To Say Goodbye (13 page)

“No way.”

“Come on. You’ve got this. Plus, we don’t know anyone here.”

She sighed. “I don’t sing.”

“Me neither.”

“Then what are we doing?” She tried to look dismayed, but he saw something beautiful on her face.

Excitement.

“We’re doing something different, something crazy. Do you have a preference?”

She eyed him, probably thinking about turning him down.

But then, a fire sparked to life in her. He saw a glimpse of the girl she probably used to be, the girl who was spontaneous, spunky, and carefree. She headed over to the karaoke machine and made a selection.

Michael Jackson came on the system.

“Really? This is your pick?”

“Oh, don’t tell me you don’t like a little Michael Jackson? Come on. Who are you?”

He grimaced, looking up at the ceiling. The patrons of the bar glared at him, drinking their beverages and probably contemplating his murder.

“All right, I’m Jackson. But not Michael Jackson,” he announced to the crowd, laughing at his own joke.

The patrons at the bar didn’t budge, didn’t give him a single laugh.

Sophia elbowed him. “Okay, no more comedian. Let’s just sing.”

Jackson would like to believe they made a perfect duo, singing on key to “Billy Jean” so well that the gruff men leapt to their feet and cheered at the bar.

In reality, the microphones’ feedback blared. They forgot some of the words. He started to sweat.

In the middle, Sophia grabbed his hand, squeezing it. He finished out the song with her, holding on to the last note.

No one clapped or said anything when they exited the “stage” area, but it was okay.

“Oh my God, that was so fun,” Sophia bubbled. “Can you believe we did that? We were awful. But it was fun.”

He laughed, happy to see her happy. She was energized. She was having fun. She wasn’t thinking about what she’d lost, at least for a few moments.

It was worth it. He’d take on every man in the bar. He’d sing Britney Spears’ songs all night. He’d do the moonwalk if he could get her to smile.

When he dropped her off at her house an hour later, she was still beaming. “Thank you. I’m so glad we went out tonight. I haven’t had so much fun since...” She froze, getting back into her head.

Jackson just nodded. He stood for a long moment outside her house, not sure what to do, how to act. He looked at her, her perfect skin, her bright eyes.

For a brief moment, he considered kissing her. She looked back, standing still, perhaps thinking the same thing. They stood in a moment of silence, gauging the situation, thinking about the night.

He stopped himself. He snapped out of it. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t ruin this night for her, wouldn’t taint their good time.

“I had an amazing time, Sophia. Scary biker dudes and all.”

“Maybe we could go out again sometime? You know, as friends.”

“I’d like that. I like spending time with you.”

She grinned, seemingly content with the outcome.

It was good enough for him. All he wanted was for her to be content. She went inside, and he glided back to his truck, back to his apartment to think about their night together.

He realized he wasn’t lying. He had an amazing time. It wasn’t the hot wings. It definitely wasn’t the karaoke or the atmosphere.

It was her. She made everything better. She made his life seem better.

She made
him
better, he realized. She was making him into a better man, a selfless man, a man she deserved.

Life was complicated, and they were both dealing with so many demons. But he couldn’t deny that together, nothing seemed so bad.

JACKSON

“C
an I please have another chocolate milk, Daddy?” Logan pleaded with his father from his high chair at the table, and the waitress smiled, looking to Jackson for an answer.

He should probably say no. Chloe would probably say no. But those eyes, the word “Daddy” coming out of his mouth. He just couldn’t resist. “One more before we have to get going. We want to have enough time at the zoo.”

“The zoo! Sounds awesome,” a voice called from a few feet away. Jackson turned around to see a familiar pair.

Stella and Sophia.

He’d decided to bring Logan to Christine’s Coffee for breakfast before their zoo adventure. He wanted to make the most of their day together before he was due back with Chloe.

“Hey, you two.”

“Who’s this?” Sophia asked as the two women crowded around the table. The waitress headed off to get the chocolate milk refill.

“Hey, this is Logan. Logan, can you say hi to my friends Stella and Sophia?”

“You have pink hair,” the boy said, pointing to Stella.

She laughed. “Yes I do. And you have gorgeous curls.”

“He’s adorable,” Sophia said, eyeing Jackson. Jackson beamed with pride.

