To Have and to Hold (12 page)

“A week and a half. They’ve given me next week off to sort things out.” Joe sighs again and runs his fingers through his hair, reaching across the table to take Josie’s hand. He looks down at her fingers as he entwines them through his own, rubbing her hand gently with his thumb. “I’m going to miss you, Jose,” he whispers, not raising his eyes from their hands.

Josie’s heart skips. She remains silent.

“What am I going to do without you?” he says.

“You’ll find another Josie,” she says, with a smile masking her true feelings.

“Josie! How can you even say that?” He withdraws his hand in genuine hurt, but Josie merely shrugs.

“Joe, you and I both knew this wasn’t going to last. You’re married, for God’s sake. It’s a miracle we’ve even managed to survive this long. You love your wife, you’re not going to leave her, and you need to be with her.” Even as she says this she’s praying Joe will refute it, will tell her that she’s wrong, that he’s realized he is now in love with her and is planning on leaving his wife.

But there is silence as Joe listens to what Josie is saying. “I’ll still miss you,” he says. “The past few months have been, well, wonderful. Really.
You’re
wonderful. And you deserve someone incredibly special, someone who will be able to take care of you properly.”

“Someone who isn’t married,” Josie says, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice, for what he has just said is tantamount to him saying, “It’s over. I don’t want you anymore.”

“Yes,” Joe says gently, surprised that she seems genuinely hurt. “Someone who isn’t married. At risk of saying something incredibly clichéd, you really do deserve someone better than me. I wish I’d met you years ago. I wish you and I could be together, but now it’s too late. Maybe this is the best thing that can happen. Maybe this is God’s way of saying I need to commit to my marriage, need to stop looking outside it for things to make me happy.”

“So is this it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Will I see you again before you go?”

Joe looks shocked. “God, of course! I mean, I have to go home now, I have to tell Alice. Shit, what the hell am I going to tell Alice? Oh God. Anyway, I’m at home the rest of the week, maybe we can have lunch or something?”

Lunch. He really didn’t have to say anything more.

“Joe.” She takes a deep breath and smiles sadly. “I think maybe it’s better if we say good-bye now. You’re going to have so much to do, and I’ll be at work, and it’s easier if we stop pretending that we’re going to have a final fling before you leave. This is the right time to say good-bye.”

They gather their things and walk outside, standing on the pavement for a few minutes as each of them tries to think of the right way to say it.

Eventually they look up and catch each other’s eye, and within a split second they are hugging tightly.

“Thank you,” Joe whispers into Josie’s ear as she blinks her eyes furiously over his shoulder, trying to get rid of the tears. “You’re an amazing woman. I’ll miss you.”

“Go on.” She disengages herself, looking at the pavement so he doesn’t see her eyes brimming. “Take care.” And she turns on her heel and walks off down the street, a tear slowly making its way down her left cheek.

Joe stands and watches until she disappears around the corner. This doesn’t feel real. Nothing about this afternoon feels real. How is it possible that he is standing here, in the City, in London, about to go home to his house in Belgravia, and next week his entire world will have changed?

He pulls his mobile phone out of his pocket and clips the earpiece on to the lapel of his jacket as he sets off to the tube station. The machine picks up, and Joe takes a deep breath. “Hi, darling. Good news, the meeting has been canceled so I’m on my way home. And, Ali, there’s something we need to talk about when I get home. Make sure you’re there.”

“
W
hat? I don’t understand. Tell me again?”

Joe starts at the beginning again. Simon Barnes is transferring to London and they need a replacement, and Joe has been asked to move over to America to fill the position.

“But that’s ridiculous,” Alice keeps saying. “They can’t expect us to pack up and leave in less than two weeks. And why is this happening so quickly? Don’t you have a choice? Couldn’t you say no?”

Joe is silent, guilty and uncomfortable. He can barely look her in the eye.

“Joe? I can’t just walk away from my life here. We have nowhere to live there, and how am I supposed to get everything done by myself? It’s just ridiculous. Plus I don’t want to live in New York. God, London’s bad enough, but at least I have a few friends here. I want you to say no, Joe. I don’t want to go.”

“I can’t say no. I’ve already said yes. And
I
have to go in less than two weeks. You’re not expected to join me until you’re packed up here, and they’re organizing for someone to help you move. You don’t have to come until you’re ready.”

“Oh, great. Well, that makes it so much better. And what do you mean, you
have
to go? Do you mean you’ve said yes without speaking to me? Thanks, Joe, thanks a lot.” Alice starts shouting before taking a deep breath. “Tell them you’ve changed your mind.”

