Time Slipping (11 page)

Jared put his hand on my arm, but that wasn’t what stopped me from continuing; it was the giant beast of a troll who walked into the ballroom that held that honor. It made the monsters on the floor look like toddlers, it was so huge. It lifted its nose to the air and sniffed, dropping its club to the ground next to its thick, dirty leg. Then it opened its giant maw and spoke. The words came out … squishy. It made a shiver run up and down my entire body.

“Fee, fi, fo, fum…”

I didn’t even know the damn things could speak. It made its existence even more horrible for some reason. I looked at Jared and whispered. “Are there any Englishmen in here by any chance?”

He shook his head, motioning for Scrum to stand at my other side.

I held my arms out to my sides, stopping my friends from advancing on my behalf. “Just hold back a second. I have you in a bubble. He can’t hurt us.”

“Better power that puppy up,” Finn said, staring at the slight tinge of green color that was around us now. “It don’t look that strong compared to that club in his hand.”

Please come to me, Green. Give me more of that shiny stuff that makes us all so safe and sound…

The response was immediate; the bubble turned so green it tinged the entire room that color for those of us inside it. Whatever spell that had been over this house was not interfering in what I needed to do.
Thank The Green for small favors.

The troll looked at the bubble quizzically, taking one step toward us with a finger out. When I saw the state of its fingernail, I found myself going a little woozy. I hated to think what was under there, but I guessed it had something to do with the giant, dripping nose of his.
Shudder.

“What do you want me to do?” Sam asked from behind me.

“Better do nothing for now. I’d hate for one of your spells to bounce off the inside of the bubble and hit me in the face.”

“My spells don’t do that.”

“Whatever. Just hold off for now.” Now was not the time to discuss the number of times I’d found myself on the ass end of one of her messed up spells. She was good, but she wasn’t perfect by a long shot.

I advanced toward the troll, ignoring the giant booger picker still pointed in my direction. “Listen up, Troll. We have no beef with you. Just step aside so we can get the pixie and be on our way.”

“Pixie,” he grunted out. “I eat pixie.” Then he burped, and I swear to all that is holy I saw some of Tim’s buttdust come out of his mouth in a poof of sparkles.

My heart dropped into my stomach, and I instantly felt sick. My hands were shaking and then my whole body joined the party. I could barely get the words out of my mouth. “If you ate my friend, I am going to skin you alive.” My sword was downstairs, but I had an idea of how to get it back. “Sam!”

“Yep. Right here.” Her voice was closer to my left shoulder now.

“I left my sword downstairs. Can you get it for me, please?”

She took a step forward, but I held my arm out to block her progress. She was actually going to try to walk past that troll, just because I asked her to. Talk about undying loyalty. I wanted to kiss her, but now was not the time. “Not like that. Use your mad witch skills.”

“You sure?” she asked.

“I’m going to drop the bubble off you temporarily, just in case.”

She nodded, and I communicated the vision of her stepping outside the Green power while she did her thing. Her body immediately lost the green-colored tinge the others of us still had.

Jared touched my hand. “Jayne, there’s a witch in here that will feel her casting.”

“Good. Maybe she’ll show her ugly face so we can slap it a few hundred times.”

“Jayne, you should probably be more cautious,” Scrum said, sounding worried.

“Yeah, I probably should,” I said, turning on him. “But what if my roommate is in that nasty stomach of that troll, and I only have two minutes to get him out before the stomach acid kills him completely? What then? You want to let Tim die?”

He shook his head quickly. “No. Of course not.”

“Jayne,” Tony said, “I know you mean well, but if he’s already eaten…”

“Don’t say it, Tony!” I whipped my head around to glare at him. “Not you. Don’t go there. I never lost hope with you, and I won’t lose it with Tim. This is not negotiable!”

He nodded and said nothing in response. He knew me well enough to know when I was beyond reasoning with, and I was so there right then. So,
so
there. Felicia took his hand in hers, but nodded too. I knew they were there to back me up, even if I was about to do something that most people would consider stupid.

The troll took another step toward us, lifting his club onto his shoulder. He looked down at me and smiled. He had only one tooth in his bottom jaw, and it hooked up over his upper lip. “Hello, small person. I eat you.”

