To Walk the Night (12 page)

Read To Walk the Night Online

Authors: E. S. Moore

Tags: #Fantasy, #Vampires, #Adult

BOOK: To Walk the Night
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“Relax,” he said, smiling. “It would be one of our fakes. We give them to initiates who want to test the waters before leaping head first into the Cult. If they don’t like what we have to offer, then they are free to go and can wash off our mark. It allows them to meld back into society without having a constant reminder of their former allegiances stamped across their face.”
“You let them go?” I doubted it.
“They are never allowed to come to the Den as initiates, or even know where it is located. We have places within the city where they stay. Most of the Cultists you see out on the streets are from these ancillary groups. The ones who are too violent, too attracted to death, but do not wish to leave the Cult itself, often remain in these groups. They are not allowed into the true Luna Cult.”
I nodded. It made sense to a point. I had always thought the Luna Cult was a life sentence. It stood to reason that the sort of life the Cultists led was not for everyone. How often does a teenager change their mind about what they want to do with their lives?
“Scout the mansion,” Jonathan said, rising. “I will eagerly await your results.”
“How am I supposed to get hold of you?” I asked, standing.
“You frequent The Bloody Stake, correct?” I nodded. “I will have Gregory stay close to the area. If you have anything to pass on to us, just go to the Stake and he will find you.”
Jonathan reached a hand across the desk. I stared at it like it was a snake for a long moment before finally crossing the short distance between us. I took his hand in my own. It was actually warm and comforting. We shook.
“I hope you can find a way inside. I’m not sure how else we are going to get you in with your weapons. We can’t do this without you.”
I dropped his hand and resisted the urge to wipe it on my pants. As comforting as his touch might have been, it still felt like I had just shaken hands with the devil. Maybe I had.
“I will find a way in,” I said. I started for the door.
“Oh, and Kat?”
I stopped and glanced back. I was surprised at the warmth in his smile, as if I had made his day just being in the same room with him.
“Thank you.”
I nodded and left the room. No one bothered me as I crossed the Den and headed for the front door. The Cultists watched me go without trying to stop me.
I paused at the door leading to the empty green. I had half a mind to turn around and tell Jonathan to forget everything. Did I really want to get involved in what amounted to a war between vampires and werewolves?
I smiled. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, after all. There was a good chance they would all kill each other. It would make my job a whole hell of a lot easier if they did.
I pushed open the doors and stepped out into the brisk chill of night, leaving the Luna Cult Den behind.
13
 
