I was ashamed of. “There’s also the pressure.”

He snorted derisively.

“Do you think you’re the only person who’s ever seen potential in me?” I looked straight into his eyes, daring him to interrupt. Almost wishing he would. “Aren was the first. He saw it before anyone else, before I knew about my magic. Albion sees it, Griselda does, Emalda. Everyone has these expectations.” I dropped the volume of my voice, and stepped forward. “I’m terrified of not living up to them.”

“That’s still not what’s stopping you.”

My dark, unnamed fear stepped forward, and my breath caught in my throat. “I’m afraid of what will become of me if I fail, and of not knowing who I am if I succeed.” The words came slowly. “Every day, I feel my old self slipping away, and it frightens me to not know what I’m becoming. I don’t want to be like…”

I stopped myself. It felt like a betrayal, this realization that the thought becoming more like Aren’s darker side terrified me. I loved him, yet a part of me still feared him and his power, even as I was ceaselessly drawn to them. “I am changing. I killed a man before they brought me here. With magic. What does that mean?”

“It means you’re less of a coward than I’m beginning to take you for, that’s what.” He shook his head in disgust. “What does it matter now, eh? Poor little Sorceress, with powers the likes of which men have killed for. Perhaps it would do you good to remember that you’re as good as dead anyway. What do you have left to fear besides that?”

I froze. “That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“It’s true. They’re going to kill you no matter what happens in here. What does it matter now if you succeed or fail? Produce the illusion of a starry night on the ceiling, no one but me will know. Set the room on fire, kill me, I don’t mind. I’m as dead as you are.” He spat the words out. “With my magic trapped and depleted, I am aging quickly. I will die here, without dignity. At least if you kill me, it might be a death worthy of me.”

We stood nose to nose as he glared down at me. I wouldn’t look away. “Leave me alone.”

“No. At least do
something
, girl. Stop being a waste of breath.” His eyes narrowed. “Your teachers have all been too easy on you, myself included. Coddling and kindness aren’t getting you anywhere. Do you know how my elders dealt with fear and recalcitrance, or how I dealt with it in my own children?”

Hot anger rose in me with the memory of Aren’s stories. “I have a pretty good idea.”

He let out a cruel laugh and stepped back a pace. “Did he whine about how hard I was on him? That is, when I could stand to look at something so weak and admit that it came from me.”

“Stop.” Anger became rage, threatening to push me over the edge.

“No.” Though I couldn’t feel his magic, something about the vastness of his presence made the hairs on my arms prickle. “You’ve thought badly of my family for how we use our power, haven’t you? You don’t fear losing yourself. You fear becoming one of us. But your crime is worse.” He took another step back. “This is how we deal with weakness.”

He raised his hand and swung it hard toward my face.

I held my ground and braced myself for the blow as I released my magic. A high-pitched shriek filled the room, and a shape appeared between us, surprising Ulric and forcing him back. A familiar form appeared, serpentine neck rearing, jaws snapping and front claws pawing at the air. Insubstantial and smoky, the small red dragon spread its wings to shield me and shrieked again. Barely-visible flames shot from its mouth.

The king rested his hands on his knees and laughed as the flames surrounded him and then evaporated.

The illusory version of Ruby dropped onto four feet and faded as quickly as it had appeared.

“Did I do that?” I reached up to touch the pendant that hung around my neck, hidden beneath the high collar of my shirt. I couldn’t have chosen a less likely guardian.

Ulric sobered and studied the empty space where the dragon had been. “You did. Never doubt it.”

My legs began to tremble, and I sat on the bed again. “It was beautiful.”

“It was acceptable. You’ll do better. How did that feel? What were you thinking when it happened?”

“I was a little afraid you were going to hit me. Mostly I felt angry, though.” I looked up and met his eyes as the reality of it sank in. “You’re horrible.”

“It worked, though. You’ve been allowing emotions to hold you back when you should be using them, using your passion to direct and propel your magic. You say you’ve accepted your magic, but you have yet to truly embrace it and let it become a part of you. I was certain that if threatened, you would respond appropriately.”

“And if I hadn’t?”

“Then you’d have a bruised face. Does it matter? It worked.”

Rage still seethed within me. “Your methods are reprehensible.”

“I know, but you can’t argue with those results. Do you see how your power survives the pressure here? Within these walls, you’re stronger than I am. Don’t fear that. Embrace it.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I think I did. Would you have used your magic otherwise?”

I didn’t answer.

He eased himself down to sit on the stone floor with his legs bent in front of him. “I was raised with the knowledge that I was born to hold a country in my hands. I fought for the knowledge I have, increased my power through whatever means I could, and let nothing and no one stand in my way. I learned to be ruthless when threatened. I learned that fear and compassion and love only got in my way, and I banished them. Those lessons were hard-learned, and I decided to make my sons understand them when they were young.”

“That turned out well for everyone.”

He frowned. “I don’t say it worked as I’d hoped. My oldest living son betrayed me, turned me over to your people so he could take my throne. I have another who lacks compassion and love and fear, but it doesn’t seem to have done him any good. Wardrel is a monster. I should have had him killed when I had the chance.” He said it as though he were talking about culling an unwanted cockerel. “Dan is Severn’s shadow, not a strong Sorcerer, but clever and cunning and well-connected, and he no doubt helped depose me. I thought Aren was the same, though significantly more powerful. The last time I saw him he’d stopped trying to please me and was doing Severn’s bidding. Like a dog.”

“He broke free of that when he realized what Severn was doing to him.”

“That doesn’t make him any friend of mine, though.” His brows pulled together. “I was a good king. Did he tell you that?”

“He might have mentioned it.”

“I brought Tyrea together, got the provinces working with each other, trading. My army secured the mountains against your people and prevented them pursuing their obsessions into my lands. I was on the throne through more of your kings’ reigns than I can name now, and I maintained peace. I know now that I made mistakes as a husband and as a father, and I regret them more than I can say. But I was a great king, once.”

There was nothing for me to say to that, and we sat in silence as the minutes passed, each one bringing us closer to our certain deaths.

“Will you try again?” he asked. “Without my help, of course. Use your own emotions, now that you know how it feels. Let go of your fear. Let go of your ideas of who you should be and embrace who you are, even if it frightens you now.”

“I’m tired.” A half-truth. I was still reeling from my anger, from shock that he’d stoop so low, and from the realization of my ability. I had done it. I’d stopped focusing on my magic as its own entity, had let it fill me, and I had done more than I ever thought possible. I needed to make sense of it, but I doubted he’d understand that. “Let me rest. Calm myself. Then I’ll try.”

“No. Listen to me. You must have anger within you for what your people did to you, what they’re doing now. Hatred.”