To Honor and To Protect (9 page)

“May I,” Andy corrected with a syrup-coated smile.

“May I,” Drew said through gritted teeth.

“Right after breakfast.” She didn’t meet his gaze as she sat down and served herself.

“I don’t think this should wait.”

“I disagree. Go on and eat while it’s still hot.”

He set down the fork, unable to tolerate another bite.

“What’s wrong?” Andy took a big gulp of milk and then dragged another bite of pancake through the river of syrup on his plate.

“Nothing.” Drew tried to smile. “Just full up.”

“Mom’s a good cook.”

“I’ve always thought so,” Drew agreed. It wasn’t the kid’s fault his mother had lied to him his whole life. Technically, it wasn’t her fault, either, though that line was blurred by the way she’d tried to get rid of him so quickly. Maybe, when this news had a chance to sink in, he’d stop blaming her for the emotions tearing through him.

Eight years. She’d been pregnant on their wedding day. When the hell had she planned on telling him? He wanted to believe he would’ve found a way to tell the army no if he’d known that detail, but in those days he’d boasted a bigger-than-life confidence. He probably would’ve taken the assignment anyway, knowing it had been a quick-strike plan.

Nothing quick about eight years,
he thought. She’d gone through all of it alone. Pregnancy, childbirth, Andy’s first steps, first word, first day of school. Her parents gone, her fiancé—the father of her child—presumed dead. She’d done it all without any family support. No wonder she thought she could manage this situation with Everett on her own.

His hands clenched. He wanted to put his fist through the face of the man who’d overseen his torture. He’d missed too much of their lives, but if he had his way, he wouldn’t miss anything from this point forward.

He studied Addi, but she was focused on her food. “You talked to my dad before. When?” With so many questions in his head, he couldn’t seem to get the words out in the right order to satisfy his curiosity.

“I’ll explain everything after breakfast.”

He didn’t believe her. Even knowing it was irrational, he wanted to blame her for this overwhelming sense of loss. “I’m done eating,” he snapped, pushing back from the table. Andy’s eyes went wide and Drew felt the shame of scaring him. “Pardon me.” He sat down again. “It’s been a long few days.”

“It’s okay.” Andy nodded with a wisdom beyond his years. “Did you have to drive forever in an old car, too?”

Drew looked to Addi for an interpretation.

She finally met his gaze. “I traded my car for something older for our summer adventure. Andy soon discovered how much we rely on modern conveniences like power windows.”

“I’m done,” Andy announced. “May I be excused, please?”

“Yes. Leave your dishes and go brush your teeth. We’ll go exploring in a little bit.”

He slid out of the chair, then walked over to Drew and motioned him to lean down. “She lets you leave the table when you ask nice.”

The advice, delivered in a serious whisper, had Drew grinning right along with his son. “Thanks for the tip.”

* * *

A
DDISON HELD HER BREATH
, her heart thudding in her chest. The ornery grins on both faces were nearly identical. It made her ache for all the moments they’d never get back. She knew he was furious with her, the army, whoever else might have wrecked his mission. And after urging him to leave last night, she knew he had to be thinking she’d never planned to tell him the truth.

“Everett isn’t his father.”

“I’ve already said that.” And by some miracle, she’d discovered Craig’s true nature before he ever could be. “Andy liked him. Loved him like a dad,” she admitted through the hurt and embarrassment. “He isn’t happy with my change of plans.”

“What did you tell him?”

She rubbed at the place where Craig’s engagement ring had been. “You have to know this now?”

“I think I’ve waited long enough.”

“Oh, please. That’s bu— baloney,” she corrected, glancing toward the bathroom. Appetite gone, she gathered dishes into a stack in front of her. “You walked back into my world less than twelve hours ago. Hardly a display of patience worthy of praise.”

“You weren’t going to tell me.” His brown eyes were full of hurt and betrayal, but she refused to accept it as her sole responsibility.

“I told you plenty of times. You just weren’t around to hear it.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Watch your language.” She glared at him. “And lower your voice. He doesn’t need to hear us fighting.”

“We wouldn’t be fighting if you’d been honest with me.”

