Torn (6 page)

“We’ll wait out here for you, dear,” Jane
said as she pulled Brody out the door into the corridor of the ICU.
She would always try to shield him from pain.

“’Kay, I’ll be right out.” I turned back to
Jaxon. “I hate leaving you here.”

“My parents are here. I’ll be okay.” He wove
his fingers with mine and pulled me closer. “Go lie down and take
care of our daughter.”

He gave me a long, soft kiss then put the
back of my hand to his lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

I sighed and nodded. I turned to see Ashley
had already picked up my stuff. She walked me out, hugged me, and
told me she’d call if anything changed.

Meeting Brody and Jane out front, I climbed
into the front seat of his car, ready for the earful I was sure was
coming.

“I thought you were going to be honest with
me.”

“Brody, I—”

“Don’t lie to me, Lei. You’ve been having
contractions and you didn’t call me or text me. Jesus Christ, I had
to hear about it from him.”

“Brody—”

“No, God damn it. You should have told me.
She’s my daughter too and just because we aren’t together doesn’t
mean you can withhold vital information. You should be taking
better care of yourself, not pushing yourself so much that you go
into labor.” He sighed. “I’ve already lost so much, I can’t afford
to lose her too.” His words were barely a whisper.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I promise to relax
tonight, and from here on out I will tell you if I have any
contractions. She’s going be just fine,” I said, forcing a
smile.

*****

Brody

My cell buzzed again, waking me. Picking it
up, I looked at the time, 3:22 a.m. It was yet another text from
Leila.

Leila:
Contraction

Maybe I needed to rethink this whole “tell me
every time you have a contraction.” This was the third time she had
woken me up tonight. My phone vibrated in my hand.

Leila: r u
awake?

Me: no, why?

Leila: if I’m awake
w/these damn things u shld b 2 since this IS your fault

She’s got to be fucking
kidding.
It was almost 3:30 in the morning. I had to work
tomorrow. Rolling my eyes, I dropped the cell back onto the
nightstand, punched the pillow a few times then buried my face in
the fluffy down comfort.

Buzz, buzz.

Really?

I snatched up the phone.

Leila:
seriously B, can u get me Tums? Heartburn is bad

With a deep sigh, I threw the covers back,
swung my legs around, grabbed my boxers, and pulled them on.
Trekking downstairs to the kitchen, I retrieved the antacids,
bleary eyed and grumpy. I climbed the stairs and knocked on the
door to my own room. “I’m coming in, Lei.”

Opening the door, I found the television on
and Leila propped up in a sea of pillows on what used to be my side
of the bed. “Here are the Tums.” No answer. “Lei?”

I walk around to the side of the bed. “You’ve
got to be shitting me. You would be asleep, huh?”

Shaking my head, I set the bottle down on the
bedside table and returned to the guest room where I’d taken up
occupancy while Leila stayed with me. Climbing back into bed, I
tossed and turned for another hour before I was able to find sleep
again.

Chapter Six

Leila

By Sunday afternoon I had been bouncing back
and forth between Brody’s house and the hospital like a ping pong
ball for days. On Friday morning, Brody had left for NYC and had
returned this morning. When I asked him if we could talk, he
agreed. He knew what I was going to say before I said it. It was
painfully apparent. He sulked through the house all day, but he
agreed to sit down and figure everything out with Jaxon and me once
Jaxon was released later that day.

We all needed to be on the same page if we
were going to co-parent our daughter. The two bullheaded men needed
to come to an understanding, and that understanding would be they
were not going to fight around the baby. I didn’t need them being
stubborn jackasses for the next twenty years. Hell, I’m not sure
it’s even possible for them to be civil to each other for more than
ten minutes.

Jane helped me pack my things, which Brody
said he would have delivered later that afternoon to Jaxon’s—well,
our house. Brody was so quiet and withdrawn. It broke my heart to
see the despair in his cobalt eyes. The drive from his place to the
hospital seemed longer than any other of the hundreds of rides we’d
taken there. I swore he drove the speed limit for the first time in
his life to put off saying goodbye.

