Torchlight (10 page)

“Like you and my dad?”

Tara wondered if she looked as stunned as she felt. “What do you mean?”

“Come on, Tara. You know. I’m not blind.”

“Obviously. Have you asked your father this question?”

“Yeah. He gets around it every time.”

“He’s pretty good at that.”

Mike spooned chowder into his mouth as fast as he could, then smiled at Tara across the counter. He was the only one in the restaurant, as usual for this time of day. In the last two weeks, he had shown up for a bowl of soup after school almost every day and had then returned several evenings with his dad for dinner.

“You’d be a great mom, Tara,” Mike said.

“Thanks, Mike. Maybe with some practice I could be even better.”

“You can practice on me anytime.”

That evening Miles took Julia all the way to Portland—nearly two hours distant—to show her “the town.”

“I thought you were going to take me out in Oak Harbor. Can’t you even try to understand my new home? To see the good in my life here?” Julia was hungry and becoming more irritable by the moment.

“Listen, Julia. I just wanted a quiet, romantic dinner with you. I wanted to do something special, not take you to Tara’s. Was I wrong?”

Julia sighed. “No. I just wish you’d try.”

“If I wasn’t trying, I wouldn’t be here at all. Let me get used to all this in my own time.”

Julia looked at him sadly. She had the sinking feeling he would never “get used to all this.” But she had to admit, the restaurant—a restored captain’s home that overlooked the water—was wonderful. They dined on pot roast, potatoes, cabbage, and carrots.

“Takes you back to Anna and Shane’s era, doesn’t it?” Miles asked, pausing over his last bite to grin at her. “Come on. Admit it. You like this more than you thought you would.”

“I admit it. I wasn’t eager to leave Oak Harbor, but now that I’m here, it feels good. I haven’t explored much of Maine yet. And Portland isn’t really that far.”

“Let’s explore some of it together, darling. Come. I’ll pay the bill, and we can take a walk down by the harbor, stare up at the old clippers. I’m told they have them all lit up. You can dream of Shane Donnovan and tell me what’s transpired in Anna’s journals.”

“Not a whole lot,” Julia said, wiping her mouth with the cloth
napkin. “She’s still awaiting his return from California, which she spelled with a
K.”

Miles smiled.
He really is handsome when he smiles
, she thought, staring across their intimate table for two.
And he is trying …

“Let’s go for that walk,” she said, smiling shyly. Maybe they’d kiss again, and she’d remember a little of that spark she once had felt for him.

Trevor’s motorcycle was not in its usual place when they returned.

“Do you think he’s okay?” Julia asked Miles. She’d never known Trevor to be out so late. It was almost midnight.

“He probably had a date. Can I come in for a nightcap?”

Feeling oddly cross at Trevor’s disappearance and not wanting to be alone, Julia welcomed the idea. “I have only coffee. Maybe I could brew some and read to you from Anna’s journals.”

They went in the house, and Julia went to make some coffee. Her drip machine had died that morning, and so she boiled water on the stove. After setting up a filter and measuring out the black, fragrant grounds, she retrieved the latest journal from the library.
How fun to share this with Miles, too.
She had explained to him a little over dinner how much the journals meant to her.

By the time she returned to the kitchen, the teapot was whistling, and she poured the steaming water through the filter. After fixing Miles’s coffee carefully, with just the right amount of cream, she entered the living room with their cups on a tray.

Miles waited for her on the overstuffed couch, newly recovered in a rich tapestry fabric. He sat, relaxed yet regal.

“You look like you belong in this room,” she said with admiration in her voice.

“Thank you. It feels good to be here with you, Julia.”

Julia carefully laid the tray down on the coffee table in front of them and sat beside Miles. She handed Miles his coffee and, after sipping from her own cup, opened the journal to where she and Trevor had last left Anna.

“Anna is pregnant,” Julia informed Miles. “She’s waiting for Shane to return from his voyage to California.”

Julia blushed at this very personal journal entry, but Miles wasn’t looking at her. He stared at the paintings that adorned the walls.

“Are you listening?”

“Of course. She certainly is passionate, isn’t she? Is one of these pictures of Anna?”

“Above the fireplace,” she directed, pleased that he was at least interested in part of the history of Torchlight.

“Why, you look just like her! Look at her lips. And her eyes. They’re just your color. It’s uncanny.”

“I must admit, it feels a bit odd to look at that portrait. Apparently
there’s another in the town library, which she founded. People remark about the resemblance all the time. It’s rather unnerving.”

Julia resumed her reading and became so engrossed in her great-great-grandmother’s prose that she failed to notice Miles walking up behind her. All at once he was kissing her neck.

“Miles …” She gently pushed him away with a grin. Now
there
was a spark.

He came around the couch to sit beside Julia, took her in his arms, and kissed her. His embrace felt warm, comfortable. After several moments, he drew back, his eyes taking in every inch of her. Holding her hands in his, he said, “I want to make our own history in this house. Together, in Shane and Anna’s bedroom. I want to hold you where they held one another.” His face was earnest.

Julia looked away, frowning slightly. “Miles … we’ve been through this before.”

“And don’t you think we’ve waited long enough, Julia? It’s been four years. We can wait until we marry. Or we can consummate our love now. Come upstairs. I love you. Let me show you.”

She looked into his hopeful, smoldering eyes. “Look, Miles. You’re a handsome, desirable man. But I decided long ago that I would make love only to the man whom I would know for the rest of my life as my
husband.
I thought you agreed. It’s the way God meant for it to be.”

