Torn Asunder (17 page)

It
was the warm embrace good friends exchange. Still Cle cursed the hot poker pain
that lanced her insides. She was not jealous, she was not! She bit her lips.
She had almost always closed her mind to Dev with any other woman. She had shut
away any thoughts of the women who had been in his life before he met her. With
sudden insight she realized that she was every bit as jealous and possessive as
Dev had ever been. Dev had just been more open about it.

The
embarrassing thought so clouded her mind that she had to have Lucille repeat
the Asner's names twice. Bill and Ella, Bill and Ella. Bill was a partner with
Cubby in the construction firm he had started when he and Lucille had
emigrated Down Under. Harry and Tina Blake seemed very friendly.

As
Cle accepted a drink she heard a scuffling sound at the door. A sandy haired
toddler somewhere in the range of two to three years scurried into the room, an
indulgent Cubby making a grab for a glass as the child rocked against a table.
Following him came an aproned nanny cradling a round-eyed curly-haired blond in
pink Dr. Dentons, a thumb in her mouth as she stared at the people.

"This
is the wild part of the evening, Cle, when you meet the progeny." Cubby
chuckled and opened his arms to the pink doll in the arms of the nanny. The
thumb came out of the mouth and was replaced by a wide toothless grin, as she
lifted two chubby arms to her father.

Cle
felt a sting of tears as she watched the children. She had loosely planned not
to have children, knowing that the only man whose children she would want would
be Dev's, but now seeing the little boy walk toward her, his slightly
bow-legged walk rocking him into furniture and people alike made her insides
squeeze in yearning.

He
walked right up to Cle and looked at her, head cocked to one side. "I'm
Jamth."

"I'm
Cle," she answered, putting out her hand and bending toward James.

"My
mommy is going to have, 'nother baby. Nanny said 'Heaven help us, 'but I'm
glad. I want a brother this time. Sarah's nice but she likes her teddy
bear."

"I
used to have a teddy bear," Cle said. She felt Dev at her side, watching
her.

James
nodded sagely. "Girls is funny that way." He smiled and looked around
him when everyone laughed.-When he looked back, he smiled at Cle, then looked
at Dev, his face solemn once more. "Are you her daddy? Mommy says you have
to have a daddy to have a baby." He looked back at Cle unaware of a
sputtering mother bearing down on him from behind. "Do you wanna baby?"
His mother swept him high in the air but he still waited for Cle's answer.

All
at once, Cle felt as if she wanted to cry. She could feel her body shake as she
fought the feeling and smiled at the little boy.

Before
she could answer, Dev had his arm around her. "Yes, we would like a boy
just like you one day," he announced blandly, ignoring Cle's gasp of
horror and her stiffened body.

Satisfied,
James allowed himself to be carried from the room, announcing to his thumb sucking
sister that that lady in the pretty dress was going to have a baby just like
him.

Conversation
immediately resumed and no one seemed to think anything of the child's words..
.but Cle. She felt coated with a stinging painful frost.

When
Cubby came over laughing and apologetic about James she managed a smile and an
offhand remark. Dev glossed over it by a laughing phrase, but Cle didn't really
hear it. She was too busy trying to keep the torn up pieces of her insides from
falling out her mouth. Dev's arm stayed tight around her for the short time
they had before they all went to their cars for the drive to the opera house.
Dev waved aside Cubby's invitation to ride with them, saying it would be easier
if they drove themselves since their apartment was closer to the Opera House.

The
drive wasn't a long one but Cle was glad that they were alone so that she had
time to pull herself together.

"Cle,
I could see you were shaken by James's question." Dev's voice was very
low.

"Don't
be silly," Cle said huskily, trying to tip her compact at an angle to
catch the light. She jumped when Dev pushed a switch to light the mirror around
her sun visor. "He's just a little boy. They always say things like that.
He's a very cute little boy and I like his parents very much.

"Cubby
is a good friend, and he married one of the best women I know." Dev looked
her way for a moment. "They like you, I could tell, even though we weren't
there very long."

Traffic
became thick the closer they came to the beautiful building that is the pride
and joy of every
Sydney
resident—the Opera House. Cle craned her neck to look at the sweeping lines of
the building, loving the fluid grace. The artist in her sighed at the symmetry
and rhythm against the night sky.

As much
as she liked Puccini, Cle couldn't concentrate on the ill-starred lovers for
thinking of her reactions to the little boy's words. Even "Un Bel
Die," the poignant aria of love, didn't penetrate her painful reflections.
She couldn't blot out the picture that kept forming in her mind of a little boy
who just happened to be a miniature of Dev. Alongside a miniature Dev skipped
another dark-haired child, a girl, who just happened to have really blue eyes
with navy irises. She couldn't really see the singers. She flinched, blinking
her eyes rapidly to clear her thoughts, but nothing seemed to help. There was
Dev on stage in a naval uniform. Oh, God. Cle closed her eyes, applauding
because everyone else was doing so.

"What
is it, darling? Aren't you well? Do you want me to take you straight
home?" Dev leaned over her as she hunched in her seat, a crease between
his arching black brows, the emerald eyes appearing to probe her mind.

"What?"
She tried to straighten in her seat but Dev was too close. "Oh, no, we'll
go out to supper. All the plans were made."

"We're
not going anywhere if you don't feel well." Dev's face had a set look as
he took her arm to follow the others toward the spacious lobby.

"I'm
fine. Really, I am." Cle whispered, her face tense as she tried to
convince Dev, but not let the others hear what she was saying. Feeling the way
she did, anything was better than going back to the apartment and being alone
with Dev. She needed time to recoup, time to pull herself together.

