Tiger's Voyage (47 page)

The dragon smiled.
It’s just a matter of time, you know. I’ve defeated
your brother, and now I’ll beat you. You can’t possibly outlast me. You can
barely stand.

“I’m just catching my second wind. Shall we continue?”

You could just admit defeat now. I may even allow you to live on the other
island. I’d hunt you, of course, but you would at least be alive.

“I’m not interested in being your pet tiger.”

Very well.

The dragon sucked in a deep breath and blasted fire over the tower. Kishan staggered and ran, but the fire followed. He jumped and pulled himself up a wall, armor and all, using just the strength of his arms. He dropped over the side to land one level up from the dragon and lay there gasping for breath. Tearing off his smoking gloves, he reached for a weapon but found they all lay on the rooftop below. The dragon sniggered and wound around the turret.

Do you have any last words before I eat you?

“Sure.” Kishan circled the turret to stay out of the dragon’s range. “I hope you choke.”

He leapt off the turret to the stone below, and the dragon bellowed and followed after him, jaws wide open. Kishan hit the rooftop and rolled but slammed his head against a broken stone. I heard a roar of triumph from Lǜsèlóng as he descended, prepared to snap up Kishan in its jaws. Suddenly, it screamed, stopped in midair, and fell with a deafening crash next to Kishan. Nothing moved for a moment, and I sat on the bed with my hand over my mouth. Then something stirred near the turret.

A figure staggered away from the dragon’s body and headed toward Kishan. It was Ren. His breastplate and helmet were gone. A long bloody gash across his chest had just started healing. I asked the mirror to show me the other side of the dragon. Ren had run the dragon through the heart with the spear. Not even I had seen Ren leap back to the tower, creep up, and hide in the shadows of the turret. Ignoring him had been the dragon’s fatal error.

Ren unbuckled and threw off the rest of his armor, and then knelt to take off Kishan’s. Kishan was alive. He moaned and blinked open his eyes.

“It’s over,” Ren said. “The dragon is defeated.”

The body of the dragon shimmered and disappeared.

“Come on, I know where she is.”

He helped Kishan stand, and then the two brothers, leaning heavily on each other, made their way down the tower and through the keep until Ren found the stairs leading to my lonely tower on the other side of the castle. They started up the steps but Kishan couldn’t lift his feet after the first step.

I heard the dragon’s voice.
Only the winner may claim the prize.

Kishan braced his back against the stair wall and panted heavily. He nodded, indicating that Ren should go ahead. Ren turned and hurried up the long circular stairway. He twisted the handle, but the door wouldn’t open.

“Kells? Can you hear me?”

“Yes! I’m here. It’s locked. I can’t open it.”

“Stand back.”

He took a few steps and slammed into the door. It wouldn’t budge. Again and again he threw himself against it, but it still wouldn’t open.

The dragon laughed.
It’s not my doing, tiger.
She
is the one keeping
you out.

“What do you mean?” I hollered.

You aren’t letting him in.

“Of course, I am!”

You aren’t. The hero wins the prize, and you are a prize who doesn’t want
to be won,
deti dama.
If you want him to save you, open the door.

“I can’t!”

I don’t mean the door to the room
, the dragon spoke in my mind,
I
mean the door to your heart.

“What are you
talking
about? Why are you doing this?” I sobbed.

I heard Ren’s concern through the door. “Kelsey? Are you okay?”

The dragon’s voice pierced through me.
Let … him … in.

I suddenly understood. I knew what he meant, and the knowledge made me tremble. He wanted me to feel all the things that I’d been ignoring. He wanted me to unleash all of the pent-up emotions and suffering. I banged a fist softly against the wooden door, cried, and pleaded quietly with the dragon, “Don’t make me do this. Please leave things as they are.”

That’s not how the game is played.

I can’t allow myself to feel those things. It hurts
, I responded mentally.

Hurt is a part of life. Now get on with it.

