Tomato Girl (18 page)

Finally, the knots opened. As Mama's arms fell free, I lowered them to her sides. Red marks circled Mama's wrists. I rubbed them with my fingertips, but the marks were deep and couldn't be wiped away. Mama would know. She'd wake up when the medicine wore off and see. She'd know Daddy had tied her to the bed.

Tears filled my eyes. Even though she looked and smelled bad, this was my mother. I wished I were big enough to hold her in my arms.

I curled up in bed beside her, the scissors still in my hands. No matter how hard I tried to think of better, sunny days, I couldn't make the sadness leave.

I cried until the darkness in the room swallowed me. Sleep came, and soon the dreams.

W
HEN
I
OPENED
my eyes, a pale light filled the room, telling me it was barely morning. I turned over on my side, wanting to be closer to Mama.

She was no longer in the bed beside me. I patted the mattress, the pillows, and sheets. The sewing shears were gone, too.

A creaking noise came from the corner. I looked across the room and saw Mama sitting in the rocker by the window. At her feet lay the missing scissors, their shiny blades open in a
V.

Mama's hands moved in her lap, her fingers braiding strands of long, blonde hair.

T
ESS LOOKED LIKE
a raffia doll. Yellow tufts stuck out all over her head. She cried and pulled at what was left of her hair. Some pieces were longer than others. Seeing her made me think of a scarecrow.

“Oh, honey, don't worry.” Daddy smoothed her hair with his hands. “We'll take you to the salon and have it trimmed. You'll see. It will be fine.”

Tess leaned over the edge of my bed and reached for her purse. She dug through her makeup bag and pulled out her brown compact. Looking into the small round mirror, Tess saw her sheared hair and cried all over again. Red splotches bloomed on her face.

I stood in the doorway, afraid to move. Please God, don't let them see me.

Daddy wrapped his arms around Tess's shoulders and rocked her back and forth on the bed. “You're still my beautiful girl, Tessy. My beautiful, beautiful girl.” He repeated the words like a lullaby, and held her until her sobbing stopped. “Now, go get dressed. We're going out. We're getting you a new hairdo.”

“There's no way to fix this,” she complained.

“Oh yes, there is. You look sexy with short hair. Very European.”

Her face brightened, and she kissed Daddy on the cheek.

Daddy noticed me standing by the door. “Get dressed, Ellie. I want you to come along.”

“But Mama …”

“I don't want to hear a damn word about your mother right now,” Daddy barked. “I know you brought the scissors upstairs, Ellie. There's no other way she could have gotten them. I thought we'd talked about this last night.”

Ashamed, I looked at the floor.

Daddy walked over, lifted my chin, and stared into my eyes. He didn't blink, not once, as if he could will me to see things his way. “Your mother's not well. I don't know how much more I can take. I know you were trying to help, that you didn't want to see her that way, but you have to trust me, Ellie. She's dangerous when she gets this angry. I don't want to hurt her, but I can't let her hurt Tess either, or you, or herself for that matter. Do you understand? You can't second-guess me, young lady. Someone could get hurt.”

I swallowed hard, not sure what to say. So much of what Daddy said was true, but Tess was only the tomato girl. He was supposed to be worried about Mama, not Tess. I didn't know how to make Daddy see. He was blind when it came to Tess.

When Daddy released my chin, I walked to my closet and pulled out a blue sun dress. After I dressed and combed my hair, I gathered Jellybean and went downstairs to wait for the cab.

Going with Tess to the salon was the last thing I wanted to do, but Daddy was not in a mood to hear my complaints. I'd go along, wait for Tess to get her hair trimmed, then come back home and look after Mama the rest of the day. She'd need to eat, take a bath, and dress in a clean gown. The pansies and dirt should be swept up from the kitchen floor. The cut sheets had to be thrown away, and Mama's bed made fresh and clean. I would do it all, too, every single chore. Daddy would soon see that we
didn't need Tess. I'd take care of the house and Mama. I'd take care of everything.

