To the Edge (41 page)

"You want to tell me why you ran, Garrett?"

Ouch. OK. Where did he start? Maybe with what was going through his head at the time.

"The job was over. It made sense that I leave." Not one of his brighter moments.

"Ah. So that's how you justified it."

He tilted his head, took his lumps. "Yep. That's how I justified it."

"That doesn't play for me."

Oh yeah. She was revving up for the mother of all battles all right.

"The way I figure it, you were running scared. As a matter of fact I think you're
still
running scared."

She stepped closer, waggled her bottle at him. "You know, sometimes it's beyond me why I think so, but you're not a stupid man. So why, I ask myself, can't a man who not only faced the Taliban and the fedayeen but outsmarted them figure there is nothing to be afraid of where we're concerned? Why can't he face the fact that love is something you run to, not away from?"

Music. Even with all the static she was dishing out, it was music to his ears.

"I told myself it was OK when days went by and I didn't hear from you," she pressed on, shaking her head in disgust. "Let him think. Let him sort it out. This is a huge adjustment in his life.

"
I
was a huge adjustment" she continued. "I mean, after all, you didn't even want the job. And you sure as the world didn't want
to like
me, let alone fall in love with me."

"Jillian—"

"No." She poked her index finger into his sternum. "All you have to do right now is listen."

He winced, rubbed at the spot on his chest. His true love didn't seem to care that she might have punctured a lung. What she cared about was setting him straight.

"You did your job. You protected me. You saved me. Well, I don't need saving anymore, OK? Especially not from you. I love you." She glared at him. "Without illusions. I love you because you are fallible and because your poor misguided testosterone-corrupted brain has you doing cartwheels trying not to be. I love you because of all you are and because of all you're not. And because, no matter what, you are all the man I'll ever need."

He wanted to smile. She'd go for his throat if he did. So he screwed his face into a scowl and tried to stop her again. "Jillian—"

"No! There is only one thing I want to hear from you. Now suck it up, Garrett. Admit it! You love me."

It was so huge, this capacity he'd developed for needing her. Her fire. Her sass. Her smart-ass bossy mouth.

He set down his empty bottle. Gripped her shoulders in his hands and looked deep into her eyes. "I love you."

She opened her mouth. Shut it. Then seemed to deflate like a hot air balloon with a ripped seam.

She searched his face.

Searched it again.

And then he saw it. Hope.
Guarded
hope—sullied by suspicion.

"Why was that so easy?"

On a deep breath, he pulled her against him. Pressed his lips to the top of her head and simply wallowed in the scent and the softness and finally in the nearness of her. "Trust me, there was nothing easy about it."

She tipped her face to his. All the anger and desperation had left her eyes. In their place was the trust she gave him so freely. "Tell me."

"Everything," he promised, and drew her to her toes for a long, deep kiss. "Later. There's something I've just got to do first." Then he led her toward the companionway door.

Her damp hair felt like silk against his shoulder. Nolan sifted it through his fingers, playing with its cool weight, loving the feel of her naked and spent beside him.

They'd made love like wild monkeys. Then they'd showered and fallen back into bed and made love again. Sweet and slow this time, with all the pain of their separation and all the joy of their reunion threaded through each stoke of his body into hers, each tug of her welcoming warmth.

"When I left," he said, knowing she was drifting on the edge of sleep beside him but needing to finally get this out, "I had no plans to come back here. As far as I was concerned, I was gone. End of story. Out of your life. Out of your hair."

She snuggled closer, all sleepy warmth and woman softness. "I'm so, so glad you came back."

He squeezed her arm. "Yeah. "

"Where did you go?"

"Couple of places." He told her about Nelson, how he'd lost him in Tikrit.

"I went to see his folks. To tell them. You know. That he was a stand-up soldier. That he loved what he did. That he died a hero."

They'd cried. He'd cried with them. And then they'd asked him to keep in touch.

He let out a deep breath, felt the warmth of her love surround him.

"I went back to Georgia." He'd had unfinished business there. "I had to see Sara. Had to sort things through with her."

Jillian rose up on an elbow. Concern shone in her eyes as she searched his face. "How is she?"

"She's ..." He paused. "She's getting there. Physically, she still has some healing to do, but she's walking again. Her prognosis is good. And she looked good," he added. It still surprised him that she actually had. "She's coping."

"She sounds like an incredibly strong woman."

"Yeah. And you were right" He rubbed his hand up and down her arm. "She doesn't blame me. Never has."

"And what about you?" She touched her fingers to his lower lip. "Do you still blame yourself?"

He caught her hand loosely in his. Kissed the tips of her fingers. "Still working on that."

"That's good," she whispered. "You just keep on working."

Yeah. He would. He would keep on working. Because now he had something worth working for. "I went back to Benning, too."

"So... what was it like? Back at base. Seeing your buddies."

"Good. It was good to see them. Wilson sends his lust, by the way."

She grinned. "How
is
Plowboy?"

"Spending a lot of time with Sara and the boys." That had been another surprise, that other side of Jason Wilson. "He's great with them. I think he's good for Sara, too."

"A new romance brewing?"

He rolled a shoulder. "I don't know. Maybe. Time will tell."

And time, he'd finally come to realize, was something he wanted a lot more of. With Jillian in his life, he was no longer just killing time. He was living it. And he was going to live it to the hilt.

"Tell me again," she whispered.

