Too Far to Whisper (7 page)

Nathaniel shook his head and chuckled. “Ah, yes,
love
! How well I remember our conversation during our journey here. Your romantic notions were so innocent, so amusing, I decided at that moment to ask your mother for your hand.”

Rosalind glared at him. “I am so pleased to hear you took so much time to make a decision as important as selecting the woman with whom you will spend the rest of your life!  Would not the flip of a coin have served equally as well?”

Nathaniel laughed easily. “You do amuse me, my love. As I told your mother, when I want something, I do not hesitate to take it. What purpose would it serve to delay what you and I both know is inevitable?”

“Inevitable?”

“Aye. Given more time, you would have come to love me…all women do. I, however, have not the patience to wait until you do. So, we shall wed first. That all-important love of which you so often speak, will have to come later.”

“You pompous swine!” she hissed, her eyes blazing. “I would rather wed Daniel Straw!”

Nathaniel’s eyebrows arched. “The whiner who hangs onto his mother’s skirts and fears his own shadow?”

Her rage increased. “You find all of this to be amusing, do you? Well, how amusing will it be when I am forced to cause my mother undue pain by confessing to her that there will be no wedding – that this betrothal is nothing but some ruse you perpetrated for your own pleasure? If, as you say, she is out there spreading the word to everyone within earshot, then she will be made to look the fool!”

Nathaniel shrugged. “Then do not tell her. Marry me and please both your family and mine. Have you so soon forgotten that your mother still mourns the loss of your father? Care you so little about her feelings that you would snatch away this one bit of happiness from her?”

“There would be no need to distress her if you first had consulted me ere you asked her for my hand!” Rosalind’s rage caused her voice to tremble. “And I refuse to allow you to use guilt to force me to do your bidding!”

Nathaniel released a long sigh and stood. “My dear Rosalind, you do confuse me.” He moved closer and his eyes penetrated hers. “Do you find me so terribly unappealing? Would being wed to me really be so distasteful?”

“I barely know you, sir. But from what I have witnessed during our brief acquaintance, I am convinced no one on this earth is – or ever could be – as important to you as Captain Nathaniel Corwin!”

“’Tis no crime to possess a high opinion of one’s self.” He seemed unfazed by her insult. “I would not be the successful man I am today if I lacked confidence.”

“Your success is a direct result of your father’s wealth,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. “And there is a vast difference between confidence and conceit!”

“My father’s wealth is what has kept a roof over your family’s heads for the last six months!” he snapped.

Rosalind stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled. “I said nothing.” He looked away from her.

Rosalind leapt to her feet and roughly grasped his forearm. “Tell me what you meant by your statement!”

Nathaniel turned to face her, then tugged his arm from her grasp.

“Please, Nathaniel,” she said, her voice softening.

Sighing, he moved to sit on a bench near the table and patted the space next to him. Rosalind quickly sat.

“Your father,” he began, “made some unfortunate…investments …ere his death. He was on the verge of losing his house and land when he sought my father and begged him for a loan…a substantial sum of money. Your father died but a week later, without paying back as much as a shilling to my father.”

Rosalind only stared at him, too confused to speak.

“By law,” Nathaniel continued, “my father can take any or all of your family’s property as payment for the loan, whenever he so desires.”

“My father was an honorable man who worked hard for his family!” Rosalind’s chin rose. “Why should I believe even one word of what you say?”

“Because my father keeps very accurate and detailed records of all such transactions…and your father signed for the loan. Would you care to see the document upon our return?”

Rosalind silently studied Nathaniel for several moments, then lowered her head. “Does my mother know of this?”

“Nay. I do not believe anyone knows. I, however, happened to see the document one day while searching through my father’s desk. Father is not aware that I know of the loan.”

“My mother must never find out.” She lifted her eyes to look imploringly at Nathaniel. “She thought so highly of my father, this news would destroy her.”

“Aye, no doubt it would. But not to worry – she and your sisters shall never learn the truth, nor be in any danger of losing their home.” His eyes locked with Rosalind’s. “…Unless you refuse to wed me.”