I had to fight the urge to draw my gun and stalk my property when I returned home. I believed Jonathan when he said no one else knew where I lived, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. He
was
a werewolf. Could I really trust him? And who was to say that someone hadn’t followed Joshua, the Luna Cult messenger, to my home?
But I managed. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to go out and check the tree line. I did. I just didn’t feel like making the effort. My heart was resting somewhere in the vicinity of my stomach after having old memories dredged back up. It was making me cranky.
I knocked on the side door after testing it to make sure it was locked. I stood in the garage, my head hanging as low as my heart, and waited for Ethan to let me in.
It took him a good three minutes to get there. I had to knock more than once, and with each hammering of my fist, my agitation grew. This whole thing was becoming a big mess, bigger than I had anticipated.
I pushed open the door as soon as Ethan disengaged the lock. I walked past him without a hello or a second glance. He was alive. That was good enough for me.
He stepped aside without a word. This wasn’t the first time I had come home in a funk. He knew better than to say anything until I was settled in, back in “home mode” rather than “kill mode.”
I went straight up the stairs and into my room, closing the door behind me. I shrugged out of my coat, removed my belt and shoulder holster, and tossed the entire bundle onto a chair. I peeled out of my clothes, exchanging leather for flannel pants and a too-large T-shirt that hung nearly to my knees.
I stood there a long moment, staring at my reflection in the mirror. There was no hint of the vampire I had become. If I were to go by looks alone, I probably could pass as a scared, if not a bit hardened, young woman. It was hard to believe there was a monster hiding somewhere within that soft-seeming exterior. Even my black hair didn’t betray the darkness that lurked inside.
I hated looking at myself like that. I knew what I was, knew what I had done. No matter how I looked, I was a monster. Nothing could change that.
But that didn’t stop me from wishing.
I closed my eyes and didn’t open them again until I was turned away from the mirror. I went to my bureau and opened the bottom drawer. Slowly, almost reverently, I removed old clothing I hadn’t worn for years and set them aside. Each piece was a memory I didn’t want, a memory I couldn’t forget. They reminded me of a life I no longer had.
Right then, I needed to remember.
Buried beneath the old clothing was a small wooden box. My hand trembled over it, hesitating. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to look at what was inside. It would only serve to open the wounds that were already beginning to fray. Looking at what was inside would be like poking at a wound to see if it would still bleed.
I snatched the box out of the drawer, angry at myself for even hesitating. I was stronger than that. This was something I needed to do. I needed to remind myself why I kept going, why I did what I did.
Hands trembling despite my self-reproach, I clutched the box to my chest. I kicked the drawer closed for good measure and made my way to my bed. I sat down on the floor, cross-legged, using the bed for a backrest. I ran my finger over the unadorned lid of the box, felt the grain of it, let it soothe me.
It almost worked. If it wasn’t for the knowledge of what was inside, I might have sat there until morning just touching it. Memories were just that, memories. They could be forgotten, brought back whenever the need arose. Or they could work at you, eat at your core until nothing was left.
I wouldn’t let that happen. My past was my past, I knew that. It wasn’t like I would ever forget what had happened. I just needed a little reminding every now and again.
The key was already in the lock at the front of the box. I never had a reason ever to take it out. Ethan would never go through my things, and it was unlikely anyone would care about what was inside anyway. They wouldn’t be valuable to anyone but me.
I turned the key and flipped open the lid. I gathered the contents in hands that were still shaking. No one else would have noticed their slight tremble, the way my fingers twitched almost involuntarily. Only someone of my enhanced senses would notice it.
I
noticed it.
There were four photos in all. The first was of Ethan and I, standing next to each other. My arms were crossed and an irritated look marred my face. Ethan looked overjoyed. He had wanted the picture, had set the timer on the camera himself.
I set the picture aside with hardly a glance. It was only in the box with the others just in case something happened to him. Or he got old and died on me. That was something I didn’t want to think about. A vampire’s life span isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I had no desire to see anyone I care about grow old and die. But what could I do? I wasn’t going to taint him.
The next photograph was of my mom and dad. It was taken before the Uprising, and they looked as happy as two people could be together. Children were just a distant dream to them then. They were young. Innocent.
It had taken me a long time to find that picture. It wasn’t as if I could just go home to retrieve it after they had died. After Valentino’s wolves killed everyone in the area, rogue wolves moved in, claiming the territory for their own. The place had been swarming with them, still was. Going there to retrieve this one memory had nearly cost me my life.
I ran my finger gently along each smiling face, wishing I could touch them for real. It was my fault they were dead. I would never forgive myself for that.
