To Live Again (7 page)

“Good. That’s how I want you.”

“Yeah? What if I told you I want more than just a quickie in the VIP lounge?”

“I’m not going to argue.” He drew back and squinted slightly, as if trying to read me. “How much more are we talking about?”

“I want you to fuck me,” I breathed. “Tonight. Been thinking about it…the last few—”

“Hell yes.” He pulled me back in and kissed me hard, his fingers digging into my scalp. “Anything you want. Because I’ve been thinking about it too.” He paused, meeting my gaze again. “You don’t have to rush into this for my benefit, though.”

“I’m not.” I shook my head. “I, um, did a little experimenting on my own, and…” Goose bumps sprang to life along the length of my spine. “I liked it. A lot.”

“Did you?” Sailo swept his tongue across his lips.

“When you told me you wanted to,” I said, speaking quickly and barely remembering how to enunciate, “I got curious. So I…I tried a few things on my own and—”

He silenced me with a deep kiss. “You liked it? Playing by yourself?”

“Very much so.” I rubbed my hard-on against his. “It was…so much better than I expected.”

“Yeah?” He brushed his lips across mine. “You’re jonesing for the real thing now, aren’t you?”

“
Yes
.”

“Oh, this is going to be fun. If you’re really serious—”

“I am. Very. I want—”

“Good,” he said, panting hard. “After my show, meet me back at my place. And I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to stop.”

“Oh God,” I breathed, not giving a damn about how much tomorrow was going to suck at work. “Yes, please.”

“If I could blow off my show,” he whispered, “I so would. Jesus. I want to take you home right now and…” He shivered. So did I.

“You have some time, right?”

“Some.” He swallowed. “Not enough for that.”

“That can wait.” I slid a hand over the front of his pants, my knees trembling when he groaned. “But I think we have enough time for—”

“Please.” He grabbed my wrist and pressed my hand even harder against his erection. “Or I’m gonna fucking lose my mind.”

I kissed him again, kneading his dick through his clothes as the door held both of us up. Then I gently freed my wrist from his hand and knelt in front of him. I had to hold on to his hip for balance because I was so goddamned dizzy, but between the two of us, we managed to get his pants unzipped.

The instant his cock was bared, I had my lips around it, and a shudder went through me. It was like
this
was what I’d been craving since the other night—his cock between my lips, his hand in my hair. And I realized I had been craving it. I wanted him. Kissing, fucking, blowing each other, doing anything and everything we could think of to drive the other wild.

“Jesus, yes,” he groaned, raking his fingers through my hair. He rocked his hips slightly, fucking my mouth, and I teased him with my tongue as he slid in and out of my lips. I was going to get addicted to this, I just knew it—his enthusiastic moans, his fingers in my hair, his cock sliding across my tongue.

I closed my hand around the base and stroked him. With my hand to keep him from getting too far into my throat, I stroked him faster, and he took the hint—he thrust harder.

And then I realized, this was how he’d move later tonight. When he was inside me. Fucking me. My own cock hardened even more, and I groaned around his dick, giving him everything I had as I imagined him slamming himself into me, over and over.

His fingers tightened in my hair. His groans turned to sharp, uneven gasps. Then he shuddered violently, and as he came on my tongue, I was surprised I didn’t come too.

He swore under his breath and sagged against the door. I rocked back on my heels. When I was sure I wouldn’t black out or something, I rose, and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me deeply, still panting and trembling between my body and the door.

“Told you I couldn’t wait till Wednesday,” I murmured.

“Me neither.” Another kiss, lighter this time. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you again since the other night.”

“Glad I’m not the only one.”

“Not at all.” He looked at his watch, and his shoulders dropped. “Shit. I have to get downstairs.” He met my gaze, brow pinched apologetically. “I want to return the favor, but I—”

I kissed him. “You can return it tonight. When we’re in bed.”

He squirmed between me and the door. “I will. Promise.”

“I can’t wait.” I brushed my lips across his. “And I’m serious about what I said before. I want you to fuck me.”

Hands sliding up my sides, he released a long, ragged breath. “You’re really sure?”

“Oh yeah. Definitely sure.”

He kissed me. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“So am I.”

“I should hope so.” He winked, wrapped his arms around my neck. “I’ve got plenty of lube and condoms at home.”

“Then I’ll see you after midnight.”

“Yes you will.”

“You’d better get to work. I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“Damn all this adult responsibility.”