"Did
you enjoy it, Cle?" Cubby was at their side, Lucille looking bright eyed.

"Butterfly
is my favorite opera," Cle said. "And what could be better than to
hear it here." She swept her arm encompassing the beautiful lobby.

Lucille
and Cubby nodded, pleased with her response. Cubby looked around him at the
mass of humanity exiting the building and pursed his lips. "We had better
get to the cars. We don't have far to go but we don't want to get into a
traffic tangle either." He looked back at Cle. "I hope you like to
dance, Cle. We have a place here that plays great disco and the big band sound
from the States as well. And the food... ummmmm."

Cle
laughed. In her peripheral vision she saw Dev make a move. "I love to
dance. Just lead the way. I'm starving for food and eager to dance," she
said, watching Dev pause at her side and stare down at her. She swiveled her
head to look straight at Lucille and Cubby.

Cubby
laughed and gestured to the others.

Dev
was quiet even when they were in the car, adding to Cle's nervousness.

"What's
Cubby's real name?" She tried to clear the sudden huskiness of her throat.

"Cuthbert."

Cle
saw Dev's reluctant smile and sighed in relief.

"Very
few people have ever called him Cuthbert." Dev chuckled. "Cubby is a
very good-natured fellow ... but not about his name. He was named for a very
rich old uncle who obligingly left Cubby his money, but I don't think old Cub
ever thought it was worth it." Dev threw a look her way. "Don't think
this talk about Cubby will throw me off the track. When we get home I will press
to know what's bothering you and what was bothering you while watching the
opera." He parked the car after several long minutes of searching for a
vacant spot. It seemed that the place that Cubby led them to was popular.
"But to get back to Cubby." He said this as he helped her from the
car and locked it. "His family was not poor but Cubby still made his own
way. He's a very strong person."

Cle
nodded. "And gentle and loving with Lucille and the children."

"Any
man is gentle when he marries the love of his life. Didn't you know that, my
sweet?" Dev held open the door and the blast of sound, mixing laughter and
music, came at them like soft missiles. Cle was glad of the diversion so that
she didn't have to respond to another one of Dev's ambiguous remarks.

The
table assigned to them by the maitre d' was a long one. It would seat everyone
but it would make conversation limited to left and right neighbor and perhaps
the person across the way.

Even
with the air conditioning, Cle could see beads of perspiration on the faces of
many of the people.

Cubby
and Lucille recommended the Fettuccine Alfredo and since Cle loved Italian
food and north of
Rome
cooking in particular, she ordered it. Dev ordered Italian as well, but he
ordered the scampi.

When
all the orders were given, Dev rose to his feet taking her elbow. "We
haven't danced in a long while and you did say you felt well. Didn't you?"

"Oh,
yes." Cle felt her smile stretch her mouth. Yes, I love to dance with you,
you Limey oaf, but you also know damn well what it does to me. Her smile
touched the others and Cubby jumped to his feet, clutching Lucille. His
forward motion carried the doll-like woman to the dance floor with her toes
barely touching the floor. She shrugged at Cle, her eyes merry.

"Since
I married Cub, my shoes don't wear out. Most of the time my feet are not on the
ground."

Cle
laughed. Then she looked up as she saw Dev watching her. "What's
wrong?" She felt out of breath.

"It's
been a long time since I've heard you laugh like that. I've missed it." He
chuckled. "You're blushing, lady," he murmured as he swept her into
his arms, the fast-paced disco music gripping them and sending their swaying
bodies round the room. "God, it's been too long," Dev mumbled into
her hair as he caught her twirling body close to him once more.

Cle
forgot everything in the blood-sizzling joy of dancing with Dev. He made the
world spin. He made the planets collide. The beat entered her brain and she felt
as though she had become an extension of Dev. She looked into his face, knowing
that his laughing excitement was echoed in her own face. She didn't lose a
step, not a beat as his moves became more intricate. The song changed but not
the beat and when others sat down, she and Dev continued.

All
at once she almost faltered when she suddenly realized that people were
watching them. Dev's hand squeezed her waist urging her on. She returned his
smile and forgot the watchers, forgot the other people in the large room,
forgot there was anyone on the earth but Dev.

With
a crash of cymbals it was over and the applause rose as Dev pulled her close to
his body, letting her hide her flushed face in his chest.

"You
were wonderful, darling, an angel," he mumbled, smiling as he nodded and
acknowledged the applause before leading her to the table.

The
others at the table rose still clapping and Cle couldn't repress a beaming
smile. She couldn't disguise the happiness running through her after dancing
with the man she loved, the man she would always love, no matter where life
took her from here.

They
sat down and Dev handed her a tall, frosted glass with a mint leaf and a lime
on the top. With an audible sigh of pleasure she sipped at the drink making the
others laugh.

"Cle,
you and Dev looked professional out there." Lucille looked admiring.
"You must dance often with each other."

"We
used to dance more than we have lately," Dev answered for her. "But
it felt so good out there, I think we'll be doing it more often." He
kissed Cle's forehead. "Don't you agree, love?" He looked at her, the
glimmer deep in his eye making Cle feel as though her heart might spring from
her chest.

She
nodded. Of course I agree with you, damn you Dev Carstairs. I agree with
anything you say. I'd hold the knife if you wanted to stab me, damn you. Cle
sighed, deciding that she wasn't going to fight his magnetism tonight. Just for
tonight, she would let herself sink into Dev Carstairs, let herself wallow in
his strength. Just for tonight, she would let down her guard.