Tomorrows Child (27 page)

I slammed the
book shut, which is not very satisfying with a tiny paperback. This
was it. This was the answer. The worn pages of the old paperback
were folded and creased. This was the book. This was the myth. This
was how she created the binding! I ran to the house, almost
tripping in the doorway as I sprung over the neat row of pine
needles. I took deep breaths, trying to get it together so I could
tell the others. “Demeter and Persephone …” I breathed, I took a
final deep breath, smiled and threw the book at Libby. “Sorry!” The
book scooted across the table, knocked her cup and almost spilled
its contents across the table, but it wobbled for a second and
stayed upright.

“What on earth
are you on about? Sit down before you pass out.” The book opened at
the exact page I had last read and sat in front of Libby on the
table. Waiting.

I explained my
theory, “You said it was more than simple magick. You suspected she
had called on a goddess to assist with the binding. You said…”

“I know what I
said, but did you read the rest of the myth? Demeter gave up her
daughter for half of the year to Hades. She spent half the year
walking the earth with her mother and half the year as the Mistress
of the Underworld. If the myth follows through, then you need to
think about the sacrifice that Persephone made. Do you think your
mother would have traded something to protect you? She wouldn’t
have saved you only to give you away.”

I thought about
that too and I knew it was an issue. “She did give me up. I think
she traded her life for mine, but instead of half a year, she gave
up half her life so that I could live.” I was right and I knew it.
I watched the faces around the table change from amusement to the
realisation that I had stumbled on the truth. “She knew the price,
she had to know. And that’s why we came home.”

Mum had
sacrificed everything to save my life. I just had to work out how
to undo what she had done and change it back.

The
implications of the binding didn't change my mind about training
with Navarre and Ruben. We might never work out how Mum was so
successful in keeping it a secret from everyone, even Libby, and we
may never successfully remove it, but I could learn how to fight
and fire a gun and shoot a bow. And maybe even hit my target.

Since the
episode with Volante, my aim was much better. My shot perfect if I
imagined her face as I focused on the target. Sometimes I pictured
my father, but as much as I hated him, those shots were less than
perfect.

I took a deep
breath, pulled back the bowstring, expelled half a breath and held
it, releasing the arrow and watching it twist its way toward the
target. It didn’t miss, but it didn’t hit the exact spot I was
aiming for either.

“It’s okay to
let the anger direct your aim, but you need to be able to shoot
straight without channelling your emotions,” said Navarre.

“I know, but do
you have any idea the things floating around in my head? I can’t
think straight most of the time, let alone see straight.”

“When we go
hunting, we leave everything behind. I’m not angry at the rabbits,
I just shoot straight. There is no emotion. If there was, I
probably couldn’t do it,” he said.

“How?”

“How what?”

“How do you
leave it behind?” I said.

Navarre thought
for a minute and looked to Ruben for the answer. Ruben shrugged but
his smile told me he knew the answer.

“We run, I
think,” said Navarre.

“Running
helps,” said Ruben, “but it’s more than that. When you’re a
soldier, you can’t take anything onto the battlefield. Not your
family, not your anger, nothing, but it takes discipline and
training. It’s not something you can learn without a lot of hard
work.”

“Can we try?” I
felt a little desperate and was willing to beg.

“Libby would
kill me if I trained you like a soldier,” Ruben said, shaking his
head. “It’s not that I don’t think you have what it takes, but it
would take hours out of your day, every day for weeks. And that’s
just to get the basics instilled in you.”

“I already get
up early and wait for dawn. I could do this and my stuff with Libby
and my jobs around here. I know I could.”

“Even if you
could, I don’t have the time. I wish I did, honestly. I wish I
could train everyone. But the simple truth is we’re already pushed
to the limits.”

“She can come
running with us in the morning, and do patrols sometimes,” said
Navarre. “And we can still do the weapons training and target
practice. I can teach her how to track and not get lost.”

