To Court a Cowgirl (21 page)

Yes, things could easily fall into place and he felt pretty damned good about life.

He felt even better later that day when the call came in from Amanda Morehouse, offering him the job of assistant to the associate athletic director of Brandt University. The pay would be less than advertised, due to his lack of experience, but he would get full benefits and a yearly bonus.

“I accept,” Jason said. He'd just realized his goal while standing in the middle of a Montana cattle pasture. Life was funny sometimes.

“I'll send you the paperwork.”

“Excellent,” Jason said, beating Amanda to the punch. He hung up and dropped the phone into his pocket. He was looking forward to telling Allie the news.

* * *

W
HEN
A
LLIE
GOT
HOME
,
Jason had the Jameson bottle on the sideboard along with the fancy crystal on-the-rocks glasses he'd bought in the airport on the flight back from San Diego. The woman he loved couldn't continue to drink whiskey from a juice glass.

Allie walked into the house and stopped, her gaze swinging from him to the new glasses and back to him. “You got the job, didn't you?”

“Yeah.”

“I knew you would.” But even though she smiled back, she didn't look all that happy. He hoped that was a good sign—a sign that she didn't want him to leave. “I thought a toast was in order.”

“I'm all for that.” She dropped her tote bag next to the door and crossed the room to take the glass he offered. “Nice.”

“They're yours so that you can retire the juice glasses.”

“Thank you.” She gingerly touched the rim of her glass to his. “Congratulations.”

He gestured with his head and Allie followed him out onto the porch, where they sat side by side on the sun-warmed top step. Jason sipped and looked out over the ranch he'd once tried to make his own. A ranch he'd truly come to love, even though Allie didn't. Every couple had their differences.

“I'm going to miss this place. You should have let me buy it.”

“My sisters would have killed me. Besides, aren't you supposed to be back frequently?”

“Supposed to be. But it won't be the same as it's been while I was working here. Practically living here, really.”

“You did spend a lot of time here.”

He gave her a long serious look. “I wonder why?”

“It wasn't me to begin with.”

“It was always you.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Really?”

“No other reason.”

“Except escaping your dad.”

“I could have done that in other ways.”

Allie leaned her shoulder against his. “True.”

Jason set his hand on her knee, enjoying the feel of her silky skin under his fingers. “I know these are early days, but I thought I'd throw something out for you to think about.”

“And that is...?”

“Eventually moving to California with me.” Her muscles instantly tightened beneath his hand. “I'm not talking instantly. I know you have a commitment here on the ranch, but I was thinking...eventually.”

She leaned back, putting space between them. “You know that would be difficult for me.”

“Why?”

“Because it's expensive to live there.”

“I thought we would live together.”

“If we live together, then I have to be dependent on you until I get a job.”

“So?”

“I can't get into a situation where if things go bad, I'm helpless. I've been there before. I can't do it again.”

“If things go bad, you can fly back to Montana. Live on the ranch.” It seemed so sensible and easy, but he'd been ready for Allie to balk. And she was.

“I'm...not ready for anything like that.”

“So that leaves us...”

She gave him a cool, almost perplexed look. “With you taking this job you worked so hard for and me figuring out life here.” He started to shake his head and she touched his lips lightly. “Jason, I'm not ready to start a serious relationship. If I move with you, that makes it serious.”

“I've been reading things wrong here? I don't think so.”

“How are you reading them?”

“I'm reading them as you once again letting your past stand in the way of your future.”

Allie stood. “Read it as you will.” She turned then and walked into the house, letting the screen door bang shut. He got to his feet and followed, leaving his glass sitting on the opposite side of the step from hers. Allie could run, but she was not going to hide until they sorted this out.

* * *

A
LLIE
DID
HER
best to keep her game face on as the screen door opened and shut behind her and she turned to face a very angry Jason. She raised her chin, ready to do battle. Of course, her past was keeping her from moving forward. People learned from the past and avoided future errors.

Right now, during early days, as he'd called them, everything felt right about being with him. But she knew about the bliss of early days, and she also knew that she couldn't move to California and be dependent on him this early in their relationship. She was too cautious for that and she didn't see how he could blame her for being that way.

“This is too much at one time. Moment by moment, remember?”

“Screw moment by moment. That's no longer the point.”

“What is the point?”

“I want to hear why you think being with me would be a repeat of your relationship with Kyle.”