“Or…,” I held up a finger, “you could go eat that witch. The old one? Knobby knees? Bad hair day? I hear they’re pretty tasty.” I nodded exaggeratedly, hoping it would help convince him.

Sam started muttering her incantation behind me, and I didn’t want the troll to notice what she was doing, so I moved to my right, drawing his attention with me by doing some moves I’d practiced in front of the mirror after I’d had too many cups of hard cider one night last December. “Ever seen someone do the Electric Slide?” I asked, trying to imagine the tune for the stupid song in my head. All I could hear, though, was the macarena — the one song that entered my brain in 1993 and never left.
Oh well. It’s not like he’s going to know the difference.
I threw one arm out and then the next, crossing them over as I hummed the tune under my breath.

The troll’s head tilted to the side a little and he frowned, his giant bushy eyebrows joining together in the middle of his forehead. “What you do?”

I smiled. My plan was totally working. As he stared at me, captivated by me busting a move, Sam was whirling up a hell of a demon sword retrieval spell. I could feel the electric current her power was pulling from the ley line beneath us. Just to be safe, I increased the Green protection around my friends. I couldn’t even imagine what would happen if that spell bounced back on us. We’d probably all be stabbed with the sword, one giant fae shish kebab for that troll to munch on at his leisure.
Yikes
.

“Heyyyy macarena!” Putting my hands on my hips, I swiveled them around wide. “See, Troll?
This
is the macarena.” I was already sweating. “It’s way better than that Electric Slide dance I told you about.” I continued with my moves, getting more frantic as I sensed his interest waning. “Feel free to join in. It’s better when there’s more people. Or fae or trolls or whatever.” I motioned for my friends to join me, but all of them save Becky just stared at me like I’d lost my mind.

Becky jumped over, though, and started doing her moves, of course trying but failing to show me up. I had to duck out of the way at one point, because
damn
, her elbows and knees were suddenly everywhere. I thought my groove was bad, but hers made everyone cringe; unfortunately, her Spanish was even worse than her dancing.

“Hey, licky loma, micky moma, ecky babba … hey micky moma, bicky boma, lakka lena … hey ricky dicky nicky wicky bicky boma … heeeey macarena!” She clapped her hands and jumped up, turning one rotation to start her ridiculously bad imitation of a macarena in the other direction.

“What in the hell are you doing?” I asked, doing another hip swivel. I was a little out of breath.

“I’m doing the macarena, obviously. This is fun.” She winked at her boyfriend who was staring at her with a mix of fascination and horror.

I shook my head. More pixie dusting happened here than I had intended. Had to be. Apparently, my bubble shun wasn’t quite as good as I thought it was at keeping out Tim’s buttdust.

“Jayne!” Sam yelled. “Hold out your hand!”

Lucky for me, my hand was already out as I was starting another macarena tour. I couldn’t have planned it better. One second I was standing there crossing a hand over to the opposite shoulder, and the next, my outstretched arm had a sword flying toward it. I snatched it out of midair and then held it up for the beast to see. “Heyyyy macarena!” I shouted my last line with maybe a little too much glee as I came to a standstill, my sword held out in front of me and angled up so it could be pointed at the head of the troll. My arm was shaking with the power of the adrenaline thrill going through me.

Everything suddenly stopped: the music in my head, the shucking and jiving of my water sprite buddy, the movements of my friends, and the glow of the Green bubble that used to surround us all.
Oops. Did I do that with the macarena or the sword?

A voice behind the troll startled me and made me jump. I almost lost the sword from my grip, but held on just in time to keep it from burying its tip in the ballroom floor. A glance to my left told me my friends were all frozen solid, stuck in some kind of suspended animation. Sam and Felicia were focused on my sword, Scrum and Jared toward the door, Tony and Finn on the troll; Becky was in the middle of swinging her tiny hips around, her tiny butt poking out diagonally. I nearly lost my water when I heard the angry voice coming at me from behind the great, big beast whose body was still but whose eyeballs were still working. His salivary glands were still functioning too; a glob of drool left his lips and landed with a plop next to his feet.