Our eyes met, and we both laughed. We kissed once more, and then headed downstairs so he could get onstage. Another kiss—okay, a few more—and we separated. I went to the bar to get something cold.

I still had some nerves, but it was mostly anticipation crackling beneath my skin. If being with a man was anything like what I’d done with those toys, then the only thing I had left to be nervous about was coming too soon.

I was going to regret the hell out of this tomorrow. When I had to be up at a painfully early hour, and function in an office full of people and fluorescent lights while I dealt with technical minutiae and micromanaging e-mails…yeah. Hell.

But it’d be worth it.

After Sailo’s show, I’d meet him at his place.

Because I just couldn’t wait another night.

Chapter Nine

I hung around the club for his show, keeping myself well-caffeinated so I wouldn’t nod off at the bar. By the time he was wrapping up, I was starting to second-guess this whole plan. I’d been awake since four, and now it was nearly midnight. I was going to stay up
how
much later?

But then the show was over, and we drove to his place, and suddenly we were in his apartment, kissing and pawing at each other’s clothes, and oh yes, I was awake now.

Somewhere between his front door and the bedroom, he broke the kiss and whispered, “I could use a shower before we do this. Want to join me?”

The mere thought of him, naked and soaking wet, made the answer a no-brainer. “Lead the way.”

In the bathroom, we stripped off our clothes and stepped into the tub. It was fairly spacious for an apartment shower, which was good, since neither of us was exactly small.

While we soaped and rinsed ourselves, I couldn’t stop staring at him. My mental image of him didn’t hold a candle to reality. Suds slid over slick skin, pausing here and there on his tattoos, which seemed even blacker now that they were wet. Black hair plastered to his forehead. A few drops clinging to his goatee. And I’d ever questioned being attracted to men?

Our eyes met. As hot water rushed over both of us, we exchanged grins and pulled each other into a long, lazy kiss. Then he broke away, turned me around, and wrapped his arms around me. As he kissed his way up and down my neck, he slid his hands all over my chest and abs. I covered his hands with mine, closed my eyes, and tilted my head to expose more skin.

“Do you know how hard it was to concentrate on my show tonight?” His voice was soft, his breath hot in my ear. “I’ve been thinking about you since the other night, but after you said you wanted me to fuck you…” He trailed off into a moan, pressing his thick erection against my ass. “And after you gave me that fucking awesome blowjob.”

I slipped my fingers between his on my chest and leaned back against him. “And here I thought you’d think I was overstepping some bounds by showing up.”

“No, no, no.” He kissed beneath my ear. “Showing up at my apartment, maybe. But there’s a reason I told you I was at Wilde’s.” His lips curved into a grin against my hairline. “I was hoping you would.”

“Glad I didn’t disappoint.”

“Not at all.” He nipped my earlobe. “What do you say we take this to bed?”

I turned off the water. “Thought you’d never ask.”

He laughed as I turned to face him. “Just didn’t want to rush.”

“But why wait?”

“Good point.”

We dried off and moved into his bedroom. Those nerves started coming back to life, but I was too hard, too dizzy with pure arousal, to give them much attention.

Sinking back into his bed was like letting go of tension that had been gripping my shoulders for too many days—we were back, returning to the place where we’d fooled around the first time. Second time, if the VIP lounge counted. The first time I’d ever been literally in bed with a man, though.

Though it was already late as hell, and I was too turned on to think straight, we weren’t in any rush. We took our sweet time, kissing and running our hands all over each other as if we’d never touched before. I traced his tattoos as if I could possibly memorize every loop and line, and he kissed his way up and down my neck like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. We lay on our sides, and then he was on top, and then I was. Every minute we spent doing this was one less minute of sleep I’d have before work tomorrow, and around the time he rolled me onto my back and started stroking my very hard cock, I decided for the hundredth time that this would be well worth any lost sleep.

He pushed himself up on his arms and gazed down at me. “If you’re still onboard, I can get a condom.”

Oh, hello, nerves.

I gulped, then nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.”

“You sure?”

Licking my lips, I nodded again. “Nervous, but sure.”

He held my gaze as if searching for uncertainty, then leaned down and kissed me again. Lifting himself up, he said, “Get on your hands and knees. You’ll be okay holding yourself up for a while, right?”

“I think so? I guess we’ll find out.”