“Don’t get me
wrong, I’m on your side. I am happy for things to go on as they
have been, but there just isn’t any extra time. As for your head,
you’re going to have to deal with that yourself. Maybe when things
settle down a bit, we can adjust the schedule and spend more time
with everyone.”

It wasn’t the
answer I wanted to hear. I didn’t really know if I had what it
took, but I was desperate to try. I was sick of being a victim and
I already knew self-pity was no solution.

We waited for
the moon to wax and wane, and on the night before the dark moon,
Libby announced that the time was right. The unbinding would take
place at midnight tomorrow.

Libby and her
coven of seven would prepare the ritual, allowing me to focus my
intention on the outcome. Technically, I wasn’t part of the coven
and until recently, I didn’t know the women even considered
themselves a coven. I had never witnessed a ritual. This was mostly
due to Trinity’s suspicion of my aura and my disconnection to
magick, but I didn’t need Trinity to tell me this.

Normally,
rituals were for worship and blessings. Seldom did the women invoke
a goddess and persuade her to intervene in the earthly affairs of
the coven members. You could talk to the goddesses all day if you
wished, but in the sacred confines of a circle, it was different,
so they approached the preparation for the ritual with
reverence.

Emily explained
that they didn’t want to “piss off” a goddess, especially
Persephone, as Goddess of the Underworld. The goddesses were
notoriously temperamental, at least according to mythology.
However, none of the women really believed in the wrath of the gods
and the goddesses so the reverence was out of respect, rather than
fear.

My role was to
fast and meditate, so I woke up starving. Isn’t it ironic that the
one day I needed to limit my food intake was the one day eating
wouldn’t leave my mind? This made focusing on the unbinding and the
goddess especially difficult. As I forced my mind in one direction,
it quickly returned to food. By lunchtime on the day of the ritual,
I was visualising the goddess and I visiting McDonalds, followed by
a very satisfying Romanesque feast. The goddess had grown plump and
round, her cheeks rosy and full to the point where I thought she
would pop. If anything could piss off a goddess, it would be my
imagination and me.

The house
bustled with activity, which also made the isolation difficult.

“What are you
doing?” Emily was in the kitchen with bundles of willow branches.
“You are supposed to be relaxing, renewing your strength and
focusing on a successful outcome.”

“How can I
renew my strength when I’m not allowed to eat? I’m starving! Let me
help so I can think about something else,” I said.

Yale and
Trinity arrived with a box filled with candles of various colours.
The largest was a black candle, at least twice the height of the
others. The scent of beeswax was comforting. I reached into the
box, intent on touching the black candle and rubbing my fingers
over the smooth oily sides, but before I even got close to it, I
felt a stinging snap against my wrist. Trinity had slapped me!

“Don’t get me
wrong, Psyche, but please don’t touch anything. I know you’re not
evil, but you do seem to attract evil things.” Trinity had always
been a little short with me and was not especially friendly, but I
never expected that she thought I brought evil with me.

“But I thought
all energy was the same, neither good nor evil.”

“That’s true,”
said Emily, “but people mould it however they want and use it in
ways that are considered good or evil.”

“Like attracts
like, Psyche.” Trinity held the candle box close to her chest,
adding, “and so far, you’ve only attracted evil.” There was no
compassion in her eyes and Trinity looked more like a wicked imp
today than a playful pixie.

I stared at her
in disbelief, unable to find any words to defend myself. She was
right. I did attract evil. Did this mean that I was evil? Like
attracts like, evil attracts evil. My lips began to quiver and my
eyes filled with tears, threatening to overflow. “Psyche, don’t be
upset,” someone yelled as I ran from the kitchen.

Phoenix hadn’t
come to visit and wouldn’t be at the ritual tonight. He had
promised to walk me into the forest where the ritual would take
place so I didn’t have to walk alone, but that was hours away. I
needed to see him now. He was splitting firewood when I stepped out
of the forest and into the clearing at the edge of their yard.

“Hi Psyche,
I’ve been expecting you,” Phoenix smiled and wiped the sweat from
his face with his shirt. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to spend the
entire day locked up in your room.”