“Yeah, he’s pretty cute. Bad sometimes, but cute.”

“I don’t believe it,” she said, smiling.

“Do you want to come to the zoo?” the boy asked Sophia.

“Sounds like fun. I love the zoo.”

“Yeah, Logan loves animals. I figured since it isn’t too cold out today, we would go walk around for a bit.”

“Come with us,” the boy implored, his toothy smile warming Jackson’s heart.

“Buddy, I’m sure they’re busy.”

“Well, I am. I have a date with Larry. This one is free, aren’t you?” Stella said mischievously, gesturing toward Sophia.

“I don’t want to intrude,” she replied bashfully.

“You wouldn’t be. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to come.”

“Will you two stop already? You love zoo animals. It’s a zoo, not a private wedding ceremony. You’re not intruding. She doesn’t feel obligated. You two make everything so difficult.” Jackson and Sophia stared at Stella, who was shaking her head. “Honestly. She’ll be over after we finish our coffees.”

Sophia opened her mouth to say something. Stella just shoved her toward a booth. Sophia peered back, shrugged, and waved. Jackson smiled.

He knew the pink-haired girl would be a good thing.

The waitress delivered the chocolate milk to the table.

“Anything else?” she asked.

“Yeah. See those two women? I’ll take their check please.”

_______________

“Squirrel!” Logan yelled as he raced to the enclosure.

“Buddy, it’s a prairie dog,” Jackson corrected.

“Squirrel!”

Jackson laughed, ruffling the boy’s hair. “Squirrel it is.”

Sophia smiled at him as the two walked behind Logan. Logan was entranced by all of the enclosures.

They’d gone to one of the indoor buildings to warm up. It was an above-average day for January, but a biting chill still hung in the air. It was a good thing Sophia reminded Jackson to bring Logan’s hat and mittens.

They walked and laughed, eyeing the animals and smiling at Logan’s amazement.

“This is fun. I’m glad Logan invited me,” she said, her black sparkly hat making her blonde hair pop even more.

“I’m sorry if you felt obligated to come.”

“Are you kidding? I love coming here. Tim would sometimes bring me even though we didn’t have kids. I love animals.”

“You should have told me. It’s so close to home.”

“I didn’t want you thinking I’d totally lost my mind.”

“I wouldn’t think that. I love coming here, too. If you love animals, why don’t you have a pet?”

Sophia shrugged. “Tim always wanted a dog, but we were so busy. I was always busy at the shop, and he worked such long hours. I didn’t feel like it would be fair.”

“Is that why you guys were waiting to have kids?”

She looked away from Logan. “No. We were dealing with some issues. We were starting to seriously pursue adoption when... well, you know.”

Jackson’s stomach fell. “I’m sorry. I guess I have a knack for saying the wrong damn thing.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.”

They walked in silence, her hand on his arm as they chased after Logan. “He’s adorable, you know. He looks just like you.”

“Poor kid.”

She nudged him. “Anything easing up with Chloe?”

“Are you kidding?”

“Sorry. Dumb question.”

A zoo worker took Logan to a nearby enclosure, showing him the tortoise.

“Daddy!” Logan screamed. “Can I feed him?”

The zoo worker nodded, hinting that it was okay and that she would help him.

“Sure, bud. That’s fine.”

Jackson turned to Sophia, standing back and watching Logan with his peripheral vision. “I’m going to get the ball rolling on the appeal soon. I think I’ve shown the courts I’ve settled in, established myself. I’m working steadily at the restaurant. I’m making good money now. I’ve moved up to master chef.”

“Really? That’s awesome. Congratulations!”

“Yeah. I’ve decided I’m not ready to give up hope yet.”

“What changed your mind?”

He stopped, turning slightly. “You.”

She looked baffled. “Me?”

“Yeah. I see the way you haven’t lost hope, the way you keep moving, keep going on.”

“I don’t really have a choice.”

“Give yourself more credit, Sophia. You’re such a strong woman. You’ve been through the wringer these past few months, and you still manage to flash that gorgeous smile. It’s inspired me.”

She looked away, embarrassed. Finally, she looked back to him. “You’ve inspired me, too.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ve realized Tim’s death isn’t the end of everything. I miss him like hell, I do. But you’ve made me realize life’s still worth it. It’s okay to be happy.”