For a moment, Rosalind feared her heart had ceased beating. “That is blackmail!”

Nathaniel shrugged. “Call it whatever you wish.”

CHAPTER FOUR

“The wedding will be held here, of course,” Abigail said, clasping her hands together and smiling. “And I shall have a dressmaker from Boston fashion your wedding dress from the finest silk!”

Rosalind absently fiddled with a leaf that fell onto her lap as she and Abigail sat outside in the spring sun. Nathaniel’s prediction had been correct. The news of the betrothal had done more for Abigail’s health than any medicine or tonic. Although it had been but two days, already the woman’s movements seemed more animated, her complexion less wan and her eyes brighter. In fact, she was the one who had suggested they go outside, which attested to her improved condition.

Sparrows flitted about in the branches of a sturdy maple that stood at the edge of the Corwins’ dooryard.  Rosalind watched them, envying their freedom to fly wherever they pleased…and not be hopelessly trapped the way she was.  She wanted to stay outside forever and never return to her chamber in the Corwins’ house. Her only wish at the moment was to be far away from all of this foolish talk of weddings.

There was, however, one small blessing for which Rosalind was grateful. That morning, Nathaniel had announced he would be sailing to, among other ports, Plymouth and Gloucester at week’s end and would be away for a fortnight. She already was counting the minutes until his departure.

“I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that you will soon become a part of our family,” Abigail was saying, paying no mind to Rosalind’s silence or distant expression. “Did I not tell you from our first meeting that I knew you were special? Fortunately, my son quickly formed the same opinion. You certainly swept him off his feet, child. In little more than two weeks’ time you have managed to accomplish what scores of young women have been attempting to do for years! Pray tell, what is your secret? Everyone is curious to know!”

Rosalind shrugged. “I fear there is no secret. Nathaniel told me he was drawn to me because unlike most women, I displayed little interest in him.”

“Oh, I believe Nathaniel decided at first sight that he wanted to make you his wife. I saw the look on his face the moment you were introduced and, well, a mother can sense these things!”

Rosalind sighed wearily. “In truth, I find all of this a bit overwhelming and occurring much too fast.”

“Oh, all brides-to-be feel as you do.” Abigail dismissed Rosalind’s statement with a wave of her hand. “And, I assure you, as the big day approaches, you will feel even more overwhelmed.” She reached over to place her hand on Rosalind’s arm. “But ‘twill all be worth it in the end. I foresee a long and happy life for you and Nathaniel, with many children.”

Rosalind stared at the ground and suppressed the urge to tell Abigail that the only way she and Nathaniel would live a long and happy life would be if they lived it apart.

“I have been curious about something, child,” Abigail said, turning to face her. “On the first day of your employ, you swore to me you never would wed. And you were so adamant about it, you had me convinced it never would occur. What caused you so swiftly to change your mind?”

Blackmail
, she wanted to shout at her. Instead, she responded, “Your son can be very persuasive.” She lifted her eyes. “Believe me, he would not accept ‘no’ for an answer.”

“Well, whatever it was that Nathaniel said or did to convince you to change your mind and become his bride, believe me, no one could be more pleased than I!”

“Oh, my mother might dispute that claim.” Rosalind forced a tight smile. “She all but danced a jig when Nathaniel asked her for my hand.”

Abigail laughed a warm, rich laugh that brought a sparkle to her hazel eyes. Although it pleased Rosalind to see the woman so happy, she wished the reason for Abigail’s joy were something other than this mockery of a betrothal.

“I think it would be a good idea to have your mother and sisters sup with us soon,” Abigail said. “I wish to become well acquainted with them ere the wedding.”

“May Ben and Faith come also?” Rosalind’s eyebrows rose. She desperately wanted the opportunity to speak privately to her brother.

“Most definitely!” Abigail said. “Truth be known, child, I would do anything to please you. After all, look at all you have done for me. For the first time in a very long time, I am not looking toward my death, but toward my future. I even intend to be fully recovered far in advance of the birth of my first grandchild!”