Joe shakes his head. He doesn’t know how to explain there is no going back, he can’t get out of this. New York. Something shifts in his head. A way forward. A way to make Alice happy.

“We don’t necessarily have to live in Manhattan,” he says.

“What do you mean?”

“They’re offering me a huge monthly housing allowance. We could get an apartment in Manhattan and a place in the country.” He sees the spark of interest in Alice’s eye. “Maybe Vermont, or Connecticut somewhere. Go out there every weekend. Maybe somewhere on a lake or by the beach.”

Alice doesn’t say anything for a while. Connecticut. The country. What she’s always wanted. “You’re not just saying that to make me say yes?”

“Of course not. Alice, darling.” He puts his arms around her and hugs her. “Think about it. This could be the fresh start we need. I know you don’t want to live in Manhattan, but you’ve always wanted to live in the country and we really could afford it. I think we’ll be happy there. I think
you’ll
be happy there.”

“I don’t know,” she mumbles, pictures of a Vermont farmhouse flashing through her mind. “Maybe I’d be willing to try it for a while. A fresh start. Maybe you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right,” Joe says, thinking suddenly that perhaps he is. Perhaps this
is
what they need, a fresh start in a new country. No more affairs, no more messing around. Time to fall in love with one another all over again. He pushes the memory of Josie out of his head, and determines to make a go of it this time.

“I love you,” Alice says, eyes filled with a mixture of apprehension, hope, and happiness.

“I know, darling. I love you too.” He puts his arms around her and hugs her close. It’s been a while since they hugged like this. The feel of her, the smell of her is so familiar. He breathes in deeply and kisses her neck, moves around to find her mouth waiting for his.

They kiss softly and then he smiles, rubbing a hand down her back. “Let’s go to bed.”

12

“
C
an’t we just live
here
?” Alice stretches out her arms as she lies diagonally on the huge bed and smiles lazily at Joe, a thick terry-cloth towel wrapped tightly around his waist as he wanders in from the bathroom.

“At the Mark? Now that really would be pushing it.” Joe laughs, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning over to give her a kiss. “Our housing allowance, my darling, is big, but it’s not that big.”

“But wouldn’t this be perfect?” Alice gestures around the one-bedroom suite. “It has everything we need.”

“Everything except a large country kitchen for you.”

“That’s okay. I can make do with that little kitchenette. I’ll have my large country kitchen when we find our house in the country.”

“Speaking of finding houses, or flats for that matter, we’re meeting the relocation agent in about an hour, and then we’ve got lunch with Gina and George. Come on, lazybones, or we’ll be late.”

Alice hooks her arms around Joe’s neck and pulls him closer, smiling lasciviously. “I don’t mind being a tiny bit late.”

“A tiny bit?” Joe kisses her softly as he unwraps his towel. “Or a big bit?”

Alice giggles as he rolls on top of her. “Rather a big bit is what I’d prefer.”

         H
alf an hour later Alice jumps into the shower, grinning all the while. It appears that Joe has been right about this being a fresh start for both of them. She has flown out every weekend for the past month, joining him at the Mark hotel, flying back to London during the week to sort out their house and the move, and every weekend she spends with Joe she feels more and more like a newlywed.

He hasn’t been this attentive or affectionate in years. She takes the one o’clock British Airways flight on a Friday, arrives at JFK at around four in the afternoon, and is at the hotel by six. Joe will either be waiting for her in his suite or will arrive about twenty minutes later, and will throw his arms around her in a huge hug, clearly delighted to see her.

They are, much to her delight, making love again with an enthusiasm she hasn’t felt for a very long time, and she knows that despite her initial reservations, New York really does seem to be the answer to her prayers.

The city is vibrant and buzzing, and far more friendly than she remembers. She strides along Madison Avenue feeling happy and energized, but just can’t get excited about the prospect of living there.

“A great place to visit,” she confides to Emily, “but I’d be exhausted if I had to live here all the time.”

“So how’s the hunt for the country house coming along?” Emily asks.

“Nothing yet. Joe wants to find somewhere in town first. As soon as we’ve found something here, we’ll know how much money we’ll have left over for a place in the country.”

“Just remember, Harry and I have to be your first guests.”

“Of course. So how is heavenly Harry?”

Emily laughs. “Heavenly.”

“You sound so happy.”

“I am. And so do you.”

“I know. I am. Who would have thought it?”

“I miss you, Ali.”

“But you saw me last Thursday.”

“I know, but you’re there now. For good. It’s horrible that I can’t just jump in the car and come over to see you.”

“But you can pick up the phone whenever you want.”

“I know,” Emily grumbles. “But it’s not the same.”

“Couldn’t you come over and live here too? You could come and live with me in the country.”

