To Love a Wilde (17 page)

“I bet it was a lot for a little girl to take in,” he said, running a hand over her hair.

“It was. Everything was just so much more … quiet than what I was used to, living in New York. No tall buildings obscured the sky, like we had back home, nothing but mountains was all I could see. No taxis honking at you to get out of the way, and everybody spoke English,” she said, and heard his quiet laughter.

“And then you fell in love with it,” he said softly, and Yasmine smiled. Although he was referring to the ranch, she knew she’d also started to fall in love with him a little that day.

“Yeah, I did. It was scary at first, I didn’t know what to do, how to act. Who to be,” she said, her voice losing some of its faraway note. “But, between Aunt Lilly, Jed … and of course, you, Nate and Shilah, I felt welcomed.” She stopped and laughed, the sound bittersweet. “In fact I felt more at home at Wyoming Wilde than I’d ever felt with my parents. I think that’s what I felt the most guilt about, after they died.”

He hugged her close. “It was understandable, with them traveling so much, and you staying with relatives most of the time. That doesn’t mean you didn’t love them.” He hugged her, and she turned into his embrace.

Yasmine knew that Holt, as well as his brothers, knew what her life had been like before she’d come to live with him. She remembered the night she’d come to stay with them. Not being able to sleep, she’d crept downstairs
quietly to pour herself a glass of milk.

Before she’d walked into the kitchen she heard voices and stopped, crouching against the wall, and listened when she heard her name mentioned by Jed Wilde, the man her aunt worked for, and father of the three boys she’d met earlier that day.

Jed had been in the process of explaining to the boys that she was going to be living with them, and that her parents had just died. Yasmine had kept her body low, listening as the young boys had plied Jed with questions, asking where she was from, what happened to her parents and how long she’d be living with them.

When she’d met Jed earlier that day, she’d been more than a little bit intimidated by him. Tall, he had to be the tallest man she’d ever seen, with a voice so deep her eyes had widened into saucers when she heard him speak.

Yet despite his gruff manner, he answered his boys’ questions patiently, and after he’d answered them had told the boys that Yasmine was now family. Just like them, she was family.

She’d peeked around the corner and saw them each nod their heads solemnly. Nate, who she’d guessed was the oldest, spoke first. “You can count on us, Dad. We’ll make sure she feels at home,” he’d said, his voice breaking in the middle of his sentence, in that way boys had when their voices were about to change and deepen.

“She’ll be family.” Shilah spoke then. Yasmine had been fascinated by the middle brother, the way his dark solemn eyes had watched her closely when they had met
earlier in the day. Not saying a word, he’d simply stuck out his hand for her to shake.

But it had been Holt whom Yasmine believed she fell a little bit in love with that night when he piped in, volunteering his room for her to stay in. Jed had laughed gruffly, assuring his youngest son that they had more than enough room for Yasmine, that she’d stay in the new room they’d added to the upstairs wing.

Although so uniquely different on the outside, Nate being black, Holt white and Shilah Native American, on the inside the boys were as similar as if the same blood ran in their veins. Jed had a lot to do with forming them into the young men that they became.

As Yasmine remembered that year she’d come to live with them, the dark room, Holt’s strong arms wrapped around her waist, holding her close as she lay on him, all gave her the freedom to speak what she’d held on to for a long time.

The words seemed to pour out of her: how afraid she’d been, how even though she loved her parents, she hadn’t been able to cry at their funeral. She felt nothing but anger, anger that they left her and even more anger that they hadn’t taken her with them when they decided to take a vacation.

Anger that they’d left her alone.

“I guess I was most angry because I never felt like my parents even knew I existed. They were always traveling, and they always left me behind. When I’d ask … beg … them to take me, I can remember my mother telling me they were going to do ‘grown-up fun’ and
promising that one day soon, when I was older, we’d all go on a trip together.

“It wasn’t until I came to live at the ranch that I felt …” She stopped and drew in a breath. “That I felt like I really had a home. With people who loved me. I didn’t have to feel alone anymore. I had a family.”