“Because of me. I'm afraid to need you, all right? I love being with you, but I am terrified of needing. Needing means that I'll do things out of character. I
needed
Kyle.
Kyle
, for pity's sake. I put up with things out of fear that I should never have put up with.”

“That was Kyle. This is me.”

“It wasn't Kyle. It was
me
and
my
needs and
my
fear of loss clouding
my
judgment. Moment by moment I can do. Anything else...” She shook her head. “You're asking for too much, Jason.”

“Well, this was one hell of a homecoming,” he said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

“I'm sorry.” And she was. Sorry that push had to come to shove so soon. She'd thought they'd have more time to simply enjoy one another without real life butting in.

“Me, too.” There was weariness in his voice and Allie felt the gulf between them widening as he fell silent. But what could she say?

It was Jason who broke the silence. “I need to go. I'll...catch up with Zach later. Explain things to him.”

“I understand.” Allie swallowed the lump in her throat, told herself that this was merely the two of them facing the truth. It was. Sometimes the truth hurt.

No. It did more than hurt—it tore you apart inside.

Jason went out the door without a word. Allie stood where she was until she heard the truck start, then she sank down onto the sofa and let the tears come. A few tears now were better than days' worth later.

* * *

M
AX
TOOK
J
ASON
'
S
new job a lot better than Allie had. But Max didn't have the baggage Allie did; he had different baggage that was easier to work with. Still, it was a difficult conversation, convincing his stubborn father that he wasn't abandoning him forever.

“I know you hate California, but there are some great golf courses. I'll fly you down when I can't make it home. You and Jim, if you want.”

Max let out a long sigh and muted the television, which had been playing in the background. “You didn't make it home all that often while you were playing.”

“Gee,” Jason said dryly, “I wonder why.”

“I know why,” Max snapped. “I was just hoping that once you retired I'd see more of you.”

“We'll spend a lot of time together, Dad. I promise. I want to spend time together, too.” He smiled a little. “Someone's got to take the heat off Kate.”

Max waved his hand dismissively. “You still looking to buy property here?”

“Investment property.”

“Not living property?”

“I'm going to take things slowly right now. Concentrate on the job. One thing at a time.”

“You always were a goal-focused kid.” Max turned the volume back up on the television.

“Learned from the best. And when I come back, I thought I could stay here with you.”

“That would work.”

Jason stayed in the recliner next to his father until Max fell asleep and then he made his way out to the kitchen to make a sandwich. Kate had taken refuge in the garage while Jason talked with Max, supposedly going through storage boxes, and she'd yet to surface. Jason made two sandwiches anyway. Hiding could build an appetite.

He was on his way to the garage when his cell phone rang. Pat.

Wonder of wonders.

“Yeah,” Jason said.

“Coach told Delia that you got the job.”

“I did.” And since Pat wasn't growling out his words, maybe he'd called to congratulate him.

“You said something about an internship.”

Jason's tense muscles relaxed an iota. Maybe something good would come out of the evening.

“Yes. I have the opportunity to bring an intern on board to work with me as part of the program I oversee and I thought you might be interested.”

“Yeah?”

It was the first positive note he'd heard in Pat's voice in a long, long time. “You'd shadow me and when something permanent opened up, you'd have a shot at it.”

“How much will I be paid as an intern?”

“Uh...it's not a paying position. It's a way to get a foot in the door.”

“What?” The word dropped like a stone.

“It's a start, Pat. A way to work into a job.” Because right now he was fairly certain that Pat didn't have a job.

“It's a way for them to get my expertise for free.”

Jason's temples were starting to pound. “That's not what it's about.”

“Not interested,” Pat said coldly.

“Think about it.” Jason spoke from between gritted teeth to keep from giving Pat more helpful advice regarding his head and his ass.

“Done thinking.”

“Me, too.” Jason hung up the phone, then turned to see Kate leaning against the doorjamb.

“Rough night?”

“You have no idea.”

“Want a drink?”

Jason almost said no, then realized he might not have all that much sharing-a-drink time with his sister in the future. “Sure.”

She opened the junk drawer and dug around until she found a key, which she held up.

“The good liquor?”

“Desperate times. Besides, Dad isn't supposed to be drinking the stuff.” She went into the living room and came back a moment later with one of the better bottles of Scotch. She pulled the stopper and took a deep sniff. “Oh, yeah. This will do the trick.”

