Time to Control (22 page)

“So, you were in Chicago.
 
How 'bout them Bears?”

After dinner we put on a hockey
playoff game and cuddled on the couch.
 
By the second intermission, my stomach had settled enough where I was
ready to talk.

“Roger is the son of my mom's
college roommate.”
 
Eddie turned down
the television so he could hear me.
 
“He lived here in Dallas, so mom thought it would be a good idea to set
us up on a date.
 
The problem with
dating relatives of friends is that you can't get out of it without breaking
friendships.”

“Your mom and her roommate are no
longer friends?”

“Yeah.
 
Me having Roger arrested for assault
kinda ruined their friendship.”
 
His
arms tightened around me, and he kissed my head where it lay on his chest.

“What happened?”

“We went on the first date, which
was a disaster.
 
He's shorter than
me, and made me change shoes – I was wearing my heels.
 
He didn't want to go out with someone
taller than him.”
 
I played with the
fringe on a throw pillow.
 
“Roger
was controlling.
 
His dinner had to
be just so, and he sent my meal back even though I was fine with it.
 
I took my shoes off in the car on the
way home – my flats were cute, but they pinched the toes--, and he about
lost it.
 
I didn't intend to ever
see him again, but apparently he told his mom he had a good time, and so I had
to do a second date.”

“That doesn't sound so bad
yet.
 
How long did you date?”

“Three months of living hell before
I broke up with him.
 
If there was
anything wrong with his meal when we went out and I picked the restaurant, it
was my fault.
 
If I was five minutes
late because I had to answer a page, it was my fault.
 
My hair was much longer then – if
it touched him when he didn't want it to, he'd get pissed.”

“He abused you?”
 
Eddie was having a hard time keeping his
voice level, but I appreciated the attempt.

“Not at that point.
 
It was just yelling and belittling.”

“Abuse,” he spat in disgust.
 
“Emotional is just as bad as physical.”

“But harder to prove.”
 
A patch of thread came loose, and I
balled it by rubbing it between my fingers, and threw it towards the coffee
table.
 
I started picking at a
different section of fringe.
 
“He
didn't believe me when I broke up with him.
 
Told his mom we were still together, so
my mom would still ask me about him.
 
I tried telling her we broke up, and she told me no.”

“What?”

“She wants grandkids.
 
She wants me to be married.
 
She doesn't care who the guy is, even if
he's a weirdo accountant that was anal about hygiene.
 
Didn't want to kiss me unless I had just
brushed my teeth.
 
Needless to say,
I got lots of garlic and chose food that would stick between my teeth whenever
we went out.”

Eddie gently grabbed my head and
kissed me soundly, proving he had no such hangups.

“Um, where was I?”

“Mom wanted you together.”

“Yeah.
 
Roger would call her to find out things
that I like.
 
Unfortunately for him,
my tastes have changed since I lived under their roof.
 
He would send me gifts, and I'd send
them back.
 
He started showing up at
my doorstep, and I told him to get lost.
 
When he visited me at the office, I filed a restraining order.”

Eddie stroked my hair.
 
“I'm sorry, baby.”

“Nothing for you to apologize
for.
 
That's why I don't want to get
a restraining order against Alan – they don't work.
 
Having one didn't make Roger think twice
about hitting me.
 
If someone is
going to commit a crime anyway, they are not going to care about breaking a
restraining order.
 
His mom and mine
wanted me to drop the charges, but there was no way.”

“He go to jail?”

 
I snorted.
 
“You kidding?
 
Community service.
 
But, it did manage to get on the books
as a sexual assault, so he gets to be listed as a registered sexual offender
for the rest of his life.
 
Serves
him right.”

Eddie shifted me in his arms,
holding me close.
 
“Good for you for
standing up for yourself.
 
I'm proud
of you.”

I realized that was the first time
someone complimented me on dealing with Roger; even the cops looked down on me
for being in the situation in the first place.
 
“Thank you.
 
That's why I haven't dated in so long.”

“When was this?”

“Um, four years ago?
 
It wasn't too long after I started at
IDI.
 
Alan came on board right about
when I broke up with Roger.”

“So you traded one abusive
relationship for another.”

“Eddie--”

“Schroeder, Alan was verbally
abusive of you.
 
I witnessed that
myself.
 
A boss is not supposed to
call his employee a bitch – that is crossing the line.
 
He's always been that way, hasn't he?”

“It hasn't always been like
that.
 
He's ... well, he's gotten
worse over the years.
 
I like my
job, so I've just ignored it.”

“You've taken it, not ignored it.”

I shook my head vehemently.
 
“No, it's not like that.
 
I haven't taken the abuse.
 
I don't like it.”

“I didn't say you liked it, I said
you took it.
 
If you would have
stood up for yourself in the past, he would have stopped.”

“I stand up for myself!” I shouted,
and struggled to get out of his arms.
 
He didn't let me.
 
“I can
handle my own life, damn it.
 
I
didn't make waves earlier because I didn't. want. to. lose. my. job.”

“Ah, yes, this again.”
 
I couldn't believe he was baiting me
like this.
 
I struggled to get an
arm where I could hit him, but he captured both arms in his secure grip.
 
He didn't get my legs, though, so I
kicked him in the shin.
 
“Damn it,
stop that.”
 