He leaned toward her, kissing her soundly, than nuzzled her neck, moving toward her clavicle and sending delicious shivers down her spine. “God created us as two people with desires,” he muttered, still kissing, “a man and woman who want to be with one another.”

“And who can have each other, body and soul, once they’re married.” She gently pushed him away.

He stood, his face red. “You know I’m only waiting to ask you to marry me because I want to make a decent life for you.”

“I don’t want to push you into it, Miles. Why do our arguments always have to revolve around you? This isn’t only about you. It’s about my dreams, and your dreams, and how they meld together. I haven’t decided that you should be the man I marry. If you ever should decide I should be your wife, and you actually ask me rather than assume it will happen one day, I hope I know how to answer. But in the meantime, I wish we could just enjoy each other’s company. Are we so accustomed to the action of the big city that we can’t relate to each other without it?”

Miles ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the high ceiling. “Look, I’m sorry. You’re right. We’ve waited this long. I want to marry you, Julia. You’re the one I love. I knew you wanted to wait, so I didn’t push. But with you all the way out here, in Maine, so far away. I just want us to be close, Julia.”

“I want that too, Miles.”

He sighed. “Look, we’re tired. Let’s talk about this tomorrow after we both get a good night’s sleep.”

Julia walked to the door and opened it for him. “No,” she said slowly. “I think I came to Torchlight for a break, Miles. I need some time. Some time to figure out what I want. I long to be close to you, but I’m no longer sure that marriage is what will bring me that. I need to think! I need to think. Please, go. Go home. I’ll call.”

“What are you talking about? Just like that you’re ready to end a four-year relationship?”

“I’m not ending it, Miles. I just want a break.”

“We both know where separation leads, Julia. Maybe we should
see a counselor, find someone to hear us both out.” He reached for her, but she pulled away.

“Please. Miles. Please, just go. I’ll call. I promise.”

“Julia, when I say my vows to you, it will be forever. Let me love you. I’m sorry for pushing.” His humble tone began to cool her anger.

“It’s not the pushing, Miles. I … I need time to sort things out. In my heart, in my head.”

“Julia—” He reached for her, but she held up her hand.

“Good night, Miles.” And with that, she shut the door in his face.

She leaned into it from the other side, trembling, until she heard the engine purr to a start and the gravel slide as he left Torchlight.

Then she wept.

T
he following morning Ben surprised Tara as she was taking fresh muffins from the oven. “Good morning!”

His deep voice so startled her she almost dropped the pan. “Ben! You’re not going out today?”

“Nah. Fishin’s been lousy the last week, and I thought I could use a break. I had this idea …”

“Well, what is it?” Tara busied herself with removing the muffins from the tins.

“I was thinkin’ … we could try it and see what you think … and you could say no—”

“What, Ben?” Tara turned to face him.

He squeezed his crumpled hat, unconsciously wadding it up into a tight ball. “You and I have been working hard since we were just kids. We’ve never taken more than one day off a week in our lives, and I was thinking I’m missin’ out on a lot because of that.

“Talkin’ to Trevor last night, and hearing about how he’s seen the world, makes me want to get out there too. And then I thought, I haven’t even seen much of my own home state. I’ve been to Acadia, and I’ve been hunting down west, but there’s a lot I haven’t seen. I don’t want Mike growin’ up the same way. And I was thinkin’ you might consider doin’ this with us.”

“What?” Tara repeated gently.

“Well, after church Sunday, maybe you could get Sally to fill
in—since it’s a slower day than usual—and maybe we three could go explore.”

“Ben DeBois, I can’t believe you’re saying this. Are you asking me out on a date?”

He studied her, long and hard. “A date?”

“A date,” Tara said, lowering her gaze.

“Does it have to be?”

“Why, yes, Ben. I think it does.”

“Call it what you will. I want you to come with us. It’s important to me.”

Tara smiled mischievously. “I’d love to go. Where should we start?”

“Let’s sail to Egg Island next week on your boat. Mine’s still in dry dock.”

“Sailing! That means it’s truly closing in on summer. Now sit down, and I’ll pour you some coffee, and you can share one of these cranberry muffins with me.”

The departing sound of Trevor’s motorcycle woke Julia. In the early hours that Sunday morning, when Trevor had returned home from his night’s activities, his bike’s single beam had cast a shadow-and-light show on her bedroom ceiling. Now, he was apparently leaving again.

By the time she raced downstairs to ask where he was headed, Trevor was already roaring down the road. She stood in the grand entry, panting after her hurried descent and looking out the window to the open gates. She sat down on the bottom stair and sighed.

Why am I holding out? Why don’t I just give in to Miles if he is truly the man I mean to spend the rest of my life with? Is it really so important
to God, or is it just old-fashioned idealism? And why am I racing after Trevor like some sick schoolgirl?

She placed her head in her hands and moaned loudly.

After showering and making herself some breakfast and coffee, Julia decided to go to the lighthouse. She had been to the top only a few times since her arrival, and she was eager to see the estate’s namesake again. For once she was free from renovation questions, and she didn’t need to entertain Miles.
I’ve earned a day off
, she assured herself.

She walked into the foggy morning, thinking that it looked the way she felt. It was during mornings and nights exactly like these that ships had depended upon the coastal lighthouses to guide their way. A huge foghorn stood atop the cottage. Lighthouse keepers had used it to warn ships away by sound, when the sailors could not see the beacon.

Where’s my lighthouse? Where is my foghorn? Lord, I need some serious direction.