When we arrived in front of the hospital, he
jumped out, ever the gentleman, opened the passenger door, and
helped me down. He didn’t let go of my hand though. He pulled me
against his chest and looked at me, leaned down and rested his
forehead to mine.

“I know I’ve said it before, but I really am
sorry. I wish I could go back,” he whispered against my brow.

“Stop, please.” I closed my eyes. “We have to
move forward. I have forgiven you and you’re going be such a great
dad, Brody. Please, let’s just focus on that.” Tears threatened as
I hugged him.

“You’re right.” He stiffened and pulled away.
“I’ll call you later. And if—”

“And if I need you or anything happens with
the baby, I will call you. Promise. Now go on, get out of here. I
can get myself inside.” I tipped my head to his car. He nodded then
turned to leave. Watching him walk around the SUV and drive away,
my heart sank. I hated hurting him.

Once I entered Jaxon’s room, Ashley and Doug
stood and mumbled something about going to get a bite to eat. The
room was tension-filled and I sat down near the bedside feeling
uneasy.

“We need to talk, Lei.” Jax’s tone was grim
and cold.

“We’ll talk once you’re home. Why don’t you
let me help you get dressed?”

“No. Sit back down. We’re gonna talk now.
There are some things you need to know, before you move back in
with me.” He sat up in the bed. “You should have all of the facts
before you decide to come home with me.”

“You’re scaring me, Jax. What’s going on?” I
murmured as he intertwined our fingers. My heart started racing and
the pit in the bottom of my stomach opened up. I could feel the
adrenaline coursing through my veins.

“I haven’t been completely honest with
you…about who I am. I know all of this is gonna come as a shock,
but I need you to remember one thing. I love you. That will never
change and it’s as real as me sittin’ in front of ya, and has
always been real.” He took a deep breath then launched into it. “My
name isn’t Jaxon Henderson. Well, Jaxon is really my first name,
but my last name is actually Coleman. I work for the Department of
Homeland Security.”

“What?” I gasped in disbelief and tried to
pull my hand from his. “Is this some sort of joke? What do you
mean? You work for the club, not Homeland Security. Why are you
saying this?”

“Let me finish. I’ll explain.” He held my
hand tighter, not letting me slip away or giving me the distance I
really wanted.

“Yeah, that would be a really good idea,
because I don’t get this,” I said, shaking my head.

“I was recruited after my last tour with the
Marines. I’m part of a drug task force that works with the FBI and
DEA. I’ve been undercover for more than three years. I can’t give
you specifics about the OP, but I’ll tell you I’m not the only one.
There are a few others in the MC that are also undercover.

“You cannot say anything to anyone. Ever.
This is serious, Lei. Not even Barb can know. No one can know. Long
and short of it is, three years built up to the night I rode
out—when I told you I couldn’t be with you and you had to trust me.
Remember?”

I nodded, which made me dizzy.

He continued, “We finally got the intel we
needed to shut down a major pipeline up the I-95 corridor. But
somethin’ spooked the buyer and it went south. Fast. The dealers
shot first, which essentially covered my ass. I’d reached out to my
handler, but no one knew I’d placed the call. The boys in blue
swooped in long enough after the shooting began so it looked like
some random stranger called it in when they heard gunfire.”

I pulled in a deep breath and tried to
process everything he’d told me. His eyes never left my face as he
watched me, his sharp gaze gauging my reaction, his silence giving
me the time to put all the pieces together.

After long minutes, I asked, “Who’s dirty? In
the club, I mean.”

The muscles in his jaw flexed. “Not a word,
Lei, swear to me.”

“I swear.” I put my hand over his heart.
“Who?”

“Drill.” He hung his head.

Oh my God. Drill? He was the fucking
treasurer. “Why?”

“Babe, I’ve said all I’m gonna say. The
reason I’m tellin’ ya is because some really bad people are
involved. My people got most of them, but there are higher-ups.” He
looked me in the eye. “Everything in my life is backstopped really
fuckin’ well, but there is always danger.”

Holy shit.

I was reeling. Sitting back in the chair, I
tried to let it all sink in. Total disbelief washed through me. How
could he propose marriage to me and not say anything before now?
How could he promise me the sun, the moon, and the stars and not be
who he said he was? How could he lie to me for months? About this?
About something so fundamental to our future?