His lips quirked slightly. Then he shrugged. “Just say so if you start getting uncomfortable. That goes for everything. If it hurts, or you just don’t like it…”

I nodded. “Got it.”

One last kiss, and we shifted around. My heart skipped as he opened the nightstand drawer. Condoms, lube. Oh fuck.

But I turned onto my hands and knees as he’d requested. He took the condom and lube, and moved them beyond the edges of my peripheral vision. Their presence both excited me and unnerved me—this was it. And he was kneeling behind me, now. A hand on my back. A very erect cock that I couldn’t see anymore but was very, very aware of.

Sailo leaned over me, wrapping an arm around my waist. He kissed the back of my neck. “You okay?”

“You haven’t done anything yet.”

“No.” He kissed the same spot. “But nerves are funny things.”

“They are. I’m okay, though.”

“Good.” He trailed soft kisses down my spine. Every light, warm touch made my skin prickle. No one had ever kissed me in those sensitive, strangely erotic places, but he took his time, kissing along my vertebrae as if they were the most erogenous zones imaginable. Beneath his lips and the soft brush of his goatee, they
were
pretty erogenous. My God.

I closed my eyes, letting my head fall forward as another shiver ran through me. I thought I knew all the places I was sensitive. Evidently not.

At the small of my back, he paused. Then his lips lifted away from my skin, and I held my breath, not sure what was coming next.

He gently kneaded my ass cheeks, and as he parted them, I bit my lip.
Now it starts. Fingers first, right?

No.

Not fingers.

Tongue.

My eyes flew open. The air in my lungs didn’t move, and neither did I.

Oh…my God.

His tongue felt…unreal. He made slow circles, probing gently and redefining the word
erogenous
. Whoa.

He shifted a little, and his hand materialized on my balls. He teased them gently, cupping them as he kept making those mind-blowing little circles with his tongue.

“Fuck,” I breathed.

“Feel good?” he asked.

“Very.”
Now get your tongue back to—

Yes. Like that. Jesus.

I wasn’t even sure exactly what he was doing, only that it took my breath away. It was an alien feeling in an area that, up until very recently, had never been stimulated sexually, and I had to grip the sheets just to remind myself not to collapse flat on my face. Holy hell.

Yeah, those little circles feel…no, don’t stop. Don’t—okay, fluttering like that is pretty good too.

Wow, that is
really
good. Keep…keep doing…

What the hell are you even doing now? Don’t care. Just don’t stop.

I was distantly aware of some fatigue in my shoulders from holding myself up like this for so long, but whatever. They could be sore as hell tomorrow for all I cared. This was well worth some muscle pain later.

Sailo stopped, and I opened my eyes.

Wait, why’d you stop?

He shifted around behind me—sitting up, I guessed—and his hand drifted up my side. “You still okay in this position?”

My shoulders were definitely getting tired, but I nodded. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“Good.” The lube bottle clicked.

Oh fuck. That’s right. He was warming me up for more.

Am
I ready for this?

I closed my eyes again, breathing slowly and reminding myself over and over that I wasn’t scared. A toy was different—I was in control, and if it hurt, I could stop—but if I really thought he wouldn’t stop, I wouldn’t be doing this. Or, more to the point, letting him do this.

I want this,
I reminded myself.
Badly.

He cupped my hip with one hand. “It’s just gonna be my finger for now, okay?”

I nodded.

“Might be a little cool.” His fingertip met my ass, and I jumped, but it was more nerves and anticipation than the coolness. “Relax,” he whispered. His finger didn’t move. He just kept it there, as a constant presence while I took a few long, slow breaths.

I’m okay. We can stop any time. And I don’t want to stop.

“We’ll take this as slow as you need.” His voice was low and soothing, and I concentrated on that while he pressed in gently. “No hurry at all. I want to make sure you’re completely relaxed first.”

His finger slid inside, and my breath caught. This was…a lot more intense than when I’d done it on my own. His fingers weren’t any thicker than mine, but they sure felt like it. Or maybe I was just tenser now?

“Relax,” he whispered. “We’ve got plenty of time, and I promise I won’t give you more until you’re ready for it.”

Closing my eyes, I exhaled slowly and willed myself to relax. He withdrew his finger. Slid it back in. Withdrew it. Just as it was when I’d done this myself, it felt strange and invasive. Uncomfortable, but not painful. And that had eventually turned into something amazing, so I didn’t tell him to stop. I let him slowly, gently fuck me with his finger.

