Torn (11 page)

Cass knelt down in front of Tara, and I moved a little closer so I could hear.

‘We’ve been watching you.’ Her voice was gruff. There’s no way I would have recognized it as Cass’s. She sounded mega-pervy. Cass ran her fingers up and down Tara’s arm. Tara squirmed this way and that, trying to escape her touch. ‘Aw, what’s the matter? Don’t you want to play? Hmm? You
look
like the kind of girl who likes to play. What do you say I untie you and you show us what you can do? My mate Baz here has been
aching
to get to know you a little better … and he hasn’t had any in a long time, have you, Baz?’
Where is she getting this stuff from? She’s depraved.

Cass moved her hand to Tara’s leg and traced her fingers up Tara’s thigh. A thought popped into my head and I did my very best to squash it down, hard. But it bubbled up again, spilling over the sides of my brain.
Cass is enjoying this, isn’t she?

A louder, more desperate whimper from Tara as her heels scrabbled against the muddy forest floor. She tried to kick out at Cass, but Cass managed to dodge her. Although I couldn’t see Cass’s face under the balaclava, I knew she was grinning. Her eyes were glittering in the darkness. She high-fived Polly. Rae was standing a few metres away, her back to us. I could hardly blame her.

Tara’s head thrashed from side to side. I was worried she’d knock herself out on the tree trunk. Her body was bucking and twisting against the ropes. There was a sound coming from her that I didn’t like one little bit. A terrible wheezing gulping sort of sound.
Enough’s enough.
I shoved Cass out the way and knelt down in front of Tara, wrenching the pillowcase off her head.

Tara’s eyes were bulging out of their sockets and her nostrils were flaring madly. The ugly wheezing sound was getting worse. Somewhere in the back of my mind I recognized that this was really bad. The gag was on tight, Tara’s mouth pulled into a grimace. I did my best not to dig my fingernails into her face as I tried to loosen the cloth. I vaguely heard Cass’s voice – her normal, everyday voice. ‘What the hell are you doing? Shit! She’s seen you now! You’ve ruined everything.’ I ignored her. Tara didn’t look right. Something wasn’t right.

I eventually pulled the gag away from Tara’s face. The wheezing sound was different now. Rattling. Tara’s eyes were glassy and unfocused. ‘Tara! TARA! Look at me.’ I grabbed her face and forced her to see me. There was a flicker of recognition. ‘It’s OK, Tara. It’s only us. We were just messing around. Come on, just breathe now. It’s OK, calm down.’ She was shaking her head wildly, still panicking.

Rae was at my side now. I looked at her helplessly. ‘What’s the matter with her? What are we going to do?’ My voice sounded jittery and unnaturally high.

‘Tara? Try and breathe slowly. Through your nose. Just breathe.’ Rae sounded calm and in control.

Tara was still shaking her head, gasping for air. Her chest was heaving. ‘I … I … can’t!’ The words were barely audible.

‘Tara? Have you got asthma?’ asked Rae.

Tara nodded frantically.

‘Have you got an inhaler?’ Another nod.

‘Where is it? Is it in your rucksack?’ A shake of the head.

‘Bedside table? No, no, wait, in your spongebag?’ Tara nodded, and something approaching relief flitted across her features. But she still couldn’t catch her breath. And even in the darkness I could see that her lips were turning blue.

I leaped to my feet. ‘I’ll get it – give me the torch. NOW!’ Cass was standing a few paces away, looking gormless. She handed it over without a word. ‘For Christ’s sake, Cass, untie her!’ She snapped out of it and started working on the rope.

Polly spoke up. I’d almost forgotten she was there. ‘Rae, you go with her. Two of you will be able to find it quicker.’

Rae looked unsure. ‘I think I should stay here with Tara.’

Polly was fiddling with something in the pocket of her cardigan and I had this bizarre thought that maybe she was about to pull out a magic wand and make everything all better. She didn’t. ‘No, go with Alice. I’ll look after Tara. I’ve done first aid. She’ll be all right.’ That made up Rae’s mind. She sprang to her feet and we sprinted off together, without a backwards glance.

The run back to camp lasted forever. I was ahead of Rae on the narrow path, the beam of my torch flailing wildly. My hands were shaking.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck please let her be OK please God let her be OK I’ll do anything if only she’s OK.
I blinked away tears, not bothering to wipe them from my face.

Eventually we burst out into the clearing. The cabins were all dark. Everything was quiet and peaceful and everyone was asleep. When we reached our cabin I scrabbled for the light switch before realizing it was on the other side of the door. Another two seconds lost.

Rae took control. ‘You check the bathroom, I’ll check by her bed.’

‘OK, OK, OK,’ I said over and over as I sprinted into the bathroom. I slipped on a wet towel on the floor.
Fuck fuck fuck.
Four sponge bags on the cabinet.
Not hers though. Probably didn’t want us rooting through it, checking out her expensive shampoo.

A triumphant shout from Rae. ‘Got it! It was under the bed.’

‘Thank God for that. Quick, let’s get back.’

Rae paused, clutching the inhaler in her fist. ‘Maybe one of us should get Daley or something? Call an ambulance?’

The next words out of my mouth were ones I will always regret. ‘No, there’s no time. Let’s get the inhaler to Tara, then bring her back to camp. The four of us can carry her if we have to.’