“Like you’ve been so honest living in Detroit without so much as a note when you came home? I’ve never lied to you. I’ve never had the chance.”

“What about last night?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t lie.”

“You sure didn’t volunteer the information.”

“I was in shock,” she said in her defense. “The primary reason I let you stay last night was so we could talk about this today.”

“Right.” His glare would’ve sliced through steel, but she found herself equally infuriated with him. “When did you know?”

She knew what he was asking, but she made him clarify, just to buy herself a little time. “Know what?”

He stood up and in two strides he was towering over her. Pinned between his solid chest and the sturdy sink, she didn’t feel the least bit threatened. No, her heart thrilled at his proximity and she inhaled his masculine scent. The woodstove had nothing on Drew when it came to creating heat.

“When did you know you were carrying my child?”

“Our wedding day.” The memories came rushing back. With all the excitement of getting married, she’d barely had a moment to think about when and how she’d tell him. At the reception? Over strawberries and a single sip of champagne in the honeymoon suite? She remembered wanting to tell him before the morning sickness gave it away. “I did the test that morning.”

Drew studied her, but she didn’t know what he hoped to find. There was no reason for her to lie.

“I’m ready!” Andy came running in, shoes in one hand, ball cap in the other. “Can we show Drew the gator slide? Do you think the turtles will be out?”

Drew stepped back, his scowl vanishing as he knelt down to look Andy in the eye. “Have you seen any of the swamp by boat yet?”

“Uh-uh.” Her son’s eyes lit with excitement. “Mom said she’d teach me the boat later. Are you gonna take me out?”

Drew nodded. “If your mom says yes, I’ll take you both out.”

She had to fight the tears that threatened. How many times had she wished for this very thing? For Drew to see his amazing son, to be a part of Andy’s life. Then she remembered what had brought him to their hiding place, what had dragged him away from his new life in Detroit. “Drew and I have a few things to talk about. Then we’ll see if the boat is still an option.” He’d been home for more than a year and hadn’t so much as called to check on her. She wasn’t about to hop in his boat and pretend nothing had gone wrong.

Andy’s happy expression bottomed out. “You really mean it’s not an option.”

“No. I mean there’s more to consider than a simple yes or no. Drew might have other things to do.”

“Uh-huh.” Deflated, Andy plopped down to put on his shoes. “Can we at least go see the gator slide?”

“Yes,” she said with more enthusiasm than she felt. She turned to Drew. “Do you want to clean up first?”

“I think a gator slide takes priority.”

She appreciated his understanding of Andy’s impatience. “Let’s head out, then.”

Andy led the way down the steps and pointed out everything he’d learned about the swamp. It seemed as though every sentence began with “Nico said” or “Mom told me.” Thankfully, Drew seemed content to listen, giving Andy his full attention and giving her space to come to terms with this latest upheaval.

Walking through the quiet swamp beside Drew, the first and only man she’d loved with her whole self, was a miracle in itself. But how could she make him understand and bridge the gap between them, not knowing where his side began? And how would she ever explain to her son that his father had fallen back into their lives like an angel from heaven?

Andy gave a cheer when she agreed to let him climb a tree. Drew gave him a boost, then stepped back to watch.

“I’m not leaving you out here alone,” he said for her ears only, his tone firm. “Everett won’t stop searching. You’re a liability to him.”

“I took precautions.”

“While that’s great, it doesn’t change anything. You need to trust me to bring you in safely.”

If only it were that easy. “Stay and play bodyguard if you have to. I understand why you feel you should, especially now, but I’m not going anywhere close to a government agency while Everett’s loose.”

“Then I hope Nico brought you enough supplies for three.”

In all her fantasies of a real family vacation, Mama Leonie’s swamp shack had never entered the equation. This was outrageous, yet, as she watched Drew advise Andy, as he encouraged their son, something about it felt absolutely right. It scared her nearly as much as it pleased her.

She reminded herself to stay firm. She couldn’t allow the echo of her past feelings for Drew to color the tough decisions now. Thanks to time and circumstances, they were different people now. Even if she trusted that what she felt in this moment was real, she couldn’t give in to emotions he might never return.

Chapter Seven

“What’s a perm-a-meter?” Andy asked as Drew’s footsteps faded down the steps and away from the shack.

