To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) (47 page)

“How about now?” Xander reappeared. This time, he wore board shorts.

He waved to himself as though I needed direction on where to look. My traitorous eyes looked him down, then up, and my cheeks radiated heat. With a mischievous smile, he looked like a boy about to get his way. I should have said no. That would be the right thing.

Words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. “Fine. But stay in the deep end.” What the hell was wrong with me?

Xander sunk under the bubbles, grinning from ear to ear. He grabbed the iPod, took the buds out, and cranked up the volume.

Making sure the bubbles still covered me, a thought occurred much too late:
What happened when they didn’t anymore
? I shoved that thought out of my head before I panicked and he would have to heal me in my nakedness.

Last time, he bathed me, so I returned the favor. I made him turn around and washed his back with my hands and vanilla soap. Afterward, I massaged his back and shoulders, keeping a distance between our bodies, but strangely, that distance kept shrinking.

I couldn’t resist kissing his wing lines. Then my hands developed a mind of their own and ran through his hair.

Warmth pooled in my core and spread to between my thighs. My breasts felt heavier and more sensitive. My entire body was yearning for him, and if my mind had a different opinion, I couldn’t hear it.

He sighed loudly. “This is gonna be tough. Already night two and I’ve corrupted you into taking another bath with me.”

“Funny.” I sounded breathless.

Xander spun toward me and those hazel eyes blazed with heat. Even with my warning look, he inched closer. The imaginary wall between us was as sturdy as the deflating bubbles on top of the water.

His eyes anchored to my lips.

He was going to kiss me and I wasn’t going to stop him.

69

Xander

Abby swallowed. “Xander, this isn’t a good idea.”

Her gaze shot to my mouth and my eyes drew down to the swell of her breasts that were no longer covered. I inched closer.

“You should go.” Her voice held no conviction. I felt the pounding of her heart reverberate in the water and her full lips parted.

My arms encircled her and tugged her silky body against me. Abby’s legs wrapped around my waist and her mouth sealed over mine. Our tongues clashed together and kissed with a burning desperation. My brain and body had disconnected, ignoring all reason.

My intentions were not to put myself in this situation while she stayed over these twelve days. I fooled myself into thinking I could be here in the tub with her and not touch her. I had promised we would wait. We should wait. Joseph warned us. My intentions were to listen to him.

So much for good intentions.

Desire overcame us, taking things much further than we had before and I almost cursed myself for having waited this long. I thought about taking her to bed, but I wouldn’t stop touching her long enough to get there, even at angel speed. I had been dreaming of this for so long, in a thousand different ways, rooms, positions. This by far surpassed any dream I had of her.

From the moment she touched me, the swelling between my legs turned into throbbing, the need to be inside her all-consuming. Only the thin fabric of my shorts separated us, and there was no hiding every inch straining for her.

With the bubbles knocked away, I had a full view of her bare body. I was in awe. My eyes met hers. “I love you, Abby. My beautiful Abby.”

“I love you, my Xander.” I loved hearing the name she had given me on her lips. The moment I first held her, I was hers. She was mine. We had always belonged to each other.

Using my gift, her heaving breaths calmed, but her legs cinched around me tighter.

My hands drew up her waist and ribs. Her breasts cupped perfectly in my hands and peaked to my touch. My mouth went right to them, capturing the tips, tasting her, teasing her with soft flicks and swirls of my tongue.

Abby arched into my mouth and pressed down against my length, her body begging for more. And those moans coming out of her were not nearly loud enough.

Our hips rocked faster and harder, doing nothing to ease the ache for her, it exploded through each cell and intensified. As my mouth focused on one breast, my hand went to her thigh and her legs fell open to me. My thumb made tiny circles along her inner thigh until my fingers skimmed over her soft folds. Abby shivered and writhed with pleasure that I was happy to give her.

Concentrating on the bundle of nerves that elicited another moan from her, I had to hear more. “I love that sound,” I rumbled. “I could listen to that all night.”

She sighed, “All night?”

“Hell yes, all night.”

She pulled my mouth up to hers, and my tongue mimicked what I was doing to her. Abby’s head tipped back as my finger slipped inside her, so tight and warm. She grabbed my hair and pleaded, “Xander, don’t stop.”

I had no intention of stopping.

Water splashed outside the tub and onto the candles, aware a few doused out. With skillful strokes, I eased another finger inside her, stretching her, building her need for release and feeling my own that was near intolerable.

I felt her hands at my waist and they dipped under my shorts. Greedy to have her touch me, one arm held her up and my other slammed down onto the rim of the tub. Her hand left a searing path along my skin, and when she wrapped around me, she gasped and I saw stars. I could have lost it then, but I struggled to hang on, desperate to bury myself inside her, feel her all around me, and truly become one with her.

“Xander.” It was another plea against my mouth.

She gripped me harder and I thrust into her hand. A strangled groan escaped me; I called out her name, a mere moment away from ripping my shorts off and taking her. Just one more second.

“Xan…der.” Her body tensed under me. “He…lp.”

A loud bang echoed against the tub and I felt the vibration in my bones. I froze, holding her. Abby’s eyes didn’t open. “Abby?” Her body slumped within my arms. “Abby?” Something drew my eyes down. Billowing through the water in ripples, I saw red.

Air left my lungs and my body felt submerged in ice. Pulling her up, red streaked the back of the tub. I threw my hand to her head and sticky warmth oozed over my fingers.

It stopped.

I waited.

