Timing (258 page)

crossed my mind. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Are you sorry for saving my baby’s life, which is

what Rand said you did when I asked him about it this morning? Are

you sorry for helping her pay her college tuition? Are you sorry for

being there for her when her family couldn’t and being the one person I

could always depend on to do the right thing by her? Tell me… what

precisely are you sorry for?”

I couldn’t even speak.

“Perhaps you’re sorry to be having peach cobbler with beer? Is

that it?”

I smiled at her even though I could barely see her through the

tears filling my eyes. “Yes ma’am, that’s what I’m sorry for.”

“That’s what I thought,” she said, leaning back in the cedar

rocking chair.

“If you two are done jawin’ over there,” Tyler complained, since

he was trying to nap, though he wouldn’t have admitted it.

We both apologized as I started eating, and May Holloway patted

my leg.

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AROUND four that afternoon, I made it back to the bed and breakfast,

where the wedding party was staying. I got a ride over with Charlotte’s

mom after looking in on Phil before I left. The calf looked better than I

did—he was cleaner, and he smelled nicer. I promised Tyler that we

would do tequila shots at the wedding, and he assured me that he would

not forget.

In the house, the bridesmaids were all sitting out on the covered

veranda that looked over the man-made lake. It was beautiful, and they

all looked stunning. I waved in passing but never made it to the stairs.

“Stefan!” Alison snapped at me. “Where have you been?

Charlotte is a mess, and her hair’s not done, and her make-up is––”

“Then get up there and help her out,” I squinted at her. “You guys

should––”

“Stef!”

We all looked up, and there, at the top of the stairs, was Charlotte.

She looked like hell. Her hair was all piled up on top of her head, she

was without a drop of make-up, and her eyes were red and puffy.

“What are you doing?” I asked as I climbed the stairs.

“It’s because you think I don’t need you,” she sniffled. “You get

like this. I just never thought for a second that you would think I was

like everybody else.”

“What’re you talking about?” I asked as I stopped a step below

her.

She stared down at my face. “In your head, everybody’s going to

leave you, nobody sticks around, and so the second you think

somebody’s bored with you or that they don’t need you, you do the

patented Joss disappearing act and are never seen again. You did it all

the time in college. Even now I sometimes get guys that I’ve met once

or twice calling me asking what they did because you don’t answer

your phone or e-mail them back. You know Cody called me just a week

ago asking if you had told me what went wrong because you never

actually broke up with him. You just disappeared.”

“I did not break up with Cody because I thought he was going to

leave me.”

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“Technically you didn’t break up with him at all!”

“What I mean to say is that he wanted more than I was ready to

give.”

“Fine, whatever, the point is you just disappeared, never to be

heard from again.”

I scowled at her. “What’s your point?”

“The point is that you do not get to treat me like that!” she

shrieked at me.

I stepped up to her, and she grabbed me, clutching tight, the

sobbing instantaneous. “Oh, for crissakes, Charlotte,” I grumbled,

lifting her up, her legs wrapping instantly around my hips as I walked

us down the hall.

“You don’t have to be my knight in shining armor for me to love

you dearly, desperately, and totally. I love you, Stef,” she cried into my

shoulder, dampening my already disgusting and crusty T-shirt. “And

not just because you saved me, not because we shared this secret, but

because of all the rest… all our history.”

I was smart enough to know I left people before they could leave

me. It was bad, but I did it anyway. My mother was the first and last

person that ever left me; I was the one who had all the power after that.

“We know so much about each other, we’ve shared so much… all

of that makes us more than just friends, Stef. I know how you need

quiet in the morning, and you know how I like my coffee and that I like

pickles but not cucumbers. I know how you held me the night I was

attacked… after you brought me home to your apartment and made me

tea… how you wrapped me in your arms under the covers, and I was so

safe… oh Stef, do you really think I could ever not need you or not

want you or not love you? Is that even fucking possible?”

No. The answer was no. It was not possible I was permanent. I

squeezed her so tight she farted. “Charlotte!”

The crying turned to laughter instantly, and when I put her down,

she couldn’t even breathe.

“God, you’re disgusting.”

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Her head was back, tears rolling down her cheeks as she laughed

and laughed. When I looked over my shoulder, the entire bridal party

was there.

“You two are so weird,” Ben grumbled.

“Not me,” I scowled at him. “Just your girlfriend.”

But his look, the softness in his eyes, let me know that when he

was looking at us, it was the pair of us together that he just didn’t get.

“You two better hurry the hell up,” he barked at us. “The party

can’t start without either one of you.”

Since it was true, I grabbed Charlotte’s hand and tugged her after

me down the hall. The heavy sigh was not to be missed followed a

second later by a quick cough.

“What?” I asked her.

“I don’t know,” she scrunched up her nose at me, “what the hell is

all over you?”

“Why?”

“You reek.”

“Oh, this morning I helped deliver a calf.”

“And you let me touch you? Oh my God, I’ve gotta shower all

over again.”

“Sorry. Birth is both a beautiful and horrifying experience all at

the same time.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” she said, picking at something on my T-

shirt as we hurried down the hall. “Gross.”

Later, as I helped Charlotte into the back of the limousine, a sharp

intake of breath made my head snap up. The look on the face of Tina

Jacobs gave me pause.

“What?”

“You look… good.”

I was confused; Charlotte was the one who would stop traffic.