Addison stirred the pot of gumbo simmering on the top of the stove. They’d eat as soon as Drew returned. “Perimeter.” She waited while Andy practiced the word, praising him when he said it correctly. “A perimeter is an outline of an object or area. If you drew a line around the table, that would be the table’s perimeter.”

“Huh.”

She nodded, smiling to herself. The whole day had been one question after another as Andy absorbed everything Drew said and did.

There were definite similarities, beyond the eyes and the fascination with comic books. Both Drew and Andy enjoyed exploring. From climbing the tree to watching fish ripple under the water of the swamp to spotting the various birds, they couldn’t seem to get enough of their surroundings. Or each other.

“Why does Drew have to check it?”

So far, she’d only told him Drew was a friend, but she knew that wasn’t going to satisfy her curious son for long. Or Drew. She dreaded bedtime when she couldn’t use Andy as an excuse to avoid the hard conversation Drew was determined to have.

Why couldn’t it be enough for him to know Andy was his? She didn’t want to share her son. Anyone could look at Andy and know she’d been doing quite well as a single mom. Swiping the back of her hand across her forehead, she hated how childish that sounded.

Her emotions were twisted in agonizing clumps and she had no idea how to loosen them. There had to be a way through this mess so things could become smooth and familiar again. She took a deep breath. They were adults. Two reasonable people stuck in awkward circumstances. No one’s fault, though a small, petty part of her wanted to blame him. If not him, then definitely the army, but that was a useless exercise that would only make her bitter.

Even as her wedding day fell apart, she’d understood why Drew had accepted the unexpected assignment. It made her feel like a horrible person to stand here wishing he’d stayed in Detroit. Not forgotten, but definitely part of her past.

Until this debacle with Craig, she’d done pretty damn well. As a mom and as a corporate attorney. She didn’t need Drew and his sense of duty and honor throwing another wrench in her life plan.

“Will Drew stay with us for the whole summer adventure?”

Addison feared that was exactly what would happen. “He’ll be with us for a while. I’m not sure how long.” It would be impossible to outrun him, but she hadn’t yet given up on finding a way to make him leave.

“I like Drew.”

“I’m glad. He’s a good person,” she added. It made her ache to hear how much her son wanted a father. She’d done her best to instill a sense of his father in Andy, to let him know his dad loved him, but she was discovering a memory—even a heroic one—was a poor substitute for the real thing.

“He watches you.”

Addison’s pulse skipped. “What do you mean?”

“When you aren’t looking he stares at you.”

“Well.” She didn’t know what to say. “He keeps an eye on you, too. As our friend, he wants to be sure neither of us gets hurt.”

“By alligators.”

She nodded, laughed a little. “That’s right.” But she needed to prepare him for the worst-case scenario.

“I’m too big to be alligator food.” Andy puffed out his chest. “Drew said so.”

How had she missed that conversation? Addison ruffled Andy’s hair, seeing the baby he’d been despite how much he’d already grown up. She knew she’d never recover if anything happened to him. She braced for an irritable reaction. “While I agree with Drew, that’s no reason to forget safety.”

“Safety’s why I won’t be alligator food.”

“Oh, that is good news.”

“Can we eat?”

“Just as soon as Drew gets back.” She checked her watch, thinking of the twenty-minute time limit. The bag was by the door, a black-duffel reminder that trouble could fall on their heads at any minute.

“We didn’t wait for Craig to eat with us.”

“Sure we did.” At restaurants.

“Did not.”

She aimed a raised eyebrow at Andy. “I know you’re hungry, but—”

“Hungry isn’t a reason to be rude,” he finished, plopping his head on his hands. “I worked up an appetite.”

That conversation she remembered. “We had quite an adventure today. What was your favorite part?”

“Climbing the tree. Next time I’ll go higher.”

Not if she had anything to say about it. “What did you see?”

“More trees, just like Drew said I would. But you and him looked really small from up there.”

She smiled, giving the gumbo another stir. “I guess that’s fair. You look pretty small from over here,” she teased.

“Hey!” Andy said when the joke sank in. “I’m getting bigger every day. I’m almost eight.”