To Love and Protect (29 page)

“I’ll never get through dinner,” she muttered to herself.
 
She rang for a bath and attempted to put herself back to rights as well as she could.
 
She looked at herself in the mirror once more when the dinner bell rang.
 
A well-placed fichu covered the marks Justin had left on her chest.
 
She had piled her hair atop her head in some semblance of order.
 
And her lips, well not much could be done about her lips.

Halfway down the staircase she saw Justin coming up.
 
She stopped to look at him, taking in everything about him.
 
He too, looked much better.
 
Perhaps they would be able to pull this off, after all.

“Good evening, Clare,” he bowed to her.

“Justin,” she bowed her head.
 
“Forgive me if I don’t curtsy.
 
My feet are still tender and make balancing difficult.”

“Just the reason I was coming up.
 
Would you care for a ride?” he asked wickedly.

“Southerby,” she breathed looking around.

“I’m sorry.
 
Would you like me to escort you to dinner in the most chivalrous way that I know?”

“I would be honored.”

He lifted her in his arms and carried her down the stairs.
 
His mother saw them and a smile crossed her lips.

“You two look as if you were meant to be together.”

“Mother,” Justin said warningly.

“Just an observation,” she raised her hand to ward him off and turned to the others.
 
“It seems everyone is here now, shall we dine?”
 
They all murmured their agreement and they all moved towards the dining room.
 
Clarissa had been placed next to Justin and across from her sat her father.
 
She saw that he watched her carefully throughout the meal, almost scrutinizing her every move.

“Papa, I’m so glad you can actually join us for the meal,” she said, perhaps a bit too boisterously during a lull in the conversation.

“Have to keep my eye on the happenings around here,” he growled.

Clarissa refused to blush, and refused to let his statement get to her.
 
“Perhaps we should discuss this in private, after the meal,” she proposed.
 
Her father merely grunted his agreement.
 
After that, conversation turned to more mundane, general topics.
 
The food tasted delicious, and Clarissa felt greatly satisfied and extremely full.
 
All she wanted to do was go to bed after the exhausting day she had had, but her father wanted to talk.

After the meal, they all stood to leave the room.
 
Justin started to bend to lift Clarissa into his arms before she halted his progress.
 

“I can walk, but, thank you,” she said softly.

“Are you certain?”

She nodded her agreement and slowly left the dining room.
 
Her father beat her up the stairs, but that gave him time to ready for bed.
 
She knocked softly on his door, almost hoping that he would have dozed off.
 
Fate laughed at her.

“Come in.”

“Hello, Papa.”

“Shut the door.”
 
She did and walked slowly across the room to sit in a chair across from the one he occupied.
 
“What’s the matter, Papa?”

“You.”

“What did I do?”

“What went on in that little cottage?”

“Absolutely nothing.
 
We sought shelter from the storm.”

“Is it true?”

“Is what true?”

“That you almost died?”

“I believe I do owe Justin a great deal.”

“Was it because of me?”

“What?”

“Did you fail to fight harder to get out of the way of that boulder because of me?
 
Did you want it to end your life?”

Clarissa looked down at her hands, searching for the right words.
 
“I am not suicidal, if that is what you are asking.
 
Papa, so many things have happened between us since Lorraine came into our lives.
 
She was like a festering sore to me.
 
I tried on many occasions to tell you my concerns, and you would just brush it off.
 
Never before had you treated me that way.
 
You had always regarded my opinion very highly.
 
Why did she change that?”

“Perhaps, I became a silly old fool.
 
She turned my head, Clarissa.
 
She made me feel young after you made me feel old.”

“I...I never,” she stammered.

“You did.
 
When you told me you would never marry, only take care of me for the rest of your life.
 
I felt so blasted old in that moment.
 
Then Lorraine came along.
 
At first I wondered what a beautiful young woman could see in me.
 
Then I thought about the money and all that and you know what?”
 
Clarissa just shook her head, mesmerized by her father’s words.
 
“I didn’t care.”

“The will?” Clarissa asked.

“Changed before Lorraine came along and I don’t know that I will change it back.
 
I don’t want you to become an old maid taking care of me.”

“Changing your will cannot guarantee that I will find a husband and bear a child within your time period.”

“That is a decision you will have to make.”

“You would force me into a loveless marriage or leave me poor.”

“Clarissa, your mother and I were not a love match.
 
We were very good friends, but we did come to love each other desperately.
 
I do miss her dreadfully, and it is my hope that you will find that kind of love as well.”

“What has happened to you?” Clarissa asked bitterly.
 
“You are not the father I once knew.
 
My father laughed, he read me stories, kissed my hurts.
 
He would not have put this stipulation on his daughter.
 
Where is that man?”

“He left when you grew up and didn’t need him anymore.”

“I still need him, dammit,” Clarissa could not stop the word leaving her mouth or the angry tears that fell down her cheeks.
 
She felt more alone in the world than she ever had.

“No, you don’t need him.
 
You need someone to love you as a man loves a woman.
 
Clarissa, I think Justin would make you a fine husband.”

“I heard you tried to force him to propose to me.”

“Yes.”

“I do not want a forced proposal.
 
If he does it, I want it to be on his terms.
 
Do you understand?”

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t think that is any of your business.”

“I’m your father.”

“I’m only your pawn, and you have become the chess master.”
 