I tried to
smile, but my lip quivered, causing my smile to fade, while my
tears followed. “I’m evil! Trinity said I only attract evil,” I
sobbed, “She’s right. I know she is.”

“She’s wrong,
Psyche. You have to choose to be evil. It’s not something that just
happens, it’s a choice you make.”

Even if this
were true, I knew there was also some truth in what Trinity had
said. “Come on, come with me.” Phoenix reached out, took my hand,
and led me to his house. Libby and Tahinah were inside doing
something with coloured stones and bowls of water.

“Psyche is
going to have lunch.”

“But…”

“But nothing,
she’s starving and needs to eat. A twelve-hour fast is long enough
anyway and if the goddess isn’t happy with that, then she can take
it up with me.” The women didn’t argue with Phoenix and went back
to cleansing their crystals.

I ate bananas
and bread. I wasn’t allowed coffee or milk in my tea, but my
stomach was full. My mind was clear for the first time today,
though I could still imagine a fat goddess reclining on a lounge,
smiling up at me.

“I’ll spend
some time with Psyche, make sure everything is going the way you
planned,” Phoenix announced as he led me to his bedroom. I hadn’t
been in Phoenix’s room before although he had been in mine dozens
of times.

“How are you
going with the meditation?”

“Good, really
good,” I lied and then told him about the fat goddess and the
feasting. It was somewhat funny now that the hunger was gone.

“I’ll help if
you like. Lay back and get comfortable, but don’t get too relaxed
or you’ll go to sleep.” Phoenix’s bed was big and cosy. The quilt
was handmade and similar to the crazy patchwork pillows we sent to
Libby every year, but the colours were all manly and there wasn’t
an embroidered ribbon in sight.

“Remember when
we were in the forest and I told you to find your peaceful place?”
I nodded. “Close your eyes and find that place.”

I nodded again,
“Good,” continued Phoenix. “Do you see a door?” At first, there was
only darkness and then, as if by magick, a door appeared. “Go
through the door. Behind the door is a magnificent garden.” Phoenix
went on to describe the garden in glorious detail until I could
smell the jasmine flowering and a cool breeze touch my face.
Nothing else mattered: it was just the garden and me.

“Now it’s your
turn. The goddess is here, Psyche. Look for her, ask her for help
and tell her what you want. Tell her you want to be free of the
binding.” Phoenix’s voice had faded into the background behind the
noises of the garden. The goddess stood on the bank of a
fast-flowing creek, looking toward the hills in the distance. For a
while, I stood there silently and tried to see what she was looking
at. Eventually, I spoke to her. I told her what I wanted. She was
silent. She never spoke to me. I stood by her side for the longest
time and finally she turned, smiled and faded, surrounding me in
mist. At first, the mist was cool against my skin and sweet against
my lips before it faded and darkness enclosed me.

I pushed my way
through a curtain of shadows and woke as the light was fading
through the window of Phoenix’s room. Phoenix was no longer sitting
on the side of the bed. The moisture of the mist lingered and the
presence of the goddess hung heavy in the air, but it had been a
dream. I had not controlled the outcome of my vision; my intention
had slipped and fear had overcome me.

I wouldn’t tell
the others. I had to trust that everything would turn out exactly
as destiny intended. If my magick remained bound, nothing would
change. If it worked, I would deal with that. If it killed me, they
could bury me beside my mother.

I returned to a
house full of women and went to my room without a word. Hours
later, Libby came to wake me. A simple white dress lay on the end
of my bed. I knew the plan from here. The women would lead me to
Tahinah’s moon bath to purify my body and my mind, and then I would
dress in the simple white gown. Phoenix would take me to the sacred
space in the forest where the ritual was scheduled and then he
would leave.

The women led
me through the forest from Libby’s to the bathtub on the bank of
the creek. Trinity lingered when the others left, I knew she was
inspecting my “strange aura.” The corners of her mouth lifted
slightly, though it wasn’t a real smile; she was acknowledging
something.