He looked down at her, the gorgeous woman whom he had found in the midst of tragedy.

He heard Logan chattering away to the tortoise in the background, could see the zoo worker out of the corner of his eye busy with his son.

It was a rash thing to do, really. A stupid thing. A foolish, selfish, guilt-ridden pleasure kind of thing. At the moment, however, Jackson wasn’t thinking about the zoo or the fact the woman in front of him was his best friend’s widow.

All he was thinking about was how her hair fell in soft waves down her back, how her skin looked touchable and soft. He was thinking about how her waist felt in his hands, how it felt to have her hand on his arm. He was thinking about her laughter, her pizzazz, her sense of humor.

So he did something he hadn’t planned, something he didn’t think he would do, especially after stopping himself the other night.

Leaning down, slowly, ever so slowly, he found her lips with his, tugging gently on them, hesitating long enough for her to pull away if she wanted to.

But she didn’t.

For a single moment, everything faded away, all of the hurt, the sorrow, the grief.

For a moment, they were everything, linked together by a kiss neither expected.

SOPHIA

“S
tella... Stella!” she screamed inside the doorway of her best friend’s apartment. She heard voices from the bedroom, and suddenly she realized what a terrible idea this was. She couldn’t just prance into her best friend’s apartment. She was probably with Larry. This was ridiculous.

A moment later, Stella came running from the bedroom, wrapped in a robe. “Sophia? What’s wrong?” Stella’s hair was frizzy, ruffled in the signature look of a woman not wanting to be interrupted.

“Oh God, Stella. I’m an idiot. Larry’s here, isn’t he? I’m sorry. This is embarrassing.”

Stella approached her. “It’s fine. What’s wrong?”

Sophia slumped to the couch, too upset to worry about social niceties and the awkwardness of the situation.

“Everything.”

Stella took a seat by her friend. “Spill.”

“It’s Jackson. We kissed.”

Stella’s face registered shock, but not
Oh my God, I can’t believe you
shock—more like happy shock.

“Sophia! That’s awesome. I knew it.”

It was Sophia’s turn to drop her jaw. “What? You knew what?”

“That you liked him.”

Sophia sprang from the couch. “Stella, no, it’s not like that. He’s Tim’s friend, and Tim hasn’t been gone long. I’m not looking to move on.”

“Calm down, it’s fine. You might not be looking to move on, but maybe your heart is saying otherwise. You’re young, Soph. No one expects you to stay in mourning forever.”

“It’s only been six months. It’s too soon.”

“Yeah, it’s too soon to rush down the aisle. But a kiss? With a good man? Who could blame you?”

“Me. Tim.”

“Tim would not blame you.”

“Are you kidding? This was his friend.”

“Soph, calm down. It’s not like you had sex.”

Sophia’s heart stopped. “Oh my God. I’m such an idiot. I can’t believe I did this. I’m a terrible wife.”

Stella rose to hug her. “Hey, listen to me,” she said, lifting Sophia’s chin to look at her. “You’re not a terrible wife. You’re a good wife. You were the best. And you’re grieving. There’s no right or wrong to it. Seriously. Ease up on yourself. Jackson makes you happy. I can see it when you talk about him. I can see it when you look at him. There’s nothing wrong with that. Stop shutting yourself off to possibility. Stop trying to grieve in the socially acceptable way. You’re not cheating on Tim. You’re not turning your back on him. He’s gone, Soph.
He is gone.
And you’re left here. He would want you to be happy, no matter what that looks like.”

Tears rolled down Sophia’s face now, a torrent of moisture dampening her cheeks. “I’m not ready to let him go. I want him back.”

“I know. I know. But that can’t happen, love. It just can’t.”

They embraced for a moment. Footsteps approached from the bedroom.

Larry stood before them, clad in his underwear and a T-shirt.

“Hey, Soph,” he said casually, and Sophia shielded her eyes.

“Larry,” she said, trying not to look.

“Larry Anderson, get back to the bedroom. This is private.”

He pretended to salute her and headed back.

She shook her head. “Men.”

“In his defense, I think what you two were doing was private, and I intruded.”

“Stop, don’t be ridiculous. We’ll be spending the whole day in bed anyway, so we have plenty of time.”

“I didn’t really need to know that.”