I dashed away my tears and pressed my hands against the door. Resting my forehead on the wood, I closed my eyes. The dragon laughed, and I felt its delight in my despondency. I’d purposely closed off the powerful connection I felt with Ren. Shutting it off like a valve, I’d done my best to block out my feelings for him. The faucet was leaky, but I plugged up the holes the best I could and tried to shunt my emotions, redirecting the flow to other places.

As I stood there quaking, I realized that blocking my feelings was my modus operandi. I’d done it when my parents died. I’d done it when I left Ren. I’d done it when he was taken.
I can’t risk it, dragon. He’ll leave
me again.

Lǜsèlóng replied,
Without risk, there is no reward. Would you rather
stay here with me for an eternity?

No.
At that moment, I realized I was a coward. And I knew I had no choice but to press forward.
How do I start?

Travel along your connection to his heart.

The green dragon led me. My mind summoned a vision. I stood in a white foggy mist. Lost, I turned in circles, searching for something. The dragon called to me, and I walked blindly forward, following its voice. The fog swirled around my feet, and the ground was unsteady. Then something golden appeared in the mist, a bright rope that crackled with energy.

Now put your hands on the tether, and follow it to its source.

I obeyed the dragon, grabbed onto the golden rope, and walked alongside it. Once on the journey, I hesitated and almost turned back. I heard a warm voice speak in my mind.
Please don’t let go. I can’t lose
you again.

The pleading in the voice moved me, and I clutched the rope as I walked. Forgotten feelings and memories rushed into my vision. The mists started to fade as my mind replayed tender moments Ren and I had shared—our first kiss, dancing on Valentine’s Day, how he held me after a nightmare. The farther I walked, the more my heart opened. But letting in those happy memories also brought the evil doppelganger of pain and hurt.

My feet dragged as if I was stuck in quicksand. When I hesitated and moved a step back, the fog rose up and numbed me again. It would have been so easy to turn back, to block my feelings, but I knew I had to trudge ahead, despite the fact that each step brought more agony. Each movement forward increased the stabbing pain of betrayal, of loss, of tender first love spurned, of being left alone.

Dark fingers of jealousy, bitterness, and confusion grasped at me and tried to pull me away from the tether, but I clung to it. I could feel the pulse running through it. It was powerful, good, and … joyful. Something changed for me on that journey. I realized that I wasn’t alone. I couldn’t see who was ahead, but someone was calling out to me. Every so often a warm wind would caress my skin, and a soft voice would encourage me to press on. I knew that whoever it was loved me. Suddenly, I came to the end of the rail and stopped, confused.

Where am I?

A voice behind me spoke. “You’re here with me.”

I turned around and faced a smiling Ren. He held out his arms and, with a whimper, I melted into them and pressed my cheek against his chest. He held me so close that I felt I was a part of him.

“Why was it so hard for you to find me,
iadala
?”

“You left me. I had to let you go.”

“I
never
left you. I have a place for you in my heart always.” Ren lifted my chin with his finger. “But what about you? Do you feel differently now? Do you wish for me to let
you
go?”

I hesitated for only a brief second. My eyes filled with tears, and I held him tightly. “No. I don’t want you to let me go. Not now. Not
ever
.”

He held me and murmured words in his native language, soothing me. I felt safe here. Protected and loved. I’d turned the valve, and it was too late to turn it back now. The liquid drops of hurt, hope, betrayal, devotion, anguish, and love rushed through my hands, seeped through my fingers. My heart bled.

Desperately, I tried to stem the tide, to maintain control, but stopping it now was no use. I cried, and once the tears started, I couldn’t hold them back. I began to speak, telling him of my deepest, darkest fears. I described how it felt to be without him. How much it hurt to see him with another. Ren stroked my back and listened patiently and unguardedly. I sniffled wetly as I continued my confession.

“It hurt when you forgot me and when you pushed me away. I couldn’t bear to watch you go. You
left
me, like my parents did. I had to shut off a part of myself to survive. Without you, I shriveled and became only a shadow of myself. I felt … jumbled, like broken words on a page. A poem hacked to pieces. Nothing made sense. How could you do that to me? To
us
?” I accused.

“Don’t you know that I would do anything to keep you safe?” Ren argued. “I had to love you enough to let you go. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I don’t intend to ever do it again. Even so, my heart always belonged to you. Surely you still felt that.”

