Time for Love (26 page)

His suppressed desire set his temper on edge. His restraint in not taking out his temper on Alex’s brother, who had clearly not gotten over their initial meeting, was remarkable. Not that Alex had noticed his control. She’d reprimanded him repeatedly for the most minor of comments.

Nicholas told his coachman to take the carriage home without him. He could use the fresh air to clear his head. He strolled down the street lost in thought.

****

Alex’s heart rate didn’t return to normal until after she returned to her room. The dancing was nothing like what she’d expected. Instead of elegantly gliding around the room dazzling her partner with her witty conversation, she had whirled and stomped about, barely able to catch her breath. Anytime she tried to slow down, the others would tease her she was supposed to be dancing, not strolling along the garden path. Those Jane Austen movies she had watched from time to time had done nothing to prepare her for reality.

The only dance that had met her expectations was the waltz. It was glorious—gazing into Nicholas’s soul searing eyes while his arms wrapped possessively around her. At least, in one of the versions of the waltz they had shown her. She had never realized there were so many ways of dancing the same dance.

The only problem was it made her hunger for Nicholas grow until she could have devoured him whole. If she were home, no one would care who she slept with, but here, her family seemed determined she and Nicholas not spend another moment alone until they were married. Which wasn’t going to happen—unless she could get him to fall in love with her.

How she was going make that happen, she had no idea. At least the chemistry was there. Boy was it there. That was no problem. But sex wasn’t enough on which to base a marriage. Especially not when it meant leaving everything she knew behind. She didn’t know anything about this time in history. She had read a few books, so she knew the basic struggles and the big events, but that told her nothing about what it would be like to live her life here. To raise a family.

Her face heated, and her heart swelled in her chest. A pleasant thought. Having Nicholas’s kids.
If
she stayed.
If
he loved her. That would make all the difference.

She had been doing fine so far. She honestly didn’t miss all that much from modern times. True, a hot shower would be nice, but baths were very relaxing. She certainly didn’t miss her job at the bar, but she hadn’t planned on doing that for the rest of her life. She had hoped to have a career some day when she got her college degree. She’d worked hard to get as far as she had. She hadn’t cruised through like so many of her classmates.

What would she do if she stayed? She didn’t even know if she’d be allowed to work.

The
allowed
part was what really got to her. She had grown up believing a woman could do anything she wanted. But that wasn’t true here. People would insist her place was in the home. Not her home either, but that of her father or her husband. Never her own, not really. She would never be allowed to get a job. Maybe she could get involved with some kind of charity, but only if her husband or father approved. Her life would be dependent on the men in her life. Could she handle that?

Well, maybe. It all depended on what that home was like. If she had a husband who treated her like a person rather than property, than yes, she could deal with it. Nicholas could be that kind of husband,
if
he loved his wife. If not, well, he would never be cruel, but he wouldn’t be able to understand her, and that would be even more painful, feeling the way she did.

Giving it time wouldn’t work either. Dating wasn’t an option. Her parents would have her married within the month. She had pretty much sealed that deal when she admitted to having sex with Nicholas. In her father’s mind, the only way for her to redeem herself was to marry the man who had ruined her.

Ruined her. She snorted. What a load of crap. Yet they actually believed it, as if she wasn’t worth as much because she’d had sex with a man who wasn’t her husband.

After marriage? That was a different story, apparently. From what little she’d read, it wasn’t unusual for a woman to have an affair after she’d provided her husband with an heir, and it was pretty much expected of a man. Nicholas had even mentioned how hypocritical society was in that respect. He, at least, hadn’t seemed to mind she hadn’t been a virgin when they met.

Fidelity was a must when she married. She would never cheat and wouldn’t accept a cheating husband. At home she would have the option of divorce. Here she wasn’t even sure if that was possible.

Nicholas could be faithful. Loyalty was an important quality to him. But again, he might not see having an affair as being disloyal. Adultery was a fact of life in these times—expected almost—for a married man. But if Nicholas loved her, it would be a different story.

