Tides of Passion (28 page)

Savannah laughed when she got a look at his face. She couldn't help it. Incomprehension dominated his features, like a man thrust into a maze with no exits. It was foolish of her, all of this. He was right to ask.

What did she want from him?

"You've done the proper thing by me, Constable. You don't have to worry." There. That sounded rather composed.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means we, you and I, we can't... shouldn't...."

He took her arm in a firm grip and hauled her behind an old oak as thick and round as the water casks sitting on the dock. "You need more help than I ever imagined if you think I can live in the same house, sleep in the same
bed
, and keep my hands to myself. All I've been doing the past hour is counting the seconds until I can get you home and rip your dress off."

Oh
. Her knees trembled and she shoved her bottom against the tree trunk to steady herself.

His lips came down hard on hers. "Let's go back.
Now
." His glass bounced off the ground as his arms circled her waist, drawing her against his body.

"What if I become pregnant?"

His arms fell away as he dropped his brow to the tree; his belabored sigh nearly made her feel sorry for him.

"Your method isn't fullproof, you know. Accidents do happen. And that last time at the jail, we didn't even utilize your crafty
technique
."

"I don't have all the answers. The truth of it is, I never, ever, in my deepest imaginings pictured myself with more children."

"Is the notion an appalling one?"

"Terrifying, more like."

Her hand covered her stomach in an unconscious gesture. "Terrifying. That doesn't sound very optimistic."

He was silent for a long moment. "
You
expect too much. I'm up to my ears here. Care to give me a little rope?"

She shook her head. "I don't agree about my expectations. I think I'm being completely rational."

"You want me to fall head over tail in love with you, Irish? Is that it?" He braced his hand above her shoulder and glared down at her. "That what it would take to make you happy?"

"I want you not to be sorry," she hedged.

"And until I can honestly tell you I'm without a goddamn doubt
not
sorry?"

She shrugged, wine-muddled thoughts bumping together in her mind. Backing against the tree as far as she could, feeling the bark pricking her back, she kept silent.

"We
are
married," he snapped. "It's real. Sleeping together at this point isn't going to alter a thing."

"Oh, yes, please use that matrimony angle when it's convenient for
your
argument."

He threw up his hands and spun around. Kicking his glass a good distance, he snapped his gaze back to her, his eyes glowing. "Why are we arguing? Can't we just go home and forget about this? Why all this talk is necessary is beyond me."

Glancing down, she studied her nails, neatly trimmed and filed thanks to Caroline. "I don't need your love, Zachariah. I understand that's outside the realm of possibility." That much was true. He had advised her that in clear terms from the beginning. Too, want and need were not always related even if they felt like they were one and the same. "Yet I'm uncertain about continuing where we left off when you're exhibiting signs of resentment toward this marriage. I heard what you told Caleb. What you felt you could not tell me."

He rubbed the back of his neck fast and furiously. "Wish you'd forget what you heard, but I'd have to be out of my mind to imagine you would." Turning with a careless smile she wouldn't have been able to dredge up if she tried, he said, "Fine, Irish, I give up. You want a platonic relationship? That's the word for it right? Then I'll give it to you."

Slipping her hands behind her back, she laced her fingers so tightly that her knuckles cracked. If she went to him now, she would never know, as she lay there after their lovemaking, listening to him breathe and watching the moonlight play across his skin, whether he wished she were not his wife.

Before, the after had been so
good
. He had wanted her by his side, pulling her against his body and telling her not to leave. Somehow, being his wife made a difference. In heart or gut, wherever this tortured feeling inside her was coming from.

How could she accept less than what they'd had before?

When she failed to react to his threat, Zach cursed beneath his breath and stalked toward the tent and the still lively crowd. "I'll have Caleb escort you back," he threw over his shoulder.

When he was out of sight, she dropped her face to her hands and let the tears fall.

Chapter 14

One faces the future with one's past
.

~Pearl Buck

Dawn broke as Noah Garrett searched the wharf the next morning. A brilliant burst of red and gold colored the waves slapping the dock he stood upon. He paused to look, never happier than when he gazed out upon a calm sea.

Apart from the times Ellie looked out with him.

He smiled, remembering how he would have resisted the feeling of love charging through him a few months back. Times changed, though, didn't they? It looked like he was set to repay a favor and help his brother see that his life was changing, too. Plans were highly beneficial, but life didn't always feel the need to follow them.

Besides, everything that had happened to Zach in the last month had been for the better.

If Noah had created Savannah Connor in his lab, he couldn't have come up with a better formula: attractive, intelligent, spirited. So what if she was a handful? His Ellie was just as troublesome, and thus far it had only made his life enormously interesting. Outrageous behavior didn't hurt in the bedroom, either.

He'd tested that hypothesis many times over.

It seemed as though his cautious older brother had shocked them all and tested it thoroughly himself.

Grinning, Noah glanced around once more before heading back into town. No sign of Zach here. He tugged his hand through his hair, knowing where he was bound to find him. Ah, he dreaded going there. That's why Caleb hadn't come along. Because they both knew where they were bound to find their brother. Noah laughed behind the hand he dragged over his mouth. Caleb had always had an absurd fear of cemeteries.

And spiders.

To be fair, though, if he was doling out hard knocks, Noah had to give himself one for leaving the burying ground as the last place he searched.

A horde of whalers passed him carrying try-pots in their hands, nets slung over their wide shoulders. The thump of barrels being unloaded and the ring of a bell announcing a ship's arrival faded into the distance as he took the back alley that looped around the church. Shouldering through a throng of fisherman heading to the docks, he crossed the vacant field sitting between the chapel and the graveyard.

