Tight Knit (8 page)

“I never said the service was great, but the pie’s amazing.” 

“But not as good as Nan’s,” I say at the same time as he says, “Not as good as Gram’s, of course.” 

We share a grin and then he leans back into the booth, laying his arm across the back of the green stuffed vinyl backrest. The laid back I-don’t-care-about-anything Lachlan’s back. I find myself wanting to see more of that other Lachlan. The one that speaks with an accent and holds an ocean of secrets behind those dark brown eyes.  I think about asking him about that tune he sang to me but decide against it. There’s more to his story but I have a feeling he’s not the sharing type.

I pick up a spoon and take a small piece of pie. The warmth of the apple and coldness of the ice cream creates a soothing sensation as they mix together in my mouth. The pie is delicious, maybe even better than Nan’s. 

“So, why did you have to go to that house?” I ask feeling like it might be a sort of safe start. 

Lachlan shifts his gaze to his spoon, twirling it in his fingers. Not nervously, just twirling it. 

“No reason. A buddy lives there and I had to stop by.” 

I try to raise one eyebrow, but I can’t raise only one eyebrow so they both go up. 

“I don’t buy that. But it’s cool if you don’t want to tell me.” 

I really don’t know if he’s lying but Nan always says if people can’t look you in the eye when they answer a direct question they’re lying. That and a lot of people have been lying to me lately. It won’t hurt to call him on it. 

“I’m not lying.” Lachlan glances up at me with his eyes but his head stays down. Half of his mouth turns up into a smile and my stomach jumps. 

I can’t possibly. Be attracted to Lachlan McCreedy? No. He makes me uncomfortable. That’s what it is.  

“We should get going soon. It’s getting late.” I have a sudden need to get out of here, but the thought of being back on that bike, my body pressed to his, makes my heart race. 

My one leg bounces under the table and it’s my turn to avoid eye contact. I snap my wrists a couple times and stand up. 

“You okay?” he asks. 

“Mhm, fine.” It’s apparently my turn to lie too. 

He puts a couple bills onto the table and we leave. 

“I just have to stop somewhere quick. Two minutes, I promise. Then I’ll take you home.” 

I purse my lips together. I shouldn’t care what he’s up to but I do. I hold onto his waist and argue with myself about whether I want to be closer or farther away from him as he drives his motorbike to the outskirts of the city. This neighborhood is familiar to me. Why would Lachlan need to stop in Vista? 

Lachlan pulls up to one of the smaller houses on the block but it’s still huge. He hops off the bike and walks to the edge of the yard. He lobs something into the air over the fence. I frown at him as he walks back toward me.

“What?” He asks. 

“Why did you just throw something into Deacon’s backyard?”

Every feature on his face moves either straight up or straight down. The color drains. 

“That’s Deacon’s place. That little fuckin’ punk you used to date?” 

My frown deepens. “Technically you’re the punk, Lachlan. Deacon has never been to prison. He also doesn’t go around visiting creepy houses at night and throwing things into peoples yards.” 

Lachlan runs his hands through his hair. 

“I shouldn’t have brought you.” 

“Probably not.”

 “This isn’t good.” 

I grab a handful of his hoodie as he paces by me and tug on it. He stops. 

“Why, Lachlan? Why are you in trouble?” I know it’s no use, but I am going to try anyway.

He shakes his head and continues to pace. I sigh. And I think I’m messed up.

“I can’t help you if you won’t tell me.” I shrug and snap the chinstrap of my helmet shut. 

“I don’t need help.” His demeanor changes, his arms fold across his chest and he leans back on one leg. We're obviously back to Mr. Cool.

“Sure you don’t.” I hand him his helmet from where it hangs on the handlebars. 

I’m hit with a realization as I watch him put on his helmet. He’s glancing at me, his eyes darting back and forth. He wants something from me. He has to or he never would have brought me here. I just wish I knew what it was. 

He drives me home. It’s much tenser than earlier. I feel his body rigid and stiff against my chest. 

The lights are out when we get to my house, which means my parents clearly weren’t concerned. I hand him back his helmet and he clips it on the bike. He watches me for a moment then his eyebrows furrow.