“Because Joe would love that.”

“Ah yes. Actually, he’s being so lovely at the moment he’d probably agree to anything I asked.”

“Quick, ask him if he’ll give me a thousand quid for my birthday.”

Alice laughs. “Come and see me soon, won’t you, Em? Even if I don’t find my country house, will you come and stay?”

“Of course. As soon as you’re settled I’ll be on the first plane.”

         A
lice still can’t believe that she is here. To stay. For good. It seems only yesterday that the removal firm came and spent three days packing the contents of their home, all except Joe’s office, for he insisted on doing that himself.

Was it really a month ago that Foxtons had been to their house in London? Two rental agents had gone into paroxysms of delight over the “exquisite” Belgravia home and assured her it would be rented in no time.

Final bills had to be paid, the Royal Mail forwarding service organized, and hasty farewells had to be made. Nobody could believe they were going, and everybody wanted to say good-bye.

Those last few days were a whirlwind, and although people offered to throw a going-away party, the last thing Alice needed was to worry about saying good-bye to people she was secretly thrilled to be leaving behind.

They had to make do with phone calls, with everyone saying they couldn’t believe they were just going, and they’d come and stay in the summer. “You must come,” Alice would say brightly, hoping that she’d be able to make an excuse, that their promises to come were as empty as her promises to host.

Her only real sadness was in leaving Emily. Emily, who had come over every day and helped her pack, who had taken Snoop out for walks while Alice had been on the phone, who had spent hours poring over the information the relocation agent in New York had supplied, oohing and aahing over the excitement of living in Manhattan.

The night before they flew, Emily insisted on having Alice over for dinner. At the end of a subdued evening, the sadness hung heavily in the air, and Alice and Emily hugged long and hard, both of them choking back tears. “You’d better e-mail every day,” Emily squeezed. “Or I’ll get on a plane and come over there and kill you.” Alice laughed to hide her sadness and reached up to give Harry a hug.

“Make sure you find a good class for Snoop,” he said. “I’ve already told him to look after you and make sure you’re happy.”

“We will be,” she smiled. “And you make sure you look after Emily.”

“Oh, I will.” He put a protective arm around Emily’s shoulders. “Don’t you worry about that.”

         A
lice and Joe step out of the elevator to see a smartly dressed middle-aged woman sitting on the bench in front of the reception desk.

“Is that her?” Alice whispers.

“Yup. Gayle, this is my wife, Alice. Alice, this is Gayle, our relocation agent.”

“Oh, it’s so good to meet you.” The woman smiles brightly as she shakes Alice’s hand. “Joe’s told me so much about you.”

“I’m very excited about seeing some apartments,” Alice smiles back.

“That’s great! I have a couple that your husband’s already seen that he likes and wants you to see, and then there are three more that I’d like to show both of you.”

“We’ve narrowed it down to the Upper East Side,” Joe explains to Alice. “Sixtieth to Eightieth.”

Gayle nods. “We started on the West Side as well, but we decided it was too young and busy, and downtown is out for obvious reasons. We toyed with Midtown, but as I’ve got to know Joe a little bit I can see that he’d definitely be happier on the East Side, and I’m sure you’d love it too.”

“That’s here, isn’t it? Where the hotel is?”

“Yup. Prime Upper East Side neighborhood.”

“Good. I love it around here. So where are these apartments?”

Gayle hands her a bundle of papers as they turn the corner, past the Issey Miyake shop, onto Madison Avenue. “The first is a couple of blocks from here, Seventy-fifth and Park. It’s a great apartment, lots of light, twentieth floor—so a great view too. Naturally it’s a doorman building.”

“They’re all doorman buildings, aren’t they?” Joe interrupts.

“Yes.” She turns again to Alice, assuming, as with most of the couples she meets, that it is Alice she has to woo, Alice who will be making the final decision. “They’re all desirable doorman buildings, which all of our other investment banker clients demand.”

“Well, if it’s good enough for the Joneses,” Alice laughs.

“Excuse me?” Gayle doesn’t get it.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it. What a beautiful day.” Alice links her arm through Joe’s and smiles at nothing in particular.

“
W
ell, it’s a bit of a change.” Alice doesn’t quite know what to say. She’s come from a huge house in Belgravia, and a smallish apartment, even in a doorman building, isn’t quite what she’s used to.

Ugly modern windows look out onto what is, admittedly, a decent view, and the ceilings are high enough to give the illusion of space, but there are no features, no moldings, no character in the apartment at all.

Boxy rooms, a tiny kitchenette, and a second bedroom that’s little more than a closet.

