To the Ends of the Earth (3 page)

The third day has passed with even worse weather than the others. The state of our ship, or that portion of it which falls under my notice, is inexpressibly sordid. The deck, even in our lobby, streams with sea water, rain, and other fouler liquids, which find their way inexorably under the batten on which the bottom of the hutch door is supposed to close. Nothing, of course, fits. For if it did, what would happen in the next minute when this
confounded
vessel has changed her position from savaging the summit of a roller to plunging into the gulf on the other side of it? When this morning I had fought my way into the dining saloon—finding, by the way, nothing hot to drink there—I was unable for a while to fight my way out again. The door was jammed. I rattled the handle peevishly, tugged at it, then found myself hanging from it as she (the monstrous vessel has become “she” as a
termagant
mistress) she lurched. That in itself was not so bad but what followed might have killed me. For the door snapped open so that the handle flashed in a semicircle with a radius equal to the width of the opening! I saved myself from fatal or serious injury by the same instinct that drops a cat always on its feet. This alternate stiffness then too easy compliance with one’s wishes by a door—one of those necessary objects in life on which I had never before bestowed much interest—seemed to me so
animated
a piece of impertinence on the part of a few planks of wood I could have believed the very genii, the dryads and hamadryads of the material from which our floating box is composed, had refused to leave their ancient dwelling and come to sea with us! But no—it was
merely—“merely”—dear God what a world!—the good ship doing what Bates called “rendering like an old boot”.

I was on all fours, the door having been caught neatly against the transverse or thwartships bulkhead (as
Falconer
would have it) by a metal springhook, when a figure came through the opening that set me laughing crazily. It was one of our lieutenants and he stumped along casually at such an angle to the deck—for the deck itself was my plane of reference—that he seemed to be (albeit
unconsciously
) clownish and he put me in a good humour at once for all my bruises. I climbed back to the smaller and possibly more exclusive of the two dining tables—that one I mean set directly under the great stern window​—and sat once more. All is firmly fixed, of course. Shall I discourse to your lordship on “rigging screws”? I think not. Well then, observe me drinking ale at the table with this officer. He is one Mr Cumbershum, holding the King’s
Commission
and therefore to be accounted a gentleman though he sucked in his ale with as nauseating an indifference to polite usage as you would find in a carter. He is forty, I suppose, with black hair cut short but growing nearly down to his eyebrows. He has been slashed over the head and is one of our heroes, however unformed his manners. Doubtless we shall hear
that
story before we have done! At least he was a source of information. He called the weather rough but not very. He thought those passengers who were staying in their bunks—this with a meaning glance at me—and taking light refreshment there, were wise, since we have no surgeon and a broken limb, as he phrased it, could be a nuisance to everyone! We have no surgeon, it appears, because even the most inept of young sawbones can do better for himself ashore. It is a mercenary
consideration
that gave me a new view of what I had always
considered
a profession with a degree of disinterestedness
about it. I remarked that in that case we must expect an unusual incidence of mortality and it was fortunate we had a chaplain to perform all the
other
rites, from the first to the last. At this, Cumbershum choked, took his mouth away from the pot and addressed me in tones of profound astonishment.

“A chaplain, sir? We have no chaplain!”

“Believe me, I have seen him.”

“No, sir.”

“But law requires one aboard every ship of the line does it not?”

“Captain Anderson would wish to avoid it; and since parsons are in as short supply as surgeons it is as easy to avoid the one as it is difficult to procure the other.”

“Come, come, Mr Cumbershum! Are not seamen
notoriously
superstitious? Do you not require the occasional invocation of Mumbo Jumbo?”

“Captain Anderson does not, sir. Nor did the great Captain Cook, I would have you know. He was a notable atheist and would as soon have taken the plague into his ship as a parson.”

“Good God!”

“I assure you, sir.”

“But how—my dear Mr Cumbershum! How is order to be maintained? You take away the keystone and the whole arch falls!”

Mr Cumbershum did not appear to take my point. I saw that my language must not be figurative with such a man and rephrased.

“Your crew is not all officers! Forward there, is a crowd of individuals on whose obedience the order of the whole depends, the success of the voyage depends!”

“They are well enough.”

“But sir—just as in a state the supreme argument for the continuance of a national church is the whip it holds
in one hand and the—dare I say—illusory prize in the other, so here—”

But Mr Cumbershum was wiping his lips with the brown back of his fist and getting to his feet.