Rosalind looked away from her and took a long breath in an effort to settle the knot in her stomach.  How special would Abigail think her, she wondered, if she knew the truth – that she had no intention whatsoever of marrying her son – that she had not changed her mind at all about marriage, and with good reason. She would not – could not – allow this nightmare to progress as far as the wedding day. Her only hope was to confess everything to Ben, and then together they would find a solution.  They
had
to.

* * * * *

At first, Shadow Runner refused to believe the news Grace delivered along with his supper.

“Master Nathaniel and Mistress Rosalind are to be wed!” she excitedly announced. “Is it not wonderful?”

“I knew it!” Jonathan exclaimed, slapping his knee and laughing. “Barely two weeks it took the lass to blind him with her charms. I knew all of her protests and denials when I accused her being here for the purpose of snaring a Corwin lad rang false!”

Shadow stiffened, his fists clenched at his sides. Surely, he thought, Grace was mistaken. Rosalind never would promise herself to a rogue like Nathaniel, and certainly not this quickly. Shadow held little doubt that within a week after the wedding, if even that long, Nathaniel would be out searching for some tavern wench to satisfy him. Rosalind deserved so much better…or at least until now, he had believed she did. Granted, he did not know her well enough to understand the workings of her mind, but he had perceived her to be different from other women and not the type who would wed a man solely for his wealth or power. Yet, try as he might, he could not deny what seemed so painfully obvious…that Rosalind had come to work for the Corwins solely to find a husband. Well, he thought bitterly, if that had been her mission, then she obviously had succeeded.

* * * * *

To Rosalind, the days preceding Nathaniel’s impending voyage crawled by at a snail’s pace. She purposely had avoided the captain, sharing all of her meals with Abigail in the confines of the woman’s chamber, and then often retiring to her own chamber even before the sun had set.

On the eve of Nathaniel’s departure, Rosalind was returning Abigail’s tray to the kitchen when Nathaniel confronted her in the hallway.

“When you come out of the kitchen,” he said evenly, blocking her path, “we shall take a walk.” His tone invited no argument.

Not wishing to incite a quarrel, Rosalind nodded. She knew what Nathaniel wanted, and the thought had filled her with dread all week. He would insist upon a farewell kiss, especially now that they were betrothed.  It did not matter to him that such familiarity between an unwed man and woman was considered a sin – he already had proven as much when he had kissed her the night of Ben’s visit.

Rosalind decided to stall her walk with the captain for as long as possible, hoping he would grow frustrated and give up waiting for her. After all, he was leaving early, before sunrise, for the harbor, so she assumed he would need his rest.

She generously offered her assistance in the kitchen, and Grace, kind soul that she was, seized the opportunity to unburden herself of as many unpleasant tasks as Rosalind would accept.

When Rosalind, her hair a mass of disheveled curls and her face smudged with soot from cleaning kettles, finally emerged from the kitchen well over two hours later, she expected to find no trace of Nathaniel.

“I can be patient…when I wish to be.” Nathaniel’s calm voice startled her. He was leaning against the wall near the front door, his arms folded across his chest. Before Rosalind could recover from the surprise of seeing him, he moved toward her, grasped her by the wrist and led her outside.

She silently cursed herself for having wasted so much time in the kitchen. Not only had she nearly worked her fingers to the bone for naught, it now was dark outside. Had she not been so determined to delay the walk, she at least would have had some remnants of daylight for an ally.

The black evening sky was sprinkled with stars, and a gentle breeze caressed the couple as they walked to the edge of the dooryard. The air felt refreshing against Rosalind’s skin, which was damp with perspiration from her time spent in the hot kitchen. The moon offered only a small amount of light to guide their way as they walked in silence. The night was quiet, save for the sounds of chirping of crickets and the song of a night bird in the distance.