“You mean her.”

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“What?”

“Char,” I reminded her. “She’s gorgeous, right?”

“Well, yes, but… Jesus, Stef.”

It took me a second, but the way she was looking at me, I

understood. I arched one eyebrow for her. “Oh, I’m the pretty one.”

Her mouth was open.

“Goddamn, you clean up nice,” Kristin assured me. “And that

hair of yours is just… something.”

“Oh Stef, you’re beautiful.” Alison breathed out the words.

“And I’m what, chopped liver?”

We all looked at Charlotte.

“Seriously, diva, do you need a minute?” I asked her.

She growled at me, which was funny considering how stunningly

elegant she looked.

“Nothing and no one is as beautiful as you are right now. You’re

glowing.”

“Apparently it’s reflected glow,” she said, gesturing at her

bridesmaids, who were all staring wide-eyed at me. “Why couldn’t you

have just kept the hideous white tux that all the rest of the guys were

wearing?”

“You know the answer to that.” I waggled my eyebrows for her.

“When have I ever been like the rest of the guys?”

She rolled her eyes as her bridesmaids all giggled. Two hours

later, as I was ready to walk down the aisle before her, she grabbed the

back of my tuxedo jacket so I couldn’t.

“This is
so
not the time to get cold feet,” I warned her as I turned

around to face her.

“No, I know it’s not––I just wanted to say that you look really

nice. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”

I was wearing a tan polished cotton tuxedo with peak lapels, and I

knew I looked good in it. I had had my assistant, Christina Wu, go to

my apartment and ship it overnight. The fact that Charlotte was taking

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135

the moment when I was supposed to be walking down the aisle to give

me a compliment was somewhat odd.

“Char, you need to let him go now,” Uncle Tyler told her. “We’ll

meet him down there in front in just a few minutes.”

Charlotte had asked her uncle to give her away in her father’s

stead, and I was sure he had been seeing it as an honor right up until the

moment when she lost her mind. The look he was giving me was one of

concern.

“Do you feel weird?” she asked me suddenly. “I mean, I never

once even considered that this all might make you feel weird.”

There is no planning a revelation; they come when they want. I

understood at that moment that I could never lose my place in

Charlotte’s life. She needed me for her sanity. I was her touchstone. Of

course there would be pieces I would never know that only husbands

and wives shared, but I would still be on board for breakdowns like the

one she was currently having.

“Char,” I said gently, cupping her face in my hands as I stepped

in close to her and looked down into her eyes. “I’m fine. You know me,

crowds, whatever—none of this scares me. You’re the one who’s

having a meltdown.”

“Maybe”—she started panting—“a little.”

“What is it, the walking?” I asked, because I was pretty sure that

was it.

“Yeah… I think so… yeah.”

I understood. Walking slowly down a long aisle, there was lots of

time to screw up, roll your ankle, stumble, and fall. She was not all that

coordinated to begin with; she tripped over her own feet all the time. I

was forever catching her when we were in college. Standing there with

her, staring into her big blue eyes, I thought of a solution.

We ran down the aisle. There was less room for error if you were

moving fast. Charlotte wanted either perfection or a total wipeout. She

was an all or nothing girl.

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Mary Calmes

No one even had time to stand for the bride before we were there

in front of Reverend Ellis. Ben’s smile was huge, Nick was shaking his

head, and after a moment, when the reverend was still just staring at the

bride and groom, speechless and flustered, I got things going by taking

a quick step up and giving the man a smack on the shoulder and telling

him to go for it. We were all driving the poor man crazy.

“Uh… okay… who gives this woman to be wed?”

“Me and her brother,” Charlotte’s mother chuckled as she stood

up in the front row, “and her uncle, who’s still comin’ down the aisle.”

The reverend looked over at Tyler, who waved from where he

was, almost to us.

“Nobody counted one-two-three go,” he grumbled. “They just

ran.”

The hall resounded with laughter, and when I turned to look at

Charlotte, I saw her sigh before breaking into the huge smile I knew.

She was happy, and that was all that mattered. It was how it was

supposed to be.

After the ceremony, pictures had to be taken. Charlotte had not

wanted any taken of her and Ben together before the wedding. She was

certain it was bad luck. So while the rest of us stood around waiting,

they posed for shot after shot.

“Stef.”

I was so busy watching the interaction of Ben’s family with

Charlotte that I hadn’t even noticed that Rand was behind me. “Hey.” I

smiled at him, my eyes flicking to his mother and Uncle Tyler, who had

appeared with him. “You guys ready for your turn next?”

Rand reached out to touch the lapel of my jacket. “We were

thinkin’ you should be in the photos with us.”

“Oh no.” I shook my head. “I’ll be in the pictures with the bridal

party, that’s enough.”

“I was thinking it wasn’t,” May Holloway told me. “I’d like you

with us, Stef.”

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137

I looked up at Rand as he stepped in close to me, his hand

wrapping loosely around my throat. Where the emotion came from, I

wasn’t sure, but suddenly I could barely breathe.

“Me too,” he said, his voice low and husky. “Come take the

picture.”

When the photographer called for the bride’s family, before a

word could be spoken, Charlotte yelled my name.

“You, too, Stef!”

Which basically shut the door on any protest I might have made.

“You look great,” I told Rand as I took my place beside him,

turning and smiling.

“Do I?”

“Yessir,” I assured him, taking the moment when no one was