“I don’t know about all that,” he said. “Captain
Anderson
would not have a chaplain in the ship if he could avoid it—even if one was on offer. The fellow you saw was a passenger and, I believe, a very new-hatched parson.”

I remembered how the poor devil had clawed up the wrong side of the deck and spewed right in the eye of the wind.

“You must be right, sir. He is certainly a very
new-hatched
seaman!”

I then informed Mr Cumbershum that at a convenient time I must make myself known to the captain. When he looked surprised I told him who I am, mentioned your lordship’s name and that of His Excellency your brother and outlined the position I should hold in the governor’s entourage—or as much as it is politic to outline, since you know what other business I am charged with. I did not add what I then thought. This was that since the
deputy-governor
is a naval officer, if Mr Cumbershum was an average example of the breed I should give the entourage some tone it would stand in need of!

My information rendered Mr Cumbershum more expansive. He sat down again. He owned he had never been in such a ship or on such a voyage. It was all strange to him and he thought to the other officers too. We were a ship of war, store ship, a packet boat or passenger vessel, we were all things, which amounted to—and here I believe I detected a rigidity of mind that is to be expected in an officer at once junior and elderly—amounted to being
nothing
. He supposed that at the end of this voyage she would moor for good, send down her top masts and be a sop to the
governor’s dignity, firing nothing but salutes as he went to and fro.

“Which,” he added darkly, “is just as well, Mr Talbot sir, just as well!”

“Take me with you, sir.”

Mr Cumbershum waited until the tilted servant had supplied us again. Then he glanced through the door at the empty and streaming lobby.

“God knows what would happen to her Mr Talbot if we was to fire the few great guns left in her.”

“The devil is in it then!”

“I beg you will not repeat my opinion to the common sort of passenger. We must not alarm them. I have said more than I should.”

“I was prepared with some philosophy to risk the violence of the enemy; but that a spirited defence on our part should do no more than increase our danger is, is—”

“It is war, Mr Talbot; and peace or war, a ship is always in danger. The only other vessel of our rate to undertake this enormous voyage, a converted warship I mean,
converted
so to speak to general purposes—she was named the
Guardian
, I think—yes, the
Guardian
, did not
complete
the journey. But now I remember she ran on an
iceberg
in the Southern Ocean, so her rate and age was not
material
.”

I got my breath again. I detected through the
impassivity
of the man’s exterior a determination to roast me,
precisely
because I had made the importance of my position clear to him. I laughed good-humouredly and turned the thing off. I thought it a moment to try my prentice hand at the flattery which your lordship recommended to me as a possible
passe-partout
.

“With such devoted and skilful officers as we are
provided
with, sir, I am sure we need fear nothing.”

Cumbershum stared at me as if he suspected my words of some hidden and perhaps sarcastic meaning.

“Devoted, sir? Devoted?”

It was time to “go about,” as we nautical fellows say.

“Do you see this left hand of mine, sir? Yon door did it. See how scraped and bruised the palm is, you would call it my larboard hand I believe. I have a bruise on the
larboard
hand! Is that not perfectly nautical? But I shall
follow
your first advice. I shall take some food first with a glass of brandy, then turn in to keep my limbs entire. You will drink with me, sir?”

Cumbershum shook his head.

“I go on watch,” he said. “But do you settle your
stomach
. However, there is one more thing. Have a care I beg you of Wheeler’s paregoric. It is the very strongest stuff, and as the voyage goes on the price will increase out of all reason. Steward—what’s your name—Bates! A glass of brandy for Mr Talbot!”