She poured a generous two fingers, then touched Jason's glass with her own. “To spilling your guts.”

“I'm not—”

She raised a hand. “Don't even try to resist. Just...spill.”

“Spill. Right.” Jason took a drink, barely noticing the excellent after notes of the eighteen-year-old Islay Scotch as it slid smoothly down his throat, warming him. “Where to begin?” he hedged.

Kate watched him over her glass with a sisterly no-nonsense expression.

“I got the job.”

“I know that.”

“I asked Pat if he'd be interested in interning, and as soon as he discovered it was unpaid he refused to consider it—even though it would put him in position for a paid job in the future.”

Kate made a face. “Pat is his own worst enemy. Nothing you can do about that.”

Jason shook his head. Kate didn't know how many times Pat had helped him through.

“What about Allie?”

Jason gave his sister a hard look, took in her mild yet determined expression. She wasn't going to let this go—not unless he got tough. What the hell? Why shouldn't she know? “I asked Allie to come with me, so that we could continue what we started. No go.”

“It is a little early.”

He set his glass down and leaned back in his chair, assuming a relaxed position even though every muscle in his body was tight. “I know what's going to happen. I'll go down there and get buried in the job—”

“Because that's the way you do things.”

“It is. I won't lie. And I want Allie there with me, so when I do have time, we can spend it together.”

“And she...”

“Has issues with that.”

Silence hung for a long moment, then Kate said, “And that's all I'm getting?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “That's it.”

Kate swirled the Scotch in her glass, staring thoughtfully at the amber liquid. “This thing between the two of you, it seems to have gotten serious fast.”

“It did.”

She raised her gaze. “Is it possible that it might get un-serious just as fast?”

Jason shook his head. “I don't see that happening.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

T
HE
WEEKS
CRAWLED
by after school let out. Allie did not apply for either of the two elementary jobs that were posted, and she didn't make the cut to interview for the community-college administrative-assistant positions. She sent out another round of applications and it was once again a waiting game. Ironically, Kyle was still working at the Hudson dealership—thriving there, actually, and hadn't bothered her once since Jason had gotten him the position. Allie could only wish him luck in his new job. As long as he was employed, he'd leave her alone.

Now that Jason was gone, she helped Zach around the ranch during the days, and in the evenings she painted. She'd secured a space in a small Bozeman gallery and put five paintings on commission there. One sold within a week for what seemed like an obscene amount of money—although it was a much more reasonable amount once the gallery took its cut—and Allie began to feel as if she could actually make some extra money doing what she loved.

Now she just had to find something steady to pay the bills and she'd be okay. And until then, she had the ranch—the ranch that felt so empty without Jason there.

She missed him. Ached for him.

Was afraid to contact him.

How fair would it be to start something again, only to find that she was incapable of following through? She'd skewered him once. Damned if she'd do it again. She was flawed when it came to relationships. Afraid to commit. Afraid to need. Knee-jerk, gut-level fear was hard to overcome. She knew because she was trying.

So she took out her frustrations by working tirelessly around the ranch—not in the way she'd done when she and Kyle had lived there, and she'd been trying to keep up with his unfinished projects and new ideas while working a full-time job to bring in enough money to keep him from draining the ranch account. And not in the way she'd worked when she'd been propping up her mother and caring for her sisters while the ranch refused to produce enough hay or cattle to provide a viable income in a sliding economy.

She was no longer working out of a sense of desperation or in a bid to sidestep disaster. She was working to work, to keep her hands and her mind busy. And she couldn't say she was unhappy doing that—for the first time in a long time, the ranch did not feel like an enemy. It gave her something to focus on other than what she was going to do for a living and what had happened between her and Jason.

She and Zach fertilized, weeded, cleaned and painted from dawn to dusk, and, despite the lack of rain, the place was starting to look more as it had when her dad managed it.

Thankfully, her long days exhausted her to the point that she fell asleep quickly every night. Now if she could only stop dreaming.

That was probably asking too much.

* * *

T
HE
BEAUTY
OF
being single was that Jason had a lot of time and energy to pour into his new job. Good thing, because there was a big learning curve. Ironically, even though he'd come to Brandt to work his way into the football program, he seemed to be involved in every sport except football. They were stacking on the work and if Jason didn't have his evenings free, he would have been drowning. He needed to hire his intern soon, but had been putting it off in the futile hope that Pat would come around. He'd called Delia, told her that he could probably delay hiring for another week or two, but then he had to fill the position. He still wanted Pat.