When he released her, she laid her head back on his chest. Saying aloud what she’d kept deep inside for years was freeing. She felt a burden she hadn’t been aware she’d been carrying lift from her shoulders.

“And now? Have you found that same sense of contentment in your life you found with us … with your aunt, when you lived at the ranch?”

The question momentarily caught her off guard. She frowned, thinking of the places she’d traveled, all over the world, and the accomplishments she’d made. For all of her achievements, there was a part of her that still yearned for the sense of home she’d only felt at Wyoming Wilde.

“I don’t know,” she said softly.

The uncertainty, but mostly the honesty in her voice, reached out and when he least expected it sucker punched Holt directly in his heart.

She was so open, so giving.

He felt humbled at the way she opened up to him, told him things she’d never mentioned to anyone else.

Humbled and ashamed.

Ashamed because he hadn’t been able to do the same.

As he’d listened to her, he’d heard the sadness in her voice when she spoke about her parents. The loneliness she felt even when they were home, and how even then she felt separate from them, as though they were in their own world, one she didn’t share with them.

So much of what she said, he felt deep inside. He’d wanted to open up to her, as well. Wanted to tell her how he could relate to much of what she said, that he, too, knew what it felt like to be alone, even if he was in a crowded room.

But the thought of exposing himself to her, to anyone, in that way, in a way he never had before, even with his brothers, wasn’t something he was willing to do. To see sympathy in her eyes, like he’d seen so many times in the past when he was younger … No, he wanted no one’s sympathy. Not even Yasmine’s.

He hugged her close, showing in action what he couldn’t say in words.

He could get used to this … to her. Waking up to her every day, her warm body close to his, their bodies aching from a night spent loving each other.

He mentally brought himself up short. Not loving. Sex. Having sex with each other. Lovers for the rest of her stay at the ranch.

And how will you feel once she’s gone?
an inner voice asked.

He settled against her. He’d cross that bridge when he came to it. For now, this was all he needed. All he had to give.

As her head lay on his chest, Holt ran a hand over
her hair. He loved the way the thick strands felt against his fingers.

He was still thinking of the things she had shared with him, along with his own mixed-up feelings, long after he heard her soft snores telling him she’d gone to sleep.

“I
was thinking. When we get back to the ranch, how would you feel about moving in with me?”

“What are you talking about? I’m already staying at the ranch,” Yasmine said, frowning up at him.

“No, I meant into my room.”

“Are you joking? God, Holt, Aunt Lilly would kill us both!” She laughed off the suggestion. Although a part of her found the idea appealing, she didn’t want to even think what her aunt would have to say about it.

It was late, and in less than six hours they would be heading back to the hospital to pick Lilly up and return to the ranch.

Over the past three days when they weren’t spending time with Lilly, and Holt wasn’t on the phone with his brothers, they were with one another, going into
downtown Sheridan at night. Although it was still early spring, and the nighttime air could grow cold, they enjoyed walking around the picturesque part of town, mostly window shopping, as many of the shops had closed by the time they reached the area.

Their time together had seemed so idyllic, almost standing outside time. A part of Yasmine wished she could capture the moments and lock them away, storing them to savor for the time when she would have to leave. And after hearing from Lilly’s doctors, she knew that before long her aunt would be up and around and wouldn’t need Yasmine’s help.

They’d been surprised when they’d gone to see her the day after the surgery and she was up walking around, with the help of a cane. As the doctors had taken a less invasive approach to Lilly’s knee-joint replacement, her recovery, they’d been told, would be half the time of a normal knee surgery, a fact that relieved Yasmine. Her expected recovery time would be no more than a few weeks.

When Yasmine realized how quickly her aunt would recover, although she was happy for Lilly, a part of her was saddened, knowing her time at Wyoming Wilde would soon be coming to an end.

“And you don’t think she’ll figure out that we’re sleeping together when we get back?” he asked, bringing her back to the subject at hand. He cupped one of her cheeks in his hand and squeezed, making her squirm. “That
everyone
won’t figure it out?” he asked, and she blushed.