“Yes, but I buried my feelings for you so deeply that I don’t even know if I can revive them,” I admitted. “My strength comes from them; I can at least admit that. It’s obvious that I need you. That I want you. My body burns with a golden flame when you touch me. But I can’t trust you anymore. I don’t want to push you away, but I’m frightened. I love you so much, I’m afraid you’ll destroy me.”

Ren pressed his cheek against mine and said, “For many, love is a two-sided coin. It can strengthen or stifle, expand or enfeeble, enrich or pauperize. When love is returned, we soar. We are taken to heights unseen, where it delights, invigorates, and beautifies. When love is spurned, we feel crippled, disconsolate, and bereaved. I
have
always and
will
always love you, Kelsey. Nothing on Earth or in the heavens can change that fact. Polish the coin, and you will see only requited love on both sides. I was destined to love you, and I will belong to you forever.”

I took a step back and looked up. My blue-eyed prince stroked my cheek and wiped away a tear with his finger.

“How can you be so sure of all this? Of me?” I asked. “We’ve suffered so much in trying to be together. Maybe destiny wants to keep us apart. Maybe that would be easier.”

Ren smiled and cupped my face between his hands. Sighing, he traced my bottom lip with a thumb. “If, at the end of this, I get to be with you, it all will have been worth it. ‘Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss.’”

I sniffed and smiled. “Who said that?”

“Alexandre Dumas, who wrote
The Count of Monte Cristo.
We were going to read it together, remember?”

“We’ve been a little busy.”

“Yes, we have,
rajkumari
.” He sighed and pressed his lips to my palm. “My ultimate despair was being without you. Am I without you still? Or do you belong to me as I belong to you? Do you still love me,
priyatama
?” My dream Ren trailed his fingers down my hair and tilted my chin so I looked at his handsome face.

Because I was pretty sure this was all a dream, I felt comfortable admitting things I would have held back from the real Ren. I closed my eyes and nodded. “I’ve always been yours. I never stopped loving you.”

Ren caressed my cheek until I opened my eyes. He smiled and said, “Then I’ll never let you go,” and captured my lips with his. He held me tenderly, and I felt the barrier of protection in my heart dissolve completely. Now I was defenseless. My heart was completely exposed and vulnerable—a nice, meaty organ ready for crushing, cutting, or just plain old consumption.

I heard the click of a lock and felt the slight breeze of a door opening and closing, but it seemed far away and unimportant. I surrendered my newly opened heart to my prince and felt enfolded and warm and cherished. Ren loved me. This was where I belonged. If I could have just stayed there forever in that golden world and forgotten about everything else, I would have, but I didn’t get my wish.

The fog rose and enveloped us. The vision disappeared, but the awareness didn’t. I felt real arms holding me, cradling me, and real lips molding to mine. Enfolded in Ren’s mellow warmth, I kissed him endlessly. I whispered of how I loved him and how I’d missed him. We were locked in a golden glow as we spoke softly, and touched, and kissed. I held him tenderly and pressed his hands to my lips. He murmured endearments that I felt more than understood.

Then I was startled out of my romantic haze when I heard the door slam open. I blinked and found myself looking into a pair of golden eyes burning with jealousy.

In my mind I heard Lǜsèlóng laugh, and though Kishan quickly masked his emotions, I knew he was upset. With flaming cheeks, I stepped away from Ren and stood between the brothers. Both of them looked at me. Turning away to hide my face didn’t help because I could still feel the prickles of two sets of eyes burning holes into my back. No one said anything, and the laughing voice in my mind became a physical laugh behind us. The green dragon was sitting casually on a windowsill in his human form. He was dressed like a prince again.

“You all have provided me a most diverting game, one I will think upon fondly for many millennia to come. Are you sure you don’t wish to stay here with me a bit longer?”

“No,” I replied. “We wish to return to our ship.”

Kishan stepped forward. “We won. We’ll take our prizes and go, dragon.”

Lǜsèlóng frowned. “I don’t remember offering more than one prize.”