“It’s a great address,” Gayle says. “It’s a lot smaller than some of the other apartments, but you’re paying for this building, which is one of the best in the city.”

“I’m not sure this is quite my thing,” Alice says. “I think we’d probably kill one another in something this small.”

Gayle laughs. “That’s fine. The more we look the better idea I’ll have of what you’re looking for. Right. Let’s head over to Second Avenue. I think you’ll like that one much better.”

T
hree apartments later, Alice is beginning to lose patience.

“Doesn’t anyone have kitchens here?”

“The larger kitchens are mostly in the prewar buildings, and the only ones we have right now aren’t doorman buildings. They do have an elevator man, but it’s not nearly as prestigious, and I did show your husband but he said no.”

“But they’re all so, well . . . so ugly.”

“Darling!” Joe is embarrassed, but of course Gayle, used to forthright New Yorkers, doesn’t bat an eyelid.

“You have to remember that New York is not London. You have to have different requirements here, unless you’re prepared to compromise. Most of my clients would take anything in that first building we went to, no matter how small. It’s address that counts here.”

“I just don’t understand it,” Alice shrugs. “They’re all so small.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Gayle says. “I’ve relocated hundreds of people from Europe, and all of them end up loving it.” She looks at her watch. “Let’s go on to the next. I think you’ll like it more. It’s Seventy-third, between Lex and Park, and a really great apartment. It might be perfect for you.”

“
I
like it.” Joe walks around again, for the third time in the fifteen minutes they’ve spent in the apartment.

“Well, it’s definitely the best we’ve seen,” Alice agrees, walking over to the window and looking down onto Park.

“It’s a great price, and a fabulous apartment. Actually, this is probably my favorite of all the ones on our books right now.”

“So how long has it been on the market?” Joe calls from the master bedroom.

“Only around two weeks. I know another couple came to see it the other day who put in an initial offer which the owner turned down, and I believe they’re about to put in another higher offer.”

“Presumably their initial offer was below asking price?”

“I believe so. Not much, but I’m sure if you were to offer asking price they’d say yes. An apartment like this isn’t going to stay around for too long. Why don’t I wait in the other room and you can have a talk about it?”

“Thanks, Gayle,” Joe smiles. “That would be great.”

Joe perches next to Alice on the windowsill. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” Alice shrugs unhappily. “I can’t say I love it, but I don’t know anything about the real estate market here. I do know that I wouldn’t even consider any of these flats if they were in London, but . . .”

“. . . we’re not in London.”

“Exactly. But you like it, don’t you?”

“I do. I think that second bedroom would make a perfect study for me, and I like the fact that there’s a large entrance hall and a dining room as well. It has a good feel to it, and it’s a great size. You have to admit even the kitchen’s the biggest we’ve seen.”

“I know. You’re right. It’s just so strange to go from a big house to a flat that’s probably only a bit bigger than our very first flat. Remember our flat in Kensington?”

Joe smiles. “Yes, and remember how lovely and cozy it was?”

“That’s true.”

“And this is a good price.” Joe looks at the details again. “It leaves us with enough to buy a really nice place in the country.”

“Okay, done!” Alice laughs, as Joe puts his arm around her and squeezes.

“I told you I know the way to a woman’s heart.”

“Hopefully just this woman.”

“Of course just this woman, my lovely wife.”

Gayle walks back in. “Whoops.” She laughs. “I hope I haven’t caught you at an inopportune moment.”

Joe stands up and laughs. “Not at all. We want to make an offer. This would suit us perfectly.”

“
Y
our husband tells me you’re thinking of a place in the country as well?” Gayle has walked them back to the hotel and is telling them she’ll phone the owner as soon as she’s back in the office and put a formal offer in writing on the fax to him later that afternoon.

Alice nods.

“It’s a wonderful idea. So many of my clients do that. Often the men stay over in the city during the week then join the wives out in the country on the weekends. It’s wonderful to have that choice.”

“I like being with Joe, though,” Alice smiles. “I’d come into the city as well, I think.”

“Of course! You’d have the best of both worlds. Where in the country are you thinking of?”

“Probably Connecticut. I haven’t really investigated anything yet, but we’d like it to be somewhere near enough to enable Joe to commute if he needs to.”

“Fairfield or Litchfield County would probably suit you perfectly. We have a few offices there. Why don’t you visit our website and have a look at the towns? I can put you in touch with someone who could show you around.”

For the first time that day Gayle sees Alice’s face truly light up. “Really? Would you? That would be fantastic!”

“I wouldn’t have thought you’d be a country girl,” Gayle says in surprise, having assumed that Alice is exactly like all the other high-maintenance banking wives she is used to dealing with.