Rae shook her head. ‘I don’t know. I think … Don’t you think we should tell someone?’

‘Rae, we haven’t got time for this. We need to go!’ I grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the door.

Her lips were fucking blue. Don’t think about it. Run faster.

Rae shouted from behind me, ‘Did you know? That’s she’s asthmatic?’ I hoped I was imagining the hint of accusation in Rae’s voice.

‘No! Did
you
?’ She didn’t answer.

And then we were back at the tree, and Polly and Cass were crouched over Tara. These were the things
I noticed: the muddy, bloody soles of Tara’s feet, the candy pink nail polish on her toenails, the birthmark on her thigh, her pink
Little Miss Naughty
vest. And her eyes, staring but not seeing. Dull and lifeless. Dead.

Tara was dead.

Rae fell to her knees at Tara’s side and started doing CPR – pumping Tara’s chest, then breathing into her mouth. I just stood there, looking at Tara’s eyes. She was gone. Anyone could see she was gone. But Rae didn’t give up until Polly grabbed her arms and pulled her away.

‘Rae, stop it! It’s no good. She’s dead.’ Rae crumpled to the ground, sobbing. Polly patted her back awkwardly. Cass was still as a statue. I was floating somewhere high above us. Maybe Tara was too.

Suddenly I came to my senses. ‘I’m going to get Daley.’ I backed away from the others, desperate to escape from this place.

Cass flinched as if she’d been slapped. ‘No!’ She came towards me. Slowly, slowly, as if I was a frightened animal that might bolt at any moment. ‘Alice, stop. Come back. We need to talk about this.’

‘No, I’ve got to get Daley.’ I stumbled over a tree root and fell. Pain shot up my spine; I welcomed it.

Cass stood over me, her hand outstretched. ‘C’mon, Alice. We don’t want to do anything hasty
now, do we?’ She thought her voice was soothing, but it sounded like poison being poured into my ears. I wanted her to stop saying my name. She grabbed my elbow and hauled me to my feet. She steered me back towards the others. Towards Tara.

Rae looked up at me, eyes red. ‘Go, get Daley. Get … someone.’ She stood up unsteadily, as if she was drunk.

‘No.’ Polly’s voice was firm and sure.

‘Why not?’ My voice was shaky and pathetic.

‘Because if you do, we’re going to get blamed for this.’ Now Cass was the one looking like a frightened animal. A cornered animal that would do anything to protect itself. Somehow Cass and Polly were standing together, and I was next to Rae. A line had been drawn between us.

‘It was an accident. We’ll explain everything.’

Cass laughed mirthlessly. ‘Yeah, like they’re really going to believe us. She’s fucking dead, in case you hadn’t noticed. This is serious.’

‘I
know
– that’s why we have to get help!’

Cass was looking at me like I was insane.

‘No one can help her now,’ said Polly.

There was silence for a moment or two. Over Cass’s shoulder I could see Tara’s feet. Muddy and bloody and dead. A wave of nausea engulfed me
and I stumbled away from the others and puked. I heaved over and over again until there was nothing left. A hand was rubbing my back and a voice was murmuring words of comfort. Rae.

I don’t know how long the argument went on. Rae fought pretty hard, but the other two wouldn’t budge. I said nothing. I think I knew I was already beaten. Maybe I could have got through to Cass if I’d persisted, but I guess I’ll never know.

After a while I could tell Rae was beaten too. Beaten into submission by Cass’s talk of trials and prison and murder.
Murder.
It seemed that Polly agreed with everything Cass said.

Eventually I spoke up. ‘So what do you want us to do?’ I swallowed down the sourness in my throat.

Cass started to pace back and forth, nervously rubbing her hands together. ‘OK, OK, let me think … let me think. We have to get rid of … the body.’
The body.
Tara was no longer Tara, no longer a person.

This cannot be happening. This is a school trip, not some stupid horror movie. We
cannot
be talking about getting rid of bodies. This does not happen in real life.

‘We could take it to the loch,’ said Cass.

‘Don’t call her that. She’s not an “it”.’

‘Alice, you’d better listen to me. It doesn’t bloody matter what we call her. She’s dead, and
we
might as well be, unless we figure out a way to make sure no one finds out what happened.’

‘Can’t we just … leave her here? Maybe they’d think she was sleepwalking or something?’ I knew how lame that suggestion was before I’d even finished speaking.

‘We can’t! There’s all sorts of evidence and stuff. Your pile of puke for a start! They’d work it out eventually. No, we have to make her disappear.’

‘The loch won’t work. They’ll find the body,’ said Polly.

‘Right, yes, of course. We’ll have to bury it.’ Cass at least had the decency to look appalled at her own idea.

‘Cass, listen to yourself! We can’t do this! It’s not right. Think about Tara’s family … never knowing what happened,’ said Rae.

‘Rae’s right,’ I said.

‘Think about
our
families! Alice, think about what this would do to your dad. It would kill him!’ I hated her right then. Suddenly I knew that Cass would do or say
anything
to keep this quiet. And I realized that I would too, and I hated myself even more.

‘What about the well?’

It was Polly’s idea. The well wasn’t far. Between the four of us we’d be able to carry Tara. The well was deep. No one would ever find her. Hopefully.