Clarissa stood and slowly walked to the door.

“I will win this battle.”
 
Clarissa closed the door firmly on his words, not caring that he got in the last one.

“Clare, is everything all right?”
 
Justin stood waiting across the hall, a concerned look on his face.

“Fine.
 
Everything is fine,” she refused to break down in front of this man.
 
She walked slowly to her room and shut and locked the door.
 
Then she slid down to the floor as the harsh sobs wracked her body.

***

Justin could hear Clarissa sobbing through the door.
 
He turned the knob but found the door locked.
 
How like her to suffer her problems alone.
 
Justin turned to the only other source who knew what had just happened.
 
He turned the doorknob without knocking and what he saw floored him.
 
The old duke sat in a chair, silver tear tracks ran down his face.

Justin quietly closed the door and made his way to his own room.
 
Instead of undressing, Justin walked out onto his balcony and looked towards the hills.
 
Those two are quite a pair
, he thought while shaking his head.
 
Each thinking that they were helping the other when all they were doing were causing each other heartache.
 
From the way Clarissa looked, it might be something that cannot be fixed.
 
As much as he disliked the way the old man had tried to roughshod him into a marriage, he really could not blame him.
 
If Clarissa had been his daughter, he probably would have made the marriage happen when they had first landed in Scotland.

He knew if nothing else, they had to get this Lorraine and Franklin issue taken care of.
 
There would be no happiness for anyone until those two were out of the picture for good.
 
Justin walked back into his room, undressed, and took care of his nightly rituals.
 
He shrugged into his robe then poured himself a brandy.
 
He carried one of the big chairs out onto the balcony and went back for his brandy.
 

The air smelled crisp and clean.
 
A few more days and Christmas would be upon them; too bad they could not celebrate it openly.
 
The moon highlighted the hills and reflected off the river.
 
He loved it here in Dumbarton.
 
No heavy smoke hung in the air as it did in London, and it remained less busy than Glasgow and Edinburgh.
 
You could also forget that most of Europe united in fighting a single enemy.
 
Here, you could forget about everything.
 
He emptied his snifter and set it down on the floor.
 

His legs stretched before him, his hands behind his head, he closed his eyes enjoying the smells and sounds of the area.
 
He felt the barest touch on his arm before he grabbed the intruder and pulled her into his lap.
 
Her scent had precluded her.
 

“What do you think you are doing?” he asked.

“I don’t want to be alone right now.”
 
Clarissa’s eyes and nose were red from crying.
 
Her face was splotchy, but beautiful.
 
He hugged her to him and just held her.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“No.”
 
She turned in the chair and straddled his legs.
 
“Are you wearing anything beneath your robe?”

“No.”

“Neither am I.”

“Clare, don’t say things like that.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because you’ll want to touch me?”

“I’ll want to do more than that, and it’s getting colder out here.”

“Good, we need to warm up then,” she whispered leaning in to kiss him and untie his robe.
 
She pushed the lapels aside and then untied hers.
 
She brushed her breasts against his chest, loving the way her breasts tingled.
 
His erection throbbed against her cleft.
 
She reached down, grabbed it and positioned herself to take him.

“Let me prepare you,” he whispered.

“Believe me, I’m more than ready,” she whispered as she slipped down onto him, taking him wholly within her.
 
He wrapped her in his arms and captured her mouth, devouring it as if he were starving.
 
“Justin,” she whispered when she pulled back.

“Yes?”

“I don’t know what to do now.”

“I can’t believe this,” he chuckled quietly, and she could feel the movement within her.

“Please, don’t laugh at me.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m not.
 
I’m laughing at the situation.”

“Shouldn’t you be quiet?”

“I’m the only one on this side of the house,” he told her before capturing her lips once more and plundering the deep recesses of her mouth.
 
She felt his hips jerk upward and a spark ignited deep within her.
 
His hands found her hips and helped guide her until she found her own rhythm and what she wanted.
 
She squirmed and wriggled trying to reach the point where she would soar and forget everything.
 
Then she felt him suckle at her breast and reach between them and she flew, her face and arms raised to the sky.

***

Clarissa awoke in her bed, dressed in her nightgown and tucked beneath the heavy coverlet.
 
Sun streamed through the window, and there was no sign of Justin anywhere.
 
Had she dreamed her actions?
 
No, definitely not a dream she thought as she felt the soreness all along her body.
 
She felt a blush cover her body at her boldness last night.
 
What had come over her?
 
She threw the cover over her head, hoping to block out the event from memory.

What did he think of her?
 
My word, she had acted like a common trollop.
 
Mortified, she rolled over and curled into a ball, hugging her knees to her chest.
 
She could not face anyone this morning.
 
She wanted to blame her actions on her confrontation with her father.
 
But she knew that was only a small part of the reason for her behavior.
 
After having a good cry, she had sought Justin out for two reasons.
 
The first being comfort.
 
She had not wanted to be alone, to face her demons in the dark.
 
Secondly, she had wanted him.
 
She wanted the physical connection they had shared earlier.
 

She remembered spending some time in Justin’s room after their interlude on the balcony.
 
He had moved them to his bed where they had several more interludes before she simply fell asleep in his arms.
 
She had been exhausted both physically and emotionally.
 
The clock downstairs began ringing the hour.
 
Noon!
 
My word, she had practically slept the day away.