Rosalind kept her head lowered and prayed for strength, for she knew not what Nathaniel was about to say or do. She found a small measure of comfort in knowing that after this eve, she would be free of him for a fortnight.

After several long minutes, Nathaniel stopped walking and turned to face her. “You have been avoiding me of late,” he said. “I had anticipated that the days ere my departure would be spent growing closer, not more distant.”

“Your mother has required my attention more often than usual this week,” she explained, tearing her eyes from his penetrating gaze. “She feels it is necessary to consult with me on every decision about the wedding. And after constantly tending to her needs each day, I have been too exhausted to do anything other than retire to my chamber.”

“If you are indeed as weary as you claim,” he said, his chin rising, “then why did you so eagerly offer to assist Grace in the kitchen just now?” When Rosalind lowered her head and remained silent, Nathaniel sighed and shook his head. “You do not like me much, do you?” It was more of a statement than a question.

Rosalind reached up to twist a lock of her hair. Reluctantly, she allowed her eyes to return to his. “Nay, I do not.”

“And despite witnessing my mother’s delight and improved health due to the news of our betrothal, you still would prefer not to wed me?”

“As I told you, I do not wish to wed any man.” Before she could stop herself, she added, “but most especially you.”

Nathaniel stared at her for a moment, his expression revealing nothing. He turned and presented his back to her, then gazed up at the stars.

His lack of response disturbed Rosalind. She feared she might have made him too angry to speak. And the last thing she wanted was to anger a man who held her family’s future in his hands.

“I apologize,” she softly said. “I did not mean to blurt out my feelings that way.”

Nathaniel slowly turned to face her. “Do not apologize for being honest,” he said. “You may not have feelings for me now, but I still believe you will come to love me. Perhaps ‘tis for the best that I am leaving on the morrow. Our time apart may serve to strengthen our relationship.”  He offered her a slight smile. “Perhaps you even will come to miss me.”

Rosalind remained silent, afraid to comment, for she was certain her words once again would spill out in the form of an insult. Nathaniel moved closer to her until his body nearly touched hers. “Do you realize how much I desire you?” he asked. He used his thumb to wipe a smudge of soot from her cheek. “You are far too innocent to understand that whenever you are near, whenever I see your hips swaying as you walk, I ache from wanting you.”

Rosalind fully understood the meaning of his words. Her brother oft had discussed his own aching need for Faith during their courtship. And it was that very ache that had driven Ben to his regrettable behavior on his wedding night.

“I suppose I should be flattered that I incite such desire within you,” she said, her cheeks coloring, “especially since I have done naught to tempt you. Perhaps ‘twould be to your benefit, Captain, while on this voyage, if you entertain several of those women of whom you spoke – you recall, the ones who so eagerly flock to your cabin whenever your ship is in port?” She lifted her chin and looked directly at him. “I am certain they would be more than willing to relieve this disturbing ‘ache’ of which you speak.”

Nathaniel smiled wryly. “My desire is only for you, my sweet. I assure you, there will be no wenches aboard my ship during this voyage, for ‘tis only proper that I respect our betrothal and remain faithful to my future bride.”

“Do as you wish,” Rosalind said with a shrug. “I shan’t know the difference.”

“But
I
shall. And, despite what you may think, I
do
have a conscience.”

Rosalind swallowed a laugh.
Conscience?
Nathaniel knew not the meaning of the word, let alone possessed one! She had no doubt he frequently would sate his lust while away, and truth be known, she hoped he would. She had neither the desire nor the patience to deal with the frustrated, ill-tempered beast she was certain would return home in two weeks’ time…if, by some miracle Nathaniel did manage to remain celibate. Sighing, she dismissed the thought. Not for one moment did she believe the captain was about to suddenly transform into a pillar of virtue.

“The hour grows late…thanks to your delaying our walk,” Nathaniel said. “As much as I am enjoying being out here alone with you, I fear I must retire.”

“I also am in need of rest,” Rosalind said. “It has been a long day and I am weary. Goodnight, Captain. I wish you a safe voyage and a safe return.”