Ting-A-Ling

Mike Faricy

Ting-A-Ling

Published by Credit River Publishing 2014

Copyright Mike Faricy 2014

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior and express permission of the copyright owner.

All characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

ASIN# B00M0LCC9Y

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank the following people for their help & support:

Special thanks to Donna, Rhonda, Julie and Roy for their hard work, cheerful patience and positive feedback. I would like to thank family and friends for their encouragement and unqualified support. Special thanks to Maggie, Jed, Schatz, Pat, Av, Emily and Pat, for not rolling their eyes, at least when I was there. Most of all, to my wife Teresa, whose belief, support and inspiration has, from day one, never waned.

To Teresa

“Listen here mister...”

Ting-A-Ling

Chapter One

My phone rang out
in the dark,
ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling
. The sound indicated an unknown number and I debated answering as I came awake.

“Hello, hello.” I cleared my throat a couple of times and looked over at the digital clock glowing on top of my dresser. It was after two in the morning.

“Oooh, is this Den?” A woman giggled. I couldn’t place her sexy voice, but I guessed from the slurred speech she wasn’t feeling much pain.

“Actually, it’s Dev, Dev Haskell. I’m wondering if maybe you might have the wrong number.”

I heard what sounded like a distant toilet flushing before she said, “I don’t think so, honey, is this…” She repeated my phone number back to me sounding an awful lot like she was reading it.

I glanced over at Heidi lying next to me in a ‘two bottles of Prosecco’ induced sleep. She was breathing deeply and wore a contented smile on her face. “Yeah, that’s my number. What can I do for you?”

“That sort of depends, you tell me. It says here to call if I’m looking for a good time.”

“What?”

“Right here on the door, it…”

“The door?”

“Yeah, in the ladies room. Someone wrote your number on the stall door. Well, unless you snuck in here.”

“Ladies room?”

I suddenly heard a loud
whoosh
. “Yeah, I’m down here at Bunnies. I’m in the middle stall,” she said as if that explanation would somehow clear things up. “Your number is right below the hook to hang your coat on. There, all finished. Anyway, I’m calling for a good time. Believe me I could use it right about now.”

“Actually, much as I’d like to help you out, I’m wondering if I could get a rain check. I’m sort of in a meeting right now.”

“Oh yeah, figures, someone called ahead of me, right? My whole night has gone that way. The guy I was with ditched me about ten-thirty, stuck me with the bar tab and left me here. They had last call about fifteen minutes ago, now I gotta grab a taxi home. Oh well, you can’t blame a girl for trying.”

“Yeah, unfortunate timing. How ‘bout I give you a ring tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure I’ll remember.”

“I will. Okay if I call you?”

“I suppose.”

“What’s your name?”

“Danielle, but everybody calls me Danielle.”

I waited for a punch line, but there didn’t seem to be one coming. I heard a squeak that was most likely the stall door opening. “Well, I better get going, it’s gonna take forever to catch a taxi.”

“Thanks for the call, sorry I can’t help. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Danielle.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“You won’t forget?”

“I won’t.”

I set my phone back on the dresser. Heidi’s heavy breathing was beginning to grow dangerously close to a snore. I figured if I woke her there was a chance it could lead to better things and she was probably still Prosecco’d enough not to remember in the morning. I shook her shoulder gently. She rolled halfway over on her back and gave a little sort of grunt. I moved back under the covers, snuggled up against her and lightly ran my hand along her side a few times. Each time I roamed just a little further down until my hand began its final approach launching off her hip bone. She rolled over and just as I was thinking ‘success’ she rocketed back with a quick, sharp elbow that caught me on the cheek bone. I saw stars, literally and had to shake my head a few times to get my bearings.

Heidi returned to her regular deep breathing.

Once my head cleared I decided to leave ‘well enough’ alone. Just to play it safe I took an extra pillow and placed it between us.

It was early morning. The sun was up and I guessed it was sometime before seven. I was vaguely aware of Heidi climbing out of bed and walking down the hall into the bathroom. I drifted back to sleep. Maybe ten minutes later I heard the shower running. Sometime after that she walked into the bedroom. I sort of half opened my eyes, hoping she might climb back in bed. I rolled over thinking I could lend some encouragement.

She had her thick white bath towel wrapped tightly around her and my bath towel wrapped around her hair. She wore a surprised look on her face that suggested something like I had two heads. She stopped and stared.

“What?” I said.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“Huh?”

“What do you mean, huh? That black eye, dopey. You walk into a door or something in the middle of the night?”

“Black eye?” I sat up and turned to face the mirror over my dresser. It looked like I’d stepped in the ring with someone a lot faster than me. My left eye and cheek were swollen and purple.

“Oh, God. Thanks for this.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, I just tried to pull the blanket over your shoulder last night because you seemed to be cold and you gave me the elbow. I guess no good deed goes unpunished.”

“I didn’t do that. Did I?”

I nodded.

“Really? I couldn’t have,” she said then tenderly felt her elbow.

“Yeah, and that’s about all the action I got.”