Eddie trapped both my
legs underneath his.
 
“Why do you
think you'd be fired?”

“I hate you.”

“No you don't.
 
Answer the question.
 
Why do you think you'd be fired?”

“Because I'd be making waves.”

“Not good enough.
 
Try again.”

“Because I'd upset people.”

“Swing and a miss.”

“Because you shouldn't make people
mad.”

“Strike two.
 
Also, deja vu.”

“Because I shouldn't have the job
anyway,” I said quietly.

“Now we're getting somewhere.”
 
He shifted his grip so I could be more
comfortable.
 
“Why do you think you
shouldn't have the job?”

“Because I wasn't their top
choice.
 
Their number one choice turned
it down.
 
So did number two.”

“Third time's the charm,” he said
lightly.

“Strike three, you're out,” I
countered.
 
“I'm also a woman, in a
highly male dominated industry.
 
You
know that.
 
It was beaten into me in
college, where I was the only girl in a classroom with twenty guys.
 
If I was truly lucky, there was one
other girl in there.
 
If you look at
my wardrobe, I have both skirts and jeans, and depending on if I want to ruffle
any feathers, I wear the skirt.
 
Otherwise, they prefer to see me as one of the guys.”

“So you think they are just looking
for an excuse to fire you because you're female?”

“They didn't want me in the first
place,” I repeated.
 
“They made that
very clear to me.
 
Same with m--”

His voice chilled to ice.
 
“Schroeder.
 
Same with what?”

I didn't answer, and tucked my head
under his chin.
 
He shook me
gently.
 
“I was born six months
after my parents got married, okay?”

“Oh baby, your parents love you
very much.”

I hugged him back, tears streaming
down my face.
 
“Loving someone and
telling them they were unwanted are not mutually exclusive.
 
They never put it in that few of words,
but that doesn't mean they don't feel that way.
 
For crying out loud, when we were there
my mom basically said not to get married to you if I was pregnant, because that
was a stupid reason to marry someone.
 
I can read between the lines quite fine.”

“You never have to see or talk to
them again if you don't want to.
 
That would be perfectly fine with me.
 
More than fine,” he growled.
 

“No, I could never do that,” I
protested.
 
“That's not what you
do.
 
It's not polite.”

“My God, the fact that you have any
ego at all is impressive.”

“Not much, I don't think,” I
admitted.
 
He kissed away my
tears.
 
“I'm fine.”

“You're not fine now, but you will
be.”

“Because I have you now?
 
Edward Valenti-Kirby is going to make
everything better?”
 
While my tone
was slightly teasing, it was a bit more on the bitter side.

“No, because you're learning to
stand on your own two feet.
 
You
came to New York by yourself to meet with a consultant, going over stuff that
was really over your head.
 
Don't
look at me like that – it was above your titled position in the
company.
 
You should be the Director
of IT, not Alan, or whomever they get to replace him.
 
You have the knowledge of the company,
the code, and the business practices.
 
You need to realize that, and I think you are starting to.”
 
I shrugged, and he continued.
 
“You stood up to Joseph about Alan,
which was very brave.
 
Granted, you
could have confronted Alan directly, but based on what we've surmised since
then, it was probably a good idea to not.”

I shuddered to think of what he
would have done.
 
Not good, whatever
it would have been.

“And, I'll be egotistical here
– you made the choice to marry me.
 
You told me yourself you were being spontaneous, and going with your
gut.
 
The shy, reserved, cautious,
fearful girl you are at IDI, and with your parents, is not the same woman you
are in New York, while traveling, or with me.
 
You're letting all their expectations
for you,” he waved a hand in the air to demonstrate that he meant the world at
large, “choose who you are, not letting Schroeder choose who you are.
 
And when you let Schroeder out?
 
That's the woman I fell in love with, am
in love with, and want to world to get to know.”

I wiped my nose on my sleeve,
wishing I had bought tissues. “I don't know how to let her out.”

“Just be you, babe, just be
you.”
 
He kissed my forehead, and I
brought my head up and tentatively kissed him on the lips.
 
He responded by gently increasing the
passion of the kiss, and rubbed his hands up and down my back.

I broke off the kiss.
 
“And you love me?
 
You want to be with me?”

“Yes, Schroeder.
 
And you need to boost your ego by
knowing that you have made one of the most eligible bachelors in New York City
fall hopelessly in love with you and want to be with you every second of the
day.”

I giggled through the tears.
 
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”

“I haven't; I've been back in New
York,” he said ruefully.
 
I had a
passing thought that that might be the source of the problems, not Alan, and
made a mental note to talk about it with him later.
 
Right now, I wanted to do what husbands
and wives did.
 
When I reached a hand
down between us, I found that he wanted to do that as well.

The lovemaking was just as
cathartic as the talk, and I lay comfortably nude on Eddie on the couch.
 
“I don't think I can move.
 
Ever.”

“No kidding, babe, you wore me
out.”

“Okay, seriously, can you pick
one?”

“Huh?”

“The nicknames.
 
I'm starting to feel schizophrenic.
  
You use different ones at
different times, and I'm spending more time trying to figure out why you're
using each at that particular time than I am actually paying attention to your
words.”

“Really?”
 
He sounded surprised.
 
“I'm sorry, sweetheart, I didn't
notice.”