Knocking the wrought-iron gate aside with his boot, he searched the shadowy corners of the fenced-in square of land. Zach sat with his back against the largest oak tree in the place, head tipped back, eyes closed.

"What a surprise," Zach said as he walked over. His tone was harsh but sober.

Noah had to be thankful for that, at least.

"Cale decided to stay home, I'm guessing. The deceased aren't his favorite."

Noah ducked beneath a low-hanging Wisteria vine and crouched down, settling back against a tombstone. "Yeah, he felt he'd better stay around the house in case Savannah needed something."

Zach's lids lifted. "So she went home?"

"She's your wife. Where else would she go?"

Looking away, he rolled to his feet. With his back to Noah, he leaned into the fence, his hands clutching the top rung with a corded grip. "Who knows you best, Noah?"

Noah shifted, searching for a comfortable spot. "Besides you and Caleb?"

"Best." He shrugged a shoulder. "Just... best."

He wasn't sure where Zach was heading, and he didn't want to get caught saying the wrong thing. The strategy he and Caleb had devised once they realized their brother wasn't coming back was to find him, bring him home, and lock him in his bedroom with his wife. Seeing how the two of them hadn't been able to take their eyes off each other the night before, he didn't see how that plan could fail.

"Well?" Zach asked, impatient.

"Ellie, I guess. If you consider every element." He ripped a weed from the ground and trailed it along his trouser leg. "Study the matter from all sides."

Zach snorted. "Like any good scientist would."

"Yeah." Noah smiled, thinking of her. If he had his druthers, he'd be in a warm bed cuddling with his wife. "Yeah."

"You're pitiful," Zach said, glancing back. "Pathetic."

"Not bad being in love. I recommend it highly."

Zach's smiled cooled, his hands flexing on the fence. "Did you think I was a virgin when I married Hannah?"

"What?"

"Your wife did."

It took another breath or two to get his voice back. "Ellie thought you were
what
?"

"Never mind, never mind." He crouched down until his eyes were level with Noah's. "Does it please you knowing Elle can see you like no one else does? That she sees the man behind the mask?"

"Hmmm, yes, I think so. Isn't that what love is all about?"

"Bully for you then. But what if a person's not
in
love?"

Noah hid the smile itching to curve his lips, realizing amusement would send his brother tearing out of there quicker than a cat with its tail on fire. "If you're not in love but have found someone who understands you better than anyone else, then I guess you've found a"—he paused, wanting Zach to believe he sincerely considered the question—"good friend."

Zach sat back on his heels. "That makes sense."

Noah coughed to cover the laugh. "Doesn't it?"

"A good friend. That's one step closer to not being sorry."

Noah had no clue what that meant. "Excuse me?"

Shaking his head, Zach dismissed the query. Placing his hands in his knees, he rose to his feet. "I have to go."

He had almost reached the fence before Noah had time to stand.

"Zach," he called as his brother knocked the gate back on its hinges. The man sure was in a hurry to get to her.

He turned, impatience chalking groves by his mouth. "Yes?"

"Whatever you're feeling, you're not betraying Hannah, you know."

He frowned, apparently not as sure of that as Noah wished he were. However, thoughts of his first wife didn't stop him from sprinting down the street after his second.

* * *

"Wait, let me get my finger out of the way." Savannah snatched her arm back, narrowing her gaze until she watched Rory through her lashes. She flinched when the hammer struck. Silence. Opening her eyes, she smiled, smoothing the embedded nail with her knuckle. "We'll have this finished in no time." Her hand settled atop his bowed head, fingers sinking into the snarl of flaxen curls.

Gray eyes skipped her way. So like his father's that they nearly brought a fresh wave of tears.
No more
, she told herself.
No more
.

A shrug of impatience jerked the thin shoulders and the head beneath her hand. "Vannie, let me do the next one by myself. No one wants a tree house a girl builded."

"Built." She tapped his nose, which he had wrinkled with the insult. "And why not?"

"Aw, you know why. It'll fall down."

She threw up her hands in defeat. Only six years old and already full-blown male. "I guess I can help you pick out the curtains, then."

Smiling, he laughed softly. A charmer already.

"Don't jest, young man. I'm the only one out here helping you build this thing."

Rory studied the nail embedded between his feet. "Pa'll be along any minute. He knows we're nearly done."

Savannah tugged her sleeve from where it had caught on a jagged sliver of wood, and glanced around, heart pounding at the thought of seeing Zach. Maybe she could hide up here for a week or two, until they settled things between them. That would silence any gossip about them having a rocky start to their marriage
and
give her time to figure out what to do about desiring a man the way she desired him.

She could live up here if she had to.

The structure had three walls and a solid floor. No door or windows yet, but with a couple of pillows and a blanket, it wouldn't be half bad. Many hotel rooms had fewer amenities.

"Rory, you up there?"

Savannah swayed, so startled she nearly pitched over the side.

Edging on his belly as she'd instructed him to safely do, Rory hung his head over the side missing a wall. She grabbed his ankle to ensure he didn't jiggle right off. "Right here, Pa! Come on up! I got a couple boards nailed and ready. I don't know if I have 'nuff nails, so bring some. "

"In a few minutes, son. First I have to talk to Miss Savannah. Have you seen her?"

"Uh-huh. She's up here nailing in nails backward like a girl." He glanced back as soon as he said it and winked.