“How dare you come into my home and wake me from my beauty sleep with the macarena!” Through the entrance limped the witch with her cane tapping the floor, her hair even worse than before.

Chapter Fourteen

“WELL, HELLO THERE, FATE.” I smiled. At least, I tried to smile. It was an effort, seeing as how I was scared shitless. She might have been tiny, but that didn’t stop the power from oozing out of her. She frightened me more than Maggie on her worst day.

“You may call me … Geraldine.”

I opened my mouth to call her that, and then something made me stop. A zap of The Green or something from the ether got me right in the throat, stopping the words from coming out. Instead, I said what was foremost on my mind.

“Lie!”

She banged her cane on the ground, sending a shock wave of angry energy right at me. I felt the negativity flow up from the floor and right into my bones. It settled on the top of my head, making me want to ruffle my hair to get it off me. I ignored the temptation, though, sure The Green was still protecting me, even though I couldn’t see its green tinge around me anymore. This old witch was just throwing illusions at me, and I’d practiced for months with Sam to shake that crap off.
Hoo yah, can’t touch this. It’s hammer time, bitch.

“Why do you say that?!” she yelled.

I shrugged as the effects of her tantrum wore off, falling away like dandruff flakes. Apparently she didn’t like being called a liar.
Oh well, too bad, so sad because she is a damn liar and I’m not afraid to say so. The truth shall set me free, that’s what my old grandma Maggie always told me.
“Because. I know that’s not your name.” How did I know that? I had no idea. Maybe it was the look on her face. I felt like I was being tested.

“Fine.” She pursed her lips for a few seconds. “You may call me Judith.” That felt more truthful to me than the last name she’d chosen, so I didn’t fight her on it.

“Judy for short?” I suggested.

“No.”

“Jude?”

“No!”

“J-baby?”

She looked like she was about to blow her own head off in frustration, but then she suddenly stopped and let out a breath. My plan to throw her off her game had failed.
Dammit. I guess it’s not hammer time.

She leaned in toward me, closing one eye and squinting the other. “Why do you bait me so? Are you so ignorant that you do not sense the power capable of destroying everything you hold dear, right here in front of you?”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I’ve sure been accused of it enough times.” I rested the point of my sword on the ground, spinning the hilt around a little so she’d notice the jewels imbedded in it.
Fear me, old bag. Fear me like you fear the mirror.

“Why are you in my home?” she asked, ignoring my weapon. I wasn’t stupid enough to think she didn’t understand where it came from, though. She was just showing me very clearly that she didn’t fear my shit at all. It was a very effective intimidation tactic on her part. I stopped spinning the sword and started worrying more about how I was going to avoid a good, old-fashioned pants peeing in my very near future.

“Well, I came here originally to stay the night, but now I’m pretty sure I’d be happier sleeping at a rest stop along the highway.” I scrunched up my nose. “Less … troll-y there.”

“You should go back to where you belong.”

I shook my head. “Where? The Green Forest? No, I’m pretty sure I belong here on the Isle of Skye. Twice a year, in fact. It’s already been decided, so there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Who decided? Was it you?”

I had to think about that for a second or two. “Kind of. Mostly it was the dragon, but I guess you could say I was on board.”

“Making a great personal sacrifice for the entire world, is that it?” She cackled, leaning on her cane when the laughter became too much. She finished her happy seizure off with some wheezing and a sludgy cough, probably dredging up at least one rotten lobe from one of her lungs in the process, from the sound of it.

Her words made me feel stupid and young. It didn’t matter that I actually
was
those things — way too young and not that fae educated; it was the principle. As far as I was concerned, only two people had the right to say that crap about me, and she wasn’t one of them.
Okay
,
now it’s hammer time.

“All right, listen up
Judith
… I want my pixie friend back out of that troll’s stomach, whole, alive, and unhurt, and I want to leave this place with all my friends — also whole, alive and unhurt.” I’d learned long ago that it was important to be clear and complete when negotiating with witches. They did so love to exploit the loopholes they imagined in my speech.

“And what will you give me in exchange for these gifts?”