The down side of being single was that Jason didn't want to be single. He wanted a woman by his side; a very specific woman who needed to learn to trust herself. It was hard to accept, but there wasn't a lot Jason could do about that. This was all on Allie.

Jason told himself to give her time, even though he suspected that she was never going to move to California. Maybe that was part of the reason why, even though his new position was challenging and interesting, he wasn't feeling his usual drive. That and the fact that he was still in learning mode, struggling to keep his head above water. It hadn't taken him long to discover that nine to five could be brutal in a way that football never was.

So many things had changed in his life in a short period of time and he'd yet to deal with all of them. Once he found his footing, he'd be able to focus on the goal, regain his drive. Take care of other areas of his life that he was neglecting. He hadn't even furnished his apartment yet beyond a bed, a sofa and an entertainment center. Who had time to do this stuff?

When he wasn't working on schedules or athlete eligibility or compliance, he was down on the field, watching the low-key summer practices, getting to know the players, reconnecting with old coaches and getting to know the new ones. Everyone knew why he was there, and most were good with it, but some of the younger offensive coaches kept an eye on him, as if expecting him to jump in with unwelcome suggestions and comments. Jason kept his mouth shut and his demeanor respectful and some of the more standoffish guys were loosening up. He went for beer with them on Fridays and then he'd go home to his lonely apartment and watch tapes or catch up on the news. He talked to his dad and Kate a couple times a week and thought about getting a dog.

Most of all he missed Allie.

And hell, he missed Pat, too. They lived in the same city and the guy wouldn't even see him, which tore him up; but just as with Allie, there was little he could do about it. He was going to have to hire an intern soon and if Pat wouldn't do the job, then he was going to have to accept that, too.

He seemed to be doing a hell of a lot of accepting lately.

Jason walked out onto his balcony and stared off at the distant Pacific. The air was different than in Montana. Warmer, moister, even though the city edged up to a desert, and there were none of the pungent ranch odors that he'd come to appreciate. The air wasn't the same. Not as full of hope and promise and challenge.

Shaking his head, Jason went back into his living room and turned on his laptop. His boss expected preliminary schedules tomorrow and he would have them.

* * *

J
UNE
HAD
BEEN
brutally dry and there didn't appear to be any relief in sight during July.

Welcome to ranching
.

Allie grimaced as she thought about all the many times she'd said that to Jason. Bitter words that at the time had come from the depths of her soul. But right now the drought didn't seem as personal as it would have when Kyle had been pretending to work the ranch. It was a drought. The same drought her neighbors were suffering through.

Meanwhile, Jason's area was getting record rainfall, thanks to El Niño.

So how was he doing with the rain and with his new job?

That question was answered in mid-July when Allie ran into Jason's younger sister, Kate, in line at the grocery store. Allie, who had alleged to her sisters more than once that she did the hard thing when necessary, wished she would have noticed Kate in line before she wheeled her cart up behind her, because she so would have gone to another line.

Kate smiled tightly at her. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

Awk. Ward.

So Allie jumped in. “How's Jason?”

Kate's eyes narrowed slightly, as if she were trying to read the motivation behind the question. “Good. Loving his job.”

“Glad to hear that.” Allie stared off over the top of the check stand for a moment. She didn't owe Jason's sister any kind of an explanation. She did not.

“Look.” Kate turned toward her and Allie continued in a low voice, hoping no one else was listening. “It's a small town and we're going to see each other, so I want you to know that even though things didn't work out between us...I think the world of your brother. He's a good guy and I want him to be happy.”

Kate blinked at her and for one wild second, Allie wondered if Jason's sister was unaware that she and Jason had been involved. She'd simply assumed...

“Thank you,” Kate finally said. “I wish all of his friends had the same attitude.”

“How so?”

Kate let out a soft sigh and glanced around just as Allie had done. “Has he ever talked about Pat?”

“Yes.”

“He's the problem.”

“Why does Jason keep trying?”

“Because Jason doesn't give up on friends just because they give up on him. Or themselves. And, no offense, but you didn't help matters.”

“I stopped things before they went too far,” she said in a near whisper, checking again to see if anyone was listening. No. Their conversation was their own.