So how was she going to make that happen? In modern times, they could date for a while and see how things developed. She didn’t have that kind of time. Her family would not accept a long courtship. In their view, time was of the essence to repair her fall from grace.

She and Nicholas weren’t even allowed to be alone together for any length of time. How in hell were they supposed to get to know each other well enough to know if they could make a marriage work?

****

These thoughts consumed her through the next few weeks as she attended more dance lessons, fittings, and spent time getting to know her family. The Creswells had a busy social calendar, but they cancelled as many of their engagements as they could to spend time with her. They graciously welcomed Nicholas into the fold and invited him to all the family gatherings. Though she longed to find time to spend alone with him, she cherished the time with her family.

She had spent her childhood hopping between foster homes. While most of them were very kind people, some of them were not, and none of them cared for her as this family did. Her mother was especially interested in all those families, but Alex wasn’t sure how much to share. While there had been times when she’d been happy, more often she’d been miserable, alone, frightened and struggling to survive.

She didn’t want to hurt them. This whole business of having a family to worry about was new to her, and she didn’t know how to act. But her mother pushed her for information, and Alex didn’t want to lie. Though maybe that would have been best, as she learned one night after dinner.

The women moved into the sitting room, while the men stayed behind in the dining room to smoke and drink brandy or some liquor deemed not suitable for ladies.

Alex drank a bit too much wine. Her head spun and her thoughts drifted. While the ladies didn’t drink much in the way of hard alcohol, they seemed to drink wine as if it was nothing. Besides a lack of money to spend on booze, Alex had always been behind the bar serving. She’d never developed a tolerance for it.

She’d relaxed in a pleasant daze staring into the fire so had lost track of the conversation, when Mary turned to her and asked, “How about you, Alexandra? Did you ever fall off a horse and break any bones when you were a child?”

She blinked in confusion for a moment, bringing the room back into focus. “Break any bones?” She wrinkled her brow. “Sure. Broke my arm and a few ribs once.”

Her mother gasped. “Were you in a terrible accident?”

“No,” she answered as the men walked into the room. “One of my foster fathers got drunk one night, and he preferred to take things out on the foster kids rather than his own. I just happened to be in the room.” She shrugged; it was just a distant memory and hardly the worst thing that had happened in her childhood. She didn’t notice the silence that fell on the room.

“What did he do to you?” Nicholas asked in a cold voice.

Alex looked up, still a little foggy. “Oh, it wasn’t all that bad. It was my mistake for trying to fight back. When I made a clumsy attempt to strike back, he grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back until I went down. Broke my arm and ribs when he kicked me as I lay curled up on the ground. He probably would have just punched me the once if I hadn’t defied him.” She shrugged again. “At least they transferred me to a new home when I got out of the hospital.” She grinned. “The new home was one of the nicest I’d been to. She was such a sweet lady.” She thought back to the few days she had spent with them, before being moved again. “She actually made me a cake for my birthday; no one had ever bothered before.”

“How old were you?” Lady Downing asked in a whisper.

“Oh, I think I was thirteen or fourteen.” She suddenly realized everyone was staring at her in horror. “What? What did I say?”

Lady Downing had tears in her eyes. “The way you talk about the future, we thought it must have been such a wonderful place. We thought you were happy, and that made us feel better about not being there to protect you.” Her husband walked to her side and handed her a handkerchief. She wiped her eyes delicately. “I think I need to lie down for a moment. If you will all excuse me?”

“Let me assist you to your room, my dear.” Lord Downing placed his wife’s hand over his arm. “I shall return in a moment.”

Nicholas moved to stand behind Alex’s chair and rested a hand comfortingly on her shoulder while she watched her parents leave.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I said all that. I certainly never meant to say any such thing. It just sort of popped out.” She turned to Gregory. “Will she be all right?”

“Yes, of course she will.” Gregory’s voice wavered and he ran a hand down his shirt front. He cleared his throat and sat beside her. “I am sorry you had to suffer through such experiences, Alexandra. I wish there were some way I could make it up to you.”