He knew exactly what she wanted to hear. And for the first time in his life, he wanted to say it. Felt the words deep, so deep down in his soul. "I love you."

"I love you, too. But, so you know, I hate, really, really hate, that horrible root beer you drink."

He rolled her beneath him. "Then we'll just have to find something else for you to swallow."

Laughter bubbled in her eyes. "You are a bad, bad man."

"That," he said, pressing his hips into hers, "is what I've been trying to tell you."

But he'd never been a better man, would never
be
a better man, than when he held her in his arms.

The next day, the
EDEN
cut smoothly through a light chop as she cruised south from Palm Beach through open water toward a sunset rivaling any Jillian had ever seen, even in Key West.

"She handles well," she said, standing beside Nolan on the flybridge, loving the rush of the wind through her hair, the scent of salt water, the sun glinting from the prow of a gleaming white catamaran out for a sunset sail. Dozens of vessels dotted the horizon—from freighters, to sand suckers, to pricey yachts and sleek clippers.

"It feels good to have her out again. Been a while." Nolan checked his heading, then throttled down to an idle so they could drift in relative silence and enjoy the view.

"Why is it," she said, brushing the hair from her eyes, "that something this huge and restless has such a restful effect on people?"

He thought, shrugged. "Sheer size and volume, maybe? Maybe even a little intimidation? In the face of all this power, what point is there to feeling anything but small? Humbled. Restful."

Jillian watched the face of this complex man, wondering, now that he was slowly opening up to her, just how many new facets of himself he would reveal. "I knew there was a poet in you somewhere."

He glanced at her, his face no longer a curtain over his emotions but a window to them. "Yeah, well. I'm a constant source of surprises."

He was happy. She was making him that way. She was going to keep him that way. "Yeah," she said, deliriously in love. "You are.

"Drop anchor, would you," she said on impulse. "Then come below. I want to show you something."

Before he could ask her what was up, she planted a kiss on his mouth, then scuttled down the ladder steps to the aft deck. It seemed impossible that they'd been back together for less than twenty-four hours, she thought as she let herself into the cabin. Twenty-four hours of amazing, incredible revelations. And love.

And sex. Oh, my God, the sex.

Jillian shivered as she stole into the captain's stateroom, stripped, and arranged herself in the middle of the bed.

Together.
What a wonderful word. Of course, Jillian wasn't taking anything for granted. She loved him, he loved her, but he hadn't said anything about their long-term future and she wasn't about to press her luck. For now, it was enough that he was here, he was happy, and he was hers.

When the stateroom door swung open and he saw her, the look on his face was all she needed to make her very, very happy, too.

His gaze raked her body before settling on her face. She would never tire of seeing fire flare in his eyes. And she would never get tired of teasing him.

"If you come in here,
babe,'"
she said, rising up on an elbow and affecting a warning glare, "you're going to get exactly what you're looking for. Maybe you've forgotten, but I'm not a nice woman. So if you're looking for sex... you're just liable to get it. And don't expect some polite little in-and-out and 'oh, darling, that was—'"

He dived for the bed, flattened her beneath him, and ended her mocking monologue with a searing kiss.

She was giggling when he lifted his head and glared at her, all the while struggling to get out of his shirt. "You're going to remind me of my noble little speech for the rest of my life, aren't you?"

"I think so. Yeah. Wait." She stilled, sobered, then gripped handfuls of his hair and dragged his head away from her breast so she could look into his eyes.

"You said: the rest of your life." Her heart pounded so hard she could hardly get the words out

"Yeah," he said, his words a soft whisper. "You want to make something of it?"

Her breath caught. "Like ... what?"

"Like something permanent?"

Oh God.

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at his beautiful, serious face.

"Marry me, princess. I'll give you my kingdom—small potatoes that it is."

She couldn't talk. She couldn't think. She couldn't—

"Jillian?" Absolute and undeniable love shone in his eyes.

"Hm?"

"Breathe."

EPILOGUE

If there had ever been assembled a
more beautiful collection of beefcake than the Garrett men at a family get-together, Jillian would pay very big coin to attend.

"Your brothers are so hot," she said as she placed her foot over her red ball, which was nestled up against Nolan's blue ball, and gave it a hard whack with her mallet.

Nolan watched his ball fly into the rough in his dad's tidily manicured backyard as his brothers and sister hooted in appreciation of Jillian's shot.

"You will pay for that."

"All's fair in croquet, big guy. Suck it up and take it like a man."

He hooked his elbow around her neck, dragged her against him, and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "I was talking about the way you're ogling my brothers."

"Add your dad to the mix. He's gorgeous."

"She thinks you're gorgeous!" Nolan yelled, earning him an elbow in the ribs and a hissing and embarrassed "Big-mouth," just as Wes Garrett stepped up to his green ball and eyed the hoop in the middle of the course.

"It's OK, Jillian." Susan Garrett joined the group, carrying a huge tray laden with lemonade, root beer, and tumblers. "I happen to agree wholeheartedly."

"It just goes to show that your lady has an excellent eye."

Wes grinned up at Jillian, winked. "Can't fault her for missing the mark with you though, Son."

"Do you see the grief I have to put up with?" Nolan sputtered as he walked over to relieve his mother of the heavy load and set the tray on the patio table.

Jillian felt the warmth of a hundred suns as she watched him. It had been a month since she'd sought Nolan out on the
EDEN.
A month of getting to know him better and falling deeper in love with him and his entire family.