To Catch a Falling Star (38 page)

After an exhaustive placement of car seats, I settle in the driver’s seat and text Tarry.

Me:
Hey, baby, sorry, but don’t come over tonight. The kids can see you and ruin our secret rendezvous.

Tarry:
Are you OK? You were weird tonight. Please talk to me.

Me:
Really. I’m exhausted and the kids will see you. Please understand.

Tarry:
OK. See you tomorrow.

My eyes tear up. But I don’t reply. I need to start protecting my heart. Yeah, Tarry is into me. But to him it is so unimportant that he didn’t even mention he was leaving to a tour. Worse, he never mentioned Nola is staying at his castle in France. As far as I was concerned, he would go to LA, present himself to the judge, and come back.

Again, I chastise myself. When I finally gave in into Tarry’s seductive game, I must have become devoid of my wits and common sense. I didn’t even consider Nola. That’s the one subject I should have made very clear prior to diving into a relationship with him and I completely ignored.

On autopilot, I drive home. Once home, I fix Ella’s room for the boys and have Ella sleep with me.

Ella curls up on my side, snuggling against me. I want to cry, but I wait until she drifts to sleep. I stay awake, listening to the sound of her soothing breathing. I haven’t slept without Tarry for a while. Tonight I feel as lonely as the day I learned that Tim died.

Before dawn, I succumb to the land of slumber. I have an action plan. I’ll avoid Tarry until I have the courage to confront him.

NOTHING IS CAPABLE of replacing Mel’s smile. Hell, she has barricaded me out of her life again. How did it even happen? The third day of the year has passed and Mel has avoided me since New Year’s Eve, as if I’m now cursed.

To say that I’m going bat-shit crazy is an understatement. During the last few days I stalked her at her house, I texted her repeatedly. Yes, I begged her to talk to me. Nothing. Today, tired of having her turning me down, unashamedly I corner her in front of the Police Department.

“Hey, Mel, we need to talk.”

“Not now, Tarry, I’m late,” she says.

“Yes, now, goddamnit. We’ve got to talk now.”

She stops in her tracks. “What?”

“What! You tell me what. Since New Year’s you’ve been avoiding me. What happened?” I ask with more desperation in my voice than I want.

“Okay. Here is the deal. That night I, um, I realized a few things that made me rethink the two of us.”

“What? That’s bullshit. Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“All I’m saying is that I need some time and space.”

“Please, Melody, I’ve seen my share of cheap production movies where that’s the line used to drop someone for good.”

For a second I see a storm of emotions cross her eyes.

“Please, Tarry. It’s not like that. I swear.” Her eyes are back to the sadness of before. Did she finally realize I’m unworthy of kissing the fucking floor that her deceased husband stepped on? Did she realize she deserves someone so much better? Fuck. I want to cry. Like a fucking pussy, I want to throw myself at the feet of this unnerving woman and beg her not to leave me.

“Please, Mel.” Unable to speak, I whisper my plea.

“I swear Tarry. I just need a little space. Please.”

“Okay,” I say and turn to leave.

“Tarry.”

I look back, way too quickly. “I’ll call you. I promise,” she says.

“Sure.” I sink inside the Jeep. The whiplash of Mel’s words has my head zooming. I see her disappearing behind the doors. Yes, I want to cry. I want to fucking scream and cry. I turn on the car and pat my pocket for a cigarette. Shit, I quit smoking so my scent would be more appealing to Mel. I’m pathetic. I know exactly how to go numb. Instead, I quickly dial Dan’s number.

“Hey, Dan, I need you, man,” I say. “Don’t ask me why, but I need you.” I don’t care how I sound. I don’t care if he thinks less of me. I’ll go to him and stay there until this fucking craving goes away. I feel so lame for craving the fucking drugs. I’m a motherfucker who can’t stand on his own two feet.

I punch the steering wheel. “Fuck, she is my calm, my drug of choice. I can’t be without her.”

RECLINING ON MY back, I remember sitting at Dan’s office for the remainder of the day. And, yes, loser here asked to sleep at his house last night.

I know it is shitty and weak of me, but I don’t want to give in. I’ve come so far. It’s just that sometimes it doesn’t feel like I have control over it. It feels as if it controls me. I fucking hate the helplessness. It’s worse than anything I have ever gone through. I want my life back, and I want Mel in it. I can’t screw this up. I really can’t.