“Listen, Talia. I’m sorry again, about, you know.” There is a heaviness to his shoulders as they hunch forward. The facade he’s hiding behind cracks open just for a second and I see something I never would have thought I’d see on him. An exhaustion I recognize. The effort it takes to keep everything and everyone out and the terror of what would happen if maybe, just maybe, it was time to let someone else in. 

He’s so broken. He’s so broken it makes me feel better. I know that makes me sound awful but I’m happy to know there’s someone out there just as messed up as me. Someone who is just as tired of trying to shut it all out. Now I wonder what’s the ‘it’ he’s keeping out. 

I reach out to touch his arm but stop myself halfway there and let my hand fall.

“You didn’t know.” 

~

Lachlan’s missing from school for most of the week and surprisingly I’ve been watching for him. I keep catching myself humming Georgina’s tune. The one he used to help me calm down. For the fifth time, I look over my shoulder down the hall. I shouldn’t be thinking about him right now.  

I groan and continue rifling through my locker for the Math text that I lose on purpose. I see jeans and white sneakers walk up beside me. My heart thuds once in my chest and then stops beating altogether. What is wrong with me? Seriously! Deacon never made my heart jump like that and he was my
boyfriend
.

I close the locker with a clang and see Lachlan’s crooked smile. He’s wearing a bright red, but worn Sam Roberts T-shirt, which impresses me. He has his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans and leans against the lockers. I notice that the leather band he always wears around his wrist has some sort of symbol on it.

“Hey, Hat Girl, my eyes are up here.” I hear the laughter in his voice and my face burns.

My head jerks upwards and I glare.

“What does that symbol mean on your bracelet?” I ask quickly. The last thing I need is for him to think I’m staring at his crotch. 

He lifts his arm up, his tattoos stretching as his forearm flexes. The ones with the torn skin are horrifying but I can’t look away. 

“First of all, it’s not a bracelet. It’s a wristband. Got that, Hat Girl?” He pokes me in the shoulder, but I’m distracted by the three girls that are watching us with laser vision on the other side of the hall. The giggle trio from the first day of school.

“Second of all,” he continues. “Come out with me tonight and maybe I’ll tell ya.” 

What? 

I have to swallow to keep my heart from beating right out of my mouth. 

“Uh.” My eyes snap back to him. I hug my textbook closer to me as my breathing speeds up to match my heart. “I, uh, can’t.” 

I turn and walk away as fast as I can. Lachlan asked me out and I said NO. No one says no to Lachlan. Wait, I don’t know that, but he has this aura that says he’s not used to hearing no. The look he gave me proves it. I don’t even know why I said no. I’m not doing anything tonight, except knitting with Nan. 

Although when I talked to her this morning she wasn’t too enthusiastic about my planned visit. 

“You know you’re always welcome here, darling.” The strain was evident. “But I’ll just be resting so I won’t be much fun today.” 

I could have said yes. 

No. No, I can’t go on a date with him. If it was even a date. Maybe it wasn’t a date. I feel stupid for thinking it was. He was probably just asking as a friend.

I duck into the first bathroom I see and go straight to the sink. I squeeze my eyes closed and force my breathing to slow. I hate this. I hate that panic controls me. 

Someone clears their throat behind me. I look up into the mirror and see the color drain from my face. 

“Janna, hey.” I force my voice to stay even. Janna tucks a long red strand behind her ear. I can’t bring myself to face her, so I just watch her reflection in the mirror. 

“Hey, Tal. How are you?” Her eyes shift from the floor to me and back to the floor. 

I really don’t have time for this.

“Fine.” I turn to leave. Is there nowhere sacred in this stupid school where I can be alone?

Jenna grabs my arm and forces me to face her.

“Tal, listen, I know you hate me. I just wanted to say I’m sorry. To your face, you know?” 

I feel my thoughts start to blend together as both panic and anger swirl inside me. The jumbled mess that is my mind spins until I land on Nan and something she had said to me when I was ten.

“If you were really sorry, Janna, you wouldn’t have done it.” I yank my arm away. 

She looks at her feet again. She sniffs hard and rubs the heel of her hand on her eye. She’s trying not to cry. Janna never cries.  

“This is for the best. It sucks that you hate me but you have no idea-” She stops to regain her composure again. 