I set the photograph reverently on top of the one of Ethan and I. The next picture was of my mom and dad with a baby Thomas. He had to have been no more than three months old at the time. There was a trail of drool running down his chin, and he was staring at something hovering just over the cameraman’s head.
I stared long and hard at the photo, burning its image into my brain. I had almost forgotten that drool, that innocent look. I tried not to think too hard about it. There had been time yet for them to be happy. Monsters were just legends. They had happiness. They knew love and life, and all that went with it. What had it been like to enjoy a child without worrying about whether your precious baby would end up some monster’s lunch?
Or worse, become one of them.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before setting the picture aside and looking at the next photograph.
The picture was of Thomas and I, standing arm in arm, dressed to kill. Literally. We thought we were invincible, that we could walk into any vampire House and kill anyone we chose. We had stuck to rogues mostly, since an actual House was a bit much for us at the time. We learned that the hard way.
It was also before the tainting of my blood. My skin was tanned back then, though I had little sun. I just tanned real easy. My hair was long and curled, dyed a deep crimson that had long ago faded. I didn’t have my current stock of silver weapons, just a plain sword I had been given by someone who was much better at what I did than I was. I had a regular old gun, a couple of stakes that turned out to be hardly useful, and a bowie knife I used to saw off vampire heads when the sword just wouldn’t do.
Thomas was dressed just the same. We both were wearing camo, which was silly in itself, considering we worked in the city. Every time I thought about those days, I had to wonder how we ever survived intact as long as we did.
Thomas’s brown eyes stared out at me from the photograph. He had gotten our mother’s eyes. They were deep, soulful eyes. People had often commented on how different we were, but so alike. Even our eyes were a different color, his brown to my blue. His cheekbones were higher, his brow wider.
But the similarities were there. Always had been. We had always stuck together, stayed by each other’s side. He had always protected me.
I don’t know how long I sat there staring at the picture of us together. Eventually, a soft knock at the door brought me out of my trance. I blinked and turned my head to the door, but didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure I had a voice to answer with.
The knock came again and the door opened slowly. Ethan poked his head in, looked at me, looked at what I held in my hands, and then made his slow way across the room. He sat down on the floor next to me.
“I owe a lot to the both of you, you know,” he said, sucking in a heavy breath. “If it wasn’t for both you and your brother, I wouldn’t be here today.”
I didn’t say anything. I gathered all four pictures and returned them to their resting place within the box. I remained sitting, staring at the closed lid as if I could see through it to the pictures inside. I was afraid to speak, afraid my resolve would break and I would bawl like a baby.
It had been nearly twenty years since I last cried. I didn’t feel like starting again now.
“When they had me, I was certain I was going to die,” Ethan went on. “They didn’t care I was just a kid. They were going to use me like everyone else. Heck, I think they had bigger plans for me. I saw the way they looked at me.”
I glanced up, pulled by Ethan’s voice. There were tears there, just behind his eyes. His head was down and he was looking at his hands. The hair on the left side of his head was mussed as if he had been running fingers through it for hours.
“You saved me,” he said. “You didn’t have to. Not after what you had just experienced. You could have let me lie there in that cell and rot. I would have understood.” His next words were spoken so low even I could barely hear them. “But you didn’t.”
I felt a pang of guilt. I might have saved Ethan from dying at the hands of House Valentino, but there were others I had failed to save. Purebloods had died. Lots of them. I hadn’t been able to control my hunger. I killed at least two myself before I was able to control my newly acquired appetites.
And there was my family, of course.
“Thomas’s sacrifice weighs on my mind daily. I didn’t even know him, but I love him for what he did for me. And you ... you suffered the most, sacrificed the most.”
I winced. I wasn’t sure if “sacrificed” was the right word. It had been all my fault. Sometimes I found myself jealous of Thomas, of what he had become. He didn’t have to live with the aftermath of our failed run. He had no mind left to think with.
No, I was the one who bore the weight of it all. It rested squarely on my shoulders, and I would carry it until I died. My friends, my family, they were all gone. I would avenge them, would make up for my mistake.
“Don’t blame yourself, Kat,” Ethan said as if he had heard my thoughts. “It wasn’t your fault. House Valentino did this to you, did that to him. Without you, I would be dead. Others would have died. Many others.”
“I know,” I said, breaking my self-imposed silence.
“You can’t save everyone. I know you would if you could, but you can’t.” Ethan rose. He started to reach for me, to rest his hand on my shoulder or to brush the hair out of my face. I’m not sure which. Before he could do either, he pulled his hand back. He looked as though he had something else to say, but swallowed his words before they could be uttered. He turned away without another word and hurried out of the room.

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