He left me then with as courteous an inclination of the head as you would expect from a man leaning like the pitch of a roof. It was a sight to make one bosky out of hand. Indeed, the warming properties of strong drink give it a more seductive appeal at sea than it ever has ashore, I think. So I determined with that glass to regulate my use of it. I turned warily in my fastened seat and inspected the world of furious water that stretched and slanted beyond our stern window. I must own that it afforded me the scantiest consolation; the more so as I reflected that in the happiest outcome of our voyage there was not a single
billow
, wave, swell,
comber
that I shall cross in one direction without having, in a few years time, to cross it in the
other
! I sat for a great while eyeing my brandy, staring into its aromatic and tiny pool of liquid. I found little comfort in sight at that time except the evident fact that our
other
passengers were even more lethargic than I was. The
thought at once determined me to eat. I got down some nearly fresh bread and a little mild cheese. On top of this I swallowed my brandy and gave my stomach a
dare
to
misbehave
; and so frightened it with the threat of an addiction to small ale, thence to brandy, then to Wheeler’s paregoric and after that to the ultimate destructiveness of an
habitual
recourse, Lord help us, to laudanum that the poor, misused organ lay as quiet as a mouse that hears a
kitchen-maid
rattle the fire in the morning! I
turned in
and
got my head down
and
turned out
and ate; then toiled at these very pages by the light of my candle—giving your lordship, I doubt it not, a queasy piece of “living through” me for which I am as heartily sorry as yourself could be! I believe the whole ship, from the farm animals up or down to your humble servant, is nauseated to one degree or another—always excepting of course the leaning and streaming tarpaulins.

And how is your lordship today? In the best of health and spirits, I trust, as I am! There is such a crowd of events at the back of my mind, tongue, pen, what you will, that my greatest difficulty is to know how to get them on the paper! In brief, all things about our wooden world have altered for the better. I do not mean that I have got my
sea legs
; for even now that I
understand
the physical laws of our motion they continue to exhaust me! But the motion itself is easier. It was some time in the hours of darkness that I woke—a shouted order perhaps—and feeling if anything even more stretched on the rack of our lumbering, bullying progress. For days, as I lay, there had come at irregular intervals a kind of impediment from our watery shoulderings that I cannot describe except to say it was as if our carriage wheels had caught for a moment on the drag, then released themselves. It was a movement that as I lay in my trough, my bunk, my feet to our stern, my head to our bows—a movement that would thrust my head more firmly into the pillow, which being made of granite
transmitted
the impulsion throughout the remainder of my person.

Even though I now understood the cause, the repetition was unutterably wearisome. But as I awoke there were loud movements on deck, the thundering of many feet, then shouted orders prolonged into what one might
suppose
to be the vociferations of the damned. I had not known (even when crossing the Channel) what an
aria
can be made of the simple injunction, “Ease the sheets!” then, “Let go and haul!” Precisely over my head, a voice—Cumbershum’s
perhaps—roared, “Light to!” and there was even more commotion. The groaning of the yards would have made me grind my teeth in sympathy had I had the strength; but then, oh then! In our passage to date there has been no circumstance of like enjoyment, bliss! The movement of my body, of the bunk, of the whole ship changed in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye as if—but I do not need to elaborate the allusion. I knew directly what had brought the miracle about. We had altered course more towards the south and in Tarpaulin
language
—which I confess I speak with increasing
pleasure
​—we had brought the wind from
forrard of the starboard beam
to
large on the starboard quarter
! Our motion, ample as ever, was and is more yielding, more feminine and suitable to the sex of our conveyance. I fell healthily asleep at once.

When I awoke there was no such folly as bounding out of my bunk or singing, but I did shout for Wheeler with a more cheerful noise than I had uttered, I believe, since the day when I was first acquainted with the splendid nature of my colonial employment—

But come! I cannot give, nor would you wish or expect, a moment by moment description of my journey! I begin to understand the limitations of such a journal as I have time to keep. I no longer credit Mistress
Pamela
’s pietistic accounts of every shift in her calculated resistance to the advances of her master! I will get myself up, relieved, shaved, breakfasted in a single sentence. Another shall see me on deck in my oilskin suit. Nor was I alone. For though the weather was in no way improved, we had it at our backs, or shoulders rather, and could stand comfortably in the shelter of our wall, that is, those
bulkheads
rising to the afterdeck and quarterdeck. I was reminded of convalescents at a spa, all up and about but wary in their new ability to walk or stagger.

Good God! Look at the time! If I am not more able to choose what I say I shall find myself describing the day before yesterday rather than writing about today for you tonight! For throughout the day I have walked, talked, eaten, drunk, explored—and here I am again, kept out of my bunk by the—I must confess—agreeable invitation of the page! I find that writing is like drinking. A man must learn to control it.