 My body is vibrating and I want to shake my wrists. Crack my knuckles. Run a marathon. Anything to get the surge of energy out of me.

“Have no idea about what? About how my best friend went behind my back and hooked up with my boyfriend? How’s
that
for the best.”

She leans back against the stall and meets my eyes directly for the first time. There’s something in her eyes I’ve never seen before. A look I can’t place because it feels so foreign on her smooth and confident features. There’s something going on in her head I can’t figure out.

“No Tal, you have no idea who Deacon is. You never came out of your shell long enough to see it, but I guess I didn’t see it either.” She averts her eyes again. 

“See what?” I’m not sure I want to know. The long and painful sigh that escapes her confirms that I probably don’t want to hear the answer. I cross my arms to try and stop the vibration pulsing through my body.

“That I wasn’t the only one. That you were just an experiment for him. You’re so closed off and he thought it would be interesting to see how far he could get with you. I swear I didn’t know at first.” 

“At first?” I shake harder. Never mind that I was some sexual experiment. Janna knew about it? I sink into the darkest corners of my mind. This is worse than a panic attack. This isn’t just a panic induced vision. This is real. 

So why am I not flipping out? Why do I get a sudden wave of guilt? Why am I feeling sorry for her?   

Janna steps closer and tries to take my hand. 

“You don’t understand, Tali. He made me keep it a secret. I hate myself for it, but you have no idea-” She stops again choking back her emotion. Janna’s good at locking it away. I’m glad because I’m tired of hearing the excuses. 

I step back. “You keep saying that, but I think it’s pretty obvious what you did. You lied to me Janna. Deacon wanted to make a fool out of me and you let him.
You let him.
”  I draw out the last words just to make sure it sticks. I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t hear one more word. I spin around and leave Janna standing alone in the middle of the bathroom. The guilt still gnawing at me but I should have no reason to feel guilty. I’m the one that was lied to. By Deacon, by Janna. 

By Nan... 

I don’t have any time to dwell on my revelation that everyone I know is lying to me because as soon as I step out of the door I feel him. 

Worst. Day. Ever.

“Girls spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom, don’t they?” Lachlan is leaning against the wall. He’s so laid back and I hate him. Doesn’t he care about anything? 

Okay, fine I’m jealous. At this moment, I’m wound so tight I can feel the edges of my body and soul start to fray. I will all of my tears to dry up because I can’t let him see them. He probably thinks I am such a baby. I’m totally a baby. 

“You know what inordinate means, good for you,” I mumble and stalk off. He hurries to catch up and grabs my elbow. Not roughly, like Janna had, but gently. He doesn’t yank me to a stop but slows me down until I have no choice but to stop and turn to face him. 

I’m shocked to see the cocky smile gone and in its place pursed lips, a furrowed brow and hurt look in his eyes. 

“Just because I’ve been to Juvie doesn’t mean I’m stupid.” 

He moves with me when I try to turn away keeping his eyes on mine. I shouldn’t have said that. If anyone is stupid it’s me, not knowing that my boyfriend and best friend were hooking up right under my nose. That my boyfriend was just plain hooking up. I’m suddenly really ashamed of what I did with Deacon. I can’t believe I almost had sex with him. I was just a game. And here I am judging Lachlan. 

“Sorry.” I force the corners of my mouth up and he returns the gesture.

“Hey, that’s my line.” 

I smile genuinely that time and make my way to my next class. He doesn’t follow me. 

“I know where you live, Hat Girl,” Lachlan yells down the hallway and I want to die. Everyone turns to gawk. 

“And I’m taking you out tonight. See you at seven.” 

I finally get the nerve to glance back, but Lachlan is gone. I crack my wrists. 

Arrogant jerk
, I think but a small smile bites at the corner of my mouth.

CHAPTER TEN

Lachlan

I’m not sure what possessed me to scream at her down the hallway. Maybe because I knew it would embarrass her and I feel like she could use a little more practice. Maybe because she’s so damn serious about everything I wanted to make a joke. Maybe I like her. Maybe. 

There is something about her I can’t shake. I don’t know if I’m attracted to her, not that she isn’t attractive; she just isn’t my usual type. 

My usual type being what? Drug addled sex-fiend?