“Talk to me, babe. I can see the wheels
spinnin’. Whatever the question is, ask it.”

I just stared at him. I wasn’t sure what to
ask first.

“Babe, please. You gotta say somethin’.” He
reached for my hand, but I pulled back and stood before he was
successful. “Leila, I understand you’re confused and probably hurt,
but it’s still me—”

“Probably
hurt? Oh
no, Jaxon, I am definitely hurt.” I stood and backed away from him.
“And as for it still being you, I don’t even know who you really
are. My God, I was going to marry you and I didn’t even know your
real name. What would you have done? Marry me and say, ‘Oh yeah,
babe, your new last name is Coleman, not Henderson’ or wait until I
signed the marriage license to notice? Jesus Christ, Jaxon—ahhhhh.”
I hunched over and clutched my belly. I knew immediately it was
just another contraction and started taking slow, deep breaths.

“Shit.” He hobbled out of the bed. “Breathe,
baby, do you wanna sit?”

I ignored him and focused on a spot on the
floor. Deep breaths in through my nose and slow exhales out through
my mouth.

“Babe?” He rubbed his hand up and down my
bent back.

After it passed, I straightened and looked at
him. He brushed the curls out of my face and tucked them behind my
ear. “It’s still me, babe. I swear the only thing that’s different
is my last name and my job. I’m still the same person who walked ya
to and from work, laughed with ya over popcorn in bed when we
watched stupid movies, and I’m still the same person you fell in
love with. It’s still me, and I still love you.”

I stood there staring up at him, tears
glistening. “If this wouldn’t’ve happened, when were you going to
tell me?”

“It’s what I wanted to tell you before it all
went down. I was gonna tell you everythin’.”

I pulled the corner of my bottom lip between
my teeth. “Is there any more shit you need to tell me? Because if
so, this is the time. I’d rather just get it all over with
now.”

He took my hands between his as he backed up
and sat back down on the bed, motioning for me to sit, too.

“Full disclosure, babe. Until this is over,
you need to understand that to everyone, I’m MC. Which means you’re
gonna be an old lady. That means you can’t be questioning the
brothers, especially the Prez. You have to play the part until I
can end this.”

“What does that mean? Play the part? Like in
the books I read, the guys don’t tell their women shit, do whatever
they want, and the old lady’s left to clean up after them. Oh and
we all know about the whores.” I felt a familiar fire ignite inside
of me.

“Babe, you know it’s not like that, but if
you are around the brothers then yeah, you gotta act the part. Just
be respectful. I won’t be goin’ outta my way to bring you around
this shit though. I don’t want you at the club.” I glared at him.
“And not for the reasons you think.”

“Really? Then what reasons, Jaxon?”

“Because at any minute someone could show the
fuck up and start shit. You don’t need to be around that. I won’t
allow you to be caught up in this business.” He squeezed my
hands.

“So why not quit? If it’s so dangerous and
people are trying to kill you, why stay with the MC?” I couldn’t
understand why he’d risk himself when we had a future—a daughter on
the way.

“I can’t. I’ve invested three years of my
life in this and I won’t just give up and walk away. I’m not built
like that, Leila, you should know that by now.” He stiffened. “And
my gettin’ shot was random. They opened fire on everyone, not just
me. We lost two prospects in that clusterfuck.”

“I’m sorry, Jax, I didn’t know, but I guess
that’s the point, right? I wasn’t supposed to know. That bothers
me, all of the secrets and nondisclosure.” I frowned as I
stood.

“You have to know that it’s for the best you
not know this shit.” His beautiful green eyes pleaded for
understanding.

“I don’t know that.”

“Now you’re gonna worry every time I leave
the house.”

Sighing, I shrugged. “Okay, so yeah that’s
probably true, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t worry before. I
love you, Jaxon. I’ll always worry.”

“Always?” He grinned and lifted his brow
cockily.

“Yes, always,” I admitted. Softening, my
shoulders relaxed.

Ever watchful, he saw the cues, and the next
thing I knew he enveloped me in his burly arms and pulled me into
his lap. “I love you, Lei.”