She stared at me for a moment, then said, “Oh, so that’s it. The sympathy vote. You probably did that just to talk me into climbing on…”

“Yeah, Heidi, that’s right, I beat myself up so you’d feel sorry and crawl back in bed with me,” I said, then waited. I counted silently, wondering if it might just work. I could see the wheels turning inside her head. I made it to nine before she spoke.

“You know, you’re so stupid, Dev. But that’s kind of sweet, in your own warped little way. Oh, God, I really shouldn’t, I’m just out of the shower.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Amazingly, I wasn’t thinking about you.”

“I was just hoping it might relieve some pressure. God, I think I’ve got a headache coming on.” I gently touched my swollen cheekbone.

“Okay, okay, but make it fast,” she said and dropped the towels.

Chapter Two

When we finished Heidi
lingered just long enough to drink the last of my coffee and eat the one remaining blueberry muffin I had saved for myself.

“Actually, I was gonna eat that muffin.”

“Too bad, you should have thought about that when you made me stay and work up an appetite.”

“I didn’t tell you, you had to stay. I was merely thinking that after I picked up the tab for dinner last night, your two bottles of Prosecco, and the after dinner drinks you couldn’t seem to live without, that maybe you felt guilty about falling asleep on me. I certainly put in the time.”

“Guilty? No, not really.”

“Well, you should.”

“Sorry. Not. Look, I had a great time and then I was tired from a really long day. Did I tell you I closed that Buchner deal?”

“Yeah, at least a half dozen times and by the way, you weren’t tired from an exhausting day at work. It was the two bottles of Prosecco,
‘your best’
, if I recall your order correctly. And then those after dinner drinks. What was it?”

“Did I order a dessert Manhattan?” She sounded like she really couldn’t recall.

“No. You ordered two of them. You sure needed those.”

Heidi shrugged.

“No doubt you remember the ride home.”

Her blank look said otherwise.

“I had to keep pushing you off. You were crazy, wanted me to pull over so we could
‘make impetuous love’
…was how you phrased it. I think.”

“Oh, sorry about that. Maybe I did have a little sip too many.”

“Yeah, followed by that second bottle of Prosecco and then...”

“Okay, okay. Look I gotta run, I’ve got a luncheon meeting. Hey, if you find my thong, it’s red, hang onto it for me. I couldn’t find it, unless you did something typically stupid and crude, you perv.”

“Actually, I think it’s down on West Seventh, right near the stoplight at Grand Ave.”

“What?”

“Yeah, you said you felt imprisoned or something along those lines and you threw it out the window. I can’t remember exactly. It was just before your
‘impetuous love’
suggestion.”

“Are you kidding me? Damn it, that was about an eighteen dollar thong.”

“There you go, I’m always telling you not to wear one in the first place. See what happens when you ignore my common sense suggestions.”

She shook her head and said, “You really are a perv. See you later, I gotta run.” She scooped up her purse and the rest of my blueberry muffin and ran out the door.

“Thanks, Heidi.”

“My pleasure.” She waved over her shoulder, but never bothered to look back hurrying to her car in the cold weather.

I had my phone out as she pulled away from the curb. No rush, I ended up leaving a message. “Hi, Danielle, this is Dev Haskell. We spoke last night, actually this morning, early. Just calling back. You can reach me at this number. Thanks.”

Chapter Three

I showered and took
my time getting into the office. It was close to noon before I was able to stare out the window at The Spot bar and ignore the files on my desk. I was supposed to be doing some fact checking on job applications for an insurance company. The work was boring, but it paid the bills, at least for this week. I just had to make phone calls and verify periods of employment, some references, nothing too heavy. I figured I could put off making the calls for a few more hours and still complete everything by about four in the afternoon. I planned to call late enough so I wouldn’t get an appointment with my pal Eddie Bendix until tomorrow at the earliest.

Eddie was an old high school buddy and the HR guy at a major insurance company. I think they were gearing up to handle the influx they expected from Obamacare, although things were so screwed up on the government end no one seemed to be in a hurry.

It was winter, or would be officially in a couple of days. We’d already had ice and snow for three weeks and temperatures had hung below freezing since Thanksgiving. The day was cold and gray and seemed to match my mood. Oh, and we were out of coffee in the office.

I was staring out the window when Louie came in the door. We shared the office. Louie was fast becoming the man to talk to in town if you got nailed on a DUI, a driving under the influence charge. I think a combination of his personal experience, along with a pretty sharp legal mind were beginning to serve him well. The personal experience wasn’t the sort garnered in the court room. Louie had been pulled over enough times, and never yet been charged making him a bit of a legend, at least with the liquid diet crowd.

“I think you were doing that the last time I saw you,” he said, then threw his briefcase on the picnic table that served as his desk. He discarded a grimy ski jacket on top of the briefcase and tossed his Minnesota Wild stocking cap on top of the jacket, it fell on the floor where he ignored it. All of his suits seemed to be permanently wrinkled. He was in the same wrinkled gray suit he’d worn the previous two days.

I sort of came back to the present and stopped staring out the window long enough to answer him.

“Just thinking. I’m not at all excited about checking out those employment applications for Eddie.” I indicated the two untouched stacks of files on my desk.

“What the hell happened to your eye? And you haven’t done those yet? The files…you’ve had them for at least a week.”