“Humph!” she said, lying half on top of his body and propping her chin on his chest. “You say that as though this is going to continue.”

“If by ‘this,’ you mean this …” He stopped and tugged her so that she lay full on top of him. He brought their lips together, ran his tongue over her mouth and kissed her slowly.

“And this …” he murmured against her mouth once he released it, placed a hand on her hip and lightly ground her against his hardening shaft. “Then, yes, I would say I have every intention on continuing.”

“I don’t know, Holt. Things are pretty busy for me, and for you as well, with breeding season and the auction coming up. Maybe you won’t have time for me,” she said coyly when he finally released her, hiding her smile.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked feigning disbelief. “You must not know who I am. I always schedule time for my ladies for hot juicy sex.”

“Hot juicy sex?”
she said, her voice rising another octave. “Your ladies? Is that all I am to you, Holt?”

As soon as he said it, she could tell he wished he could bite out his own tongue.

“Is that all I am to you, just another notch on your belt, another one of your ladies to give you all that hot juicy sex you need?”

“Oh God, Yas, I was just kidding! I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Whatever, Holt,” she said, and pushed him away angrily when he tried to bring her back to his side. “That’s your problem. Everything is a joke to you.” She
rose and gathered her clothes, angrily jerking her arms through her bra, missing the snaps. Finally giving up, she drew her blouse over her head.

“Obviously, so am I.”

“What are you doing, Yas?” he asked, his face bewildered. “Aww, baby, don’t be like that. Come on back. I was just—”

“You know what? Just stop. Stop playing … the Penthouse! That act is getting real old, real fast.”

The cajoling expression slipped from his features as his eyes narrowed into slits.

“Yasmine, I told you not to call me that before.”

“And if I do?”

She glanced back at him and ignored her body’s reaction to the sexy image he presented on the bed, lying sprawled out, half-naked, the sheet barely covering his … essentials.

“No, Holt. I know
exactly
who you are. You’re just a little boy who’s afraid of growing up,” she said quietly, turning away from him. “And I’m tired of trying to figure you out. Just leave me alone. Please.” She ran toward the door and placed her hand on the knob before he was there, placing his hand over hers.

“I’ll get another room … or wait in the lobby until it’s time to go and see Aunt Lilly at the hospital. Either way, I’m out.”

“Don’t go. Please,” he said, his voice husky. “I’m sorry.”

She said nothing, keeping her hand on the door.

“Just come back to bed. Please. I’m sorry. What I said was stupid.”

She turned her head away, not quite ready to forgive him.

“We have a few more hours before we can go to see Lilly. I can think of a lot more interesting things we can do besides argue.”

She looked up at him, ready to head out of the door, when she paused, her eyes searching his.

Although his words were light, casual, in his eyes she read something different entirely. What she saw was fear, fear of allowing her in, past the last barrier he’d erected between himself and the world.

What she read made her realize that she wasn’t ready to give up on him, on them, on what they could have, if only he let her in.

She drew her hand away from the knob and placed it in his, allowing him to lead her back to bed, and his arms.

Y
asmine glanced at the clock, checking to see how much time she had before Holt would be home for dinner. After helping Jackie load the warming plates to send to the mess hall for the others, she’d gone back to preparing their meal.

Tonight they were going to eat together, just the two of them, and later go dancing.

The thought of getting away from the ranch for some alone time with Holt and going dancing with him had kept her excited all day. With breeding season upon them, the past couple of weeks they’d barely managed to see each other during the day.

That, as well as the time she’d spent with Lilly, planning the final menu for Althea and Nate’s wedding,
and her own duties, and the two of them had managed to spend time together only at night.

Occasionally she wondered if he longed for her in the way she longed for him. Even when they were apart, thoughts of Holt were never far from her mind. She also wondered if he’d ever trust her enough to allow her to get past that last barrier, the invisible one he kept between himself and the rest of the world.