Well then. Early on, I found my oilskin suit too hot and returned to my cabin. There, since it would be in some sense an official visit, I dressed myself with care so as to make a proper impression on the captain. I was in
greatcoat
and beaver, though I took the precaution of securing this last on my head by means of a scarf passed over the crown and tied under my chin. I debated the propriety of sending Wheeler to announce me but thought this too
formal
in the circumstances. I pulled on my gloves, therefore, shook out my capes, glanced down at my boots and found them adequate. I went to climb the
ladders
—though of course they are staircases and broad at that—to the
quarterdeck
and poop. I passed Mr Cumbershum with an underling and gave him good day. But he ignored my greeting in a way that would have offended me had I not known from the previous day’s exchanges that his manners are uncouth and his temper uncertain. I approached the captain therefore, who was to be recognized by his
elaborate
if shabby uniform. He stood on the starboard side of the quarterdeck, the wind at his back where his hands were clasped, and he was staring at me, his face raised, as if my appearance was a shock.

Now I have to acquaint your lordship with an
unpleasant
discovery. However gallant and indeed invincible our Navy may be, however heroic her officers and devoted her people, a ship of war is an ignoble despotism! Captain Anderson’s first remark—if such a growl may be so
described—and uttered at the very moment when having touched my glove to the brim of my beaver I was about to announce my name, was an unbelievably discourteous one.

“Who the devil is this, Cumbershum? Have they not read my orders?”

This remark so astonished me that I did not attend to Cumbershum’s reply, if indeed he made any. My first thought was that in the course of some quite
incomprehensible
misunderstanding Captain Anderson was about to strike me. At once, and in a loud voice, I made myself known. The man began to bluster and my anger would have got the better of me had I not been more and more aware of the absurdity of our position. For standing as we did, I, the captain, Cumbershum and his satellite, we all had one leg stiff as a post while the other flexed regularly as the deck moved under us. It made me laugh in what must have seemed an unmannerly fashion but the fellow deserved the rebuke even if it was accidental. It stopped his blusters and heightened his colour, but gave me the opportunity of producing your name and that of His Excellency your brother, much as one might prevent the nearer approach of a highwayman by quickly presenting a brace of pistols. Our captain squinted first—you will
forgive
the figure—down your lordship’s muzzle, decided you were loaded, cast a fearful eye at the ambassador in my other hand and reined back with his yellow teeth showing! I have seldom seen a face at once so daunted and so
atrabilious
. He is a complete argument for the sovranty of the humours. This exchange and the following served to move me into the fringes of his local despotism so that I felt much like an envoy at the Grande Porte who may regard himself as reasonably safe, if uncomfortable, while all round him heads topple. I swear Captain Anderson would have shot, hanged, keel-hauled, marooned me if prudence
had not in that instant got the better of his inclination. Nevertheless, if today when the French clock in the Arras room chimed ten and our ship’s bell here was struck four times—at that time, I say, if your lordship experienced a sudden access of well-being and a warming satisfaction, I cannot swear that it may not have been some distant notion of what a silver-mounted and murdering piece of ordnance a noble name was proving to be among persons of a middle station!

I waited for a moment or two while Captain Anderson swallowed his bile. He had much regard for your lordship and would not be thought remiss in any attention to his, his—He hoped I was comfortable and had not at first known—The rule was that passengers came to the
quarterdeck
by invitation though of course in my case—He hoped (and this with a glare that would have frightened a wolf-hound), he hoped to see more of me. So we stood for a few more moments, one leg stiff, one leg flexing like reeds in the wind while the shadow of the
driver
(thank you, Falconer!) moved back and forth across us. Then, I was amused to see, he did not stand his ground, but put his hand to his hat, disguised this involuntary homage to your lordship as an attempt to adjust the set of it and turned away. He stumped off to the stern rail and stood there, his hands clasped behind his back, where they opened and shut as an unconscious betrayal of his
irritation
. Indeed, I was half sorry for the man, confounded as I saw him to be in the imagined security of his little
kingdom
. But I judged it no good time for gentling him. In politics do we not attempt to use only just sufficient force to achieve a desired end? I decided to allow the influence of this interview to work for a while and only when he has got the true state of affairs thoroughly grounded in his malevolent head shall I move towards some easiness with him. We have the whole long passage before us and it is
no part of my business to make life intolerable for him, nor would I if I could. Today, as you may suppose, I am all good humour. Instead of time crawling past with a snail’s gait—now
if
a crab may be said to be drunk a snail may be said to have a gait—instead of time crawling, it hurries, not to say dashes past me. I cannot get one tenth of the day down! It is late; and I must continue tomorrow.