“Don’t be stupid! It’s not your fault. I wasn’t trying to gain your sympathy or pity or anything. I never would have said anything, but I’m a little out of it right now.” She put her hand to her forehead. “I don’t normally drink so much. Wine goes straight to my head.”

Lord Downing came back into the room. “Lady Downing will be fine. She asked me to convey her apologies for leaving so abruptly.”

Alex nodded. “I’m sorry I upset her. It was really no big deal. She shouldn’t let it bother her.”

“It does bother her. Of course it does. But that does not mean we do not wish to know all you went through in the years you spent away from your family.” He smiled and patted her gently on the shoulder. “Please do not feel you cannot share everything with us. We are aware you did not have an easy life, if we can ease that burden in any way, please allow us to do so.”

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” She smiled at him. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here now.” She was surprised to realize she meant every word.

Chapter Twenty

May 28 (1 Day Remaining)

The day of the ball finally arrived, and butterflies moved in to take over Alex’s stomach. She was surprisingly nervous over a simple dance.

But it wasn’t simple; it was much more than that. Tonight was their last ditch effort to find Charlotte. Lord Downing’s search hadn’t turned up any clues. All their hopes hinged on scaring an unknown kidnapper into making a desperation move and revealing himself.

Although a long shot, it was their only hope of finding Charlotte. According to the article from Sawyer, Charlotte would be killed tomorrow unless they did something to prevent it.
Why didn’t she insist on more info?
She was such a fool.

What if her sister wasn’t in any danger? Sawyer could have faked the news article and made the whole thing up as a way to trick her into going through the portal. After all, he hadn’t bothered to tell her she and Charlotte had come through the portal as children. But why? Why would he do such an awful thing?

She still hadn’t come up with an answer when her mother insisted she take a nap so she’d be refreshed for the ball. Alex doubted she’d get any sleep; she was so keyed up, but it wasn’t long before she fell into a fitful doze. It seemed only moments before Evelyn urged her gently to wake.

“It’s time to wake up, my lady,” Evelyn said shuffling around the room, laying out clothes for the evening.

Evelyn seemed more excited about the ball than anyone else in the family. She’d been fussing over the dress ever since it arrived the day before. She couldn’t wait to show off
her lady
.

Alex suspected it was a chance for Evelyn to display her skills as an abigail. She didn’t get the opportunity often because Alex insisted on wearing her hair down or in only the simplest of styles. For the ball, however, Alex had given Evelyn free rein to fuss as much as she liked.

She would be in her glory because it would take a great deal of fussing to get Alex ready. But she was looking forward to it. Almost like going to the prom, she figured. She hadn’t stayed in school long enough to go to her own. She might even be able to have some fun, if she could relax.

The dress was beautiful and fit her to perfection. Having clothes made to order was refreshing. Clothes off the rack always gapped awkwardly, either stretching too tightly across the breasts or sagging so much they resembled a potato sack and made her look huge and frumpy.

This dress was tight across the chest too, but it enhanced her appearance rather than detracted from it. She wasn’t sure about the sleeves, but the dressmaker insisted it was the style. They were short and a little too puffy for her tastes. She would be cold; she was always cold, but they had insisted. Mary had explained it would get hot in the ballroom with all those people dancing and crushed together. Alex hoped she was right, because she was sure her delicate, little shawl was not going to be enough to warm her.

The dress flowed from the tight bust in graceful lines to the floor. It didn’t cling, but it enhanced her figure in all the right ways. Instead of another of the pastels she had been wearing, the dress had beautiful black embroidery on a deep red silk of her own choosing that looked good on her. The dark color was a little unusual for an unwed woman, according to her mother, but Lady Downing had agreed it suited Alex.

Alex looked forward to Nicholas’s reaction. He had admired her in all the dresses she’d borrowed from Mary the past week, but this dress was something special. She hoped his blood pressure, among other things, would rise the moment he saw her. It was as good a way as any to make sure his attention remained on her and gave him ample opportunity to fall in love with her.