Kate regarded her for a long moment. “Yes. I guess you did. Thanks for that.” She wheeled her cart into the check stand, leaving Allie to debate the sanity of an idea that came out of nowhere.

“Kate.” The woman looked at her over her shoulder. “Do you have Pat's phone number?”

“Why?”

“Do you really want to know?”

Kate's eyebrows came together. “You aren't going to double-team Jason, are you?”

“No. But I think Mr. Madison needs to think about what he's doing to a guy that's trying to help him.”

“Is this really your business?” But even as she spoke Kate was pulling out her phone. She showed Allie the number when she found it, and Allie typed it into her contacts.

“No. Not my business at all.” Allie dropped her phone into her purse.

And that's what she kept telling herself for the next few hours...right up until she dialed the number Kate had given her. There was a very good chance that the guy wouldn't answer an unknown number, but after a few rings a deep male voice said hello. Allie sent up a silent thank-you.

“Pat? I'm a friend of Jason's.”

“He's not here.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you calling?”

“I'll tell you why I'm calling—I think you need to give Jason a break.” She did her best to keep her voice even, when all she really wanted to do was to yell at the guy.

After a beat of brittle silence, Pat said, “Who the hell are—”

Allie drew in a breath and said calmly, “I'm a person who's watched Jason get turned inside out because of you.”

“Look—”

“No,
you
look. Look at what you've done to a guy who cares about you. He was trying to help you.”

“Would you stop interrupting?”

“Yes.” The word came out on a snap.

“Who are you and how did you get my number?”

“Allie Brody.” She wasn't about to tell him about Kate.

“You're the one.”

“The one?”

“Allie. The woman who wouldn't go to California with Jason.”

“This call isn't about me—”

“Why not, if we're talking about turning Jason inside out?”

“Now, wait a minute—”

“No. You wait.”

A silence fell and then hung for a tense moment.

“I'm waiting,” Allie said from between her teeth.

“Waiting to interrupt me.”

“Fine. Talk. I won't interrupt.”

“You're certain.”

Allie gave a small snort instead of answering.

“All right, then. For your information, I have been talking to Jason.”

“Good talk or bad talk?” Allie asked suspiciously.

“Middling.”

“He cares about you, you know.”

“Yeah. I do.”

“As near as I can tell, he cared about you when you didn't care about yourself.”

“We covered this.”

And they were getting nowhere. “Here's why I called—Jason wants to repay all the stuff you did to help him.”

“And...?”

Allie gritted her teeth. “Reach out to him, would you? In a positive way. A supportive way.”

“I could say the same to you.”

“He's still trying to make a relationship with you,” Allie said through gritted teeth, frustrated that the guy kept trying to sidetrack the issue. “Why are you so hard on him?”

“I'm not trying to be hard on him...but he just doesn't get it.” Pat's voice changed, shifting toward quiet frustration. “Doesn't get what I'm facing. Have faced.”

“Then explain it to him.” Allie sighed and pushed her hair back from her forehead. “I know he comes from a place of privilege.”

“And I don't?”

“I looked you up.” Pat had been raised in one of the poorer neighborhoods in Atlanta. Football had saved him and ultimately, in a way, destroyed him.

“Oh.”

“What I'm saying is that he has a big heart. He tries to help everyone...why don't you accept his help? Or at least decline in a way he can accept. You know—be a friend?”

“Good question, missy. And, I might ask, why you can't do the same thing?”

“Because—” Allie hesitated, then murmured the truth “—I'm really afraid of messing him up.”

“You don't have much faith in him then.” Allie opened her mouth, then closed it again. “The boy's strong,” Pat said. “Stronger than you give him credit for.”

“Strong enough to put up with you dissing him for a year,” Allie said. “I don't know why I called you.”

“Yes, you do. You care about Jason and you think I'm hurting him. The only problem is that you didn't want to have the same finger pointed at you.”

* * *

T
HE
GRASS
CRACKLED
beneath their feet as Allie and Zach walked back across the pasture toward the barn. The reason they were able to clean the ditch was because no water was flowing. It was the driest summer they'd seen in a decade, but even though she was fighting the whims of nature, Allie no longer muttered to herself about hating life on the ranch. She had a mission now—to bring the Lightning Creek through the drought. For her sisters. For herself. And, in a way, for the Lightning Creek itself.