Sure enough, as I got used to it, the discomfort shifted to intense but very, very good. He kept going for a moment longer, then added a second—fourth?—finger, and my vision blurred. Was that his whole hand?

No. No, just two fingers. Have to get used to it all over again. I concentrated on breathing, on relaxing, and as expected, every slow, slick stroke of his fingers was better than the last.

The burn intensified. He must’ve been separating his fingers to stretch me. Wasn’t that what one of the books recommended? Maybe. Guess so. It felt…it felt fucking awesome, though.

“You ready for more?” He sounded as breathless as I felt.

Am I?
I licked my lips, letting him slide his fingers in and out a few more times. “Y-yeah. I’m ready.”

“Okay.” He withdrew his fingers. “I’m just going to put on a condom. Give me a sec.”

I nodded but didn’t speak.

Behind me, the wrapper tore. My heart thumped against my ribs as I looked over my shoulder to watch him roll on the condom. Our eyes met, and we both grinned.

Once the condom was in place and he’d poured on some lube, he positioned himself behind me again, and I exhaled, reminding myself to relax, relax, relax.

“There’s plenty of lube,” he said softly. “But I can always add more. Just say the word.” He pressed the head of his cock against me. “Anything to make you comfortable.”

I nodded, but couldn’t speak. Not with him slowly,
slowly
breaching me with his thick cock. This wasn’t that much more than his fingers, but somehow it seemed ten times thicker. Maybe because I was so hyperaware of what it was—that he was…he was fucking me. His cock was inside me. He—

Sailo pushed deeper, and a twinge made my breath catch.

Christ, that was…

He paused. I found my breath again, and the faint pain dulled.

Another stroke, and suddenly it was intense enough to blur my vision.

He stopped again, and ran a hand up my back. “Am I hurting you?”

Kind of.

“
And if you don’t love it the first time,”
Ethan’s advice echoed in my head,
“don’t give up on it. It can be a bit of…an acquired taste.”

“No.” I licked my lips, trying not to wince. “You’re…you’re good.” Sort of. Not really. The toy had nothing on the real thing. With a piece of plastic, there was no warm skin against mine. No soft breath rushing past my neck.

The toy also hadn’t been this painful. Maybe I should’ve picked a thicker one. Or maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Ethan had warned me that it wasn’t everyone’s thing.

I was about to say something, to suggest we try this again another time, but suddenly the unpleasant burn was gone. Wait, no. It was still there, but it felt…it felt great. Intense. Mind-blowing. I exhaled, and my muscles—especially the ring of muscles around his thick cock—relaxed a bit more, and that intensity was quickly turning into something very different from before. It was still intense, but it was…

Oh my God. This was what I’d experienced on my own. No, better. As he slid in and out of me, every stroke was more amazing than the last, until I was dizzy from forgetting to breath. I rocked back against him, seeking more. How did I make it through forty-seven years without ever knowing how good it felt to be fucked by another man? I didn’t care if he ever let me top him as long as he never stopped fucking me just like this.

I wasn’t hard, but I was turned on. Not something I’d experienced before. Not something I could really explain. Hadn’t the books said something about that? That not all guys…

Fuck, what did I care? God, he felt good. I didn’t give a damn if I was hard or if I came.
He
was hard, and
he
was fucking me, and…Jesus…

Sailo leaned down a little, wrapping his arm around my waist and changing the angle of his cock just enough to hit that sensitive spot inside.

“Oh fuck,” I moaned.

“You all right?” he asked, panting in my ear.

“Y-yeah. It’s good. Real good.”

He kissed the side of my neck. “You want it harder?”

I had no idea how that would feel. I’d done it pretty hard on my own, but no way in hell had I been able to fuck myself as hard with the toy as he undoubtedly could now.

“Yeah.” I moistened my lips, which had suddenly gone dry. “Harder.”

He shifted behind me, sitting up again, and grasped my hips firmly. Then he withdrew almost all the way and—

“Holy fuck!” I dropped down onto my forearms.

“You all—”

“Don’t stop.” I sounded like I was sobbing. Maybe I was? Didn’t care. Just wanted him to keep doing that, keep driving himself into me. Did it hurt? I didn’t even know anymore. I couldn’t name or define a single one of the sensations rushing through me and electrifying my nerve endings. All I could do was beg him not to stop. Over and over, slurring so badly he probably couldn’t understand me anymore, I begged him to keep going.