“Abby?” She didn’t open her eyes. “Abby!” Emotion clogged my throat, and hot tears flowed out of my eyes and onto her. “ABBY!” I shook her tiny frame, caressed her face, and held her against me. I willed all of my healing into her. “Abby, please wake up. Please. Don’t leave me. Please.” Kissing her lips, I begged, “God forgive me. I’m so sorry. Abby, I’m sorry.”

There was so much blood. On her, the tub, me. After a few minutes of holding her, I sensed she was physically okay, but that did little to ease my fear. Using fresh water, I cleaned the blood out of her hair, off her body. Then I dried her like a doll. A lifeless doll.

I carried Abby to my room, dressed her in my shirt, and laid her down while I cleaned up the bathroom. When I was done, I held her tight to me, healed her, and prayed for her to wake. I stayed awake until the morning, watching, waiting. Weakened, I needed to eat, but I kept healing her. I didn’t care how drained I was.

When her brown eyes finally opened, I couldn’t face her. I let my desires and weakness put her at risk. I was selfish. She had told me no, she told me to leave, but I kept pushing.

And the worst part? She would blame herself.

70

Abby

Waking up, wrapped in a hot Xander, I stretched against him and realized I didn’t remember coming to bed last night. His face was unreadable. I was wearing his shirt and dry waves of my hair tangled around us.

“What happened?” Reaching for him, he wrenched away, and my stomach sank.

“Abby. I’m—” I didn’t realize how much he was trembling until now. Xander released his hold on me and walked out.

What happened? Wasn’t I taking a bath with him? Didn’t that happen? It could be one of his dreams; it was hard to tell reality from his thoughts. I smelled like vanilla, but why was I wearing his shirt?

Leaving the room, I shivered. The house was cold in comparison to how hot Xander felt wrapped around me. Calling his name, he didn’t answer. Where did he go? It was morning?

Looking around Calista’s bathroom, I spotted my necklace on the counter. I had been in here last night. I slipped it back over my head and noticed the candlewicks were black, small pools of water sat on top of the wax, and his Christmas gift lay in the garbage. At first, I felt a pang of hurt, but then I saw the water behind the screen.
Oh no
. I called his name again.

Checking each room, I only found Bozo on Caleb’s bed. “Xander? You’re scaring me.”

Outside, I hopped from foot to foot on the cold stone patio. It was freezing out here, especially in just a T-shirt. I called again for him. Did he go for a fly? In the daytime? No, that would be unusual for him and he wouldn’t leave without telling me. His phone was on the counter—he definitely would never leave without his phone.

“Xander? Please!” His bedroom door was closed. I tried the handle—locked. “Xander? Are you okay?” No answer. “Xander, please?” Biting my wobbling lip, tears burned my eyes. What happened to make him act like this? “Xander? Please. I’m sorry. I don’t remember what happened. Did I do something? Did I say something wrong?”

He’d never done this before. Shut me out. What did I do? Sitting by the door, tears spilled.

The door gave way, and before falling back, two strong arms scooped me up. Still wearing board shorts from last night, Xander wouldn’t look at me as he sat down on the bed. He held me and his entire body was shaking. What had happened to him?

My voice wavered. “Xander, I’m sorry. I don’t remember anything after the bath. I shouldn’t have… I know that was wrong.” Clasping my necklace, the feather tapped against my ring. I looked up to see heavy tears falling down Xander’s face.

“Abby, no. You should never feel that way and you have nothing to be sorry about. You know what my first thought was when I saw you in the tub? I wished I hadn’t thrown those condoms out. Even before I touched you, I thought I really didn’t care anymore. Even with what we were told the other day. That was
so wrong
of me.

“At that moment, I didn’t want thoughts and dreams anymore. I wanted to show you how much I love you. I wanted you to feel it. I was selfish and I put you in danger. I lost focus.” His tears came faster. “You asked me for help.” His hand rubbed my head as though easing an invisible wound. “I failed you.” Xander buried his face in my neck and his tears wet my shirt. “You didn’t wake up. There was blood everywhere. You wouldn’t wake up.”

My poor Xander, he must have been scared out of his mind. Holding him close, I ran my fingers through his cropped hair until his tears stopped, but his shaking body worsened. He needed to eat. He had expended his energy for me. “Xander?”

“Hmm?” His lips vibrated against my throat.

“Did you know I’m a terrible cook? I mean, really awful. I can’t even make a bowl of cereal.”

I heard him smile. “Yes.”

“Did you know I’m a terrible dancer? People think I’m having seizures on the dance floor.”

A low laugh. “Yes.”

“Did you know I’m the worst singer? Birds fall out of the sky when I sing.”

He laughed harder. “Yes.”

“Did you know I think I stopped growing when I was ten? I was considering getting tested for part-Hobbit, but I don’t have the required hairy toes.”

Still laughing. “Yes.”

“Did you know when I’m thinking of you, or when I’m near you, kissing you, touching you, my heart beats faster?”

He whispered, “Yes.”

“Did you know I’ve been in love with you my entire life?”

“Yes.”

“Can you spend your life loving me, knowing all of this?”

His eyes met mine. “With all of my being, yes.” He let me kiss his pain away.

We watched movies most of the day and practiced the rest of it. That night, after a fly, I showered and slipped into sexy pink pajamas.

Once he came to bed, his hazel eyes found mine in the dark. After the clock turned midnight, he said, “Happy nineteen weekiversary, Abby.” Locked in his arms, we kissed until sleep took us.