I'
D NEVER BEEN
to the beauty parlor before and wasn't sure what to expect. I wore my hair long, with bangs straight across the front. Mama trimmed them for me every six or seven weeks, or whenever I complained about my hair getting in my eyes. When she suffered bad moods and couldn't be trusted with shears, I used a plastic barrette to hold my bangs to one side, or I trimmed them myself. Mama wore her hair long, too, but sometimes permed or colored it, which she did herself.

The cab took us downtown, past the post office and drugstore, to the little beauty parlor with wigs and shampoos on display in the front window. A bed of plastic grass filled the window well with pink, orange, blue, and purple eggs scattered through the green. I lifted Jellybean from my purse to show him the pretty scene. “Today is Good Friday,” I whispered in his ear.

“I want the works for both my girls,” Daddy told the lady at the cash register.

She smiled at Daddy. Sky-blue eye shadow creased in her lids. “Sugar, they just don't make enough men like you.”

Daddy blushed and handed the lady a wad of money. Tess squeezed his hand.

“Well, okay then. I'm going over to the store, see if Mr. Morgan needs a hand. I'll be back in an hour or so,” Daddy said, kissing both Tess and me before walking back to the cab.

How I missed the store. I wanted to tend to the chicks and help set out the phlox, marigolds, and snapdragons for spring. I'd rather sweep the dusty aisles or water plants than have my hair styled, but Daddy wanted me to do this with Tess. I'd already angered him by cutting Mama free. In a way, Tess's bad haircut was my fault. Crossing Daddy now would only make matters worse. He seemed to be determined that Tess and I be friends, like we'd
been on the first day, when that seemed possible. It wasn't possible now, but I wanted to smooth things over with Daddy as best I could.

Tess and I sat in chairs near the window and waited for our turns.

A woman came for Tess. “My name's Ester.” She had wide hips that strained under dark stretch pants, and her small head was covered in red ringlets. “Lord, child, who did this to you? It looks like a butcher cut your hair,” she said, running her thick fingers through the pale wisps of Tess's hair.

“I'd rather not say,” Tess told her.

I looked down at the floor, hoping Ester wouldn't ask me what happened to Tess's hair.

Jellybean peeped inside my basket purse. I whispered to him to hush while I waited. Almost immediately, the woman with blue eye shadow came for me. “My name's Bunny,” she said, leading me to the back room to shampoo my hair. I figured her name was a good omen with it being Easter weekend.

While Bunny's fingers scrubbed my scalp, I listened to Tess complain to Ester that a crazy and jealous woman had come into her room in the night and chopped off her long blonde hair. I was glad when the rinse water filled my ears so I didn't have to listen to the rest of her story.

A
N HOUR LATER
, Daddy returned as he said, greeting us both with a single carnation. Red for Tess, pink for me. I didn't ask, because I already knew he bought no flower for Mama.

Tess's hair was a cap of soft blonde curls with bangs like fringe coming to the middle of her forehead. My hair looked almost the same as it did before, only a little shorter and curled on the ends.

Daddy said we looked beautiful. He thanked Bunny and gave her a tip. We walked out to the sidewalk, Tess on one side of Daddy and me on the other.

“Where's the cab?” Tess asked.

Daddy pulled keys from his pocket and dangled them in the air. The brass keys glinted in the sun.

“You bought us a car?” Tess squealed, smacking her hands together as if she could hardly believe it, as if Daddy had bought the car just for her.

“Mr. Morgan made me an offer on his son's Pontiac. I couldn't pass it up,” Daddy said, pointing to the corner where he'd parked a pale yellow car with a black roof.

He shook the keys again. “Now, it's not every day a man buys a car. Let's go for a drive.”

“What about Mama?” I asked, wanting to get home. We'd already been gone for over an hour.

“Oh, we've got plenty of time. We'll get back soon, don't worry. Just a quick little spin, Ellie.”

“Okay.” I went along; it was easier not to argue.

Tess walked over and stroked his face with the back of her hand, then giggled. She snatched the keys from his hand and said, “Let's go!”

Tess wanted to drive.

“Give me the keys, Tess.” Daddy held his open hand toward her. His voice sounded half-serious, half-playful.

Tess was already buckling herself into the driver's seat. She clutched the keys in her hands. “I know how to drive!” She'd driven the old pickup truck to the store, so I knew this was true.