Mel works tonight. Yes, I monitor her. Since New Year’s she has been extremely busy. She worked a double, she had a counseling session at her father’s church, she worked out, she went to the cemetery several times, she spent a lot of time with her parents, and she went to her father-in-law’s house. She is yet to come to me, as she promised.

But tomorrow I’ll rectify the situation and go to her. Surprisingly, other than the meltdown of yesterday, I have been doing really well.

According to Dan, there are levels of “doing well” during a recovery. At first, not using is success. The next level is not to struggle as much. He says that’s a dangerous zone because I can feel as though I’m strong enough and lower my guard. I’m at this stage. My mind is not as consumed by shooting up as it used to be. Even the itch in my chest is almost nonexistent. Now that’s a relief.

With thoughts of making love to Mel, I drift into a fitful sleep. Then, I dream. I feel Mel’s soft body sliding under the covers. She places a kiss on a tattoo on my left hip. It’s so real it hurts. If I’m never to have Mel again, I want to die in this dream. It’s so fucking real.

Mel pulls the cover back, settles between my legs, and faces my rock-hard cock. The moonlight filters through the windows. She holds my dick, moving her hand up and down.

“I’ve missed you so, so much,” she says. Then, she takes me in her mouth.

It’s not a dream. Mel is here. I bolt upright. “Mel, you’re here.”

She sits up, and we face each other. She bites her lip and looks down at my obvious erection.

“Don’t say anything, let’s just make love,” she whispers.

She pushes me back on the bed. I like to have control during sex, but something about the way she stares at me tells me she needs to have control at the moment.

So I let her. I’ll give her anything she wants.

AS I ANTICIPATED during my drive here, Tarry is in the nude. He never disappoints.

I lean and face his erection, again. With a long caress, I stroke the light trail of blond hair on his abdomen. Craving the taste of him in my mouth, I slide my fingers along his shaft and pump gently. Then, I take him back in my mouth. Tarry fists my hair and his breathing becomes ragged. I swirl my tongue on the sensitive skin of his crown. He growls. I continue to stroke my tongue lightly along his shaft, sucking him as my hand cups his balls, massaging them gently. He is rock hard, but his skin is smooth under my tongue. The moon casts a golden tone on his alabaster skin. His toned abdominal muscles are taut. Oh, Tarry, I missed you so much. Hungry for more of him, I cover my teeth with my lips and suck him deep in my throat.

Tarry’s feral growl encourages me. I hold the base of his cock and savagely suck him as deep in my throat as I can. Another growl. I get a rhythm. The taste of his pre-cum sends me into a frenzy. At a steady pace, I savor the man I can’t stay away from.

“Mel, baby, I’m gonna come,” he says through gritted teeth.

I intensify the speed and the suction. I suck him hard and deep. Tarry’s animalistic groans fill my ears. His body shudders and a spurt of warm liquid fills my throat. I heard somewhere that sperm has protein. I smile to myself.

Tarry grabs my arms and in one swift movement, I’m under him.

He kisses my lips. No, he devours me. Tarry’s entire body, warm and hard, strong and superb, presses me against the mattress. We are all tongue and teeth. His hands travel my body urgently as lightning courses through the sky.

“Oh, Mel, I need you.” He kisses my face, my eyes, my nose, and goes back to my lips. His overgrown stubble is rough on my skin.

My fingers rummage through his hair, clasping him to me. With urgency, Tarry trails kisses down my throat. His body seeks mine with desperation and his entire being is tuned to mine. He traces my skin, sucking and leaving a trail of blazing fire beneath his tongue. Desire pools in my belly and scorches my body. I want all of him, for all times.

Then he stops, hovering above me. He stares at my heaving chest and his eyes seek mine.

Under the moonlight, I see his lips are swollen and red, his eyes are dark and unreachable, and his untamed hair falls over his beautiful face. I carve every detail of him in my mind. I etch every moan and groan in my memory. I want his mark imprinted on my soul.

For the last several days, I tried to order my scrambled thoughts and find a way to talk to Tarry about a future between us. And about Nola and him. Still I don’t have the courage to approach the subject. Truth is, I’m petrified of the answer I might get. So, here I’m seducing him in the middle of the night. Taking from him what I know for sure he is willing to give. The present.