I sat in the back and held Jellybean. The faded plaid seat cover smelled like cigarettes, but was still in good shape. I rubbed my fingers over the chrome door handles and the black vinyl.

Daddy and Tess kept on about the keys.

“I know, honey, but you don't have a permit, and I don't need you getting a ticket while you're with me. Give me those keys.”

“If you want them, take them,” Tess said as she tucked them down the front of her shirt.

I watched through the rearview mirror as my father slipped his hand inside Tess's blouse and fished for the keys.

She squirmed, giggled, and pushed at his hands. Daddy reached in further, and I blushed to see my father's hand disappear inside Tess's bra. A few seconds later, he pulled out the keys. “Ta da!” he said, just like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat. Daddy held the keys in front of her face. “Here, honey, go ahead and drive. I just pray the sheriff doesn't see you driving with me.”

“It's a dumb rule anyhow that I can't get a permit on account of my epilepsy. I haven't had a seizure in so long.”

“I know. Sometimes rules don't make sense,” Daddy agreed.

I thought it sounded like a pretty good rule myself. If what Mary Roberts had told me about seizures was true, there would be no way to avoid a wreck.

Tess started the car and pulled onto the street. She pressed too hard on the accelerator and caused the car to jerk forward, almost spilling Jellybean to the floor. “Let's get out of this town,” she said, “and never come back.”

I didn't pay any attention to what Tess said. She was only dreaming out loud. My father would never leave Granby.

A
S THE ROAD
unrolled toward the next town, I wondered if Tess had a destination in mind, but soon realized she just wanted to drive.

I tried to imagine living in a house without a mother and only a father who did dirty things to me. That would never feel like home. I'd probably want to keep driving, too.

After what seemed more than an hour, I leaned over the seat and tugged at my father's sleeve. “Let's go home, Daddy.” We'd been out far too long; Mama needed food and a bath. The haircuts had taken long enough. I wanted to go home.

“Rupert, I have an idea.” Tess said before Daddy could respond.

“What is it, hon?” Daddy asked.

“Let's drive to the river, have a little picnic before we go back. Please, Rupert? I'm just not ready yet. Not now, not after last night.”

Daddy hesitated and looked at his watch. He knew we'd already left Mama home alone for too long, but he couldn't refuse Tess.

W
E STOPPED AT A
market and bought ham sandwiches, potato chips, pies, and Cokes. I'd never been inside or even heard of Galen's Convenience Store, so I figured we'd traveled a good distance outside of Granby. Walking the aisles of stocked goods made me miss Daddy's store more than ever.

Tess held the bag of food on her lap and gave Daddy the keys so he could drive the rest of the trip. Then, after parking at the boat dock, we walked up a steep hill to a flat gray rock that stuck out in the water like a hitchhiker's thumb. As we sat on the sun-warmed rock and ate, Tess and I hardly said a word to each other. She'd tried to get me to comment on her haircut while we were at the salon, but I'd forced a half smile and looked away. I felt bad for her life, but couldn't forgive her for trying to steal my father's love.

I just didn't want to be there, out with Tess. I still loved Daddy, and didn't understand how he could behave this way, but I knew Tess was to blame. If she'd go away, Daddy would become himself again. Mama would be important to him the way she used to be, and with Daddy focused on her, she would get better. If only Tess would leave.

While Daddy and Tess talked about the store and places we could go now that Daddy had a car, I looked out across the river. Waterbugs skidded across the surface, their black bodies like seeds floating on water. Brown cattails bent toward the water. Any other time I might have gone exploring to find something interesting to show Mary Roberts, but today, all I wanted was to go home.

This morning, as we left, I saw that Daddy hadn't cleaned up
the pansies in the kitchen. He said he'd fed Mama, but I wanted to see with my own eyes that she was clean and had eaten her food. If she heard the baby cry again, she might try to go to the cellar to get him. After one of the shots, she doesn't walk so steady, and might fall.

I shoved the last bit of sandwich into my mouth. “Let's go, Daddy,” I said, my mouth still partially full of food.

“We've got more time, Ellie. Don't worry,” Daddy said.